I've always just wanted to find that one person, that one person out there who will love me for who I am.

I don't have many standards, even though some consider them as high standards...

I just want that person to look past my past and accept me for who I am. I want them to be honest and open. I want them to always put others first and then themselves. I want them to be able to look at me and not care about my scars on my arm and thighs. I want them to be there whenever I'm down and bring a smile to my frown. I want them to be as affectionate as me and hold me when I'm scared.

But I guess it's rare to meet someone like that... There's always that one flaw that you'll miss. I've been in a few relationships but none of them lasted a year.

1. My first relationship lasted ten month, six of those months were spent as long distance. I was happy with him. I truly was.  We did things together, we hung out, we held hands, I went to my very first concert with him. He was kind. But that didn't last. He never talked to me while he was in Germany. He was gone in Germany for about 3 1/2 months. I was patient because I didn't want to be the pestering type. I waited. One month. He claimed he was busy with homework. So I waited. One month. He claimed he was busy with the family. We started talking then over summer break but we never saw each other. He promised me that he would come visit me like he used to. He never did. So I visited him and saw him missing another girl. I broke up with him. Then a year later, I went to Germany and found out from the family he was staying with, he never slept time with them, he never did his homework. He never studied for tests. He got a D- on an English test in Germany, and he's American on top of that. Now I would've let the test grade slip after some scolding but catching him kissing another girl? I confronted him and he claimed it wasn't him. Screw him.

2. Sometimes I couldn't tell whether my second or third ex was worse. My second one and I were doing fine the first month. But then he started a using me physically and mentally. He took advantage of my depression and past to get what he wanted. Two months went by and he moved states. He was cheating on me as well. So I broke it off with him. I blocked him from everything.

3. My third ex... All I'm going to say is that he was certainly the nicest. We knew about each other's feelings, more like he knew about mine two weeks before we went on our first date on my birthday. I thought that he was going to ask me out on my birthday since that's what he was hinting at. It never happened. Since then we went on one more date but that was probably the most dates I've had out of all three of them. But we stopped hanging out once school started. He still did task me out. Football was starting and I love to watch sports, football being one of my favorites. I was watching every game with my best friend. My ex and I finally found a day to hangout but I had to miss a football game because of him. I tried to get him to join me but he refused. He's never even watched a football game before. I only wanted him to try one game. But instead we ended up hanging out at my house. However, he only stayed for one movie and left right after that... I was disappointed. I missed a football game for this. Then one week after September started, I got a message from my best friend in Germany. She had texted me saying one of my best friends killed himself. It affected me more than others because he and I came close to dating. I used to blame myself because I thought that I could've prevented it. Not until recently did I realize that it was inevitable. But on that day, I ended up hanging out with my friends and that was the day he asked me out. I wasn't thinking about how insensitive it was but I was happy because it took him two months to finally ask me out. We lasted a month because we had too many differences and we were both busy. We broke up over text (something I did not want) and before homecoming. I actually ended up crying at homecoming because he acted like I never existed even though we agreed to stay as friends...

I technically had a fourth boyfriend but I don't count him because we only lasted a week. I really just want to find the right one...