Link: https://perchance.org/incorrect-quote-generator

Ren: Truth or dare?
Martyn: Truth.
Ren: How many hours have you slept this week?
Martyn:
Martyn: Dare.
Ren: Go to sleep.
Martyn: I don't like this game.

[----------]

Lizzie: Gem, you were so wasted last night.
Gem: I wasn't that drunk!
Lizzie: ...You called a taxi home.
Gem: Yeah! It's called being responsible!
Lizzie: The party was at your house.
Gem: ...Crap.

[----------]

Pearl: Hey, wanna help me commit arson?
Cleo: What the hell!?
Pearl: Oh, sorry, my bad.
Pearl, whispering: Wanna help me commit arson?
Cleo, whispering: Of course. What do you need?

[----------]

Scar: Being gay is a constant battle between "I wish to sit on a window bench with my lover, our legs tangling as we listen to the birds" and "Hey, let's go throw rocks at fascists" and I think that's very sexy of us.
Grian: If the window's open and you time it right, you can do both.

[-----------]

Skizz: I told Etho that their ears turn red when they lie.
Tango: Do they?
Skizz: No.
Tango: Then why did you tell them that?
Skizz: Because I can do this.
Skizz: Hey Etho! Do you love us?
Etho, with their hands over their ears: No.

[-----------]

Tango: Oh god, they texted you 'hi.'' punctuation only means one thing, Skizz. They're mad at you.
Skizz: No, it's Bdubs. They're just being gramatically correct!
*meanwhile*
Bdubs: And then I used a period so they'd know that I'm mad at them.
Etho: A period doesn't say 'I'm mad', it says 'you're dead to me'.
Bdubs: I stand by my choice.

[----------]

Etho: Is the pink panther a lion?
Skizz: Say that again but slower.
Etho: I don't get it.
Skizz: He's a PANTHER.
Etho: Is that a type of lion?
Skizz: No, it's a fucking panther.
Etho: *googles panther* They aren't pink?
Skizz: AND LIONS ARE?!

[----------]

Etho, to Skizz: One universe, nine planets, seven seas, seven continents, and I had the unfortunate luck of meeting you.
Tango: Hey, that's not very nice-
Skizz: There are only eight planets, you uncultured swine!
Tango, forgetting about Etho: VIVA LA PLUTO, FUCK YOU!

[----------]

Impulse: I'll be famous one day, but for now I'm stuck in this house with a bunch of morons.

[----------]

Martyn: I haven't slept in 72 hours...
Jimmy: I haven't slept in 80. I'm the insomnia king!
Grian: Ha! I haven't slept in 90 hours, I'm aiming for an even 100.
Mumbo: What the fuck is wrong with you people.

[-----------]

Big B: *looks over Ren's shoulder at their laptop* What the fuck?
Ren: *slams screen shut* It's just research! For something I'm writing about! I swear that's it!
Big B: Why the hell would that involve the breeding habits of frogs?
Ren: It's not just "frogs", it's the Surinam Toad. And it's not "breeding habits", it's how they raise their young. This is important information my audience needs to know!
Big B: That doesn't change the fact this is for one line in a fanfiction.
Ren, offendedly: You don't know that!
Big B: I hear no denial.

[------------]

Scott: What do you call a dictionary on drugs?
Jimmy: If you say "addict-ionary" I swear I will cut you.
Scott: I was actually going to say "high definition", but your answer's much better.
Jimmy: ...

[-----------]

*At a bank teller window*
Skizz, in a bad Italian accent: I'd like-a to make-a da deposit!
Big B: HEY BUDDY, WAIT, I REMEMBER YOU!
Skizz: *Frantically pours marinara sauce into the vacuum tube*
Big B: GODDAMMIT, IT'S THEM AGAIN!

[-----------]

Etho: No, this is not a mess. You know what I consider a mess?
Skizz: Your life?
Etho: I- well yes, but-

[-----------]

Jimmy walking into the kitchen and seeing all their limes peeled: Tango, I love you but, what the h-e-double FUCK.
Tango, sipping coffee happily: I love you too :)

[-----------]

Bdubs: Your smug self-assuredness is revolting.
Cleo: I think we need to validate self confidence more, lest you end up angry at others for having even a sliver of it. I've done nothing wrong and I have a heart of gold.
Scar: I think this message is extremely valid, but also Cleo has implied wanting to set off the Yellowstone supervolcano, so what's the truth?
Cleo: I want to set it off.

[-----------]

Grian: How do you do that?
Jimmy: I'm fearless.
Joel: I saw you run from bees yesterday. You flailed around and tripped over a chair. It was both hysterical and sad.
Jimmy: I'm mostly fearless.

[-----------]

Martyn: A fistfight CAN be romantic.

[-----------]

Scott: I'm quick at math.
Martyn: Ok, what's 38 times 76?
Scott: 24.
Martyn: That wasn't even close.
Scott: But it was quick.

[----------]

Grian: I never understood why people cared so much about their dumb friends until I got a dumb friend myself.
Grian: *Picks up Scar*
Grian: I've only befriended Scar for a day and a half, but if anything happened to them I would kill everyone in this room and then myself.

[----------]

Joel: Guess who just found out the difference between wax paper and parchment paper the hard way?
Etho: Wait, what's the difference?
Joel: One you can use in the oven safely, and the other you can also use in the oven... if the thing you are trying to make happens to be fire.

[-----------]

Etho: I don't need to go to bed. I'm not tired, I'll be fine.
Joel: But, darling, I'll be so lonely without you. Come curl up in my arms so I can feel whole again.
Etho: O-oh. Well. Are you trying to seduce me into healthy sleeping patterns??
Joel: Is it working?

[----------]

Pearl: Five little monkeys jumping on the bed. One fell off and...
Martyn: Was diagnosed with mesothelioma.
Cleo: Mamma called the doctor and the doctor said...
Scott: You might be entitled to financial compensation if he or a loved one dies.

[-----------]

Watchers: Yeah, well I've never died so how do I know that god is real.

[-----------]

Scott: So you're looking for information on this thing, huh? Well, I feel like it must be from far away.
Gem: What makes you say that?
Scott: If it's something even I don't know about, then I'm sure nobody else must have a clue. So it's gotta be from some faraway place. Impeccable reasoning, isn't it?
Gem: Scott... You don't have a clue about this thing, do you?
Scott: *screams in anger*

[----------]

Impulse: What the hell was that?
Skizz: *picks up a flashlight* Only one way to find out!
Etho: Wait a minute! You don't go TOWARDS the spooky scary banging!
Tango: Yes we do, Etho. We always do.

[-----------]

*Ren and Big B are in Paris.*
Ren: I'm...moved. I...I don't know what it is I'm feeling right now. I feel...destiny?
Big B: But...
Ren: I don't know what it is. I feel like... I just never thought I'd see it with my own two eyes. And here it is. It's just there. It's right in front of me, and...
Big B: This is what you wanted to see? The bridge from Inception?
Ren: Yeah.
Big B: But the Eiffel Tower is behind us, babe.
Ren: Yeah, but this is the bridge FROM INCEPTION.
Big B: Okay, alright.

[----------]

Jimmy: What the hell were you thinking?
Scott: I heard releasing birds at a wedding is romantic!
Jimmy: You released OSTRICHES!

[-----------]

Gem: Guys where did Scott go?
Impulse: They got arrested.
Gem: How the hell-
Scott: *bursts in through the window* The cops are after me, I thought it would be fun to steal crackers and throw them at people.

[----------]

Gem: Who wants to go out of the country on a road trip?
Pearl: Yea, I could drink legally!
Lizzie: I could hang out with the boys!
Cleo: I could hide from the consequences of my actions.

[----------]

Martyn: Are you a cuddler?
Ren: I'm a machine of death and destruction.
Martyn:
Ren: ...Yeah, I'm a cuddler.

[----------]

Pearl: Isn't it a bit dangerous?
Scar: Pearl, please. We've in a lot of unexpected predicaments before and we always escape unhurt.
Pearl: ...
Scar: Okay, we sometimes escape unhurt.
Pearl: ...
Scar: Alright, we escaped unhurt once... Then we hurt ourselves on the way home.

[----------]

Mumbo: I don't even use tubberware anymore.
Grian: What are you saying? Say it again.
Mumbo: Tubberware.
Grian: Say it again. Slow.
Mumbo: Tubberware.
Grian: Slow, very slow - actually, say the first syllable.
Mumbo: Tub.
Grian: Wrong.
Mumbo: What do you mean, wrong?
Grian: I thought I caught that. You're saying tub. It's P.
Mumbo: What are you talking about?
Grian: Tupperware. Tupper.
Mumbo: It's tupper!
Grian: It's tupper, always has been, always will be.
Mumbo: I thought it was tubberware because it kind of looks like a tub.

[-----------]

Joel, laying in bed: Get out of my room.
Etho, standing just outside of the door frame: I'm not in your room.

[-----------]

Watchers: If I stay in bed I'll be warm. If I get in the shower, I'll also be warm. But the distance between the bed and shower? No. That is not warm.

[-----------]

Pearl: Act natural.
Gem: For this kind of situation, the most natural thing would be to panic, so technically I can panic.
Pearl: NO, that's not what I meant! Act like it's a normal day!
Gem: My 'normal' days of late, consist of a lot of panic.
Pearl: Will you just cooperate?
Gem: When a person is panicking, they are not apt to cooperate very well!

[-----------]

Scar, holding in their laughter: Hey, how do you ask a glass of water what it's doing?
Grian: A glass of water is an inanimate object. Therefore, it's incapable of having a thought process or understanding basic human language.
Scar:
Scar: Water you doing?

(I made this within an hour of coming home from helping to host an open house for the kids who are coming next year to my school.)