Ethan

I sat on the hospital bed, staring blankly at my sheets. I didn't hear anything except the hard rain pelting on the windows and the thunder roaring in the night sky. I didn't hear my parents crying beside me, holding each other as the doctor told them the news of my cancer. I didn't see my brother staring at the wall, stone faced and unmoving, as if all the life had drained from his eyes.

It's raining again.

Well, its what they say: April showers bring May flowers.

I continued to sit on my bed for a long time. Long after the doctor left, long after mom and dad fell asleep at my bedside. All who remained was Michael who sat beside me, staring at the floor.

"Well, I guess this is it for me." I said, surprisingly cheerful.

A long pause.

"No, it's not." Mike responded in quiet voice.

"You're going to have to tell Hana about this. I wonder how she'll react." I continued.

The rain pelted against the windows, the windy current whipping the droplets into a mad craze.

"Hey, did you know? Hana promised me that when she gets her first win, she's going to mention me in her winning speech. Hopefully, I can make it till then..." I chuckled, staring through the window as the rain fell outside.

There was no reply. The dark hospital room held a heavy silence.

"You know, I've always wondered what God looks like, maybe this time I might finally get to meet- "

"Stop it." Michael said, in a weak voice. My smile faded.

"Stop it...Ethan..." he repeated. I could see tears fall from his face, but he was staring at the ground so I couldn't see his expression.

It's raining harder now.

"...it has spread to other parts of the body... cancer has reached its terminal stage....

...painkillers to lessen the pain...take some time for yourselves...difficult for all of you."

And now, I have two months left to live.

How ironic life can be. One moment you're here, the next minute you're gone. It's as simple as blowing out a candle.

So why?

"You know, I've been wondering about this for a while...I was born to die...so why was I ever born at all?" I said, staring at my sheets.

"I'll never do anything. I'll never become anyone."

"So much medicine, treatments, and money were wasted because of me." I continued, turning to watch my parents in their slumber, the fatigue and stress clearly etched onto their faces.

"And I've caused all of you worry, I've been nothing...but a burden." I sniffed, tears starting to form in my eyes and silently trail down my face.

There was movement as Michael rose up and embraced me in a hug, sobbing heavily. "No...no....please don't say that..." he cried.

I clenched my teeth as my tears soaked into his shirt, "All this time...suffering and worrying...and I've wondered why I was even alive."

"I've thought about it...so many times..."

"I'm sorry Ethan...I'm so sorry..." Mike whispered.

In one small moment, a stroke of lightning illuminated everything in the room with white light and thunder rumbled across the night sky.

"But you know..."

"I think I've found the answer..."

Mike loosened his embrace to look at me, his eyes red and bloodshot.

"Even if I didn't have a good purpose, it was okay for me to have lived."

"Because if I hadn't, I wouldn't have experienced such happiness with you all. I wouldn't be able to enjoy the things that I love and share my joy with everyone."

"You all...you all mean so much to me...and I can end my journey here, surrounded by the people I love."

I wiped my eyes with my sleeve, taking a deep breath. My body ached as I did so, everything seemed to be so much more painful now.

Mike look at me with pain in his eyes. Eyes full of pain and covered with tears. He knew he couldn't do anything for me, and I knew it made him feel so guilty.

"I'll do anything...anything you need Ethan. Whatever it is that will make you feel better." he said.

And suddenly I felt so small, as if the reality finally dawned on me. I felt like the world was put on my shoulders and the weight was too much to carry.

"Would you stay with me? I'm scared..." I whispered, tears reforming in my eyes.

I don't want to be alone...

Michael hugged me again, his warmth surrounding my cold body.

"I'm here for you buddy."

"I'm here till the very end."

-

Hana

There were many shows and promotions Hestia was scheduled for, with short breaks and little sleep. Car rides were mostly spent by the members cramming as much sleep as they could before reaching our destination.

We were putting on our makeup for a radio show, some members drifting off while having foundation patted onto their faces, others reciting their lines in the script.

"Writing in your notebook again, I see." one of the makeup artists noted, looking down at my paper as I wrote down new lyrics. She was applying some concealer to my eyes to hide my dark circles.

"Everyone's gotta work hard for their passion.", I replied and smiled. "It must be difficult for you as well, working late hours with us."

The makeup artist smiled, "It comes with the work, dear. But it's always a pleasure, so it's never a burden."

As she finished, Hyun-Ok approached my chair, waiting for the makeup artist to pack her things and head to the next member.

Hyun-Ok was promoted from our training instructor to be Hestia's manager before we debuted. She provided us with a lot of guidance and watched over us like a mother would. She brought a lot of change into the company as she helped to hire a nutritionist who oversaw all our diets, making sure we lost weight healthily.

We didn't eat less than we did before, we actually ate more. But our foods were loaded with fibre and protein to help us gain muscle and lose fat. It was Hyun-Ok's method in keeping us strong and energetic enough to withstand heavy choreography and little sleep.

She also encouraged the members to exercise to maintain our strength, even though many of us were reluctant at first.

I smiled as I looked up at her, "Hello, Hyun-Ok Unnie~"

Hyun-Ok looked down at me with a sad smile, and I frowned.

"Is there something wrong?" I asked.

"Hana...you have a phone call, it's from your brother." she said, handing me my phone.

I looked at her blankly before taking the phone in my hands. I got up from my chair and exited the room, feeling the curious eyes of Reyna behind my back. I made my way to a section in the hallway far away from staff and put the phone to my ear.

"Hello?" I said.

"Hana, it's me." Michael replied.

"Hey Mike, what's up?"

"It's...it's Ethan, Hana..."

"What?"

"Ethan...he...his cancer..."

"He's getting better right?"

There was a moment of silence with no answer from the other line.

"Michael? He's getting better right?" I asked again, my voice starting to show panic.

"The cancer...it's...it's gone terminal."

I froze, my eyes staring at the blank wall in front of me. The shock made me drop my phone on the floor, the screen instantly cracking on impact with the ground.

"Hello? Hana? Are you there?"

No...

Not Ethan...

I dropped to my knees, despair washing over me like a crashing wave. It was like the world had gone dark and was collapsing onto me the moment Mike said that word.

Terminal.

The cancer's gone terminal.

It was like time had stopped and a sudden weight on my chest suddenly made it hard to breathe.

"This...this wasn't suppose to happen..." I murmured.

He was supposed to get better...

"Please...he's only got two months left Hana, you have to get here as soon as you can." Mike said.

"Just...hang in there, okay? Hana?" he continued.

"......yeah."

"I...I need to go now...take care of yourself, okay?"

"......okay."

I ended the call and just sat there, staring at the phone, wondering if what I had just heard was all a trick in my head.

"Hana?"

I looked over my shoulder. Hyun-Ok stood behind me, with a sad look in her eyes.

"The broadcast is in about 30 minutes, do you think you can endure it? If not, I can tell the staff you aren't feeling well." Hyun-Ok told me.

"You can do that?" I asked.

"It might get us in trouble for not notifying them sooner, but if I explain the situation to them, they might let it go this one time."

I nodded, and Hyun-Ok pursed her lips.

"Is there...anything I can do for you?" she asked.

"...I'd like...I'd like to be left alone for awhile." I replied in a soft voice.

Hyun-Ok nodded and walked away, but not before giving me a concerned look.

I sat there in the dimly lit hallway, listening to the faded footsteps as they drew further and further away. I hugged my knees to my chest as I leaned against the cold wall.

In that silence and stillness, all that could be heard was a quiet sob.

---