-Luke-

I should have been happy. I should have felt joy and hope and all that romantic crap, and I had felt all those things for a short moment, but when I watched Troy talking with that girl, Moira, and hearing Max wondering why Troy promised to go out with me... It was just hard to be happy when I knew painfully well that it was too good to be true.

I didn't know why Troy promised to go out with me. I had no idea what was going on in his head, or if he could date a guy, but I knew one thing: I could never make anyone happy. I had a small chance to be with him, but I knew already I would blow it. Even if Troy was the gayest person in the world, he would never start dating me.

There were just way too many flaws in me. That was why I couldn't be mad at Elisa or Sky or Moira. It wasn't their fault that I wasn't good enough. I tried to be, but... It just wasn't enough.

I headed to my locker and opened the door, grabbing the books for the first class. I slammed the door shut way too loudly, making myself cringe. I had a bad headache already, and the day hadn't even started yet. It was nothing new.

I rubbed the bridge of my nose and started walking towards my first class. As if the headache wasn't bad enough, I felt a small, sharp jolt of pain going through my knee every time I stepped on my once broken leg. After two surgeries they still hadn't managed to make the pain disappear completely, and playing football was wearing it down even more, but I didn't want to quit. I would be graduating soon enough, anyway.

My stomach turned upside down when I thought about it. Now I could at least see Troy every day, but after graduating I would go to college, and he would forget all about me. I didn't want to leave high school, but sadly, my graduation was getting nearer with each passing day. I would be going to the local college if I got in, because it was cheaper to stay at home. Well, that was what I told everyone who asked.

"Luke! Over here!" I heard one of my classmates, Ronny, shouting cheerily, and I grit my teeth together when his loud voice pierced my ears.

I felt almost nauseous from the headache, and the chatting and yelling made it ten times worse. I wasn't sure if I was past having just a headache and starting to develop a migraine.

"Coach is mad, bro," Ronny spoke. "You missed the practice yesterday. So did Troy and Max."

I didn't reply to him. I just leaned against the wall and closed my eyes in hopes of giving some rest to my poor head.

"You missed the practice yesterday," Ronny repeated, and tapped my shoulder. "Are you even listening?"

"Get the fuck off..." I muttered and pushed his hand away.

"Fine, princess, but because of you, the rest of us spent almost an hour being yelled at," Ronny said with a pissed voice.

"I was busy," I told him angrily.

"Fine – be an asshole. The fuck I care," Ronny muttered and leaned against the wall next to me. "No. You know what? Fuck you and your attitude. What was so important that you ditched us? We have a game coming up in just a few weeks!"

"It's none of your business," I told him. "I'll be there today, all right?"

Ronny shook his head and sighed angrily, but he didn't continue asking.

If I had a best friend, Ronny would be it. One could say that we had the same perspective on life. And we came along quite well.

"Luke! Why didn't you show up yesterday?" Another teammate of ours shouted from across the room, and I wondered how many painkillers could I take without dying?

"Shut up! We're talking here!" Ronny replied with a booming voice, and I started to believe that dying wasn't such a bad option after all if it made the headache disappear.

"You know what? I'm not coming today," I said and started walking back to the entrance.

"Luke? Luke?!" Ronny yelled after me, but I just ignored him.

I headed to the nurse's office without slowing my pace until I heard the familiar laughter coming from somewhere. My heart ached, and I stopped to look around, hoping to see a hint of Troy, who seemed to be having one of his laughing fits. I couldn't see him anywhere, and soon his laughter disappeared into the horrible ruckus of the students.

How I wished I could just go after him. During the past months, I had learned not to go too close to him because if he saw me looking at him, his smile would always die away. I was probably the only reason why he usually stopped laughing, even if nothing else could make him stop. I didn't want him to stop, because his smile always brightened my day, so I had to keep my distance.

I continued walking, but I didn't pay attention to where I was going. I tried to picture him in my head, but it never was the same as looking at the real deal. If only he would smile at me and not let it fade away. If only he wouldn't always turn his back on me when I tried to wave at him. I had seen that happen so many times I didn't believe I really had a chance with him – he probably was just too kind to say no straight to my face. I knew he had wished that I would just give up when he started dating Elisa. Maybe he had hoped that I would get the hint when he wasn't talking to me and when he tried his best to avoid me.

I exited the building and headed towards the forest. I needed to get some place quiet, or my head would explode. I was so tired, and a part of me begged me to go home and get some sleep, but the rest of me dreaded sleeping. My leg begged me to stop walking and sit down, but I ignored it as usual. I had gone for a run last night, and it clearly had been too much for it, but if I let it slow me down, I would be thrown out of the team.

When I stepped into the forest, I understood why Sky loved it so much. The longer I walked, the quieter my surroundings became, and my headache seemed to lessen a little. The forest floor was softer to walk on than the harsh pavement, and my knee didn't feel so bad anymore. When I couldn't hear the noises of the city, I stopped and sat down on the withering grass next to a tree, straightening my leg and rubbing the injured knee.

I had tried to forget Troy, but the damn leg kept reminding me of him. Every time it started aching, I remembered the first day when I met him. I remembered the smile he had given me, when he had asked if he could sign the cast. That moment had changed my life, but I still didn't know if it was for the better. Maybe not. Probably not.

I let out a long sigh and rested my head against the tree. I wanted to fall asleep, but I knew that I wouldn't.

*****

Several hours later, I decided to go home. I walked all the entire way back and ended up regretting it. Once I stepped through our front door, I could barely put weight on my leg. I had to, since my dad was home, and I didn't want her to know that it still wasn't healed properly.

"Luke! Why are you home so early?" my dad came to me with a frown on her face.

"I have a headache," I muttered and headed towards the stairs, but she stopped me.

"Again?"

"Yeah... I didn't want to take any painkillers..." I sighed.

"You should go get some rest then," she said. "But first, I need to talk with you," she said and tousled her hair. I grit my teeth together, knowing exactly what she was going to say. "Your mom and I talked last night, and I think it would be best for you if I go back to how I used to look."

"Dad, no," I said sternly.

"I know that this is really confusing to you–"

"It's not, okay?" I said with a loud voice. "I am perfectly fine with everything."

"It can't be easy to call me 'dad' and still use female pronouns. And I don't mind cutting my hair short again and start wearing men's clothes–"

"Are you even listening to me?" I sighed in frustration.

"I am! I just want to give you a steady environment, with college entrance exams and all," she spoke worriedly. "I just want what's best for you."

"Dad, I'm just saying it this once, so pay attention: I am completely, perfectly fine with your identity, and I do not have any problems using female pronouns, okay?" I was losing my temper, which was never good. "Can I just please go get some rest now?"

"Are you sure that this is okay? I can go back to–"

"Oh for crying out loud!" I sighed and turned my back on her. "Stop worrying!"

"But I am worried! I only want what's best for you," Dad said, but she didn't stop me when I started climbing upstairs.

"You don't have to be worried about me," I told her calmly when I turned to look at her. "I just can't sleep, okay? It's nothing to worry about."

"You said that two years ago," she said quietly. "Before you broke your leg."

"It was an accident," I said, stressing the last word.

"I know, it's just... I wish that you would talk to me if there was something bothering you," she spoke softly. "I'm still your dad."

"I know, but there really isn't anything to talk about. I just can't sleep," I repeated and continued my way up.

"Are you taking your medication?" she asked.

"Yeah, Dad, always," I replied before I closed the door of my room.

-Troy-

I felt really, really nervous around Luke in the morning. When I saw him sitting at the back of the bus, I remembered him saying that he didn't use his car to go to school because then he couldn't see me. I had no idea what to think of that. I still had no idea what to think of anything!

Thankfully, Sky came in soon after, so I got something else to think about than my promise to go out with Luke, but the atmosphere was still awkward. And then I made it a lot worse by mentioning Moira, my partner in the biology project. Luke was clearly not happy about it. I think we both thought about Elisa at that moment, and how I had started dating her without telling Luke first. Or at all.

Then I made it even more worse by running to Moira the second I saw her. I wasn't thinking, I realized that when it was too late. I just wanted to get started working on the assignments we got, but I should have chosen another time to talk to her. When Moira and I had agreed to see after my practice, and I had returned to Max and Sky, I didn't see Luke anywhere anymore.

I didn't see him between classes either, but I just assumed that he was lurking somewhere. When the lunch break came, Sky, Max and I got company, when a couple of our teammates sat at the table.

"Where were you yesterday? We had practice," one of Luke's closest friends, Ronny, asked angrily.

"Sorry – I had stuff to do..." I muttered, while Max muttered something incoherent.

"That's just great," Ronny sighed. "You two better be coming today, or we'll get yelled at again."

"We'll get yelled at anyway," a guy named Stephen sighed. "If Luke's not showing up..."

"What?" I asked and turned to look at him.

"He's skipping classes," Ronny muttered. "I bet he's not joining us after school."

I felt an uneasy twist in my stomach. "Why is he skipping classes?"

"The fuck I know. He just left right before the first period," Ronny said. "He didn't say why."

I grit my teeth together. Both Sky and Max looked at me, and I knew that we all were thinking about the same: it was my fault that Luke was skipping school. I lost my appetite.

"I don't get it – he should have been replaced ages ago," Stephen grunted. "His game isn't what it used to be."

"He's so self-centered too. I mean, would it kill him to have an actual conversation with the rest of us for once?" another teammate of ours, Roger, muttered.

Stephen let out a mean laughter. "He's the quarterback, so of course he's entitled to treat us as his lackeys. I, for one, don't mind if he keeps his attitude problem away from me. He clearly thinks that he's better than us!"

"Or then he's tired of your bullshit," I spoke angrily.

Everyone turned to look at me when I pushed my tray away and grabbed my bag before I exited the cafeteria. I was so furious that I was afraid that I would start punching people if I stayed. I heard Max yelling after me, but I ignored him. I needed some fresh air, and I had to keep walking.

I had thought that once Cain and his two friends were out of the team, the atmosphere would get better between the rest of us, but I guess there were still a bunch of bad apples around. Luke was the quarterback, so of course people were jealous. He was a good captain, but the others blamed him for every mistake, forgetting how hard he had worked for the team. And as a person, he was nothing like that. He cared about his friends; he was helpful and protective towards us. Sure, he didn't speak much, but not all were chatty people.

I stopped to a halt right after I had stepped out of the closest exit. I couldn't start skipping classes, because I wasn't as smart as Max, or as hardworking as Luke, so my grades were complete shit. I took a deep breath and leaned against the wall, right next to the door. I wasn't even sure why I suddenly had the urge to leave school. I had never skipped classes without a good reason, but right at that moment, I really wanted to leave.

I guess I just really wanted to go see Luke and ask him if he was all right.

The door opened and someone stepped out. "Troy?"

I turned to look at Max, who had a worried look on his face. Sky was standing right behind him, looking sad.

"No one gets him," I said quietly. "It's not fair."

"But you get him," Sky said. "Maybe that is why he likes you."

I gave him a smile, but I knew it was a sad one. "I don't know much about him."

"I don't think that you need to know the person to understand them," Max said.

"They were wrong," Sky said and stepped in front of me. "I think that he's just shy."

That thought should have sounded ridiculous, but for some reason I believed that Sky was right. Luke always seemed a little... wary of people.

"And he promised to let us borrow his ATV again, so he's not a bad person," Sky continued when Max and I stayed silent. "I like him. I think he's a good person."

"Yeah, he's great," I said and patted Sky's shoulder.

"Troy... About that date of yours..." Max said hesitantly, and I groaned in frustration.

"I can't make the decision without trying first, right?"

"I know. I just wanted to ask if you're really interested in him?" Max asked.

"I don't know!" I breathed out and started pacing. "I have no idea what I'm doing, or why I'm doing this!"

"Troy, just calm down, okay?" Max tried to grab my hand, but I yanked it free.

"I'm not gay! I'm not bi or pan or whatever! I'm st... I'm..." I trailed off, because I was getting so horridly confused. "What am I?"

"A boy," Sky shrugged. "Why does it matter if you 're straight or gay?"

"It matters because if I'm straight, I'm just about to break Luke's heart all over again!" I almost shouted at his face, and Max stepped in between us with an angry expression.

"That's not what I mean," Sky spoke. "I think the only important question is how much do you like him?"

"I don't know that either!" I sighed and rubbed my temples. "But I do know that I have never been attracted to guys!"

"Maybe you're attracted to his soul," Sky suggested.

"What?" I laughed humorlessly.

"Isn't that what love is all about?" Sky said matter-of-factly. "Nature doesn't give us any labels, it's something we humans invented. Animals don't think whether they are straight or gay. If they find a mate they like, they don't stop and think about what gender they are. It's just a human thing to give ourselves labels and categories based on our gender, skin color, job, wealth and even what movies we like. Maybe you shouldn't focus on labeling yourself and focus on how you feel about him."

I stared at him for a moment while Max wrapped his arm around Sky's shoulder with a proud smile on his lips.

"Dude – I don't think you would have promised to go out with him if you didn't want to," Max spoke. "You are a kind person, but if you wanted to say no, you would have found a nice way to turn him down right back when he asked you out."

"But, what if I hurt him?" I asked.

"Do you want to know what he told me this morning?" Max said, smiling. "He threatened to beat my ass up if I tried to convince you to not go out with him. He knows the risk, and he's willing to take it."

"He knows what he's doing," Sky nodded. "Maybe you don't know what you're doing yet, but maybe you know better on Friday? And maybe it would be for the best that you don't try to find your label just yet, because honestly, we don't need them."

I took a deep breath, and even though I still had no closure, I did feel calmer. At that moment the bell rang, and Max let go of his boyfriend.

"We should go," he spoke and opened the door. "And Troy?

"Yeah?"

"Don't worry so much. Everything will become clearer in time," he said kindly.

"I hope so," I said and followed them inside.

I thought about what Sky said, and it did feel comforting to know that at least the two of them didn't expect me to know everything about myself just yet. I wondered if Sky was right, and that I was interested in Luke's personality instead of his looks. I had never been attracted to guys, and that worried me.

But then again... I wasn't sure if I had ever been attracted to girls, either. Elisa had left me because I wanted to wait for the right time before doing anything really intimate. I didn't want to rush to do something I wasn't ready to do yet. I wasn't in a hurry to even think about those things. I just wanted to have fun with my friends and play football and video games.

When Elisa had asked me out, I wasn't sure why I said yes. Maybe I wanted to try and see what it was like to have a girlfriend? I had liked her a lot, but no matter how hard I had tried to convince myself that she might be the one, the truth was that being with her hadn't been much different from hanging out with my other female friends. Most guys on our team already had girlfriends, and they had been teasing the single ones about all the things we were apparently missing out on, so I had been intrigued.

I clearly had no clue about love or relationships. I hadn't been broken about our breakup, and I was pretty sure that if I had really loved or even liked her, I should have been messed up. But what had sucked more than being dumped was being teased about it by the older guys.

Maybe I didn't even want a relationship. With anyone.

I sighed in my head. Sky had told me not to find any labels for myself just yet, but I already had one label: an utter mess.