Link: https://perchance.org/incorrect-quote-generator

Martyn: Be careful about succumbing to these sorts of destructive... urges. Addiction can be a powerful thing.

Ren: So am I. Bow down before your new supreme overlord, bitches.

[----------]

Joel: *trying to buy a Father's Day card at Hallmark*
Joel: Excuse me, do you have any that just say "You are my dad?"
Associate: Well, I-
Joel: How about "You banged my mom?"
Associate: No...
Joel: You know what, I'll just get a blank one.
Joel: *writes* You are a father. This is a day. Here is a card.

[----------]

Gem: I didn't drink that much last night.
Lizzie: You were flirting with Pearl.
Gem: So what? They're my partner.
Lizzie: You asked if they were single.
Lizzie: And then you cried when they said they weren't.

[----------]

Cleo: Adults are the most insanely stupid people I have the displeasure of interacting with.
Gem, referring to themself and Pearl: Even us?
Cleo: Especially you guys.
Pearl:
Gem:
Pearl: Petition to kick Cleo out so they stop insulting us.
Gem: Seconded.

[----------]

Etho: Why are you drinking, Bdubs?
Bdubs: I don't drink anymore, so don't start with that.
Etho, holding an empty water bottle: So why was this under your bed?
Bdubs: WE NEED WATER TO LIVE!
Etho: NOT IN MY DAMN HOUSE!

[----------]

Skizz: What do you want then?
Tango: Er... something work related.
Skizz: What department is this?
Tango: Sorry?
Skizz: Well, if it's work related you'd obviously know what department this is. What department is this?
Tango: *looks at Etho and Impulse* Some sort of homosexual department?

[----------]

Bdubs, pointing to Skizz and Tango: Distract them! I'll be right back! *leaves*
Etho: Okay!
*five minutes later*
Bdubs: *returns and sees Skizz and Tango unconscious on the ground* What did you do? I said distract them, not knock them out!
Etho: There's just no pleasing you sometimes.

[----------]

Scar: What if Cinderella was a baking slave instead of a cleaning slave, and her name was Mozzarella?
Pearl: Don't ever speak to me again.

[-----------]

Lizzie: DID YOU REALLY THINK THAT JOKE WAS FUNNY? IT WASNT. NOBODY IS LAUGHING.
Lizzie: *pulls up a graph* THIS IS WHEN YOU TOLD YOUR JOKE, YOU HAVE SONGLE HANDEDLY RUINED COMEDY! IVE ALSO ASKED MANY COMEDY SCHOLARS ON THEIR OPINION OF YOUR JOKE AND THIS IS WHAT THEY HAD TO SAY!
Joel: I've been researching comedy for the past 20 years, and I have genuinely never seen a joke this bad. We have used quantum physics to look into alternate universes to see every joke made, and yours was still by far the worst.
Lizzie: CONGRATULATIONS! YOUVE SINGLE HANDEDLY CREATED THE WORST JOKE IN HUMAN HISTORY! HERES A MEDAL! *pulls up a horrible paint drawn star that says "you need help*

[----------]

Ren: In the past year you have managed to piss off the LAPD, ATF, CIA, FBI-
Big B: NBA.
Ren: ...?
Big B: Snuck into a Cliffords game.

[----------]

Scott: I suppose you're right. We really would be better off working together.
Tango: So, then... détente?
Scott: Agreed.
Tango: Understanding?
Scott: Possibly.
Tango: Cooperation?
Scott: Maybe.
Tango: Trust?
Scott: Out of the question.

[----------]

Jimmy: Joel, I want a bedtime story!
Joel: I'm busy, Jimmy. I'll tell you one tomorrow.
Jimmy: If you don't tell me a story, I won't go to bed!
Joel: Once upon a time, there was a person named Jimmy, who always wanted things their way. One day, their friends got sick of it and locked them in the basement for the rest of their life. Everyone else lived happily ever after. The end.
Jimmy: I don't like these stories with morals.

[-----------]

Grian: Don't go picking a fight with me. I could make your life difficult.
Jimmy, sarcastically: Wow. I wonder what it'd be like to have a difficult life.

[----------]

Pearl: Nothing feels better than winning Monopoly. Not love, not sex, not free pizza, nothing!
Scott: I'm sorry, have you tried pizza?
Pearl: Yes, and it doesn't compare to owning half the board and watching the light die from your friend's eyes as you take their money and feel your friendship slowly deteriorate.
Martyn: I like you.

[----------]

Scott: So Cleo, how did your first time cooking dinner go?
Cleo: Pretty good if I do say so myself.
Scott: Oo! Okay, what are we having?
Cleo: Alright, so for appetizers, we have a potato.
Scott: A whole potato?
Cleo: Yes. And then for the main course, we have grilled cheese sandwiches!
Scott: These just look like big slabs of black.
Cleo: Because that's what they are!
Cleo: And then for desert, we have chocolate.
Scott: These are just chocolate chips?
Cleo: They sure are!
Cleo: And then for drinks, we have toast!
Cleo: *lifts up a glass of blended toast* Bon appetite!

[----------]

Martyn: THEY COME SEASONALLY!
Martyn: THEY COME EVERY YEAR!
Pearl: What- Cleo, are they drunk again-
Martyn: IT DOESN'T MATTER WHERE I GO!
Martyn: WHAT DOES IT MEAN?
Cleo: What does WHAT mean?
Scott, who is the only one who knows what Martyn is talking about: I mean, when you found one in the bathroom-
Pearl: WHAT THE FUCK DID MARTYN FIND IN THE BATHROOM?
Martyn: I'M TELLING YOU LIKE- LIKE IN THE SWIMMING POOL-
Martyn: IN L.A.
Martyn: EVERYWHERE I GO, THE DUCKS COME TO ME!
Pearl and Cleo: Oh, for fuCKS SAKE MARTYN-

[----------]

Scar: You look good in that hoodie.
Grian: You know where else I'd look good?
Scar, zero hesitation: My bed.
Grian, at the same time: By your side- wait, what?

[----------]

Martyn: Are you okay?
Ren, crying: Yeah, it was just the onions.
Martyn: *Picks up an onion* What the fuck did you say to Ren?

[----------]

Bdubs: Remember, if you die in the simulation—
Scar: Yeah, yeah, I know, if you die in the simulation you die in real life.
Bdubs: What? No! You need to reset the simulation with the terminal! What is WRONG with you?!

[----------]

Cleo: I saw you fall, saw the sinners lay on your corpses...
Scar: Hey, what's up with Cleo?
Cleo: I created you, made the pieces perfect, others marveled at your beauty... their gazes may have held envy, though, for none are perfect but you. I was only looking away for a moment, but you were gone. I had failed you. And I fell into despair. The only way to save myself was to create, but I knew... this time I knew I was only making you to die. And I apologize. For I will undoubtedly fail you again. For a short time, there will be peace and beauty, but none in the face of us shall lay undisturbed. The greatest have fallen, and will continue to fall, and I weep for you for being born unto this place, where brother eats brother, and the undeserving rise to fame. Those that have gone against you know they've wronged you, and they will stand before the creator, knowing they have sinned. Do not worry, little ones, you will be avenged.
Bdubs: ...They made some rock towers and went somewhere else for twenty minutes and when they came back the rock towers were destroyed and people were sitting where the towers once were, so they were sad and made more rock towers.
Bdubs, to Cleo: Hey, who even is the creator? I thought you were an atheist!
Cleo: SHUT THE HELL UP, BDUBS! I'M TRYING TO BE DRAMATIC AND MYSTERIOUS!

[----------]

Scott: What's up? I'm back.
Martyn: I literally saw you die. You died. You were dead
Scott: Death is a social construct.

[----------]

Watcher 2: Did you know you remind me of all 26 letters of the alphabet?
Watcher 1: What? Like J F K W S Q X-
Watcher 2: No, like, U R A Q T.
Watcher 1: Awwww!

[----------]

Cleo, grinning: Before you were what?
Grian: Before I was-
Cleo: What?
Grian: Before I was inter-
Cleo: Before you were interrupted?
Grian: Cut me off one more time and I swear I'll-
Cleo: What?
Grian: *makes frustrated sound*
Etho, nervously: Stop that. Before they hurt you.

[-----------]

Bdubs: I am so cool. I am an absolute Chad. I am the epitome of coolness and awesomeness—
Etho: Hi.
Bdubs: *melts down in a flustered heap of softness*

[----------]

Bdubs: Could you guys at least try to see this from my perspective?
Tango: *crouches down*
Etho: *kneels down*
Skizz: *sits on the floor*
Bdubs:
Bdubs: I hate all of you.

[----------]

Scott: Do you care if I take the skin off this Furby?
Scott: I want to make him a god. Once he is free of his sinful flesh, he can begin a path towards enlightenment. He will take care of us.
Scott: I also want to softhack his circuits.
Jimmy: I literally could not care less but never say anything as frightening as that ever again.

[----------]

Gem: Hey, do you know what time it is?
Scott: Pass me that piano and you'll see.
Gem: *drags over the piano*
Scott: *plays 'Careless Whisper' on the piano
Impulse, yelling from a distance: WHO THE HELL IS PLAYING 'CARELESS WHISPER' AT THREE IN THE GOD DAMN MORNING?!
Scott: It's 3 am.

[---------]

Tango: And then they ran into my knife. They ran into my knife ten times.
Jimmy: You mean you stabbed them?
Tango: They ran into my knife.

[----------]

Cleo: I committed all 7 deadly sins in 30 minutes.
Big B: Wow, I've gotta hear this.
Cleo: I was angry and envious of my neighbor so I lazily seduced his wife and ate all his groceries and didn't share.
Big B: You forgot pride.
Cleo: No, I'm pretty proud of this.

[----------]

Ren: I honestly feel like some of our conversations here are almost word-for-word accurate to the generator.
Big B: Yup.
Lizzie: Maybe the generator is watching us.
Ren: Wouldn't that imply this conversation will be added?
Ren: ...
Ren: Wait—

[----------]

Cleo: There is no future. There is no past. Don't you see? Time is simultaneous, an intricately structured jewel that humans insist on viewing one edge at a time, when the whole design is visible in every fact.
Pearl: ...All I asked was if you wanted to cut your birthday cake first.

[----------]

Ren: What kinds of sounds annoy you?
Martyn: Are we talking real sounds or imaginary ones?
Ren, now interested: Lets say imaginary.
Martyn: Spiders wearing flip flops.

[----------]

Lizzie: Advice of the day kids, if you ever meet someone who calls Gatorade flavors the actual name of the flavor instead of just the color then they are a certified nerd.
Joel: Yeah but you have to specify, frost glacier or cool blue? You can't just say blue because there's more than one blue.
Lizzie: Blue and light blue, nice try nerd.