-Luke-

It was... tormenting. I enjoyed every second of our date, but I couldn't relax. I wanted to believe everything was going well, but I couldn't just switch off the voices of doubt in my head. It was so hard to let my guard down. I was willing to sacrifice everything, the mental health I had left, and more importantly, my heart, to have that one chance, but I was never that lucky. I felt like a man who was willingly walking forward on his path, even though he knew it was leading him straight to hell. Just to have that one moment.

"I meant it. It is the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me," Troy spoke all of a sudden, and I could see the gates of hell a little bit closer.

"Oh?" I asked, and I couldn't stop myself from smiling. "The Xbox thing or that slightly embarrassing stuff?"

"The latter, and it wasn't embarrassing," he said. "It was really sweet."

I didn't know what to say. He let out a silent chuckle, but he didn't continue speaking. We were right back in that awkward silence that seemed to dominate our time together.

"I was..." I began speaking, but I snapped my mouth shut. He didn't need to hear about it. I didn't want to look even more pathetic in his eyes than I already did.

"What?" he asked, and stopped me.

I was thinking fast about something else to say.

"I was... I was going to ask you if we should go get something to drink," I ended up saying.

"Yeah, sure," he said and pointed towards the cafeteria. "I could eat something too, so let's take a break."

"Okay," I said, and I realized I was actually getting hungry.

"And while we eat, you can tell me what you really wanted to say," he smirked.

I sighed. "It was nothing," I muttered.

"Why do I have the feeling you're dying to tell me," he said with a serious expression on his face. "Dude – I think I just realized something."

"What?" I asked and started walking towards the cafeteria.

"I put you through a lot," he spoke slowly. "I was horrible to you, and yet, you said that I'm your sunshine."

"You weren't horrible to me," I told him. "You were just confused, and I get that. You are worth the wait."

He stopped me again and turned me to face him. "That's exactly my point. You act like I'm the best thing that has ever happened to you, so I can't help but wonder how bad things have been for you."

I stared him in the eyes for a moment, but then forced myself to look away.

"I can see a lot of pain in you," he said. "Is it all because of me?"

"No," I said before I even thought about answering. "You showed me there are good things in this life."

"So..." he mumbled, and I took a glimpse at him. He looked worried.

"I was... in a dark place... before I met you," I hesitated to speak, but it felt liberating to finally say it out loud. "But soon after that I... I finally saw light. It wasn't hard to fall for you. Seeing you smile and hearing you laugh is the best medicine I know."

I looked at him, hoping he wouldn't mind me saying such corny things. He had a small smile on his lips, so I assumed I wasn't being completely ridiculous.

"How dark?" he asked hesitantly.

"It doesn't matter anymore," I said, and he looked like he wanted to ask again, but then he nodded.

"Maybe one day you'll tell me all about it," he said carefully.

"If you can tolerate me long enough," I smirked, but it wasn't a joke.

"You are a great guy," he said. "You shouldn't think so little of yourself."

"If you're not into guys, it doesn't matter much," I said in defeat.

We stopped to buy sodas and sandwiches from the cafeteria and headed to find a free table. Neither of us spoke at all, and I was starting to get nervous. We found a free table in the corner after a short search and sat down. I was losing my appetite really fast when Troy was just staring at his soda, looking like he was somewhere deep in his thoughts.

"What are you... thinking about?" I asked after a while.

He smiled shyly and shook his head. "You don't want to hear this, but... Elisa."

"Oh..." I murmured and leaned back in my seat.

"It was easy to go out with her," Troy spoke. "I didn't feel nervous around her."

He was right. That was definitely not something I wanted to hear. I had to look away from him, and I could almost see hell right in front of me. I had been in the darkness before, but this was so much worse than that.

"Before you came to pick me up, I was so nervous," he chuckled. "Like, really nervous. I still am."

"You shouldn't be," I muttered. "It's just a date."

Just a date with a guy who he would never be able to love.

I almost jumped off my chair when I felt something soft and warm touching my hand. I turned to look at Troy, who had a kind smile on his face. It was his hand that was holding mine.

"This has been really great, Luke," he said and squeezed my hand shortly before letting go of it. "So... I don't... I don't mind that you're a guy."

"But you just said that it was easier with her," I said with a frown.

"I think easy is not always a good thing," he said, looking really nervous all of a sudden. He took a deep breath before he continued. "I lost my mom a long time ago. My dad doesn't give a damn about me, so it's just me in this world. I have been all alone for a really long time."

I listened quietly while he spoke. I knew his mom had died during a robbery, but I didn't know about his father. I saw something in Troy's eyes, and that something gave me a strong urge to hug him and just hold him as long as he needed it.

"And then there's this guy," Troy chuckled, and his expression changed back to shy. "Who says that he loves me. Who seems to care about me. Who says sweet things to me and has waited for four months just to go out with me..." he shook his head. "It's scary, you know?"

"Why would it be?" I asked and leaned forward, and the familiar hope was rising inside me.

"What if... What if it's not real? What if I'll just end up watching him turning his back on me?" he asked quietly. "Being with Elisa was easy, because I didn't need to worry about it."

"She didn't love you," I said quietly. "If she had, she would never have let you go. She was too self-centered to see she had something great," I added, growing angrier while I spoke.

"I think..." Troy spoke and fell silent for a moment. "I did like her. For a moment, I thought that our relationship could grow to be something bigger. I wanted it to. I thought she could be the one."

"Why are you telling me this?" I asked. He just kept giving me hope and the next second he took it away from me.

"When she asked me out, I didn't have any expectations. And... I think... that..." he stammered and fell silent again, closing his eyes. "I think I wanted you to stop loving me."

"Why?" I asked.

He shrugged, looking miserable. "I'm such a mess..."

He didn't continue speaking. I pushed my own insecurities aside and let his words sink in.

"So... What you're saying is... that you have trust issues?" I summarized. "And that is why you waited for four months to go out with me."

He shrugged again. He still refused to look at me.

"So, basically, it was a test," I said and leaned back. "Did I pass?"

"He let out a humorless laugh. "With flying colors, but now things are even more complicated than before..."

"How so?"

He finally looked at me. "After everything I've said and done... You deserve better."

"I want you," I said without wasting a second. "I want you. I care about you, and I would never turn my back on you. I waited for four months, and I would wait for another four if that's what it takes for you to believe me."

He didn't say anything in a while. He just stared at me with a blank expression on his face.

Then he smiled and placed his hand back on mine. I wrapped my fingers around his, feeling happier than ever before.

"You sure are good with words," he said softly.

I looked at our joined hands and caressed his fingers with my thumb. It was amazing to be finally able to do that. It was even more amazing when he did the same to me. I could feel his thumb moving slowly over my fingers.

"So... No hard feelings?" he asked carefully.

I gave him a smile. "There will definitely be hard feelings," I said with a wink.

He started laughing at my words. "Oh Lord, you're using my jokes against me!"

"I told you I've heard your jokes," I said and grabbed my sandwich, letting go of his hand reluctantly.

He was still laughing while unwrapping his bread. I loved his voice, and I was glad that I could make him laugh like that. I took a bite out of my sandwich while his laughter slowly died away.

"But it wasn't a joke," he said, and I frowned. "There will be hard feelings," he added with a wink.

I almost choked on my food.

*****

"My baby!" Troy cooed and hugged his new Xbox an hour later. "I'm so sorry for making you wait so long! But daddy's here now, don't you worry – I'll take you home now."

"I feel you, bro," I spoke to the console, while Troy was putting it carefully in a plastic bag.

Troy grinned apologetically. He then looked over my shoulder and smirked. "I'll show you the secret of why I'm such a fast runner."

I turned to look over my shoulder, but I couldn't see anything other than the sea of games. None of which had anything to do with running. Or so I thought.

"Here – hold my sack," he said and shoved the plastic bag to me.

"That was too easy – I'm not making a joke about it," I chuckled.

He winked playfully and started walking towards a tall, white machine that had a big TV-screen. Even I knew what it was.

"You dance?" I chuckled when I followed him.

"DDR isn't exactly dancing," Troy said while grabbing his card.

"Dance Dance Revolution," I read the name, and looked at the platform that had two sets of arrows on it. "It has the word 'dance' twice in its name."

He laughed lightly while swiping his card. "Are you ready to be amazed?"

"I already am amazed," I said while staring at the monstrosity.

Troy took off his hoodie, and I saw a small glimpse of his belly when his T-shirt got pulled upwards. For a fifteen-year-old, he had a nicely toned body, and my imagination almost got the best of me.

"Hard feelings indeed," I sighed when Troy couldn't hear me.

I forced my mind back into reality when Troy pressed something on the screen. Soon, he took a step back and leaned against a railing behind him. He was standing on the left side of the platform, right on top of the four arrows. Each of them pointed in different directions, and the idea in the game was to step on the arrows in the same order they showed up on the screen.

The game started, and I had to admit that I was amazed. The arrows were moving fast on the screen, and when I tried to pay attention to it, my head started hurting. Luckily, I had something else to look at.

Troy was really good at it, at least it seemed like he was – I had no idea if he was stepping on the right arrows or not, but he sure was fast. Troy used to show off his footwork whenever we were practicing, and some said that his initials, T.D., actually meant Tap Dancer. That was his nickname on the field.

I really enjoyed watching him. He had nice, long legs, thick thighs, and a round ass. His back was slim and shoulders narrow, and he always moved like a slippery soap in the middle of the enemy team. He could fit through the tiniest gaps. No one could catch him.

He would be the next captain in our team once I gave up the position. It was either him or Max, but I was ready to put my money on Troy. He was amazing, and everyone loved him both inside and outside of the field.

And he had given me a chance.

Later, when I was able to rip my eyes off him, I noticed I wasn't the only one watching him. They looked just as impressed as I was, so he must have been really good at it. When Troy changed the difficulty, some even cheered him on. I tried to watch the arrows on the screen, but I had to look away after a few seconds – if something in that place would trigger my migraine, it was that damned machine.

Troy was getting exhausted really fast with the difficulty set up so high. He was sweating and breathing heavily, but he just kept going right until the song ended. Then he collapsed against the railing, looking happy but tired.

"Record...!" He breathed out and turned around to lie against the railing.

People clapped and cheered, and slowly the crowd started to continue their way. I went to give him a hand, but he was too tired to move yet.

"Now I'm amazed," I told him and patted his shoulder. "Tap Dancer."

Troy laughed a little and gasped for more air. "I need a... moment..."

"Take your time," I said, even though there were a few people already waiting for their turn.

After a couple of moments, he was finally able to get up on his feet, but staying on his feet didn't seem like a huge success, so I wrapped my arm under his armpits to support him.

"I can walk," he muttered, but he wasn't in a hurry to get rid of me.

"I'll take you home now. It's getting late," I told him, even though it pinched a little to know that our date was coming to an end.

I helped Troy out of the arcade, and by the time we reached my car, he was walking pretty steadily on his own.

"I'm so going to hate myself tomorrow," he muttered when he tried to sit down in the passenger's seat. He kind of fell down when his legs gave out. "I can't walk tomorrow."

I bit my lower lip. I had a joke in mind, but I decided to keep it to myself. I waited for Troy to close his door before I started the car.

"What?" Troy chuckled. "No jokes?"

I gave him a smile and started driving. "You are making it too easy."

"But I like joking around," he whined and leaned his head against the backrest.

"I know..." I muttered, hoping I wasn't one of his jokes.

We were silent for a moment while I drove. Then he tapped my arm.

"Dude – do you know what would be funny?" he asked.

"What?"

"That you would come over tomorrow and we'd spend the entire day playing," he said quietly, and I looked at him shortly. "I mean – you got me this Xbox! You have to be there when I plug it in!"

I turned my eyes back to the road. "Sure," I said, feeling all happy and jittery inside.

"Cool," he said. "We can order pizza, and I have popcorn and like a ton of gummy bears."

I grimaced. "I don't like sweets," I murmured.

"What? Who doesn't like sweets?" he asked in disbelief.

"Me apparently," I said.

"Well damn. We have to do something about that," he smirked. "Well, I should have figured that one out, though. There's like zero fat in your body."

"I work out a lot," I shrugged.

"He says in a husky voice and shrugs manly, pretending that it's no big deal while he's secretly pleased I've noticed," Troy spoke like a commentator on a film, before he laughed.

I couldn't help but laugh, too. "Guilty as charged."

"You know what else is funny?" Troy asked with a serious tone.

"What?"

"That you think I'm funny," he said. "My jokes are actually really lame, so it's nice you don't know about it."

"You say it like it's a joke, but I don't think you're joking," I said slowly. "I meant it. When I said that hearing you laugh is the best medicine I know. I don't care if you're making fun of me, as long as I can hear you laugh. Besides, my jokes are just as lame or even worse."

"Not possible," he said, but he was smiling again.

"Okay, here's one: spend the night with me, and you can't even sit tomorrow."

"Ohh, is that so?" he laughed. "So, I'm the bottom now?"

"Yup," I said.

Troy continued laughing, and when I looked at him, I saw him blushing. "God..." he chuckled.

"You started it," I noted, and he agreed.

His laughter died away eventually, and too soon his house appeared into the windscreen. I felt sad when I parked the car in front of his home, but knowing I'd spend the next day with him cheered me up.

"Why is the door so far away," Troy whined. "Do I have to get out?"

"Nope," I said and turned off the engine.

He sighed. "I guess I should go..."

I turned to look at him, but he was staring at his house. I didn't see any lights on and there were no cars in the driveway.

"Is there anyone home?" I asked.

"My uh... I don't know what to call her... Stepmom candidate? She's home..." Troy muttered, and turned to look at me. "You'll come over tomorrow, right?"

"Of course," I said, and he smiled.

"Good," he whispered.

There was a moment when we just stared at each other. I wondered if it was too bold of me to kiss him, and I guess he knew what I was thinking.

"Nu-uh, I'm not making out in a car. That's too cheesy," he chuckled and started collecting his stuff. "No, sir," he added, stressing those two little words.

"I can wait," I said, and he paused for a moment, turning to look at me.

"I appreciate that," he said quietly, looking serious again. "I really do."

I nodded, feeling glad I hadn't even tried to kiss him. There was so much warmth in his eyes when he looked at me that I couldn't feel bad just because he didn't want to kiss me yet. He needed time, and I did not want to hurry him.

"Call me tomorrow when you wake up," he said. "I'll be waiting."

"I usually wake up at six," I smirked.

He shook his head, looking like I said something horrible. "Don't call me when you wake up, I won't be waiting for it. I'll call you when I wake up. You might not want to wait for it – I usually sleep until noon..."

"I'll be waiting for it," I promised, and he gave me one last look before he got out of the car.

"Goodnight," he said.

"Goodnight," I replied, feeling like my heart was about to explode from all the good feelings I had inside me.