Link: https://perchance.org/incorrect-quote-generator

Martyn on stage: Everyone's talking 'bout climate change,but when is Ren gonna start talking 'bout some underwear change? Am I right ladies?
Crowd of People: *cheers*
Martyn: *pulls out a gun and shoots Ren until they run out of bullets*
Martyn: *reloads, then shoots Ren until they run out of bullets*
Martyn: *looks into camera after a brief pause* Who killed Ren?

[----------]

Etho: Love is weakness and an evolutionary mistake.
Skizz: You are literally making a Valentine's day card for Bdubs.
Etho, pointing their hot glue gun towards Skizz: You're on thin fucking ice.

[----------]

Tango: Three of the four elements are represented as types of hockey. Air hockey, ice hockey, and field hockey. Fire hockey needs to be a thing.
Etho: Fire hockey absolutely does NOT need to be a thing.
Bdubs: Do you care NOTHING for the balance of the four elements?!

[----------]

*talking on the phone*
Jimmy: Remember how I said that Grian and I were gonna have a calm night out for once?
Joel: Yeah...
Jimmy: Well, we're in jail.
Joel: *hangs up*

[----------]

Grian: How does one turn their emotions off?
Scar: Okay, so first go to settings.
Scar: I'm a fucking idiot, I thought that said emojis at first.
Grian: No, I'm still willing to try this, go ahead. I'm at settings, what do I do next?

[----------]

Etho: You need to stop swearing so much.
Tango: Shut the fuck up.
Etho: Yeah, that's not how you do it.
Tango: Alright sorry. It's just that it's hard not to swear. The words just creep up on me when I least expect it.
Etho: Now now, don't be like that. Just replace the swear words with 'beep' and you'll be fine.
Tango: Shit the beep up.
Etho:
Tango: SHUT, DAMMIT! I MEANT SHUT!

[----------]

Impulse, teaching Skizz to drive: Okay, you're driving and Tango and Etho walk into the road. Quick, what do you hit?
Skizz: Oh, definitely Etho. I could never hurt Tango.
Impulse, massaging their temples: The brakes. You hit the brakes.

[-----------]

Joel: Lizzie, are you drinking... drinking hydrogen peroxide?!
Lizzie: It says H2O2! That means it's the sequel to water!

[----------]

Grian: I can catch one of them. Let's go, Mumbo.
Mumbo: I didn't volunteer.
Grian: A stake out needs two people! Think, Mumbo. Who's gonna watch all the crime stuff while the other one eats a hoagie?

[-----------]

Watchers: Be careful, I thrive on negative attention.

[-----------]

Scar: So, Bdubs is no longer allowed to take the trash out at night.
Cleo: Why?
Scar: Because I've caught them trying to train raccoons to fight five times in a row.
Bdubs, arms crossed and pouting: You'll be thanking me when the third raccoon battalion saves your ass.

[---------]

Martyn: I don't know, it's not my cup of tea.
Scott: Well then whose is it?
Martyn, staring at a cup of tea: I don't know!

[----------]

Big B: I made this friendship bracelet for you.
Ren: You know, I'm not really a jewelry person.
Big B: You don't have to wear...
Ren: No, I'm gonna wear it forever. Back off.

[----------]

Grian: How do tall people people possibly sleep at night when the blanket can't possibly cover you?
Scar: Grian, it's four o'clock in the morning.
Grian: So, you can't sleep, huh? Is it because of the blanket?

[----------]

Scar: Knock, knock.
Pearl: Who's there?
Scar: Boo!
Pearl: Boo who?
Scar: Why are you crying?
Pearl: I'm not crying.
Scar: Hello notcrying, I'm Scar.

[----------]

Pearl: The scariest president had to be Rushmore because he had four heads.
Lizzie: Yeah, it's a good thing we captured him in that mountain, even if we have to live in fear of the spell wearing off.
Gem: Do you two still believe in that legend? Come on, Rushmore was killed a hundred years ago! We're safe now.
Cleo: You people have clearly never taken a history lesson. His body was never found.

[----------]

Big B: And here we see Ren and Lizzie in their natural habitat. Texting eachother variations of the word "garlic bread" to try to make eachother laugh.
Ren: Gaelic bread.
Lizzie: Grueling brad.
Ren: Ha ha, glamorous beans.

[----------]

Impulse: Bdubs, I beg of you. Please, PLEASE go to the doctor.
Bdubs: Hey, I'm sorry. Is this OUR stab wound?

[----------]

Jimmy, teaching Tango to drive: Okay Tango, what does a green light mean?
Tango: Go!
Jimmy: A red light?
Tango: Stop!
Jimmy: And what about a yellow light?
Tango: If you floor it, you can make it!
Jimmy: ...No—

[-----------]

Scott: Hold the fuck up.
Jimmy: Excuse me?
Scott: I said hold the fuck up.
Jimmy:
Scott: I'm the fuck up, hold me.

[-----------]

Pearl: The best way to gain someone's undying loyalty is by saving them from a perilous situation.
Cleo: So you're just gonna wait until Scott is in danger and save them?
Pearl: Of course not, I'm going to create a situation that puts them in danger and then save them.
Cleo: ...
Cleo: You're insane.

[-----------]

Scott: Aww, what's your dog's name?
Martyn: Spartacus.
Scott, yelling to Cleo: TRY SPARTACUS!
Cleo, on the computer: DIDN'T WORK!
Martyn:
Scott: What's your favorite number?

[-----------]

Grian: Do you think I'm ugly?
Scar: It's not about looks, Grian. What's valuable is on the inside...
Grian: Scar...
Scar: For example, someone's heart.
Grian: Aw... Stop it-
Scar: It could be purchased for more than a million dollars, you know.
Grian: Seriously, stop.

[----------]

*The Squad using an Ouija board*
Jimmy: Tell us... Is there a spirit in this house?
Spirit, through the board: YES.
Impulse: Great! Rent is due on the first of the month.
Grian: Oh, and movie night is on Friday if you want to hang out.
Spirit: WAIT, WHAT—

[----------]

Jimmy: We call that a traumatic experience.
Jimmy, turning to Grian: Not a "bruh moment".
Jimmy, turning to Impulse and Mumbo: Not "sadge".
Jimmy, turning to Martyn: And DEFINITELY not an "oof LMAO".

[-----------]

Scar, holding a gun: If the conspiracies about life being a simulation are true WHOEVERS CONTROLLING MY SIM I JUST WANNA TALK.

[----------]

Scott: What are you guys doing?
Pearl: Like in life in general or-
Cleo: Not much. Why, what's up?
Scott: I dunno, I'm bored playing AC.
Cleo: Assassins Creed?
Scott: Animals Creed.
Pearl: Assassins Crossing.

[----------]

Joel: I'm just remembering that my second year in America someone asked me to "Validate their Parking" which was the first time I heard that phrase and after blinking stupidly for a full five seconds I said "Well, parking is very hard but I'm sure you did really well."

[----------]

Scar: Hey besties-
Joel: Die.
Scar: What did I do to you-

[----------]

Lizzie: Respect my trans homies or I'm gonna identify as a fucking problem.

[----------]

Martyn: Hand me the people opener.
Ren: ...
Ren: Pardon?
Martyn, annoyed: The g! Just hand it to me!
Ren, stressed: WHAT THE FUCK IS A PEOPLE OPENER?
Martyn: How do you not know what a people opener is? Its pointy- you know? With a handle?
Ren: Knife. It's called a knife.

[-----------]

Joel: My hands are cold.
Etho: Here, let me hold them.
Joel: My lips are cold too.
Etho: *covers Joel's mouth with their hand*

[-----------]

Grian: My future partner must be brave, strong, intelligent, successful and organized.
Scar: *steps on a caterpillar and proceeds to drop to their knees and sob while apologizing profusely*
Grian: That one. I want that one.