FE!N FE!N FE!N <---- I may have a slight obsession with that song right now-

[----------]

Cleo: You have Crayons?
Scott: Yes, I have—
Cleo: You're— how old are you?
Scott: YES I AM AN ADULT AND I HAVE CRAYONS, I HAVE A BOX OF EMERGENCY CRAYONS IN THE CABINET UNDER THE TV BECAUSE EVERYBODY NEEDS CRAYONS SOMETIMES, OKAY? EVERYBODY NEEDS CRAYONS.

[----------]

*At the police station*
Martyn: Hi, I'm here for Pearl.
Police officer: Who's Pearl?
Martyn: Ah, you must be new.

[----------]

Lizzie: When I said bring me something back from the beach I meant like a conch shell!
Joel: *Struggling to hold a seagull* Fucking say that next time!

[----------]

Joel: Did you win? Or just not die?
Joel: Either way, hooray.
Etho: ...Is "no" a valid answer?
Joel: The hooray is redacted and you frighten me.

[----------]

Grian: I'm trash.
Scar: As someone who's environmentally conscious, it's my duty to pick you up. Does 7 work for you?
Grian:
Grian: You smooth motherfucker.
Grian: And yes it does.

[----------]

Bdubs, putting their hands over Impulse's eyes: Guess who!
Impulse: It's either Bdubs or the cold, clammy hands of death.
Bdubs, putting their hands away: It's Bdubs!
Impulse: Dammit.

[----------]

Tango: I printed up a bunch of fake safety inspection certificates. Go slap one on anything that looks like a lawsuit.
Skizz: Tango, is that legal?
Tango: When the cops aren't around, anything's legal!

[----------]

Etho: Is the pink panther a lion?
Bdubs: Say that again but slower.
Etho: I don't get it.
Bdubs: He's a PANTHER.
Etho: Is that a type of lion?
Bdubs: No, it's a fucking panther.
Etho: *googles panther* They aren't pink?
Bdubs: AND LIONS ARE?!

[----------]

*The gang is about to do something dangerous*
Tango: Shouldn't someone give a pep talk?
Etho: Go ahead.
Tango: Be careful.
Tango: Don't die.
Skizz: *Holds back a laugh*
Etho: Great. We're all bloody inspired.

[----------]

Etho: Hi could I ask how exactly does one accidentally set a lemon on fire?
Skizz: Microwave for 40 minutes.
Impulse: WHY WERE YOU MICROWAVING A LEMON?!
Skizz: I read boiling lemons helps cover up bad smells and I wanted to cover up the scent of burnt oranges, but I didn't own any pots...
Tango: Did you burn an orange too? HOW?!
Skizz: Microwave for 40 minutes.

[----------]

Scar, to Bdubs: Look at you! All cute and small! I could just eat you up!
Bdubs: *proceeds to kick them in the shin and run away*
Cleo, walking past: Rule number 1, don't call Bdubs cute or small.

[----------]

Grian: You know, when I first met you I thought you were a real bitch.
Joel: What changed your mind?
Grian: Oh, I still think you're a bitch. I've just grown to like that about you.

[----------]

Joel: Would you slap Jimmy-
Grian: Yes.
Joel: I didn't even finish!
Grian: Sorry, continue.
Joel: Would you slap Jimmy for 10 dollars?
Grian: I would do it for free.
Jimmy: Rude...

[----------]

Martyn: What are your three best qualities?
Scott: I'm hot, I have soft hair, and sometimes I cry because I love my friends.

[----------]

Grian: I've been here in jail so long I think I've lost my mind.
Grian: The days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months.
Grian: How long have I been in here now? Almost a year?
Mumbo: This is Monopoly.

[----------]

Joel: The risk I took was calculated but, man, am I bad at math.

[----------]

Grian: My favorite thing about big dogs is that when you push them over, they're all like "Oh, I'm lying down now! Someone might scratch my stomach! I might nap! Endless possibilities!"
Pearl: ...whereas, when you push little dogs over, they're all like, "Vengeance! Death before dishonor!"

[----------]

Big B: Why are you drinking, Cleo?
Cleo: I don't drink anymore, so don't start with that.
Big B, holding an empty water bottle: So why was this under your bed?
Cleo: WE NEED WATER TO LIVE!
Big B: NOT IN MY DAMN HOUSE!

[----------]

Ren: Cleo, what do you have?
Cleo: A KNIFE!
Ren: Okay, have fu-
Lizzie: NO!

[----------]

Cleo: We can bake these cookies at 400 degrees for 10 minutes or 4,000 degrees for 1 minute.
Lizzie: No, that's not how you make cookies.
Ren: FLOOR IT!!
Cleo: How about 4,000,000 degrees for 1 second?!?
Lizzie: yOU'RE GONNA BURN THE HOUSE DOWN-
Cleo: I'M GONNA HARNESS THE POWER OF THE FUCKING SUN TO MAKE COOKIES!
Big B: DO IT!
Lizzie: NO-

[----------]

*at a zoo*
Martyn: What are they in for?
Jimmy: Martyn, this isn't prison.
Martyn: So they can leave?
Jimmy: No, but-
Martyn, pointing at a meerkat: I bet that one murdered someone.

[----------]

Cleo, watching Etho do something stupid: Grian, you're officially only the second highest risk here.
Grian: Hell yeah! I'm gonna—
Cleo: Don't finish that sentence, you'll move back up.

[----------]

Grian, to the Squad: The real secret to immortality? Not dying. You want to be immortal? Okay, that's easy. Just don't die. That's it. Refuse to die. There you go.
Etho: But how-
Grian, ignoring them: "But how", you may ask. Well, easy. Just don't do it. Refuse to. Say "no thanks".

[----------]

Mumbo: What happened?!
Grian: Do you want the long version or the short version?
Mumbo: Sh-short??
Grian: Shit's fucked.
Mumbo: Okay, long.
Grian: Shit's very fucked.

[----------]

Impulse: Why would you give a knife to Martyn?!
Grian, shrugging: Martyn felt unsafe.
Impulse: Now I feel unsafe!
Grian: I'm sorry...
Grian: Would you like a knife?

[----------]

*In a group chat*
Jimmy: A pegan just flew into my window.
Impulse: Pegan?
Martyn: A what?
Grian: Ah yes, my favourite bird, Pegan.
Mumbo: I thought you said penguin for a second, LMAO!
Grian: Just a normal day with flying penguins crashing into my window.
Mumbo: You have pigeons flying into your window? Can't relate, I have penguins flying into my window.
Jimmy: I literally just made a typo-

[----------]

Jimmy: How would you like your coffee?
Scott: As dark and as bitter as my soul.
Jimmy, shouting to someone behind the counter: I need one vanilla latte with extra cream and sugar!

[----------]

Tango: Jimmy, you know how much I love you...
Jimmy: Whaddya want?
Tango: A partner with some GODDAMN EMOTIONAL AVAILABILTY!

[----------]

Lizzie: Be careful about succumbing to these sorts of destructive... urges. Addiction can be a powerful thing.
Gem: So am I. Bow down before your new supreme overlord, bitches.

[----------]

Lizzie: It's impossible to make a sentence without using the letter A.
Gem: Despite your thinking, it is quite possible, yet difficult, to form one without the specific letter. Here's one more to further disprove your theory.
Pearl: Fuck you.

[----------]

Cleo: Lizzie, you need to calm down.
Lizzie, slamming their fists on the table: BUT HOW CAN IT BE "BIRTHDAY CAKE" FLAVOR IF A BIRTHDAY CAKE CAN BE ANY FLAVOR?!

[----------]

Scott: I'm allergic to death.

[----------]

*The Squad is playing Chess*
Cleo: *easily beats everyone because they know how to play*
Grian: *doesn't know the rules, but wins anyway*
Martyn: *doesn't know the rules, and loses*
Scott: *knows the rules, but still loses to those who don't*
Pearl: Actually, you can't do that, because I said so.
Scar: They named a board game after cheese?

[----------]

Me: Still not over how yesterday when my flight landed, our pilot said we arrived 50 minutes early because they took some "shortcuts".
Me: Excuse me, we were in the sky, what do you mean???

[----------]

Watchers: I'm not like other girls. I'm way, way worse.

[----------]

Ren: I just found out that humans are capable of fitting a light bulb into their mouth with ease but can't take it out without shattering it, and now I have to physically restrain myself from putting a light bulb in my mouth

[----------]

Ren: Are you busy?
Big B: Yes.
Ren: Cool, listen to this.

[----------]

Scott: I hate Pearl.
Martyn: "Hate' is a strong word.
Scott: I have strong opinions.

[----------]

Cleo: Die.
Scott: Please don't die!
Cleo: DIE!
Scott: PLEASE DON'T DIE!
Martyn, confused: Why are they yelling at a plant?
Pearl, watching while eating popcorn: They bought it together and Scott wants Cleo to accept it as their kid.

[----------]

Pearl: I never said I was gonna get back together with them. But I was thinking, they're in town, would it be the worst thing in the world if I gave them a call?
Martyn: No. No, Pearl, it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. It would be the fourth worst thing. Number one: a super volcano. Number two: an asteroid hits the Earth. Number three: All the Evel Knievel movies are lost. Number four: Pearl calls Scott. Number five: Cleo gets eaten by a shark.
Cleo: I'm Cleo, and I approve the order of that list.

[----------]

Joel: When I was your age-
Etho, mocking Joel: When I was your height.
Joel:
Joel: Listen here you little shit-

[----------]

Grian: Scar... Why did you draw a pentagram on the floor?
Scar: Your text told me to satanize the house before you returned.
Grian:
Grian: I wrote sanitize, Scar.

[----------]

Etho: I really like Eminem.
Skizz: I prefer skittles.
Big B: They are talking about the rapper.
Skizz: Why would they eat the wrapper?

[----------]

Scar: I've never smoked marijuana. I ate a brownie once at a party. It was intense. It was kind of indescribable. I felt like I was floating. Turns out there was no pot in the brownie. It was just an insanely good brownie.

[----------]

Lizzie, cowering in fear: What do you want from me?!
Cleo, standing in front of Lizzie: *bites into the whole KitKat bar like a heathen*
Lizzie, crying: Please...stop...

[----------]

Joel: *looks over Pearl's shoulder at their laptop* What the fuck?
Pearl: *slams screen shut* It's just research! For something I'm writing about! I swear that's it!
Joel: Why the hell would that involve the breeding habits of frogs?
Pearl: It's not just "frogs", it's the Surinam Toad. And it's not "breeding habits", it's how they raise their young. This is important information my audience needs to know!
Joel: That doesn't change the fact this is for one line in a fanfiction.
Pearl, offendedly: You don't know that!
Joel: I hear no denial.

[----------]

Scott, in a horrible German accent: Bill Nye is on break, I'm Bill Nein.
Gem: Can I go to the bathroom?
Scott, in the same horrible German accent: Nein!