Caroline's point of view

Have you ever had something precious in your grasp and it fell and you feel as if a part of you fell with it? It could be anything; your phone, your laptop, or even a delicious piece of meat. You knew when that drop, there was a high chance it would be damaged.

That was how I felt when Talat delivered that sentence. A heavy feeling came over me, and I almost cried.

I bandaged his fist and remained silent. I have no idea how my face looks since am the most not caring yet softest person you could ever meet. My personality is somewhere near his ; all thanks to my life and Pauline and here I was talking about his.

"Say something," his voice came out low. His index finger lift my chin to look up at him and I gently remove his hand.

I moved from him and replace the Aid's kit, without sparing him another glance I walk out into the bedroom.

So this is my life? Everybody just come and leave?

Where did I even get that sentence from? No one ever leaves me before

Except my mom

It's not like he's going to go there and die

You don't know that, a tiny voice at the back of my head said.

I felt his arms around my waist and his face in my neck. He inhales my scent and removes his head to kiss me on my shoulder. Just one peck through the material and I felt everything. I felt cared for as if we are having a moment, nothing sexual, just that moment; that moment when you took up whatever item had fallen and you felt so scared to look, thinking; maybe it has broken or cracked.

"Why are you leaving?"

"I've never murdered anyone but I've done shit that makes people wish they were dead."

Now that's when you get the feeling; when you finally look at the item to see cracks all over.

Oh my god

I turned around and looked at him. He now wears a towel around his waist. I cleared my throat and met his eyes.

"Like?"

"Be careful what you asked for, Caroline, you might regret."

"There is nothing am going to regret at least -"
I stepped out of his arm and sat on the bed.
"I've tortured men, hundreds of them infact."

My eyes widen a bit.

"And?"

"I played a game with them, they could either die by loosing hope or they could escape with faith. I tortured them without a blink of pity."

"You are sicker than sick. Sorry, just first comment."

"That was years ago. Am not a murderer, I just let death happened. Big difference."

"You are sick Talat."

"You think so? I fed a man with his ears once."

I gagged and shut my eyes tight at my stomach reflux.

"He was a rapist so I had no problem turning him into a cannibal."

"Oh God. You look proud of these things."

"Yes I am, but that was years ago. Somehow Juliet got her long ass eyes or searching whatever to figure it out. She has my life in her hands. All I need to do is to go to Afghanistan, complete some unfinish business and get back."

"But you can't just leave me Talat," fuck it, I miss him already, am so pathetic. I shouldn't want myself to do anything with him, but I can't help it. Am not the one he tortured. He knows why he did it. Everyone have their reasons for everything.

"I have to, they called me for a fight."

What?

"What? No, no, no, Volkan!"

I walked over to the door and pulled it open.

"Volkan,get up here."

He looked at me and walked up the stairs. Without a word I grabbed him, and shove him inside.

"Hold up, yahvash yah, karestisin."

"Whatever you said, doesn't not concern me, tell him not to leave," I fold my arms across my chest and glare at them.

"Wow, where is Caroline?"

"She's right here, now talk."

"I should tell him what now? Wait, you told her? Oh my god. You did not. Am so sorry but he have to go. At least that's what a duel is."

"What?"

I looked over at Talat and he sighed, rubbing his nose.

"So you are just going to leave me with your child. What am I doing to tell your child when you don't come back?!"

I shouted with my hands in the air, my neck popped veins and my head hurts.

"I guess it's my cue to leave," Volkan, rushed and did a dramatic pass by me.

"Sweetheart -"

"Don't."

"I'm not who you think I am."

"I don't care, you can't - oh my god -what the fuck is my life?"

I've never been more desperate, if I knew where his key was I would lock him up, but he would kick the door down I believe.

"Here, search me up on Google."

"I'm not doing it," I declined and sat down on the bed. He pulls my purse and stuff a piece of paper in it.

"Do it, maybe then, you would see that am not who you think I am."

"I don't give a fuck what's on there Talat, I got a glimpse of you and that's all I needed, you owe me a date how can you leave? You would get me to Istanbul and I would get to take my pictures. Daisy is so young. How am I -" I took a deep breath and held my head together.

"You'll meet someone, someone who isn't join to bad things."

"I'm a murderer, I fucking kill someone."

"It was a accident."

"My brother is a mafia, I live with the bad things, they follow me everywhere."

"You'll meet someone better than me."

"I don't want to hear that!"

"Baby."

"Don't, don't you dare defective Morris."

"Not for long, I will quit if I come back."

I've had enough of this. I have to leave. I can't do this. My heart. Something is happening to my heart. My heart feels somethings that it has never felt before.

Longing. Missing. Breaking. What is happening to me?

I got up and attempt to pass him.

"Caroline," he grabs me to him and I suddenly felt like mush.

"I hate you."

"No, you don't."

"I don't like you right now then," I held my head high and grit my teeth to prevent the tears but they fell anyway.

"Hey, shh," I felt his lips on mine since I had closed my eyes in embarrassment. He kissed me through my tears. Here I stood kissing a man with tears running down my cheek. It may be my last kiss with him.

We never even get to go outside and hold hands like they do In the movies.
I couldn't kiss him anymore as I break down. He hugs me to him and I hang on as if my life depends on it. Why does he have to go?

"My favorite color is dark blue. It fits my personality so well. I like ice cream, rum and raisin in fact. I like cheap foods instead of the expensive ones."

A sob break through me as I cried in his chest.

"I can't cook to save my life, well I can't cook certain food, since you know, my culture is different. I like to buy food. I got my car from my grandma and despite me feeling hurt by her now, I still love it. I like bikes too and you would be surprised to know that I love a good romance movie. I always feel good to know that there is hope for others even if it's not for me in that department, but-"

He pulls me apart and held my messy face in his hands.

"You prove me wrong Caroline and that's the reason why I can't stay."

"What do you mean by that?"

"I have to go to protect you, if I stay they'll come here."

I shook my head and cry some more.

"You are giving up yourself for me."

"Not just you, my kid too. Volkan got the men ready so if you come here tomorrow you won't see me."

He wiped my tears but they just kept flowing.

"I'll do anything for the woman I care about. It's only you Caroline. I need you to take care of my daughter, I know you will and when you find someone, I want you to move on. I know you like me but I want you to love this person that is coming."

I laugh at him through tears and then my smile vanish.

"You are serious. You can't be serious."

"It's best you leave now.  Volkan will drop off Matilda tonight."

I feel like am leaving a funeral if this is how someone feels at one.

My heart is bleeding.

I left, and I felt so weak. I could hardly manage the stairs. I walked down like a Scrambled egg. Piece by piece.
I don't think I can make it to the door.

Why am feeling like this?

This isn't normal

"Because I, I-"

Because I love him

"Oh my god," I held my heart and grabbed on the door.

I heard rushing foot steps coming down and I smelled him before I saw him.

He hugged me to him and my heart thuds away.

I love him

He wears a black shirt because it's the first thing I saw when he releases me. He wears It with matching black pants and shoes; Everything else is a signature.

"Am going to miss you, so much, it's so hard to to let you go. So  fucking hard."

"Then don't. I'll come with you," I wiped my tears in a rush and held onto his hands.

"No, no, no, baby, I can't take away your life like this."

"I don't care. I want to come. Let me come."

"Who'll take care of my kid?"

"Nergis, her mother, akim-"

"No, no, I want you to do it.

"Well am not doing it, because am coming with you."

"Allah yah. No, you are not. That's final."

Am going

I pressed my lips to his and whispered.

"Try and stop me."

I walked out and I listened to him calling me but continued walking.

***
I arrived home and I saw Kimberly chatting away with Dave. I rush up the stairs to borrow his laptop. I entered his guest room, grabbed it, and opened it.

I opened my purse and removed the paper.

"What the hell is this?"

My brows furrowed and I entered the name on the system.

Ateş Yıldırım.

Talat's face came on the screen and I delete it and frantically search for Talat Morris.

He can't be found  in Uganda, etc. I quickly deleted and retyped but to no avail. He has two identities.

"What are you doing?"

My head snapped around to see Dave over my shoulders and I continued scrolling.

"Am so sorry, I just needed to search up something."

"Is this your guy?"

"Yes."

"He seems to be wanted."

"He can't be found, only America knows who Talat  Morris."

"Damn. What's up ?"

"I need you to bring me There."

"To where?"

"To Afghanistan."

"Hell no, nope."

I guess am going by myself.

--------------------------------------------------------------Happy new years babies.

I almost go 2000 words. Anyways. Thank you all for sticking around throughout the year with me. Welcome to 2024

It's a new world guys. I wish ya'll the best.