-Troy-

I knew he couldn't help it when he had to go to Australia. His grandmother was important to him, and I would've done the same. I didn't blame him, not at all, but when he was away, I couldn't help myself for thinking it was so unfair that he had to go. For a short moment, I hadn't felt so alone and lost in this world. And the next day he'd had to leave.

In a way, it was a good thing that he left. Him being gone for three weeks had given me time to think about things. I was really able to focus on myself, and how I felt about him, when he wasn't there, sending longing looks in my direction.

During those three weeks, I thought about him a lot. I thought about our date, and even more about our kiss. When enough time had passed, it was getting harder for me to remember why it had felt so good and right. I mean, kissing another guy? It couldn't be that good, could it? I was sure I had been just glorifying it because I felt so lonely. It couldn't be that much different from kissing girls. In fact, it had to be worse, because he was a guy. I was just so messed up that I thought it was great. And that thought of me being held by him... Having sex with him some day... That was just wrong.

So... When he suddenly stood there right in front of me, looking like he was dying to touch me, looking scared and timid and embarrassed because of it... And that hopeful gaze he gave me, the happiness shining in his eyes when I pulled him inside, his scent when I hugged him, his warm arms around me, that faint blush on his cheeks when my gaming buddies called him my boyfriend...

His lips on mine...

...I knew my memories didn't do justice to how good it all felt.

I had no idea why it was so hot to sit on his lap. Why did I feel so small and protected when he was holding me by the hips? Why did those little growling sounds he made while we kissed gave me the shivers? How could it feel so dangerous and safe at the same time, and why did I enjoy it so much?

I was such a mess, but I started to think that maybe it was just normal. Maybe everyone else felt the same when starting a relationship. Oh, the fuck did I even care anymore? I had his tongue in my throat and I loved it. Case closed.

I couldn't get enough of it. I had dreamed about kissing him for three weeks straight, and that was the only way I could use the word 'straight' anymore. If I had known how hot it would be to make out with a guy, I would have declared myself gay a long time ago.

I had to pull away from him when my lips grew too sore to continue. We were both panting heavily, and I leaned my head against his to gain my strength back. I had never, ever, found another guy attractive, but truthfully, I had never met a girl who could make such an utter mess out of me either. There was something about Luke that was beyond genders and physical appearances.

It was about his soul. I was sure of it.

"Wow..." he muttered and bit his lower lip. "Didn't see that coming..."

I chuckled and hugged him. "I think I'm not quite straight," I told him.

"You think?" he laughed, but it died away soon. I pulled away to see his face, and he seemed embarrassed.

"Dude?"

"Could you... possibly... just pretend that I'm... not hard as hell?" he asked timidly, and I blushed.

"Uhm..." I cleared my throat, "Well, since you're not the only one... with that particular problem... we could make a deal?"

"I'll take that deal," he hurried to say.

"Good," I laughed awkwardly.

I was more than fine with pretending that we weren't fired up, because I wasn't anywhere near ready for anything like that, but since I was sitting right on top of his... It wasn't so easy just to ignore it. Just the sheer size of him...

I blushed harder, but at the same time, I felt... good? Everything about that guy felt good, and yes, while it was a bit of an embarrassing situation, I wasn't uncomfortable. I felt quite honored to actually feel how much he wanted me. I wasn't grossed out or anything. I really was okay with him holding me.

Luke kept looking at me with a gentle smile on his face. He wasn't staring me into my eyes – he was looking at me, like memorizing every freckle, dimple and acne scar I had. No one had ever looked at me like that before. He sure knew how to make a guy feel special.

"I can't believe you're still single," I said.

"Well..." he muttered and looked down, taking my hand in his. "I don't want to be single..."

I let out a nervous laugh when he kissed the back of my palm. "I... Well... I mean... I kind of don't want you to... go out with someone else... so... I think... technically... you're... not?" I stammered. My mouth was suddenly really dry.

He looked up at me with the warmest smile. "I don't want to push my boundaries here, but I feel the same... I don't want you to go out with anyone else either..."

"So... It's a deal then?" I asked.

"A deal?" he chuckled. "Yes, it's a deal."

I felt something fluttering inside my stomach when he said that. It was a good feeling. I wrapped my arms around him, resting my head on his shoulder.

"I missed you," I told him quietly.

His hold of me grew tighter, when he muttered, "I missed you too."

*****

Luke was tired after the flight, so we ended up in my bed. He claimed he was fine, but it didn't take him long to fall asleep right next to me.

I wasn't sleepy at all. I stayed awake, watching him, brushing my hand through his hair slowly. I liked his hair longer; it gave him a boyish look. He was a natural blond, and he had some sort of super curls, like really tiny ones. He was resting his head on my bicep and his hand on my waist. I had never felt such peacefulness before.

It was fairly odd to watch a guy sleeping, but in a good kind of way. I still wasn't sure how I had fallen for a guy. I just couldn't stop being amazed by it. We just... I don't know... Clicked? No, more like clashed.

My thoughts were interrupted when he moved. He wiggled around for a moment, ending up pressing his body against mine. Then he calmed down and continued sleeping. My heart melted a little, and I hugged him tightly. I was a sucker for romance, and he was really good at it. Maybe that was the reason I was falling for him.

We stayed like that for a long time. It was good that my dad and Stephanie were staying the weekend in Prague, so I didn't need to worry about them ruining our moment. They had left me some money and told me to contact my aunt if I needed anything. Having Luke back was a gift from God. I had feared I would need to spend the whole weekend all alone.

I truly hated being alone.

I hugged Luke even tighter and smiled. There was something truly marvelous about holding another person in my arms. Hearing his steady breathing, seeing his face, feeling his warmth, smelling his scent... All that was missing was the taste of his lips. I pulled back a little and brushed his lips with mine, but I ended up waking him up.

"Hmm?"

I pulled back quickly when he opened his eyes. He stared at me for a long while without moving an inch. Then he yawned and stretched his fairly impressive body.

"How long was I out?" he asked.

"Thirty minutes or so," I said without checking the clock. "I'm sorry for waking you up."

"Don't worry about it," he murmured. "I wasn't supposed to fall asleep on you..."

"Dude – you passed out the minute you closed your eyes. You looked so tired that I started yawning," I chuckled.

"It was... a long flight..." he muttered.

"Nineteen hours," I shook my head. "That's one hell of a flight."

"Plus the five hour-wait between the flights," he said, getting comfortable and closing his eyes. "It's nice to get my leg straight..." he mumbled, like he was talking to himself.

"Your leg?" I asked.

He opened his eyes and looked at me, like he wasn't supposed to bring up his leg. "Well, yeah..."

"Does it hurt?" I asked.

He didn't look like he was going to answer, but then he nodded shortly. "Sometimes..."

"Is it the one you broke?"

He nodded again. "It's no big deal..."

He kept so much to himself. That couldn't be healthy. When I really thought about it, I didn't know much about him. I knew the basics: he was doing well in school, he was the star-player of the team, he had a dog, his dad was transgender, his mom was a sweet woman, but... That's about it? I didn't know who his best friend was, or if he had one. I didn't even know what kind of music he liked.

"How did you break your leg, anyway?" I asked – I had to start somewhere.

"It's a boring story," he muttered.

"But I want to know," I told him, and when he still wasn't telling me the story, I continued, "I mean, we have a deal. You are technically my dude now. So, technically, I should know more about you."

He laughed lightly when I said my dude. He fixed his ice-blue eyes on mine and took a deep breath. "It's not that interesting – and I was being stupid, so..."

"Come on," I cooed, trying to lure him out of his shell. "I'm not going to tell anyone. I've always kept your secrets, am I right?"

"It's not that... It's just so lame... I was just driving my ATV around in the woods, and I wasn't paying attention to where I was going. I was just deep in my thoughts, and there was this hill right in front of me..." he trailed off, looking like he was seeing the scene in front of him, instead of me. "Like I said, I wasn't paying attention, so I just went for it. I reached the top, and... well, I suddenly remembered where I was. There was a cliff right in front of me."

"Damn," I whispered. "What happened?"

"With the speed I was going? I didn't even have time to break. I fell fifty or sixty feet, crashing down on the forest floor. They said I was lucky that the ground wasn't hard, and the ATV took most of the hit. Shattered my knee, though, and fell unconscious. I had my GPS on, so my dad knew where to come looking when I didn't return home."

I just stared at him with wide eyes while he spoke. "Uhmm... You have a weird definition for the word, 'lame'," I muttered. "You could have died!"

"But I didn't," he said. "As you can see. I'm fine – my leg is just acting up now and then."

"You should be more careful," I told him worriedly.

He laughed and turned to lie on his back. "Hell no – you're not starting that with me. You and Max are driving poor Shrimp crazy with that mother-hen thing you have going on."

"I'm not..." I was about to object, but he was right. I gave him an apologetic grin. "I'm just glad you didn't get killed."

"Yeah," he chuckled, giving me a warm look.

"What?" I smiled when he just kept staring at me.

"Your dude, huh?" he smirked.

"Yeah..." I murmured, feeling embarrassed and good at the same time.

He looked like a completely different person when he smiled. Seeing a smile on his face had always been one of the rarest things in this world, right until our date. It broke my heart to think that the reason he never smiled was me. If I hadn't been a scared little shit of a coward, he wouldn't have gotten hurt.

I couldn't believe he still wanted to be with me.

"What?" he asked, and his smile vanished.

I hadn't realized that my smile was gone, too. "I can't stop feeling horrible about all that shit I put you through..." I muttered.

"You make it sound a hell of a lot worse than it actually was," he said. "I'm a big boy. I knew I had no chances when I asked you out, so I shouldn't have been surprised when you chose–"

I didn't let him finish that sentence. I crashed my lips on his to shut him up, and to try to tell him that he meant so much more to me than Elisa. He kissed me back and... kind of chuckled? I moved to hover over him, pushing him on his back. Kissing Elisa had never been even remotely as exciting as kissing Luke. I guess it makes a big difference when the person you're making out with actually cares about you.

"For the record," I said when I was able to force my lips off him, "I made a huge mistake when I didn't say yes on the spot. I made an even bigger mistake by going out with Elisa, and the biggest mistake was letting you wait for so long."

"That," he said, cupping my cheeks, "is all I need to hear. You don't have to keep apologizing to me, because I know you feel bad about it. I'm just happy you gave me this chance."

I didn't know what to say. I was starting to feel a bit emotional, but thankfully, Luke's phone started to ring.

"Hold that thought," he said, while pulling his phone out of his pocket. "Hi, Mom," he answered, keeping his eyes on mine.

I was close enough to hear what she said.

"I wanted to know if you're coming home for dinner?"

"I don't know. I was actually thinking about taking Troy out to eat," Luke said, giving me a smile.

"Or, we can just order Chinese or something," I shrugged. "My dad left me money."

Luke frowned. "Isn't he coming home tonight?"

"No, he and Stephanie are spending the weekend in Prague," I told him.

"And they left you alone for the weekend?" Luke asked, sounding a bit pissed, but it was nothing compared to his mom's reaction.

"What?! They left their fifteen-year-old son all by himself for the weekend?!"

"It's – I just... I'll be fine... I can take care of myself... and..." I stammered under Luke's furious gaze.

"Luke – you bring that boy to us, you hear me? What kind of a parent leaves their child alone? What if someone tries to break in?! What if he gets sick?! Or injures himself?!" his mother practically screeched.

"You heard that?" Luke asked, and I nodded hastily. "You're coming to stay with us."

"O-Okay..." I muttered, and now I really was getting emotional. "Thanks..."

"Mom – we're coming in half an hour," Luke spoke before ending the call. "You start packing," he ordered with a deep frown that made him look wild.

"Yes, sir," I cooed and leaned to peck his lips. Then I leaned my head against his for a moment, trying to calm down a bit. I couldn't believe there were people who were concerned about me. "I don't like to be alone," I told him.

"You won't be alone ever again – I promise," he said and hugged me tightly. "Go pack your clothes and whatever else you might need."

"Okay," I said, and got off him to get out of bed. "...Luke?"

He was getting on his feet when I turned to look at him. "Hmm?"

"You had great chances when you asked me out. You are the best choice," I told him quietly.

"No, I'm not... I have too many flaws..." he muttered, looking embarrassed all of a sudden.

"The only flaw I know is that you can't see your own worth – you are pure gold, a jackpot," I said.

He didn't reply to me, and he didn't even look at me. I knew he didn't believe me for a second. I knew something wasn't right with him, like something bad had happened, something that had destroyed his self-esteem.

I wondered if it had something to do with the dark times he had mentioned on our date.