Yay! Back with the incorrect quotes!
Link: https://perchance.org/incorrect-quote-generator

[----------]

Joel, over radio: Testing. Testing. Etho, can you hear me?
Etho, standing next to Joel: I'm standing right here.
Joel: You're coming through good and loud.
Etho: 'Cause I'm standing right here.

[----------]

Grian: I found a note in one of my old word .docs that said Note to self: Get revenge on Scar.
Grian: Except I couldn't remember what I was supposed to get revenge for.
Grian: But I trusted my own judgment, so I went with it.
Scar: Hmm... I don't know what you were supposed to get revenge for, either.
Grian: I can only assume you got what was coming to you. Not 100 percent sure, though.
Scar: Well, whatever I did, I guess I deserved it.
Grian: Let that possibly be a lesson to you.

[----------]

*while waiting outside the principal's office*
Cleo: What are you in for?
Lizzie: Oh, they just want to know if it's cool if I miss my classes tomorrow to run sound and lights for a presentation in the auditorium. What about you?
Cleo: I stabbed a kid with a screwdriver.
Lizzie:
Lizzie:
Lizzie: We live very different lives.
Cleo: Yes we do.

[----------]

Pearl: I'm gonna need a human skull but you can't ask why.
Gem: Only if you also don't ask why.
Gem: *pulls four pristine human skulls out of their bag*
Pearl: ...
Pearl, grabbing a skull: This one will do.

[----------]

Scott: *watching the squad's shenanigans with concern* Do you feel like this has gotten out of hand?
Martyn: I don't know. Feels normal enough for a group that's on 911's blocked callers list.

[----------]

*Grian recording whilst Joel and Jimmy are arguing*
Joel: HOLD UP, HOLD UP, HOLD UP, HOLD UP!! HER SISTER WAS A WITCH, RIGHT? AND WHAT WAS HER SISTER? A PRINCESS! THE WICKED WITCH OF THE EAST, BRO!
Grian: *wheezes like a tea kettle*
Jimmy, pulling out a knife: I'm gonna stab them.
Joel: YOU'RE GONNA LOOK AT ME AND YOU'RE GONNA TELL ME THAT I'M WRONG? AM I WRONG?
Jimmy: It's my favorite movi-
Joel: SHE WORE A CROWN AND SHE CAME DOWN IN A BUBBLE, JIMMY!
Jimmy: I'm not fighting with you, I'm not fighting with y-
Joel: GROW UP, BRO. GROW UP!

[----------]

*While planning to break in somewhere*
Scott: Hey, let's do "Get Help!"
Cleo: What?
Scott: "Get Help."
Cleo: No.
Scott: C'mon, you love it!
Cleo: I hate it.
Scott: It's great! It works every time!
Cleo: It's humiliating.
Scott: Do you have a better plan?
Cleo: No.
Scott: We're doing it!
Cleo: We are not doing "Get Help!"
*A Minute Later*
Scott, carrying Cleo: Get help! Please! They're dying! Help Them! *throws Cleo at guards, knocking them out*
Scott: Ahh, classic!
Cleo: *gets up* I still hate it. It's humiliating.
Scott, laughing: Not for me, it's not.

[----------]

Martyn, throwing a pokeball at Pearl: Pearl, I choose you!
Pearl, not looking up from their book and catching it: You need an Ultra ball to catch this Legendary Pokémon.

[----------]

Grian: I've become a bread crumb dealer to four crows at the lake. They pay me with a bit of everything. Like shiny things, fabric, or pens. But recently they paid me with a 20 dollar bill they found somewhere. So I decided to buy them some more expensive bread. They loved it. So they understand what to do. Give me money. I've probably racked up about 200 dollars at this point. Is it morally wrong though, I mean. They're the ones who steal the money from others. Or perhaps they just have a big pile laying somewhere. Should I keep on doing this?
Mumbo: You sound like the start of a Batman villain.

[----------]

*Etho gets a phone call*
Etho: Hello?
Tango: Hi, is Bdubs there? I need to talk to them.
Etho: No, Bdubs is dead.
Bdubs, very much alive next to Etho: ETHO WHAT THE FUCK-

[----------]

Tango: I lost Bdubs.
Skizz: HOW DO YOU LOSE BDUBS??
Etho: To be fair, he is very small.

[----------]

Etho, watching Impulse and Tango fight: Are you sure they should be fighting? What if they get hurt?
Skizz, not bothered by the chaos: It's fine. They're too evenly matched to hurt each other.
Etho: Then... who's the strongest out of you three?
Impulse: Skizz.
Tango: Skizz.
Skizz: Me.

[----------]

Martyn: Today at 7 am, Mumbo poured a Monster energy drink in their coffee, said "I'm going to die" and drank the whole thing.
Jimmy: I watched Mumbo brew their coffee with Monster instead of water. Three cups in two hours. I think they ascended into the astral realm.
Impulse: The survivability of the human race never fails to amaze me.

[----------]

Jimmy: Everyone thinks I'm this soft cute person but I'm not!
Impulse: Jimmy, you cried for an hour after stepping on a bug yesterday.
Jimmy: It had feelings! It was probably going home to dinner and I killed it!
Mumbo: ...It was a bug.
Jimmy: It was a BEETLE, and its wife is definitely worried sick, wondering where it is, and I really don't get why you all think I'm so sentimental because I'm not!
Impulse: ...
Mumbo: ...
Jimmy: Stop looking at me like that!

[----------]

Impulse: Grian, what is the ONE thing I asked you NOT to do tonight?
Grian: Raise the dead.
Impulse: And what did you do?
Grian: Raise the dead.

[----------]

Jimmy: *very seriously* You need to stop doing weird things to cope with the stress. Going outside might help.
Scott: I went to the park today.
Jimmy: There you go! I hope you got something from that.
Scott: *opening their coat* This duck.

[----------]

Scott: Cause your pretty and your smart, and your ignoring me so your obviously my type.
Jimmy, who was distracted: I'm sorry- what were you saying?
Scott: Perfect.

[----------]

Ren: Hey, wanna help me commit arson?
Martyn: What the hell!?
Ren: Oh, sorry, my bad.
Ren, whispering: Wanna help me commit arson?
Martyn, whispering: Of course. What do you need?

[----------]

Ren: I've been here in jail so long I think I've lost my mind.
Ren: The days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months.
Ren: How long have I been in here now? Almost a year?
Martyn: This is Monopoly.

[----------]

Big B: You know, sometimes I really think I can be too straight.
Cleo, covered in bi merch and sipping an iced coffee: Sucks to be you.

[----------]

Lizzie: Every zoo is a petting zoo unless you're a coward.
Ren: I'm worried about you.

[----------]

Scott: *gets a text* Oh! It's Cleo.
Grian, excitedly: Did they get me the stuff?
Scott: Yeah, they say they got you the clown costume, the power drill, and 12 gallons of blood.
Grian: Wow! Where'd they find 12 gallons of fake blood?
Scott: You wanted fake blood?
Grian:
Scott: I'll go call Cleo.

[----------]

Cleo: What time is it?
Pearl: I don't know, pass me that saxaphone and we'll find out
Pearl: *BLASTS the saxaphone*
Grian: WHO THE FUCK IS PLAYING THE SAXAPHONE AT TWO IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Pearl: It's 2 am

[----------]

Scar: Are you alright?
Pearl: Short answer or long answer?
Scar: Short?
Pearl: No.
Scar: Long?
Pearl: Nooooooo.

[----------]

Pearl: "I miss you" is the nicest text you can receive.
Cleo: "I bought a monster truck."
Scott: You're both wrong, it's "I have too much money, you can have some."
Grian: "I got you pizza."
Martyn: Fools! I present to you this: "Scar is driving to your house right now."
Cleo: "Scar had too much money so they're driving to your house in a monster truck with a pizza that they got for you."
Pearl: "...Because they missed you."

[----------]

Ren: Who the fuck-
Big B: Language!
Ren: Whom the fuck-
Big B: No.

[----------]

Grian: I hate how you're just born out of nowhere, and you're forced to go to school and get education so you can get a job. What if I wanted to be a duck? No one ever asked me if I want to be a duck!

[----------]

Scar: We both look very handsome tonight.
Grian: You know, if you'd just said that I looked handsome, I would have said, "So do you."
Scar: I couldn't take that chance.

[----------]

*Bullying Prevention Day at school*
Teacher: Pearl, what would you do if one of your classmates viciously teased you again and again?
Pearl: Oh, that's easy. I'd take a pencil out of my pencil case—
Teacher: To write something to your teacher?
Pearl: —make sure that it's really sharp, and ram it into their eye at full tilt! My mom always says the pencil is mightier than the sword because they can't outlaw bringing pencils to school!
Teacher: *internal screaming*

[----------]

Me: Unfortunately, due to several experiences in my youth, I cannot just 'walk up and join a circle of people talking', but it does sound lovely, thank you.

[----------]

Joel: Help! I'm drowning!
Etho: Calm down. We're only in six feet of water!
Joel: NOT ALL OF US ARE TALL!

[----------]

Joel: Please confirm to your knowledge that you are not a fully robotic being, were born an organic creature, and do in fact possess what many cultures would call a soul.
Lizzie: What? "To my knowledge"? Do a lot of people not know if they're robots?
Joel: Thank you for your confirmation.

[----------]

Scar: Here is my wall of inspirational people.
Pearl: Is that a picture of you?
Scar: Yes, I am big enough to admit that I am often inspired by myself.

[----------]

Bdubs: I personally don't think it's possible to come up with a crazier plan.
Impulse: We could attack them with hummus.
Bdubs: I stand corrected.
Impulse: Just keeping things in perspective.

[----------]

Cleo: I haven't seen Scar and Bdubs for fifteen minutes now.
*Outside a nearby window, a car without a driver inside is seen rolling down a driveway, with Scar and Bdubs running after it in a panic. Cleo doesn't look outside at all.*
Cleo: That probably means they're getting into trouble.

[----------]

Ren: I am so cool. I am an absolute Chad. I am the epitome of coolness and awesomeness—
Martyn: Hi.
Ren: *melts down in a flustered heap of softness*