Grian: It's not like I try to blow things up, exactly. It just sort of happens. You've got to admit though, fire is fascinating.

[----------]

Gem, holding an antique bottle: Is this whiskey or perfume?
Etho: *grabs and chugs the entire bottle*
Etho:
Etho: It's perfume.

[----------]

Joel: Scar... Why did you draw a pentagram on the floor?
Scar: Your text told me to satanize the house before you returned.
Joel:
Joel: I wrote sanitize, Scar.

[----------]

Impulse: Show me Pennsylvania.
Bdubs: I don't know Canadian geography.

[----------]

Scott: The odds of this happening by coincidence are vanishingly small.
Gem: I would say infinitesimally.
Impulse: And I'd say teenily-weenily. We all know words.

[----------]

Martyn: Damn, the power went out.
Pearl: Don't worry, I got this.
Pearl: *shakes rapidly and starts to light up*
Martyn: What-?
Pearl: I swallowed a glow stick!
Martyn, on the verge of tears: WHY WOULD YOU-

[----------]

Scott: Martyn! This soup is flaccid!
Martyn: LITERALLY WHAT THE FUCK DOES THIS MEAN?!

[----------]

Scott: And here we see Pearl and Cleo in their natural habitat. Texting eachother variations of the word "garlic bread" to try to make eachother laugh.
Pearl: Gaelic bread.
Cleo: Grueling brad.
Pearl: Ha ha, glamorous beans.

[----------]

Impulse: Sometimes I drink milk straight from the container.
Jimmy: The cow??
Impulse: What?
Mumbo: Jimmy, W H Y?

[----------]

Lizzie: Be kind. Everyone is fighting their own battles.
Joel: Why would I be kind? I will be brutal and relentless and ride into battle by their side!

[----------]

Pearl: What are your three best qualities?
Scar: I'm hot, I have soft hair, and sometimes I cry because I love my friends.

[----------]

Big B: I think I just figured something out. I got to go.
Ren: Aren't you forgetting something?
Big B: Uuh...*hesitantly kisses Ren's forehead before running out.*
Ren: No, pay your bill! Damn, who raised you?

[----------]

Etho: What can therapy do for me that screaming in my car for 30 minutes can't?

[----------]

Scar: "I lost a bet."
Scar: The second-most ominous phrase in existence.
Bdubs: What's the first?
Scar: "Let's make a bet."

[----------]

Lizzie: Hey, what's the name of the guy who lives down the hall?
Gem: His cats' names are Walter and Rose.
Lizzie: That's not what I asked.
Gem: That is all the information I have.

[----------]

Gem: *shoves their hand in the slot of a toaster*
Scott: ...
Gem: ...I get confused sometimes.
Scott: Me too.

[----------]

Tango: Impulse told me I was found in a KFC bucket next to a dumpster and I was rescued.
Etho: You probably were.
Tango: Oh crap, maybe that's the reason why. Maybe my lackluster feelings towards their fried chicken is because subconsciously I'm reliving the trauma whenever I see their trademark bucket. My brain and cognitive dissonance won't let me completely lie to myself and say I hate their food, because fried chicken is great and I want some now, instead it just steers me away. Thank you for helping to guide me towards this epiphany, perhaps now the healing can begin.

[----------]

Police: You're under arrest for trying to carry three people on a single motorcycle.
Skizz, with Etho and Impulse behind them: Wait, what do you mean THREE?!
Police: Yes...three.
Skizz: Oh, my God— What the fuck!?
Police: Wha-
Skizz: Tango FUCKING FELL OFF!

[----------]

Tango: Do you ever feel like exploding? Have you experienced the urge to enter the process of combustion? Has your mind created a logical idea, known as thought, to disperse your body into thousands of particles suddenly?
Jimmy: It's 3 am, please go back to sleep.

[----------]

Gem (As Cleo): I'm bored, any suggestions?
Lizzie (As Pearl): Sleeping is nice.
Gem (As Cleo): I acknowledge your suggestion, and I'm deciding to ignore it.

[----------]

Etho: What do you three have to say for yourself?
Skizz:
Tango:
Bdubs: Oops?

[----------]

Pearl: We'll get back into there or die trying.
Big B: No one's dying.
Pearl: Not with that attitude.

[----------]

Grian: Why do you think I don't like you? I do. I would kill for you.
Grian: Ask me to kill for you.
Mumbo: ...First of all, calm down-

[----------]

Mumbo: I personally don't think it's possible to come up with a crazier plan.
Martyn: We could attack them with hummus.
Mumbo: I stand corrected.
Martyn: Just keeping things in perspective.

[----------]

Scar: Drink your school, stay in drugs, and get 8 hours of drugs.

[----------]

Scar: Hello Grian, made anyone cry today?
Grian: Sadly, no. But it's only 4:30.

[----------]

Jimmy: I'm terrible at expressing myself.
Tango: Don't worry, actions speak louder than words!
Jimmy: Yes, but my actions are also bad.

[----------]

Ren, over radio: Testing. Testing. Big B, can you hear me?
Big B, standing next to Ren: I'm standing right here.
Ren: You're coming through good and loud.
Big B: 'Cause I'm standing right here.

[----------]

Impulse: Hey Bdubs, can you give me the opposite of these words?
Impulse: Always, Coming, From, Take, Me, Down.
Bdubs: Never, Going, To, Give, You-
Bdubs: The fucking satisfaction.

[----------]

Etho: You can't have a gun on stage!
Joel: WRONG AGAIN! I can have a gun, and I must have a gun, that's the rule of Chekhov's Gun: have a gun. And now that it's been seen, I will have to shoot someone before the end of the play.

[----------]

Cleo: I know how this must look but I can assure you we have a perfectly logical explanation.
Martyn: Yeah! We're cowards!

[----------]

Scott: How do you tell someone their breath stinks?
Pearl: Hey, I'm bored, let's drink mouthwash.

[----------]

Cleo: So what are your political beliefs?
Scott, awkwardly trying to impress them: Well, I think Pikachu would be a lot more powerful if he had a gun.

[----------]

Martyn: Italics.
Pearl: Yeah, Italians.

[----------]

Scott: Everyone synchronise your watches.
Martyn: I don't know how to do that.
Pearl: I don't wear a watch.
Cleo: Time is a construct.

[----------]

Grian: Guys, I have a question.
Cleo: kys <3
Grian: I love you too.
Etho: Ah, yes. Siblings.

Written on April 8