Not a question of strength. Then what? My need to always improve was part of it, but there was something missing. Something obvious was teasing me, hanging just out of reach. I was so fixated on it; I didn't notice my pacing.

My legs carried me on aimless laps round the gardens. Hand resting on my chin, I was lost deep in thought. For me, this was completely natural. For those who were watching as I paced and talked to myself however, it was quite unsettling.

Ignoring the onlookers, I continued my laps. Though, no matter how many times I circled those flowers, the answer eluded me.

I need to go a little farther, but I don't need to be stronger. Let's see, farther, in this case, it means improve, right? Improve what or how? No, that's not the right question. It's something else, something right in front of me.

Groaning, I grabbed my head and bent over. Leaning backwards, I flopped onto the grass, sprawling beside the flowers. My arm hung over my eyes, blocking out the sun.

Frustration riding me, I sighed. "Evelyn, when I solve this, I'm going to end you."

"You alright?" The owner of the voice kicked me lightly.

Tilting my head, I uncovered my eyes and found June peering down at me. Her expression was mixture of concern and amusement.

"Oh, hey, June. Yeah, I'm just," pausing, I waved my hands about. "Lying here."

June smiled. "Mind if I join you?"

"Suit yourself," I answered, shrugging awkwardly and unknowingly smearing grass and dirt all over my blazer.

June placed her things on the ground before laying beside me, looking up at the sky. "What's up?" She asked cheerfully.

Blowing a raspberry, I shook my head. "Just stressed."

"Why?" She asked, glancing at me.

Exhaling strongly, I laughed. "I don't know."

Giggling, June raised her brows at me. "Sucks to be you."

I scoffed and shook my head. "Apparently," I replied in good humour.

"But if you're stressed there must be a reason. Did something happen recently?" June pressed, trying to help me.

"Guess it's all the little things," I said, picking out shapes in the clouds.

"Like what?" June's curiousity manifested as a frown and she watched me intently.

"Ah, just things like," Trailing off, my jaw dropped. Of course. Why wouldn't it be that obvious. I mean, it wasn't the answer I wanted, but perhaps it could help me grow a little closer.

"Damn it," I sighed, rolling up onto my knees. Offering my hand, I pulled June from the ground. "Do me a favour, go find Bark and then wait in our dorm?"

"Okay?" June replied, confusion coating her face.

Shaking my head, I smiled. "Don't worry, I just don't want to have this conversation more than once. I'll meet you there soon. Also, I'm really sorry about losing my cool the other day. I didn't mean to scare you. I was just-"

"Stressed?" June said, finishing my sentence. Laughing at my lost expression, she skipped backwards. "Happens to the best of us. I'll see you soon."

Turning, she traipsed towards the boy's dorms, leaving me stunned. My scoff became a chuckle, and I rubbed my neck, embarrassed. Well, that takes care of that. Here comes the tough part.

Pulling my phone from my pocket, I dialed Evelyn's number. "Come on, come on," I muttered, listening hopelessly to the tone.

"What do you want?" Evelyn asked sassily, answering her phone.

I nearly jumped in excitement. "V, I'm freaking out! Where are you?"

Evelyn went silent a moment. I could hear her breathing into the phone, but she didn't say anything.

"V?" I asked, a buzz rushing through me.

"I, um, I'm in..." Trailing off, she went quiet again. "In my dorm room," she said, sounding unsure.

I nodded fiercely. "Alright, I'll be there right away."

"No!" Evelyn squealed.

Having been ready to sprint away, I stumbled at her response. My brain hadn't been functioning properly before and now I was starting to really lose the plot. "Huh?"

"Don't come to my room," she said, sounding panicked.

"Okay," I said slowly. "Then, what?"

Sighing, Evelyn rolled her eyes. "I'll meet you, just give me a few minutes."

"Alright, I'll be in front of the boy's dorms." Hopping on the spot, I bounced frantically, doing anything to try and expel the adrenaline coursing through me. My nerves were high strung, and I had to relax.

"I'll see you soon," Evelyn said, sounding annoyed.

"You're the best!" I chirped. "I appreciate you."

"Shut up," she answered, clearly disgusted.

Evelyn hung up before I could respond, leaving me to bounce on my heels. Alright, now to wait. I can wait. I'm patient.

Sprinting to the boy's dorms, I gasped for air. My eyes flicked about, and I tried to think about anything other than my upcoming task. Right now, I was nervous excited, but if I let myself get nervous nervous, then I would look even stupider than normal.

Shaking my head to clear it, I began squatting against a wall, eagerly scanning the grassy courtyard for Evelyn. It seemed forever before she finally showed up, but eventually she did.

Still in her uniform, Evelyn stalked towards me, scowling. I leapt from the wall and hurried to meet her.

"Hey, what took you so long?" I asked, talking really fast.

Evelyn frowned. "I was busy. Besides, you can't just call me whenever and expect me to come running."

Nodding quickly, I grinned and began rocking on my heels. "Right, right, you are so right. Sorry about that. I'm just kinda freaking out. Otherwise, wouldn't have happened."

Grabbing my shoulders, Evelyn tried to stop my rocking, but it was pointless. Sighing, she shook her head and went to speak, but I cut her off.

"So, where were you? That was really suspicious. The whole, I'm in my room but don't come to my room because I'm lying and secretly somewhere else," I said sassily, still talking faster than normal.

Evelyn looked taken aback but then her eyes narrowed. "Alright fine, I was not in my room."

My eyes grew wide, and I rocked quicker. Gasping, I smiled broadly. "Ooh, where? Where were you?"

Groaning, Evelyn shoved me, knocking me off balance. My rocking finally stopped, she looked me in the eye. "J," she said seriously.

"You are totally right!" I stressed. "Sorry, sorry. So yeah, as you can see. I am freaking out. My heart is going so fast, like, really fast," I said, patting my chest rapidly. For some reason, I couldn't stand still, and I began bouncing yet again.

Evelyn sighed and rolled her eyes, but a small smile revealed that she found some amusement in this.

"Alright, come here," she said, taking my hands in hers. "Stop bouncing and close your eyes."

Ignoring her, my eyes widened again, and I bounced more intensely. "Do I get that kiss now?" My mind ran away from me, and I began watching a bird flying in the distance.

"What? No!" Evelyn yelped, blushing. "Settle down or I'm not helping you!"

Nodding frantically, my attention snapped back to her, and I slowly stopped bouncing. My heart felt like it was racing, and I couldn't control my breathing.

Evelyn saw it and sighed, trying to hide her smile. "You're a child."

"Mentally speaking, yes," I agreed.

Laughing, Evelyn squeezed my hands and looked at me seriously. "Close your eyes. Picture a feather. Focus all your attention on it."

My eyes slipping shut, a dizzying array of lights danced before me, but slowly they faded. The feather appeared, just hanging there, floating.

"I see it," I whispered.

"Good. Now, imagine it falling and rising with each of your breaths. Don't let the feather fly away. Keep it close, but don't let it hit the ground." Evelyn's soft voice urged me on.

The feather soared, fluttering out of reach. Holding my breath, I let it fall again. I exhaled hurriedly, desperately trying to keep it from the ground, but that only sent it skyward again. Slowly, my breathing focused, and I kept the feather close.

My eyes opening, I looked at Evelyn like a deer in the headlights. "What?" I asked, unable to speak properly.

Evelyn laughed at me. "It's a trick to focus your breathing. You can use it to help yourself calm down."

"Oh, wow," I said, feeling steadier than before. "Thanks." I was bewildered and it showed on my face.

Evelyn laughed again and squeezed my hands before dropping them. "You're welcome."

"Huh," I mused, biting my lip. "Anyways, I'm ready now."

"Ready for what?" Evelyn asked. Her smile slowly dropped, and she watched me with suspicion. "J?"

I grinned. "This'll only take a sec. Bark and June are waiting, I have to tell them too."

Evelyn hesitantly followed as I hurried back to my dorm. Bounding up the stairs, I reached my room and pulled the door open for her. Pausing a moment, she watched curiously before stepping into the room.

Bark and June stopped talking as Evelyn and I entered. The pair watched us expectantly and I grinned, urging Evelyn to join them.

June frowned when Evelyn stood beside her. "Wait, are you two dating or not?"

"What? No!" Evelyn howled, looking disgusted.

Bark smirked and held his hand out. "Pay up."

Pouting, June dropped some money into his hand and crossed her arms.

Evelyn frowned at them. "You were betting on whether or not we were dating?"

Stuffing the money in his pocket, Bark chuckled cockily. "Oh, yeah. Never doubted you, Evelyn."

I glared at Bark. "You suck. June, thank you for your support," I said, looking kindly at her.

June beamed. "Of course, you'll get there one day."

Bark shrugged doubtfully but Evelyn said nothing, merely shuffling her feet.

"Anyways," I said, clapping my hands. "Down to business." Slowly drumming my fingers on Bark's desk, I felt my nervous excitement bubbling again. When the drum roll reached a fever pitch, I smiled and raised my hands. "I technically didn't get into this school."

The room was quiet before but now the silence was deafening. A desperate smile hung on my face. Standing still, my eyes flicked between my friends, wanting one of them to say something.

Eventually, a noise disturbed the quiet. Bark's brows furrowed, his eyes narrowing. "What?"

Okay, I probably could have explained that better. Take two. "I mean, I never applied to this school."

"Then why are you here? For Evelyn?" June asked, her head tilting curiously.

Scowling, Evelyn leaned against the wall and stared hard at the world beyond the window. Her hair was down today, and it cascaded in front of her face, hiding her expression.

Ignoring June's comment, I kept talking. "Josiah sent me an acceptance letter. I don't know why. The truth is," I paused, taking a shaky breath before finally admitting what I felt the moment I stepped on the school grounds. "I don't belong here."

Immediately, Bark's eyes sparkled. "Are you leaving? Do I get the room to myself?"

June slugged Bark, glaring at him. He whined in pain but didn't dare cross June again. Silently, he moped to himself, rubbing his arm.

June's arms crossed and she tapped her foot lightly against the floor. "So, what's your point?"

The question surprised me, and I floundered for a moment. I chewed on my tongue and my lips tightened as I sought my answer. "No point really, just wanted to tell you."

June thought for a moment before shrugging. "Okay, whatever. Bark, come on."

"Huh?" Bark grunted, brows furrowing.

Sighing, June linked her arm through his and began dragging him from the room, smiling pleasantly at me as she passed. Bark yelped and recoiled, but June grabbed him tightly and hissed something under her breath. His head falling, Bark followed obediently, looking like a grouchy puppy.

Evelyn had been silent this whole time, her face an empty mask hidden beneath sheets of silky hair. Her stance seemed almost stiff, but it was hard to tell. For a moment, she seemed to be shaking, but it was so subtle I convinced myself it was nothing.

Pushing the thoughts from my mind, I cleared my mind and dropped into my desk chair. "V?"

Evelyn's eyes slipped from the window, and she cast me a bored look, hair slipping over her shoulder. The light on her, it illuminated her features, so why did she look so tired?

"What made you want to admit that?" Evelyn asked quietly, her voice devoid of emotion, just like she promised.

A scoff shot from my nostrils, and I leaned back in the chair, swiveling from side-to-side. Elaboration on June's question? No matter, I had prepared my answer after the first time.

My eyes boring into the roof, a smile appeared on my lips. "I knew the truth, but you all didn't. For some reason, that scared me, and I thought, it might help me find my answer."

"Did it?"

My gaze falling to meet hers, I shrugged. "Not quite, but I'm getting there."

Evelyn nodded and she looked out the window again, falling silent. Watching her, I laughed. "Do I pass your test, sensei?"

Immediately spinning, she scowled again. "I am this close to smacking you."

Brows furrowing, I made a curious observation. "Your fingers are touching," I muttered dumbly, pointing.

Evelyn checked and found that I was right. "Oh, so they are. Well then." Hurrying closer, Evelyn swung her open hand at me, shifting at the last moment to just avoid clipping my ear. I flinched inadvertently, jumping in my chair.

Evelyn's lips turned down. "Are you scared of little old me?"

Smelling an opportunity, I pumped my eyebrows. "Your beauty could kill a man," I explained.

Now Evelyn flinched, taking a half-step backwards. "Wh-whatever, idiot!" She yelled, balling her fists.

Rising from my chair, I towered over Evelyn. Our bodies were close, and I stared into her eyes with gentleness. "Thank you, V."

Stammering, Evelyn shuffled backwards, heat rising in her cheeks. "Shaddup!" She screamed, clenching her eyes shut and punching blindly.

Missing entirely, Evelyn stumbled and fell as her momentum carried her through the punch. Reflexively bending at the knees, I managed to twist, wrapping an arm around her waist and catching her.

At this moment, June crashed through the door, screaming, "What is going on in here?"

I froze, and simply watched as June took in the situation. As suddenly as the door opened it was slammed again as June retreated.

"No, June!" Yelled Evelyn.

Rumbling with laughter, I helped Evelyn upright. The anger on her face was marred by the scarlet blush in her cheeks. The balled fists, shaking at her side, only accentuated how flustered she clearly was.

Meanwhile, I was still roaring in laughter, throwing my head back and chortling from the gut. A smile split my face, my closed eyes knowing nothing but my jolliness in that moment.

Clenching her teeth, Evelyn regained some composure and donned her signature scowl. "I hate you."

Without another word she marched from the room. Left alone, eventually my laughter faded and I moved to look out the window. Students milled across the oval, but none of them took my notice, my thoughts were only of her. She was saving me, and one of these days, I would reach out my hand to her and help her come up to breathe.

Chuckling lightly, I leaned back and covered my eyes with my forearm. Damn it, I'm such an idiot. Evelyn had said she would never care for me, but I fell for her anyway. Now, all I can do is hope she falls too. Though, if she doesn't, if I am nothing more than the one who holds her up, that would be enough. For this girl who was saving me, I could go a little farther.