Hello, I'm back!

(It's raining so heavily where I live rn and there's a mini lake in the middle of my street lol)
Anyway, incorrect quotes! *throws and runs away like a gremlin*

[----------]

Joel: You know, on second thought, Gum would be perfection.
Etho: *Gives them a strange look and hands them a piece of gum*
Joel: *Thinking* Gum would be perfection. Gum would be perfection. I could have said gum would be nice, could have said I'll have a stick. But no no no no no, for me, gum is perfection. I loathe myself.

[----------]

Grian: Can I go to the pool?
Scar: Sure, we'll go as soon as I'm free.
Grian: No, can I go by myself?
Scar: You don't want to go with me?
Grian: You just go around challenging random people to cannonball contests.
Scar: It's the only way to establish dominance.

[----------]

Lizzie: Lol. Heads up if you try to make a candle with food coloring, the food coloring will just sink to the bottom of the glass, and when the flame eventually reaches the bottom all the food coloring will catch fire and become one giant tall flame that you cannot possibly blow out and the glass will start to crack and then you'll throw your tea on it in a panic and then the extremely hot food coloring will boil and sizzle horribly and then the glass will shatter. Please take my word on this.
Joel: What did you do Lizzie?
Lizzie: A Mistake.

[----------]

Pearl: If you get in trouble, I'm gonna be like... a lawyer to you. Ok?
Scott: Okay.
*later*
Martyn: Scott! Sit down on the chair, you're in trouble.
Pearl, whispering: Deny everything.
Scott, loudly: That isn't a chair.

[----------]

Scott: I never said I was gonna get back together with them. But I was thinking, they're in town, would it be the worst thing in the world if I gave them a call?
Cleo: No. No, Scott, it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. It would be the fourth worst thing. Number one: a super volcano. Number two: an asteroid hits the Earth. Number three: All the Evel Knievel movies are lost. Number four: Scott calls Pearl. Number five: Martyn gets eaten by a shark.
Martyn: I'm Martyn, and I approve the order of that list.

[----------]

Mumbo: I love being right. It's one of my favorite personality traits.

[----------]

Skizz: Tango, I have a great idea.
Tango: Let's hear it.
Skizz: We trick Etho and Bdubs to go out on a date together.
Tango: YES!
Tango: And hey, if that doesn't work out, maybe you and me could go out, get some drinks—
Skizz, hitting them with a book: THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU.

[----------]

Tango: Subs are so fun to play with. All you have to do is hint at what you might do, back them into a corner with a look, or grab their wrist in a certain way and they're a wide-eyed mess.
Skizz: What the fuck kind of Subway are you going to?
Bdubs: Substitute teachers deal with so much shit.
Etho: Guys.

[----------]

Impulse: What do we say when making bread?
Etho, glumly: That's the dough rising.
Impulse: And what do we NOT say?
Skizz, sadly: That's the yeast fucking.

[----------]

Impulse, spraying a melted cutting board with a tiny water gun: We gotta cool this bitch down. Cool it down.
Skizz: I actually just put the cutting board in the oven...
Tango, visibly confused: Okay, so they decided to put the cutting board in the oven?
Impulse, spraying Skizz: You FUCKING DUMBASS!
Skizz: Dude, I forgot-
Impulse: OH MY FUCKING GOD! We're trying to make Chicken Alfredo right now, and you fucking MELT the cutting board in the oven at 400 DEGREES FAHRENHEIT!?
Etho: *Watching in complete confusion while trying to process this whole situation.*

[----------]

Cleo: Blue M&Ms are the best.
Pearl: whAT IS THIS SLANDER?
Cleo: What about it? They are.
Pearl: I WILL NOT ALLOW SUCH LIES ON MY CHRISTIAN MINECRAFT SERVER!
Pearl: THE RED ONES ARE THE BEST!
Cleo: YEAH? WELL YOUR MOM'S A HO!
Gem: They're all chocolate inside, the colors don't mean anything.
Lizzie: I like the yellow ones.
Cleo and Pearl: SHUT THE FUCK YOUR MOUTH!

[----------]

Ren: Hey, Martyn! Did you know your my BFFLWYLION?
Martyn: What the hell is that supposed to mean?
Ren: Best Friend For Life Whether You Like It Or Not.
Martyn:
Martyn: That's one way to say it, I guess...

[----------]

Ren: Is this mistletoe?
Big B: Uh, no, no, that is basil.
Ren: Too bad cause if it was mistletoe I was gonna kiss you.
Big B: Yeah, no, it's still basil.

[----------]

Joel: Good news! I didn't screw up!
Etho: ...
Joel: I screwed up less badly than usual!
Etho: ...
Joel: Screwed up with less immediate consequences than usual.

[----------]

Jimmy, watching Martyn & Impulse panic : What's going on?
Grian: Martyn is having a midlife crisis and Impulse is just having a crisis.

[----------]

Grian: So I was just having a conversation with Scar about Star Wars; particularly, about the choice of architecture. The amount of people who die from falling down bottomless pits is TOO DAMN HIGH! Like, who designs architecture like this? Catwalks with no guard rails whatsoever, just zigging and zagging through enormous voids. Giant holes to nowhere!
Scar: It's by design. It's a cleaner look, for a more elegant time.
Grian: Like... who the fuck put this hole here???? And why????
Scar: Exhaust?
Grian: Darth Maul falls down a hole, Palpatine falls down a hole, Solo falls down a hole, everyone falls down a hole! Star Wars universe needs OSHA.
Scar: Luke falls down a hole, Boba Fett falls down a hole...
Grian: Yes, yes, I forgot about those! R2-D2 falls down a hole in the Millenium Falcon after he fixes the hyperdrive.
Scar: We're onto something here!
Grian: Obi-Wan almost falls down a hole.
Scar: C-3PO falls off the barge into the sand. Pretty close to falling down a hole.
Grian: His lightsaber does though.
*Scar thinks hard about what other Star Wars Characters fall down holes*
Grian: What if the hole is symbolic? The hole represents the dark side.
Scar: Nah, doesn't work. Luke chooses to fall down the hole instead of joining Vader/The Dark Side.
Grian: Fair point.

[----------]

Martyn: How would you like your pancakes?
Grian: Plain.
Impulse: With sprinkles!
Jimmy: Chocolate chips.
Mumbo: Potatoes.
*Grian, Impulse, and Jimmy look at Mumbo*
Mumbo: What? They're good.

[----------]

Cleo, passing their phone to Scar: I'm passing the phone to someone, who if I had to choose between hanging out with them, and having my organs removed one by one, I'd choose the organs.
Scar, passing the phone back to Cleo: I'm passing the phone to my best friend!

[----------]

Cleo: I hate to tell you this, but one of you was adopted.
Bdubs & Scar:
Bdubs: Only one...?

[----------]

Watchers: I knew this day would come... I saw it on the calendar.

[----------]

Jimmy: Can we go to a haunted house?
Joel: What's wrong with the one we live in?
Jimmy: Wh-what?
Joel: Goodnight, Jimmy.

[----------]

Joel: *out cold on the ground*
Jimmy: Oh my god, do you think they're okay?!
Grian, holding a bucket of ice water: Who cares?! *dumps all of the water on Joel's face*

[----------]

Cleo: DID YOU REALLY THINK THAT JOKE WAS FUNNY? IT WASNT. NOBODY IS LAUGHING.
Cleo: *pulls up a graph* THIS IS WHEN YOU TOLD YOUR JOKE, YOU HAVE SONGLE HANDEDLY RUINED COMEDY! IVE ALSO ASKED MANY COMEDY SCHOLARS ON THEIR OPINION OF YOUR JOKE AND THIS IS WHAT THEY HAD TO SAY!
Lizzie: I've been researching comedy for the past 20 years, and I have genuinely never seen a joke this bad. We have used quantum physics to look into alternate universes to see every joke made, and yours was still by far the worst.
Cleo: CONGRATULATIONS! YOUVE SINGLE HANDEDLY CREATED THE WORST JOKE IN HUMAN HISTORY! HERES A MEDAL! *pulls up a horrible ms paint drawn star that says "you need help*

[----------]

Lizzie: I am darkness. I am an power. I am your worst nightmare. I could kill a man in more ways than you can imagine. I am the night. I am fury, I am a weapon, I am-
Big B: A doll.
Cleo: A cinnamon roll.
Ren: A sweetheart.
Lizzie:
Lizzie: ...stop it.

[----------]

Ren: I just ended a five year relationship.
Cleo: Oh no, are you okay?
Ren: It's okay, it wasn't mine.

[----------]

Jimmy: I can't take this anymore, someone needs to take me out!
Scott: In a dating type of way, or an assassination type of way?
Jimmy: I don't know, surprise me!

[----------]

Tango: Just trust me. Have I ever put you in an unsafe or uncomfortable situation?
Jimmy: All the time.
Tango: Then you should be used to it by now.

[----------]

Bdubs: Oh, fiddlesticks! That really ruffles my feathers!
Impulse: Please, just say fuck.

[----------]

Martyn: Time sensitive question how flirt boy.
Scar: Throw rocks at he.
Grian: Hot Dogs.
Cleo: Kill him.
Martyn: Thanks guys.

[----------]

Grian: You're giving me a sticker?
Scar: Not just a sticker. That is a sticker of a kitty saying "me-wow!"
Grian: I'm not a preschooler.
Scar: Fine, I'll take it back-
Grian: I earned this, back off!

[----------]

Scott: I'm going to get myself some soup.
Cleo: Be careful not to burn yourself, it's hot.
Scott: Pfft, I won't burn myself.
*30 seconds later*
Scott, entering the room: I burned myself.

[----------]

Grian: What if the person who named Walkie Talkies named everything?
Grian: Pregnancy tests are Maybe Babies.
Martyn: Socks are Feetie Heaties.
Pearl: Defibrillators are Heartie Starties.
Scar: Nightmares are Dreamy Screamies.
Scott: Stamps are Lickie Stickies.
Cleo: I hate you guys so much.

[----------]

Pearl: Where's Scott?
Cleo: Around.
Pearl: Around?
Pearl: You don't have any idea, do you?
Scott, dropping down from above: Did you know there's a space above the ceiling?

[----------]

Joel: Swear words are illegal now. If you say one you'll be fined.
Etho: Heck.
Joel: You're on thin fucking ice.
Joel: Oh no-

[----------]

Gem: I think you're still suffering the effects of your party last night.
Scott: All I drank was Redbull!
Gem: How many?
Scott: Eighteen.

[---------]

Lizzie: I just found out that humans are capable of fitting a light bulb into their mouth with ease but can't take it out without shattering it, and now I have to physically restrain myself from putting a light bulb in my mouth

[---------]

Me: Sometimes, I don't realize an event was traumatic until I tell it as a funny story and notice everyone is staring at me weird.
(I actually do that sometimes - but it's not as traumatic)

Okay, now that the incorrect quotes are done, I need you help!
I want to lose more braincells again, so I want you guys to request songs for me to put through Google Translate.
It can be Life Series/Hermitcraft related, or just any song that you like.
Thank you!