{Incorrect Quotes 22!}
This will be my last incorrect quotes chapter on this book, so, this will be longer than the usual incorrect quotes chapter!
So, I'll be doing 10 quotes from each life series (including Real Life) all in order. So basically, 3rd Life, Last Life, Double Life, Limited Life, Secret Life, and Real Life. Then, I'll do a small handful of quotes (like at least 5) with random people.
Hope you enjoy!
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(3rd Life) 1.
Grian: I'm sad.
Scar: Don't be sad, because sad backwards is das.
Scar: And das not good.
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2.
Scott: I've been dropping them the most insanely obvious hints for like a year now. No response.
Jimmy: Wow. They sound stupid.
Scott: But they're not. They're really smart actually. Just dense.
Jimmy: Maybe you need to be more obvious? Like, I don't know... "Hey! I love you!"
Scott: I guess you're right. Hey Jimmy, I love you.
Jimmy: See! Just say that!
Scott: Holy fucking shit.
Jimmy: If that flies over their head then, sorry Scott, but they're too dumb for you.
Scott: Jimmy.
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3.
Bdubs: Bottling up negative emotions is bad for your health, so you shouldn't do it.
Cleo: I know, that's why I bottle up all my emotions, both positive and negative, so it cancels out.
Bdubs: Th-that's not how that works-
[----------]
4.
*the squad is at a dinner party but someone has been murdered*
Martyn: You're acting pretty carefree for someone who's life's at stake. Who's to say you aren't the killer?
Ren: It's a murder, not a tax audit. I'll be fine.
Etho: What about Skizz? Nobody ever suspects Skizz!
Skizz: Well what about Big B? They have a gun!
Big B: Martyn has a knife.
Martyn: Yeah, for fun, not for murder! *stabs Etho in the arm*
[----------]
5.
*The squad is playing a team sport*
Bdubs: Are you upset you don't get to be on the same team as Cleo?
Tango: Have you ever played a game with Cleo?
Bdubs: No...
Tango: Have you ever been trapped in a cage with a wolverine?
*Meanwhile, on the other side of the field*
Cleo, chasing Impulse: I SAID FASTER! DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE WORD "FASTER" MEANS? IT MEANS MORE FAST!!!!
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6.
Grian: Your Honor, I hereby submit the following to the court:
Grian: Scar, what the actual FUCK?
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7.
Grian: Hey Scott, do you have any hobbies?
Scott: Swimming..
Grian: Really? That's cool. I never expected you to-
Scott: In a pool of self hatred and regret.
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8.
Cleo: The only straight I am is a straight-up badass.
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9.
Watcher: You seem familiar... have I threatened you before?
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10.
Grian, looking at a selfie of Scar's: I hate this photo.
Scar: I'm cute as fuck in that photo! I'm smiling kindly.
Grian: You're not smiling kindly; you look like you're up to something.
Scar: Up to kindness.
[----------]
(Last Life) 1.
Ren: You guys worried about Lizzie?
Cleo: Totally!
Big B: Yeah, they called me in the middle of the night and just yelled, "what do I do, what do I do, what do I do, what do I do?"
Ren: And what'd you say?
Big B: "I dunno, I dunno, I dunno, I dunno."
Cleo:
Ren: They're lucky to have you as a friend.
[----------]
2.
Joel: I'm never donating blood ever again.
Joel: The second you walk through the door, it's just one invasive question after another!
Joel: 'Where did you get it?' 'Why is it in a bucket?' I mean, do you want it or not?
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3.
Skizz: English is CRAZY. Oregano is both a spaghetti leaf topping and a form of paper art!
Bdubs: What is this "paper art" you speak of?
Skizz: That shit where you make cranes and stuff out of folded paper!
Bdubs: ... Skizz.
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4.
Jimmy: Self care is stuff like taking a bubble bath or putting on a lot of make up if you like that, or taking a nice warm nap and stuff like that basically.
Martyn: Self care is the burning heat when rage washes over you. self care is when you feel the bones crack under your powerful fists. self care is the fear in your enemies eyes.
Impulse: Self care is stealing someones birthday cake just to eat the frosting.
Martyn: If you touch my birthday cake I'll make you eat your hands.
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5.
Martyn: Who the fuck broke the toaster?
Impulse: It was Grian.
Mumbo: It was Grian.
Jimmy: Grian broke it.
Grian:
Grian: ...yOU PROMISED-
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6.
Tango: When's the last time you slept?
Etho: Uh... a few days ago, I think.
Tango: A few- how many?!
Etho: Uh... *starts counting on fingers* I need more fingers...
Tango: What you need is sleep!
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7.
Scott: Hey Cleo, check out this funny .GIF I found!
Cleo: It's pronounced "jif".
Scott: Huh?
Cleo: "Dot jif", like the peanut butter. The creator said so.
Scott: That's dumb, it's Graphics Interchange Format.
Cleo: The P in .JPEG stands for "photographic", but I bet you don't say "J-pheg".
Scott: "P" on its own isn't pronounced like "F", that's totally different!
Cleo: It's exactly the same!
Scott: Name one word that starts with "G" pronounced like "J".
Cleo: Gentrification.
Scott: Shoot, should have thought of that. I was just in San Francisco.
Cleo: For your logic to be consistent, you'd have to say "skuh-bah" (scuba) or "lah-seer" (laser)!
Scott: Yeah? Well, you'd have to say "J-pej"!
Scott: ...Wait, "laser" is an acronym?
Cleo: Light Amplification by Stimulated Emission of Radiation.
Scott: Huh. Didn't know that.
Scott: You're still wrong, though.
Cleo: You just hate me because I'm right.
Scott: I just hate you in general.
Cleo: You mean in "geh-neral"?
Scott: Ugh, I'm "joing" to kill you!
[----------]
8.
Scott: The best part of an oreo is the cookie part, not the frosting. Deal with it.
Cleo: Darkness without light is an abyss. Light without darkness is blinding. You cannot have a coin with one side.
Pearl: YO SOCRATES! IT'S A FUCKING COOKIE!
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9.
Scar: Legend says that when you can't sleep, it means you're awake in someone else's dreams.
Scar: When I find out who you are, I'm going to punch you in the face.
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10.
Grian: *is throwing stones at Scott's window*
Scott: You have a phone for a reason, Grian!
*THUD*
Scott: DID YOU JUST THROW YOUR PHONE AT MY WINDOW?!
[----------]
(Double Life) 1.
Jimmy: When you've been on the internet for as long as I have, you develop thick skin.
Tango: Navy blue isn't your color.
Jimmy: Navy blue brings out my eyes you prick! *Chases after Tango*
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2.
Impulse: I truly go into housewife mode when I'm someone's soulmate- like, I'll make you pancakes and bacon every morning.
Bdubs: This is a lie.
Bdubs: I'm literally dating them. This is a lie.
Bdubs: THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO COOK A PANCAKE, WHAT IS THIS.
[----------]
3.
Ren, on the phone: What's up, Big B?
Big B: I'm sitting in a pool of blood.
Ren: ...Um, is it YOUR blood?
Big B: I think so.
Ren: Do you know where the blood's coming from?
Big B: Probably the stab wound.
Ren: YOU'VE BEEN STABBED?!
Big B: Oh, yeah, definitely.
[----------]
4.
Grian: So you're looking for information on this thing, huh? Well, I feel like it must be from far away.
Scar: What makes you say that?
Grian: If it's something even I don't know about, then I'm sure nobody else must have a clue. So it's gotta be from some faraway place. Impeccable reasoning, isn't it?
Scar: Grian... You don't have a clue about this thing, do you?
Grian: *screams in anger*
[----------]
5.
*Cleo teaching Pearl to drive and taking Martyn along for the ride*
Cleo: That's a pothole. To the left!
Pearl: Take it back now y'all *Drives into pothole*
Martyn, sticking their face into the front over the center console: Cha Cha real smooth.
Pearl: I don't think that's how the song goes.
Cleo, crying and gripping the handle: Please just take me home.
Pearl: Country Roads.
Martyn: To the place.
Pearl and Martyn in unison: I Belong!
Cleo, crying harder: What the fuck?
[----------]
6.
Scott, holding a gun: If the conspiracies about life being a simulation are true WHOEVERS CONTROLLING MY SIM I JUST WANNA TALK.
[----------]
7.
Grian, near tears: Please, Big B, I don't speak meme! I don't know what a 'yeet' is!
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8.
Grian: Time freezes for everyone but you one day. What do you do?
Pearl: Oh... I'd mildly trouble everyone.
Grian: Alright, so what would you do?
Pearl: I'd shave a one-inch thick line in every thick beard I saw.
Pearl: I'd twist all the lightbulbs just a little bit so no one would know when they aren't working.
Pearl: I'd make every wing on girls eyeliner just a little bit higher than the other one.
Pearl: And I'd tie everyone's shoelaces together.
Pearl: And then lastly, I'd snip a little hole in every tea bag.
Grian:
Grian: Remind me to never allow you to have power.
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9.
Scott: *looks at Grian*
Scott: Baby boy. Baby.
Scott: *looks at Pearl*
Scott: Evil.
[----------]
10.
*Etho and Joel are texting*
Etho: Please bring home PURIFIED water with NO minerals added for taste. NONE.
Joel: I got spring water.
Etho: NO!
Joel: With EXTRA minerals!
Joel: It's like licking a stalagmite!
Etho: DON'T COME HOME!
Joel: Mmmmmm, cave water.
[----------]
(Limited Life) 1.
Joel: Hey, what are you reading?
Grian: This is my magic book where any ink spilled shows a scripture of the future, however it bears a curse making it broken, and as such in order to make any scripture appears, I have to do it myself.
Joel: Impressive! I must have it for myself!
Jimmy: So it's just a Notebook?
Grian: It's just a Notebook.
[----------]
2.
Martyn: Why would I flip my shit about that?
Scott: Because you flip your shit about everything.
Martyn: Well, will you look at this. Here is my shit, and yet it remains unflipped. Just sitting there on the skillet, getting burned on one side. It's a miracle.
[----------]
3.
*Pearl and Big B enter a dive bar*
Pearl: Look, I know you're disappointed but could we at least have a drink.
Big B, in a scuba diving suit: I would like leave, please.
[----------]
4.
Cleo: Oh, so you two are getting along very... cordial now?
Bdubs: Cordial? Nah, we're friends.
Cleo: Friends?
Bdubs: Yeah. After you stopped us fighting, we got to talking. Seems like we have some common interests.
Scar: We both love butterflies.
Cleo: Aww–
Scar: And beating people up.
Cleo: Oh, okay.
[----------]
5.
Impulse: Hi.
Skizz: Hey, did you do what I said? Did you tell them?
Impulse: I did.
Skizz: And what did they say?
Impulse: "Thank you."
Skizz: You're totally welcome. What'd they say?
Impulse: They said, "Thank you." I said "I love you" and Tango said, "Thank you."
[----------]
6.
Etho, bleeding out on the ground: Blood loss? No, I know exactly where it is.
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7.
Pearl (Lizzie): *plays shreksophone*
Pearl (Lizzie): Woo.
Pearl (Lizzie): Time to listen to this on loop for all eternity.
Cleo (Gem): ...Genius coping mechanism my friend
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8.
Impulse: Why would you give a knife to Martyn?!
Scott, shrugging: Martyn felt unsafe.
Impulse: Now I feel unsafe!
Scott: I'm sorry...
Scott: Would you like a knife?
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9.
Grian: This is tied for most terrifying day of my life.
Etho: Tied with what?
Grian: Every other day of myself!
[----------]
10.
Pearl: Question, how difficult would it be to bowl in a bee suit?
Scott: Not that hard, I don't think, as long as you can move.
Grian: I'd assume as hard as it is to bowl in a maid outfit.
Grian: Wouldn't be any harder, but you'd get some WEIRD looks.
Martyn: Are. Are you speaking from experience.
Grian: No!
Grian:
Grian: ....Maybe.
[----------]
(Secret Life) 1.
Martyn: How would you like your coffee?
Jimmy: As dark and as bitter as my soul.
Martyn, shouting to someone behind the counter: I need one vanilla latte with extra cream and sugar!
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2.
Scar: Wow, left handed AND British? You really are an illusion.
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3.
Tango: I woke up and chose VIOLENCE. I WILL COMMIT ARSON AND BURN EVERYTHING TO THE GROUND!!! I AM ANGRY-
Skizz: Awwww, you're so adorable! Give me a hug~
Tango: Wh-What? nO, yOURE SUPPOSED TO BE SCARED OF ME! TREMBLE BEFORE MY WRATH-
Big B , recording: This is so cute.
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4.
Joel: Guys! I found a 100 dollar bill!
Joel: *looks around* ....Should I keep it?
Mumbo: Joel, just do the right thing.
Pearl: And put in your bag.
Mumbo: No—
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5.
Lizzie: Goddamn it, the printer broke while printing out my birthday invitations.
Joel: Well, what are they supposed to say?
Lizzie: "Lizzie's birthday".
Joel: So, what do they say instead?
Lizzie: "Lizzie's bi".
Joel:
Joel: Works out either way.
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6.
Bdubs: The shadow realm? No, I'm sending you to Ohio!
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7.
Etho: *sighs*
Cleo: You bored?
Etho: Yeah.
Cleo: Wanna start drama for no reason?
Etho: I thought you'd never ask.
[----------]
8.
Grian: I am not a lunatic. I have the psychiatric report to prove it. A slender majority of the panel decided in my favour.
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9.
Scott: *pitches an idea*
Impulse, impressed: Huh, there might be something here!
Gem, under their breath: Yeah, a lawsuit.
[----------]
10.
Scar: I hate how you're just born out of nowhere, and you're forced to go to school and get education so you can get a job. What if I wanted to be a duck? No one ever asked me if I want to be a duck!
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(Real Life) 1.
Scott: Don't go to the kitchen.
Pearl: Why?
Scott: I saw a spider.
Pearl: Well, did you kill it?
Scott: It has 8 arms and I only have 2, it's not fair...
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2.
Cleo: Gem, do you love me?
Gem: Of course I do!
Cleo: Would you still love me if I did something bad?
Gem: Well, of course I... would...
Cleo: I mean something really, really—
Gem: Cleo, what did you do?
[----------]
3.
Skizz: I have a bad feeling about this...
Martyn: What do you mean?
Skizz: Don't you ever get that little voice in your head that tells you if you're going to get into trouble?
Martyn: No?
Ren: That actually explains so much.
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4.
Big B: Truth or dare?
Gem: Truth.
Big B: How many hours have you slept this week?
Gem:
Gem: Dare.
Big B: Go to sleep.
Gem: I don't like this game.
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5.
Scar: So oxygen went on a date with potassium, it went... OK.
Impulse: I thought oxygen was dating magnesium, OMG.
Scar: Actually oxygen first asked nitrogen out, but nitrogen was all like NO.
Jimmy: I thought oxygen had that double bond with the hydrogen twins.
Joel: Looks like someone's a HO.
Impulse: NaBrO.
Grian: I'm done with all of you!
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6.
Cleo, seeing a banana on the car seat: What the FUCK??
Cleo, buckling the banana up: Fucking buckle UP, it's the LAW!
[----------]
7.
Pearl: Someone's trying to break in. Call the cops!
Gem: *loads shotgun* I got this.
Pearl: Last week you fell up the stairs, what do you mean-
[----------]
8.
Jimmy: I need life advice.
Joel, sipping Gatorade and eating cookie dough: You came to the right person.
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9.
Grian: I will send my army to attack!
Grian: *releases a dumpster of raccoons*
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10.
Martyn, to Pearl and Grian: *holding knife out in front of them* Are you or are you not an enemy of the people?!
Pearl: ...
Grian: ...
Pearl: That is such an open-ended question.
Grian: Yeah, it really depends on a lot of different factors-
Martyn: What kind of factors?
Grian: You don't want to know.
Pearl: Like mass murder, arson, trespassing, and more!
Grian:
Martyn: What.
Scott: The.
Scar: Actual.
Cleo: Fuck?
Pearl: ... Whoops?
(Yes, I added to this to make it longer.)
[----------]
(Random) 1.
Me: Say no to drugs.
Me: Say yes to drugs.
Me: It doesn't matter if you say yes or no to drugs, cause if you're talking to drugs... then you're on drugs.
[----------]
2.
Scar: I'm Bisexual and confused.
Scar: Not at the fact that I'm a Bisexual, I just never know what the FUCK is going on.
[----------]
3.
Watchers: I would do anything for money.
*later*
Watchers, covered in blood: THE STATEMENT STILL STANDS!
[----------]
4.
Scott: *standing on a balcony and sneezes*
Grian: *standing on the roof* Bless you.
Scott: God?!
[----------]
5.
Pearl: Wanna hear some dark humor.
Cleo: Yeah, I love dark humor.
Pearl: Alright.
Pearl: *Turns off the lights*
Pearl: Knock knock.
Cleo: Turn the damn lights back on.
[----------]
FINALLY I FINISHED THIS YES
this might be the longest chapter that I've ever written, with 2430 words all in total
okay now bye *jumps into the abyss*
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