Violet's POV

"One more time," Sam said, "Just the ending chrous. This is the last time, I promise."

I groaned. We've been working on this for 2 hours already. And he said it was going to be the last time like 10 minutes ago.

"But the last time I almost got it," I said, "Can't we just end with that?"

"No. It needs to be perfect."

"But Saaaam! I'm so goddamn tired." I protested.

"How much sleep did you get last night?" He asked me, "Sleep is important, Violet. We've talked about this before. Tell me why you were up all night."

"Uh, I had insomnia," I half-lied. The real reason I didn't sleep was because I was hungry. I have been eating, but I haven't been keeping it down afterwards. My sleeping schedule has gotten pretty fucked up because of that. I go to bed at 9, fall asleep at 10, then I usually wake up around midnight and can't fall back asleep.

"Why do you have insomnia?" Sam asked me, "Are you overthinking at night, or what?"' I just stared at him until he got the message.

Sam threw up his hands, "Okay, I get it. I'm not going to get involved in your personal shit. What's yours is yours. Just sing the fucking chorus one more time."

"Fine." I sang it. "Can I be done now?"

He rolled his eyes, "Yes, you little shit. You're finished."

Jasmine came into the room, "Hey Sam, so the choreography crew was thinking about making a quick run to the Starbucks across the street for hot chocolate and stuff. Wanna come? Violet, you're welcome to join us too."

"Uh, no thanks-" I started, but Sam didn't let me finish.

"She's coming. C'mon Violet, it'll be fun." He said.

"But I don't have any money-"

"Doesn't matter. Let's go."

So I let Sam drag me to Starbucks with the rest of the crew. There were about 25 of us in all. Almost everyone else was older then me. I felt a little self conscious. And because I had no money to buy food, I just sat at an empty table and pretended like I wasn't on the verge of an anxiety attack.

"You better eat these," Sam grumbled and handed me two chocolate chip cookies, "Starbucks cookies are expensive."

I knew he wasn't going to let me get out of this one, so I slowly ate the cookies. And okay, they were pretty good, but the fact was I was eating. I had a strong urge to run to the bathroom, but I wouldn't do it. Not here.

My phone buzzed. It was a text from Crystal, who said that she wouldn't be able to pick me up. I was going to have to ride the late bus. The late bus is a system of buses that leave the school around 5:45 and all the kids who's parents can't pick them up have to ride them home.

"Shit!" I swore, forgetting that Sam was sitting across from me.

"What is it?" He asked me.

"It's not a big deal," I said, "My Mom can't pick me up so I'm going to have to ride the late bus. That's all."

Sam looked horrified, "Violet, do you know what happens on the late bus??? Nothing good, I'll tell you that. I can drive you home."

"You don't have to do that-"

"Shut up. People are allowed to do nice things for you, Violet. I don't know why you keep pushing everyone away."

I just returned my attention to the remaining cookie on front of me. I nudged it towards Sam, "You can have this," I said, "I'm not hungry."

"Eat the fucking cookie Violet."

"No!"

"Why not?"

"I-I don't want to." What the fuck is up with this guy? Why does he even care whether or not I eat the damn thing? He's almost as bad as- No. I can't think about him. I'm in public. I don't want to cry.

Sam sighed and split the cookie in half, "You eat half, I eat half. Deal?"

I rolled my eyes, "Fine."

-----------------------------

"MOVE YOU MOTHERFUCKER!!!!" Sam yelled and laid a heavy finger on the horn of his car. We were stuck in traffic. It was December 23 after all. Almost Christmas.

"Looks like we're going to be stuck for a while." He said.

"Yeah. I guess so."

Sam turned on the radio. Welcome To My Life by Simple Plan was playing. He hummed along to the lyrics.

"Do you sing?" I asked him.

He shook his head, "I used to. But not anymore."

"Why?"

"That's none of your business."

Part of me wanted to investigate further, but something in Sam's voice told me that I was better off staying out of it.

"So, what is your family doing for Christmas?" He asked me, therefore changing the subject.

"Not much. My mom is having a stupid Christmas party thing at the house, which means I actually have to interact with people." I said, trying to act as unconcerned as possible. My anxiety was already getting on my ass about this.

"That sucks. People are annoying."

"I know, right?"

There was a break in the line of traffic. Sam saw his opportunity. And he took it.

"Move assholes," he mumbled and pressed the gas pedal, "Sam's gonna fuck shit up."

10 minutes later we pulled into the driveway. "Now get out of my car." Sam said.

"I love you too," I said sarcastically, "Merry Christmas Sam."

I went into the house. Colton and Crystal were sitting at the kitchen table. "Violet, can you stay down here for a minute?" Colton asked me, "We need to talk." Oh shit. I sat down at the table.

"Violet, are you aware of your grades in school?" I looked down at the table and slowly nodded. I was failing almost all of my classes. I couldn't concentrate in my new school. As soon as the teacher would start talking I would find myself drifting off into my own daydream world. That happened a lot in my last school too, but it was different here. Once I got in, I could never really find my way out. 

There was also the fact that I had literally no motivation to do anything.  I just felt tired all the time.

"Art and English are the only classes you have higher than a D in. Why is this?" Colton demanded. "I don't know." I whispered. My hands started to shake. Oh God. Not now, please not now. I was starting to do really well at keeping my anxiety in check. It's starting to fall apart again.

"Well, you better figure something out. And to help with that, I've gotten you a therapist." Colton said proudly.

I couldn't breathe. He got me a therapist? I don't want one. I don't need one.

"And the first appointment is today. Get in the car."

"R-Right now?" I asked him.

"Yes Violet. Now."

Colton's POV

"Violet, talk to the therapist." I said. She just sat on the small couch and looked at her hands. I started to get a little frustrated. I didn't pay a ton of money for this just to have her refuse to talk.

"Hi Violet," The therapist said, "Can you tell me a little bit about yourself?" Violet pulled her knees up to her chest and shook her head.

After about 30 minutes of unsuccessfully trying to urge a word out of Violet, we gave up.

"Why didn't you talk to the therapist?" I asked her as soon as we stepped out of the building, "She's only trying to help."

"I know." Violet said.

"Well then why couldn't you talk? Seriously, how hard is it to say two things about yourself?"

"You don't understand," She whispered.

"No, I think you're the one that isn't understanding. Now give me your iPod. Next week, if you talk to the therapist, you can have it back." I said.

Violet obediently handed me her iPod and earbuds. Hopefully this incentive works. I just want her to get the help she needs. This is the way to do it.

Violet's POV

I threw myself on my bed just as the tears started running down my face. He took away my music! He took it away! How am I going to fucking live without my music? The scars under my bracelets were calling my name.

"Wrists are for bracelets, not for cutting,"  Kellin's voice echoed in my head as I thought about what I was going to do next.

I got the pocketknife from my closet and went to my bathroom. I turned on the water so they would think I was showering, and so no one would hear me crying.

The bracelets were off my wrists and the scars were showing. Okay, here we go. With each drag of the blade a red line appeared on my skin. I had forgotten how good this felt. Now the outside matched the inside. I liked it. Did I feel a little bad for breaking my promise? Yes, but I needed this right now.

I rinsed off my wrist and wrapped it with some bandages I found in the cabinet. I slipped on a sweatshirt and went back to my room. I felt much better. Maybe I should do this more often.