-Luke-

Was it weird that I had fallen asleep while the others were playing games? Probably. I was a bit ashamed of it, but no one seemed to care. It was just so easy to fall asleep while listening to their conversations. I didn't mean they were being boring or anything. I was just so damn tired all the time, and when I closed my eyes, the talking distracted me from what was usually going on in my head, so I nodded off.

The short nap gave me a little bit more energy, so I tried my best to be, or at least act, social for the rest of the evening. I was terrible at it. I was terrible with people, and honestly, I wasn't sure if I fit in with their little group. I just wasn't much fun.

I hated myself for feeling a bit glad when we finally left Sky's place. Sky seemed absolutely miserable when he said goodbye to Bella, but I guess it made him feel better when we all assured him they could come hang out at my place and we could all go for walks in the forest, now that his leg was finally good enough. I couldn't blame him for missing Bella, since she was a great dog.

"Who's a good girl," I cooed at her, when she rested her head on the backrest of my seat. For some reason, Troy seemed amused by my words. "What?"

"I just don't understand why people think you're such a cold badass," he said with a shrug and turned to look at the road.

"You hear that girl? Daddy has to start acting meaner again or I'll blow my cover. Sorry," I joked, and Troy laughed. Managing to make him laugh was an amazing feeling. "So... You don't think I'm a badass?"

"Nah," Troy smirked.

"Damn..." I muttered, joking of course. "I had the impression I was the biggest badass to ever live."

"If it makes you feel better, I think you're just enough badass," Troy said, turning to look at me.

"Well, that's good enough for me," I said.

I was slightly pissed at the fact that I had to focus on the road. From the corner of my eye, I could see him watching me. I wanted to look back at him, and at the same time, hide. There was nothing special about me, so why was he watching me? It made me feel more uncomfortable than I would have ever thought it would. But... It was nice, nonetheless. I really had no idea what was going on with me.

He turned his gaze to the road again, and the weird feeling I had subsided. I stole a short glimpse of him just to see his expression, but there was none. I focused on driving again, but it didn't take long before he continued speaking.

"Could we do a short detour?" he asked.

"Sure. What do you have in mind?" I asked and looked at him when he pointed to our right. There was a lone sign that we passed by shortly after. "The church?"

"The cemetery... I haven't visited my mom in a while..." Troy said, and his voice, his expression, basically everything about him, seemed different.

"Sure," I said without hesitation. It was clearly important to him, of course it was, so I didn't even need to think about my answer.

The rest of the drive, which didn't last longer than a couple of minutes, was a silent one. Troy was probably thinking about his mother, so I didn't want to disturb him. He still wasn't talking when we got out of the car in the quiet parking lot of the small church. The cemetery was right next to it. I decided to leave Bella in the car, because she'd only cause havoc if I took her with us. She would probably cause havoc in my car, but it was better than having her scaring the people and digging the graves and whatnot.

I locked the doors after leaving one of the windows open for an inch and turned to look at Troy. He was watching over the graveyard, looking sad. I hesitated before walking to him. Suddenly, I wasn't sure if he wanted me to come with him. Maybe he wanted some privacy?

He glanced at me when I stopped next to him, and gave me a small smile, but it wasn't a happy one.

"I haven't been here in a while," he muttered.

"Yeah, you mentioned it..." I said quietly.

He touched my arm lightly, probably gesturing for me to follow him, and started walking. For a moment, I just watched him without moving a muscle, feeling mesmerized. His touch had sent shivers up my arm, and I still couldn't believe it was real.

Troy turned around to see where I was, so I hurried to him.

"You weren't checking me out, were you?" he smirked, but his expression lacked his usual cheeriness.

"I... uhh... no?" I mumbled, trying to hide my embarrassment.

"You sound so convincing," he chuckled sarcastically, but his amusement vanished as soon as he turned to look at the graves in front of us.

I watched him closely and saw his eyes fill up with sorrow just before he looked down at the gravel path. We continued walking in silence. He kept his head down. I felt something cold clenching my insides when I realized he knew exactly where to go, even without looking at where we were going. This was a painfully familiar walk to him. I wanted to stop him and hug him, but I didn't. It wouldn't change anything, and I couldn't see how it would make him feel any better.

I let him be and turned to look at the graves all around us. There was hardly anyone around, and the gray sky was looming low above us. The few remaining leaves still clinging onto the dried-out branches added a sense of despair in the already gloomy atmosphere. Death was there – it was carved into each and every headstone.

And one of them was supposed to be mine. If I'd had it my way, I would now be there with Troy's mother and hundreds of others. I had never really thought about the consequences of my death, but at that moment, I could imagine my family walking down that same pathway, having the same expression on their faces as Troy had now. It hurt to think about it, but I hadn't forgotten that day, those feelings and thoughts I had back then, and how the demons in my mind had driven me to believe it was the only way out. On good days – and I had been having more of those lately – I saw the ridiculousness in my actions and thoughts, but on the bad days...

I looked at Troy again. Him and I... It wasn't going to last. I knew it as well as I knew the sun would rise tomorrow. He didn't see me as I saw him; he didn't feel what I felt for him. Maybe it was curiosity, maybe he was too kind to say no, but I knew his heart wasn't in it. I was fine with it. It hurt to know this would end sooner rather than later, but I was fine with it. Everything in my life up until now had taught me not to forget I wasn't supposed to be anything more than miserable. This, whatever this was, was only a brief moment of knowing what happiness was, so it would feel a thousand times worse when I would be left alone at the mercy of death again.

"Stop..." I sighed at myself silently, and shook my head, trying to get rid of the demons I had accidentally let in.

Troy stopped suddenly, and first I thought he had heard my silent mumble, but that wasn't the case. He was looking somewhere to our left, and I guessed we were close to his mother's grave.

"This way," he said, and continued walking between the closest rows. Soon he stopped and turned his attention to a big, white headstone. Carol Dominic. I looked at the dates written with pale gold, already worn down, and did the math. His mother had been only twenty-eight years old when she died.

"She was so young..." I muttered out loud, and Troy looked at me.

"Yes..." he mumbled emotionlessly and turned his attention back to the golden letters on the stone.

He didn't talk in a long while after that, and neither did I. I stayed a few steps away from him, giving him space. I felt like an intruder, so I tried my best not to bother him. At some point, he stepped closer to the headstone and flicked a couple of leaves off it.

"I was ten back then. She had a long day at work. It was way past eleven in the evening when she was finally able to go home. She had to stop for gas on her way back, and... the place was being robbed, and she spooked the guy who had the gun when she stepped in, and..." Troy spoke, and had a small pause before he continued. "I was already asleep. I found out about it the next morning when my aunt came to pick me up. She kept crying so much she had to stop the car three times on our way to her place..."

His voice was steady the entire time he spoke, but it was obvious it was painful for him to talk about it.

"I'm sorry..." I said, hoping there was some way I could bring her back, or that there was something I could do to make him feel better.

"Life goes on," Troy muttered absentmindedly, focusing on cleaning the letters from dust and dirt. "If it wasn't for Max, and my aunt, I don't think I would've been able to get over it. Well, I guess I'll never be fully over it, but... Life goes on."

"I can't imagine what it's like to lose someone so close," I said.

"You just got back from your grandmother's funeral," Troy said and looked at me.

"We weren't that close... After our families shunned us, we haven't really kept in contact with any of them," I said.

Troy had a weird expression on his face when he looked at me. Then he stepped to me. "Technically, you've lost your entire family," he said softly.

"It's not like I can't contact them..." I muttered. "It's not a big deal. Besides, they don't want to have anything to do with us, so why would I want to have anything to do with them?"

"I guess you have a point," he said, standing so close I feared people would figure out we weren't exactly just friends.

Thankfully, there was no one around. I didn't mind if I was outed, but I was worried someone would recognize Troy. I made sure there really was no one around when he placed his hands on my arms, just above my elbows. He wasn't looking up at my face, but somewhere down at my chest or stomach. He then started moving his hands slowly up and down my biceps, and I suddenly had the feeling he could actually use a hug, so I wrapped my arms around his back, keeping my eyes on our surroundings.

Troy rested his head on my shoulder. I almost forgot the quiet graveyard when he placed his hands on my back. I wanted to hold him until the end of the world, but we really were too exposed, and no matter how wonderful it was to hold him, I couldn't get rid of the nagging feeling that us hugging in a public place could ruin everything.

I took a short step back when I saw a figure in the distance by the gates. I didn't let go of Troy just yet, because whoever was walking on the pathway couldn't possibly see what we were doing. Troy looked up and gave me a small smile.

"Are you all right?" I asked awkwardly, and he nodded.

"It's nice to have company here for once. This place is so gloomy," he said, and looked around. "I don't like it here. I wish my mom was buried somewhere nice."

Even though I hadn't seen that many graveyards, I had to admit this place was far from nice. Even nature couldn't hide the fact that it was truly gruesome. The lawn was tidy, and the buildings were in good condition, but everything seemed somehow... heartless. Everything was just too generic and crude.

"So... I take it your father doesn't come here with you?" I spoke when his words sunk in.

"No," he said and let go of me, turning to look at his mom's grave again. It felt like a punishment to me, so I decided to never bring it up again. "I don't know if he comes here at all. I don't think he cares."

His voice was cold when he spoke the last part. I really hated that man, even though I didn't even know him. "Why not?" I asked, trying not to sound hostile, but his old man was really starting to piss me off.

Troy sighed and rubbed his eyes. He seemed irritated as well. "My aunt believes he never loved my mom. I'm starting to think she's right about it." He turned to look at me again, and sighed once more, losing his posture, looking weaker all of a sudden. "My mom... I remember her as the sweetest, kindest woman there was, but... I once heard my grandma talking with my aunt. Well, they were bashing my father. I was twelve, so I didn't understand it back then, but later I figured why my mom's family hates my dad so much..."

His words didn't make much sense to me, but I listened without interrupting him.

"I heard they started dating at least a couple of years before I was born, and my dad is sixteen years older than mom... We don't really talk about the past, but I'm not stupid. I can do the math, and..." Troy trailed off and touched the headstone. "It's just wrong."

I wasn't a genius with math, but the equation was simple. Carol was twenty-eight when she was killed, and Troy was ten. Troy was born when she was eighteen. Troy's father was already thirty-four at that time. If they started dating a couple of years before that...

"I'm guessing she was sixteen," Troy muttered. "Not much older than I am now. Her family didn't know about my dad until she was pregnant, and they learned about how they met after she died when my aunt went through her belongings. They think my mom married him out of pressure – she couldn't afford to keep me, but my dad's family didn't want her to abort me, and they didn't want to have any bad press. It would've been bad for the business. And I think they might be right. I just don't think my dad loved her... And I honestly can't see why Mom loved him, but I guess she never did."

That was way too ugly for a teenager to deal with. I wanted to hug him again, but I could already hear the footsteps of the person I'd seen coming our way. I wanted to tell Troy everything was fine, but that was a lie. His father was all kinds of wrong, and I truly, deeply hated him.

"Life goes on," Troy said, and gave me a sad smile. "I don't really care, not anymore. A couple of more years and I'm off to college, or if I don't make it in, I'll move out, anyway. And besides, I got you now, so I'm good."

That last part froze me. The hope inside me got a little bit stronger, and the demons a little bit smaller. That was the power of his words. I was once again ready to believe.

The person on the road passed us, and Troy turned to take a closer look at them. I turned to look in the same direction, and saw a teenage boy who I didn't recognize. Troy, on the other hand, did.

"Hey, Williams," he nodded as a greeting, and the boy turned around, looking timid for some reason.

"Oh, hi Troy," the boy said and relaxed a bit. He looked a bit younger than Troy.

"I haven't seen you in a while. How are you?" Troy asked.

The boy shrugged, looking like he could have used a goodnight's rest. "Good," was his only reply.

"Are you sure? You look pale," Troy said worriedly.

"I'm fine," the boy said, and looked around. "I should go now... It's my turn to make dinner..."

"Oh, all right, I'll let you go then. Take care of yourself, okay?" Troy said. The boy nodded and continued his way, keeping his eyes on the pathway.

Troy watched him go for a moment before he turned his attention to me again. "He, too, lost his mom a couple of years ago. Cancer..."

"Oh," I muttered. "How do you know him?"

Troy nodded towards the boy, who was now sitting next to a headstone three rows away from us. "We met here. I saw him crying on his mom's grave and I went to talk to him."

"Oh..." I mumbled again. That was Troy all right, being kind and friendly to everyone.

"Come – let's get out of here. This place gives me the shivers," Troy said, and touched my arm.

The closer we got to the gates, the cheerier he became, and by the time we reached the car, he was smiling again. It wasn't as wide as usual, but at least the sadness was gone. Then he started laughing when he saw Bella, who was sitting in the driver's seat, pressing her nose against the window in a way her teeth and tongue were showing. She looked like a complete idiot, watching us and wagging her tail.

"For fuck's sake," I chuckled at her, while Troy's laugh filled the cold, gloomy air.