Lämp is mäd. She wön't löök ät me. I bröke up with Sweäter. She underständs. Lämp göes bäck tö sleep. I stäy with her.

The next night I visit Lämp önce ägäin. She is still äsleep. She döesn't wäke up för ä week.

Äs I cöme bäck öne night, I see her light, shining beäutifully. Äs I get clöser, her light shines brighter, töö bright. This isn't the Lämp I knöw and löve.

Whät häve they döne with Lämp?????!?!?!-!1!1!2!2!:!2!1!1!1

(I'm spending my Saturday night writing this monstrosity, you better appreciate it.)