Link: https://perchance.org/incorrect-quote-generator

Pearl: Once Cleo thanked me and I couldn't decide between "No problem!" and "No worries!" so I yelled "No worms!" to them as they walked away.

[----------]

Scar: I came out here to have a good time and I'm honestly feeling so attacked right now.

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Scott: Are we fighting or flirting?
Martyn: I'm pinning you against a wall with my hand around your neck-
Scott: Your point?

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Ren: Martyn, say aluminum again. It's the entire source of my serotonin during these trying times.
Martyn: *sigh* Only for you, buddy. Alyoouminnieeum.

[----------]

Lizzie: Tomorrow's the Cooking Contest. Joel always tells me one thing every year. They say, "You might win if you'd stop eating your entry!" But how would I know whether it's an award-winning dish without tasting it first? This may be a problem humanity will have to grapple with for eternity...

[----------]

Big B: Kill him.
Ren: This is the kind of quality advice I look for.

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Grian: WHO THE FUCK-
Scar: Whoa, language!
Grian: I speak fucking English!
Scar: ...

[----------]

Grian: Hello friends!
The Squad:
Grian: You might be wondering why I'm taped to the ceiling

[----------]

Mumbo: I desire moisture.
Martyn: Please just say "I want water" like a normal person.

[----------]

Bdubs: Can you come out?
Scar: Yeah gimme a minute...
Scar: Bdubs, I'm gay.
Bdubs: I know that. Come out to the car.
Scar: Okay.
Scar: Car, I'm gay.

[----------]

Cleo: Something's off.
Etho: Maybe you've finally developed human emotions and feel bad for hurting people.
Cleo: No, but that's funny.

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Jimmy: So jellyshish-
Tango, laughing: JELLYSHISH!?
Jimmy: You know what I meant!

[----------]

*at a zoo*
Scott: What are they in for?
Jimmy: Scott, this isn't prison.
Scott: So they can leave?
Jimmy: No, but-
Scott, pointing at a meerkat: I bet that one murdered someone.

[----------]

Bdubs: Do you think I'm plastic?
Etho: No.
Bdubs: Phew. Oka-
Etho: Plastic, at least, has some use in life. You're not plastic.

[----------]

*Skizz and Tango are planning to break in somewhere*
Skizz: We need to distract the guards.
Tango: Right.
Skizz: What are we gonna do?
Tango: I'm gonna break their elbows while you poke their eyes.
Skizz:
Tango:
Skizz: Deal.

[----------]

Bdubs: What is it called when you kill a friend?
Tango: Homicide.
Etho: Murder.
Skizz: Homiecide.

[----------]

Tango: A stake to the heart won't kill a vampire if their tits are big enough.
Etho: Yeah, you just catch it.
Skizz: Nah nah nah, deflects it. Stake? Just bounces right off. Done. Back to doing hot girl shit.
Impulse: Then I just use a spear instead.
Tango: You are trying so hard to kill a vampire with big bazongas, and for what? Why would you do that to the ecosystem?

[----------]

Joel: Where did you get that tomato soup?
Scar: It's actually a bowl of ketchup I just microwaved.

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Jimmy: Martyn... I'm bleeding...
Martyn: Oh god... what's your blood type?!
Jimmy: B positive...
Martyn: I'm trying to but you're bleeding-

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Grian: We vegetarians love the environment. Carnivores are sick freaks.
Jimmy: How can vegetarians possibly love the environment.. you keep eating all the fucking plants.

[----------]

Jimmy: I am the most responsible person in the group.
Grian: ...You just set the kitchen on fire.
Jimmy: Yes, and I take full responsibility for that.

[----------]

Lizzie: Please, Big B, after everything we've been through together. You can't do this.
Lizzie: I'm sorry Big B.
Lizzie: I'm begging you. Don't do it.
Big B: It has to be done.
Lizzie:
Big B:
Lizzie:
Big B: *Places +4* Uno.

[----------]

Ren: Martyn won't come out of their room!
Lizzie: Just tell them I said something.
Ren: Like what?
Lizzie: Anything factually incorrect.
Ren, shrugging: If you say so.
Martyn, arriving moments later: Did you just say the sun is a PLANET?

[----------]

Lizzie: Do you know the ABCs of first aid?
Cleo: A. Bone. Coming out of the skin is very bad.

[----------]

Impulse: Can I get a waffle?
Scott and Gem: *fighting and yelling at each other*
Impulse: Can I p l e a s e get a waffle?

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Gem: I wish I had more enemies.
Pearl: I'm sure you will someday, honey.

[----------]

Watchers: The 'how the fucks' and 'why are you so dumbs' don't matter. All that matters is that I have a new gun.

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Joel: I've come to a point in my life where I need a stronger word than fuck.

[----------]

Joel: I wanna die.
Etho: We all do, you aren't special!

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Tango: Question. When they shot Bambi's mother, did you find that a sad moment...at all?
Impulse: I'm sure she's mounted on a nice wall in a fine home somewhere.

[----------]

Scar: I just got the best idea I've ever had in my entire life!
*Later*
Grian, to Scar: That was the worst idea you've ever had in your entire life.

[----------]

Grian: Wow, that was quick thinking on that phony sacrifice stuff.
Pearl: Oh, that was all real.
Grian: Wait, you were trying to help them kill us?!
Pearl: If I'm gonna be sacrificed, I'm gonna do it right.

[----------]

*The squad has just arrived in a new city. Grian looks around at the wanted posters to see if they're on any of them.*
Martyn: Grian, are you a criminal?
Grian: Not here, I'm not!

[----------]

Cleo: Hey, did you know as a kid I accidentally ate paper?
Scott: I feel like we've all done that at least once.
Pearl: I ate it too-
Scott: See?
Pearl: -On purpose...
Cleo & Scott: ...What?

[----------]

Impulse: *nudges Bdubs at 3am* Pretty fucked up that we depict the moon as a girl and the sun as a boy. They're just floating rocks in space. Bdubs? Wake up, Bdubs! Listen! They're sexless!
Bdubs: The sun isn't a rock, go back to sleep

[----------]

Cleo: *double checking supplies in the boat* Compass. CB radio. Sunscreen.
Etho: Hot dog costumes!
Cleo: I'm sorry, what?
Etho: You know, in case we get lost at sea, and one of us, probably Grian, goes mad with hunger, we'll put these on. Grian hates hot dogs, so they probably won't eat us.
Cleo: Are you saying that Grian would rather eat us than hot dogs?
Grian: I do hate hot dogs.

[----------]

Pearl: I got an idea!
Scar: Does it involve breaking the law?
Pearl: By now don't you think that's a given?
Scar: I was just trying to be optimistic.
Pearl: Don't bother.

[----------]

Scott: Plants have feelings too?! What is this? Now I can't have food!
Cleo: You can eat a rock.
Pearl: Air.
Martyn: The fabric of time and space.
Scar: Chugging a bottle of bleach can solve all your problems.
Scott: You guys are not helpful.

[----------]

*Joel and Jimmy are planning to break in somewhere*
Joel: We need to distract the guards.
Jimmy: Right.
Joel: What are we gonna do?
Jimmy: I'm gonna break their elbows while you poke their eyes.
Joel:
Jimmy:
Joel: Deal.

[----------]

Martyn: It's quick, it's easy, and it's free: pouring river water in your socks!
Mumbo: Why would I do that?
Martyn: It's quick, it's easy, and it's free!

[----------]

Watchers: I will send my army to attack!
Watchers: *releases a dumpster of raccoons*

[----------]

Grian, playing a video game: This game is so frustrating! I hate it, I hate it, I hate it!
Scar: Ok, I think it's time to turn off the game for a little while.
Grian: But I'm having fun!