We didn't speak until we got to his room.

I didn't know what to think, I didn't know what to say, when he opened the door for me to his temporary bedchamber here, I muttered a shaky, breathless thank you. I walked into the middle of the room, there was a large bed on the far wall and an unlit fireplace on the other. The walls were decorated with strange, techno pattern of red and white.

I stopped in the center of the room, my back turned toward Loki, who stood at the doorway.

We were alone, and I couldn't stop myself from being scared. Stop, I willed myself.

But I couldn't bring myself to believe that in any world, the universe would ever be so kind to me as to allow me to be with Loki.

"Lyra," Loki exhaled from the doorway. The sound of my name on his lips melted me, I could dissolve into the floor right then and there. I stayed facing away from him, and I could feel my eyes reddening with the strain of tears. "Lyra, please,"

"Tell me this is real," I forced from my lips suddenly, my voice cracking. I couldn't turn around, couldn't find it in me to look him in the eyes and see the truth. I heard Loki's footsteps walk closer to me. Loki took in a shaky breath, and I could hear the waver in his voice when he said, "This is real." very quietly.

His words sank into my skin, and I held my breath as they repeated over and over into my head. This was a different mantra, something totally apart from what Thanos taught me.

I sucked in and held my breath, turning around slowly.

Loki was standing a few feet away from me, his arms at his sides and a pained expression on his face. I hated being the person to make him feel pain, but still, I didn't move. He took a step toward me, as if asking permission, and I didn't stop him. He came closer to me carefully, trying not to scare me.

He raised his hand and tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear, his skin gently grazing my flesh.

At the first contact of our skin, a barrier was shattered, as a thick sheet of glass was being slowly chipped away, and suddenly someone stepped forward and hurled a rock toward such barrier with all their strength.

Loki was here, and he was alive.

I released a shuddering sob and threw my arms over his shoulders, he was surprised, but wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me against him. All I could think about was him, he had every thought in my head and every beat of my heart in his hand, and I couldn't do anything but see and breathe him. The pain of the years stabbed me in the chest, the agony of loosing him was so unbearable, and now-now he was here. We were both here.

I trembled as tears spilled down my cheeks, my shoulders shuddering with the weight of all my sudden realizations. "It's-it's really you?" I sniffed, my voice fragile and wavering as I spoke. I dipped my head into his shoulder, and he was shaking just as much as I was. He suddenly pulled away just as quickly as I sank into him, holding my face in his hands. His eyes were red and puffy, raking over my face as if to confirm I was really here. "It's me," he said quietly. A sharp cry spilled from my lips and I threaded my fingers behind his neck carefully, slowly running my hands over his skin, afraid any wrong touch will make him disappear.

"By the Gods, Lyra- I-I thought I'd have to live without you." He whispered, and his lips pulled into a smile. "And you're here." He said, laughing as if he didn't believe it.

A drew a shuddering breath and he wiped a tear from my cheek with his thumb. His hand cradled my jaw, and then he brought my face to his and our lips met, and it felt as if our paths had finally met again, if at last I felt like I was in his life again, and him mine. Tears fell freely down my cheeks, and we shook and cried as we held eachother.

His hands moved to my neck, his thumbs touched my jaw as suddenly our kiss grew. Our tender moment quickly blossomed as the years caught up with us suddenly, the rest of the world dropped away from us, and it was just this moment.

The rest of the world could wait- right now, it was our turn.

Loki's head dipped and captured my mouth completely with his, one hand pulling in my face while his other hand wrapped under the small of my back and drew my middle into his greedily. I couldn't get enough of him, couldn't feel enough of his skin with mine as he kissed the corner of my mouth, and then he kissed my jaw and then my lips again. His hand plunged into my hair as I pressed into him, grabbing the lapels of his jacket and tugging him against me fiercely, his head fell and his lips overpowered mine, and I pushed my hips into his, needing to close every inch of space between the two of us. Everything was coming to me in a passionate wave of heat, I'd missed him so Gods-damned much, and with every thought of how much I needed him I shoved myself closer to him, forcing every inch to be pressed into him and still not even close enough.

Suddenly, his hands were working off my outer leathers, and I let him, I undid the collar and pulled it off my shoulders so I was in my thin undershirt, and I couldn't think of anything else but this moment, he was the only thing to occupy my thoughts and my senses, but then he suddenly stopped kissing me, and I pulled away in confusion, looking to see why he stopped.

His eyes were on my neck, his thumb tenderly brushing my skin there. "What happened?" He asked gently, panting slightly from breaking apart from our kiss, I frowned. "What do you mean?" I asked, I grabbed his hand that was stroking my neck, intwining our fingers and staring at him in confusion.He stared at the back of my hand, his brows drawing together in confusion. "When did this happen, love?" He asked, confused to what he meant, I looked at my hand and my eyes widened with the realization.

A long white and noticeable scar ran down the length of the back of my palm, and I remembered suddenly when and where I got it.

Don't you remember me, my love?

A shiver ran down my spine and I swallowed the lump in my throat. When Nebula, Thanos' wretched daughter, had disguised herself as Loki and stabbed me through my hand. I was covered in stab scars from that day all over, and I had to breathe for a moment before I answered. "It happened.. after Svartfelheim." I said easily, trying to dodge lying, as I knew Loki could sense them.

I didn't want him to know what happened to me, I couldn't tell him, because I knew his guilt would be endless as it would be merciless, And I knew because mine own guilt still consumed me years later.

He looked at the back of my hand and brushed a kiss along the scar, and with the stroke of his lips it all came soaring back.

Colors and images crashed like a tidal wave of the illusion Loki flashed into my head, him brushing a kiss to my knuckle

before raising a dagger and driving it through my hand

Don't you trust me, darling?

I stumbled back suddenly, shoving his chest and backing away. He looked bewildered suddenly, staring  at me with a shocked expression, but I couldn't think, all I could see was his knife, carving me, my blood spilling onto his tunic. My breath came quickly and I backed away from him until I was against the wall, pressing my palms to my temples and begging for this to stop,

It's not real

I was gasping then, my head was racing and I couldn't see, black spots clouding my vision. The smell of burning hair singed my nose and heat plastered my skin from the memory, the recollection of sticky blood falling down my skin running through my head. "Lyra?" I heard Loki's voice, but he was distant, far away from me. I clutched my chest as it burned and I heaved air from my lungs.

It's not real

"Lyra, breathe,"

It's not real

His voice was closer this time, was I getting better? Or was he closer? Nevertheless, I closed my eyes and listened to him, taking in a deep breath and trying to slow my ragged, heavy breathing. I tried to think of anything else, tried to shove the memory out of my head, but still my heart pounded and my skin stung.

"Breathe," Loki repeated, and I could feel his presence near me, could distantly feel him touch my hair, and he must've not understood my nerves were centered around him, but that sort of dissipated. It took me a moment to regain myself, and even when I did, I still wasn't quite there. I couldn't string thoughts in my head right, but when I could blink away the black spots I saw Loki was standing a few feet from me, he'd probably backed away from me, seeing my reaction to his presence.

When I took a long, steady breath, I felt my knees suddenly weaken from under me and Loki was there to catch me, rushing forward and wrapping his arms around my waist, and I couldn't explain the guilt that suddenly washed over me, but I feel into his arms and looped my arms around his shoulders, shuddering against him. "I'm sorry," I sobbed, burying my face in his shoulder, he rubbed the area between my shoulder blades, shushing me silently. "I'm sorry," I repeated, clutching him tightly and willing myself to stop trembling.

"It's alright," Loki said gently, but I couldn't stop the guilt, couldn't stop the tears.

After a moment of him holding me in his arms, and when my breathing began to slow and I began to calm down, he finally asked me. "What happened, love?" He asked quietly. I didn't know what to say, couldn't force any words out of my mouth. "N-nothi-" "Lyra, please," He breathed, I released a shaky breath.

I wanted him to know so bad, but I also hated the idea of him knowing.

But he would understand, it happened to him, too.

The thought was horrifying to me, but I wanted to know what happened to him so bad after the black hole. I didn't want to put him through the same thing.

I slowly pulled away from Loki, my movements painfully long and shaky, Loki watched me with his face pale, and I hated what I was about to put him through.

But as selfish as it may be, I wanted him to know.

With trembling fingers, I unbuttoned the collar of my undershirt, holding my breath as I pulled the fabric down. I fought the tears in my eyes as I realized what I was about to do, and I tried to keep my breathing even, and then I pulled down the collar of my shirt so he could see it.

Loki went completely rigid when he saw it.

The brand above my breast, twin to his. The burn from the iron that showed Thanos' ownership over us.

Showing him where I was all these years.

I couldn't look at his face at first, and when I finally did, I wish I didn't. There was such pain there, such hurt in his eyes.

"No," he breathed, his voice cracking. That one word tore my heart right then and there and I hated myself for the despair in his voice. A sob broke through my lips and I buried my face in my hands, tears falling from my eyes. Loki dropped to his knees, staring at the brand like it was my gravestone. But we both knew it was far worse than death. "No, please," He choked, my sobs came heavier then, and I loathed that I put him through this. I knew what that felt like, had felt it when I found out the same truth about him.

His head fell against stomach, and he rested his hands on my hips while he looked down, and I could see the devastation in everything he was doing. "Please, tell me it isn't true." He stuttered out, but I could do nothing but shake my head, "I'm so sorry," I whimpered, sniffing and wiping my tears away from my face with the back of my palm. I got down on my knees with him, "H-how-" he started, unable to get the words out for a moment, until he asked me the dreaded question. "How long?" He choked, his hands holding my face and shaking.

My bottom lip quivered, and I didn't want to say it, could barely find it in me to shove the words out of my mouth. "St-Stephen found me six months ago," I forced out, dropping my head because the weight of his eyes were too unbearable. I could feel the despair in his eyes without even having to look at me, and I knew what this was doing to him. I knew that the thought of me in Thanos' was too much to handle; and I knew because I'd gone through the same thing.

"Three years?" Loki breathed, his voice full of pain. A tear fell from my face and my lip quivered, I kept my eyes on the floor and wished I could take it back, because this damage was irreversible. I'd hurt Loki with my words and I willed myself to reverse time and let him live without the burden of such a torturous thought. It was my fault he suffered this way.

"I'm sorry," I choked, the words caught in my throat and I forced down more sobs trying to compose myself somewhat. It didn't work. Loki tilted my head up so I would finally look at him. "No," He breathed, shaking his head. "I was supposed to protect you- to keep you safe-" I placed a hand on his chest and brushed my lips to his mouth softly and quickly to silence him. "Don't do that," I said softly, my voice quivering with emotion, his eyes reddened with what looked to be the restraint of tears, and I could see the guilt and self-loathing in his eyes. I knew we both equally blamed ourselves.

"Don't blame yourself." I pleaded with him, pressing my forehead to his lightly. Loki shook his head slightly, "I should've known- should have-" "Loki, please," I choked, his words doing more harm than good.

Loki was quiet for a moment, and his thumb brushed away a tear from my cheek as painful silence fell over us, smothering us with its burden. It shoved itself into each of our throats, and neither of us knew what to say. We just sat there on our knees, holding each other with guilty and painful thoughts, and I willed the silence to expel from my throat but nothing did. I knew Loki's thoughts were nothing less than torturous as mine were, and I didn't know how to take that away from him.

We both had too much to say but no words to say them.

Loki's breath caught and shuddered and he brushed his hand across the scar on the back of my hand, and he his emerald eyes met mine as he whispered, "I swear to you, he will never touch you again. No one will," He muttered hoarsely, and my stomach fell. I couldn't help but see a flash of Loki's face looming over me while his own dagger carved paths in my skin, even though it wasn't him doing it.

Loki must've caught something in my eyes, because he twined our fingers together and stared at the scar, before looking back at my face. "Will you show me?" He asked softly, his voice completely cautious of triggering me. And I knew what he was asking.

He wasn't asking for the memory of my hand, no, he wanted to see it all. He wanted to share every torturous moment with me, wanted to see what Thanos put me through. My stomach lurched at the thought, and I feared it would only shove him further into despair. Thanos had showed me every memory of Loki's torment, and it had drove me to insanity.

it had broke me

But still, somehow I found it in me to look at Loki for a moment, stare at his pleading eyes. He truly wanted this.

So I clenched his hand in mine and opened the bridge between our minds once again, and I felt his presence slink back into my thoughts. Like he'd been before Thanos took me away from him, and I did what he asked. I showed him.

I showed him Swartvelheim, I showed him the illusions, I showed him the dreamscape, I showed him the worst years of my life, and somehow I managed to steer him away from the memories of my fire, and I fought to leave out what I did to Xandar.

I knew I would have to tell him of the unrighteous power I possessed eventually, the true reason why Thanos captured me, but not now. I wasn't ready for him to know.

One secret at a time.

Eyo

I know I don't usually do author's notes but I'm stealing the idea from you throwawaym8 lol hope you don't mind

yeah but seriously go read their loki fic it is amazing

anyhoo

so I did this positivity thing on my message board, and I promised a mention to anyway who spread some good vibes! So thank you to all who did so, and to those who have no idea what the hell i am talking about you can still go and spread positivity and tag me for some perks!

anyway thank you to these rays of sunshine-

user98735533 Scarlet Princess_Lali ChaoticDemonPrince

Space_Is_My_Home Northsouth05

also I just really love throwawaym8 notice me senpai

Anyway thanks for reading! Come back for fifty-three next week!