yay

Link: https://perchance.org/incorrect-quote-generator

[----------]

Scar: Why are you burning our marriage certificate!?
Grian: Good luck trying to return me without a receipt.

[----------]

Joel: I wasn't that drunk.
Etho: You colored my face with a highlighter because you said I was important.
Joel: BECAUSE YOU ARE!

[----------]

Scott, making a cup of tea: Yeah, get into that leaf juice, you sexy, sexy bee sauce.
Cleo: Hey, do you take constructive criticism?
Scott: I absolutely fucking do not.

[----------]

Scott: If you had to choose between Martyn and all the money I have in my wallet, which would you choose?
Pearl: That depends, how much money are we talking about?
Martyn: Pearl!
Scott: 63 cents.
Pearl: ...I'll take the money.
Martyn: PEARL!!!

[----------]

Big B: *raises eyebrows*
Ren: Put those back down!

[----------]

Bdubs: Impulse, are you drinking... drinking hydrogen peroxide?!
Impulse: It says H2O2! That means it's the sequel to water!

[----------]

Skizz: Operation no more distractions is a go!
*not even 10 seconds later*
Skizz: Oh, look! A butterfly!

[----------]

Tango: Skizz, I want a bedtime story!
Skizz: I'm busy, Tango. I'll tell you one tomorrow.
Tango: If you don't tell me a story, I won't go to bed!
Skizz: Once upon a time, there was a person named Tango, who always wanted things their way. One day, their friends got sick of it and locked them in the basement for the rest of their life. Everyone else lived happily ever after. The end.
Tango: I don't like these stories with morals.

[----------]

Skizz: A pessimist sees a dark tunnel.
Tango: An optimist sees light at the end of the tunnel.
Bdubs: A realist sees a freight train.
Etho: The train driver sees three idiots standing on the tracks.

[----------]

*The squad is playing a team sport*
Impulse: Are you upset you don't get to be on the same team as Skizz?
Etho: Have you ever played a game with Skizz?
Impulse: No...
Etho: Have you ever been trapped in a cage with a wolverine?
*Meanwhile, on the other side of the field*
Skizz, chasing Tango: I SAID FASTER! DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE WORD "FASTER" MEANS? IT MEANS MORE FAST!!!!

[----------]

Jimmy: I'm very scary.
Joel: You're about as scary as a wet kitten.
Jimmy: Wet kittens are cute, at least I've got that going for me.
Joel: And small.
Jimmy:
Jimmy: ...Yeah, yeah. I guess.

[----------]

Joel, in a high voice, holding Barbie: Hey, Ken! I was thinking about going back to school and starting a career!
Jimmy, in a deep voice, holding Ken: Nonsense, Barbie. You're staying home and having my kids.
Grian: What the fuck are you guys doing?
Joel: Playing systemic oppression.

[----------]

Scott, carrying a box: What would you say if- if I, hypothetically, came home with 7 kittens one day?
Martyn: ...
Martyn: What's in the box?
Scott: What woul-
Martyn: Scott, what's in the box?
Scott: I think you know.

[----------]

Grian: You know what bothers me? Bats. Why can bats fly?
Impulse: Not again!
Grian: No. Seriously, who gave them the right? They're mammals! Mammals walk on land, no exceptions.
Martyn: Just wait until you hear about whales.
Grian: What now?

[----------]

Impulse: Oh man, you have any shaving cream?
Martyn: No, I don't like the way that it tastes.
Impulse: Wait... you eat shaving cream?
Martyn: No. Why would I eat it if I don't like the taste.

[----------]

*Jimmy falls over*
Impulse: Jimmy! Are you alright?
Jimmy: Is that you, God?
Impulse: What?
Jimmy: It's just, you sound a lot more like Impulse than I expected.

[----------]

Scar: Okay happy campers! If you were a fruit what would you be and why?
Pearl: I'd be a tomato because no one accepts me as part of the group.
Scar: ...
Pearl: ...
Scar: OKAY HAPPY CAMPERS-

[----------]

Martyn: What is love?
Scott: An emotional minefield.
Cleo: A neurochemical reaction.
Pearl: Baby don't hurt me.

[----------]

Cleo: Ah, yes. Here we have a beautiful couple...
Martyn: I really care about your feelings!
Scott: I really care about YOUR feelings!
Cleo, turning their head: ...and then there's the disaster couple...
Grian: YOU NEED TO PAY MORE ATTENTION TO ME INSTEAD OF BEING AT THE HOSPITAL!
Scar: I WOULDN'T HAVE TO SPEND SO MUCH TIME AT THE HOSPITAL IF YOU STOPPED INSISTING ON FIGHTING EVERYONE WHO COMES WITHIN A FIVE FOOT RADIUS OF YOU!

[----------]

Lizzie: Welcome to Fucking Applebees, do you want apples or bees?
Cleo: Bees?
Lizzie: THEY HAVE SELECTED THE BEES!
Cleo: Wait-
*Pearl approaches, shaking a jar of bees menacingly*

[----------]

Gem: We are not mad. We are just disappointed.
Lizzie: No, we are mad.
Gem: Yes. We are. We are livid. But we are going to let this one slide.
Lizzie: No, we're not!
Gem: I am not a mind reader, Lizzie!

[----------]

Lizzie: Twilight Sparkle was the main character because she represented the element of friendship—
Joel, tied up: PLEASE, I JUST WANT TO SEE MY FAMILY AGAIN!
Lizzie: I'M NOT DONE!
Lizzie: And Rainbow Dash was the sporty girl—

[----------]

Etho: I'm going to take a shower, I'll be right back.
Joel: Why are you telling me this, I don't care.
Joel, right after Etho leaves the room: I miss them already.

[----------]

Scar, playing a video game: How do I play?
*Scar has drawn first blood!*
*Scar is on a killing spree!*
*Scar is on a rampage!*
*Scar is unstoppable!*
*Scar is dominating!*
*Scar is godlike!*
Scar: Don't worry guys, I figured it out.

[----------]

Grian: I'm not creepy.
Grian: I'm petty.
Grian: There's a difference, ya' know.

[----------]

Pearl: When I get murdered, can you make sure I become an unsolved case?
Grian: wHat?
Pearl: I want to be on Buzzfeed Unsolved.
Grian: Can we go back to the part when you said "when I get murdered"?

[----------]

Mumbo: Go to sleep or you'll hate yourself in the morning!
Martyn: I'll hate my self in the morning regardless.

[----------]

Tango: Skizz, you need to calm down.
Skizz, slamming their fists on the table: BUT HOW CAN IT BE "BIRTHDAY CAKE" FLAVOR IF A BIRTHDAY CAKE CAN BE ANY FLAVOR?!

[----------]

Tango: So Impulse, how did your first time cooking dinner go?
Impulse: Pretty good if I do say so myself.
Tango: Oo! Okay, what are we having?
Impulse: Alright, so for appetizers, we have a potato.
Tango: A whole potato?
Impulse: Yes. And then for the main course, we have grilled cheese sandwiches!
Tango: These just look like big slabs of black.
Impulse: Because that's what they are!
Impulse: And then for desert, we have chocolate.
Tango: These are just chocolate chips?
Impulse: They sure are!
Impulse: And then for drinks, we have toast!
Impulse: *lifts up a glass of blended toast* Bon appetite!

[----------]

Scar: *pitches an idea*
Bdubs, impressed: Huh, there might be something here!
Cleo, under their breath: Yeah, a lawsuit.

[----------]

Martyn: Ren taught me to think before I act.
Martyn: ...So if I smack the shit out of you, rest assured that I thought about it and am confident in my decision.

[----------]

Ren: Being gay is a constant battle between "I wish to sit on a window bench with my lover, our legs tangling as we listen to the birds" and "Hey, let's go throw rocks at fascists" and I think that's very sexy of us.
Martyn: If the window's open and you time it right, you can do both.

[----------]

Grian: When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don't want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Grian lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the person who's gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I'm gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!
Scar: ...

Written on June 27