I saw a girl, staring back at me. She looked like she belonged to royalty. A goddess, that's how someone would have described her, her beauty went untold. She looked as if she never knew what a scar even was. Pain... a word that seemed she never could have experienced. The blazing ball gown she wore was covered in small diamonds. It was fit for royalty. Yet it suited her, complimenting the dress even more, fitting her perfectly, hugging her small waist as it bloomed like a flower outwards, her luscious long locks flowed past her shoulders just like how her mother's did, as a tiara sat on the top of her head. She wore the same face as me, looking back from the mirror, but I didn't know why I couldn't recognize her. I stared into my reflection, not knowing who the girl in the mirror was....

I watched as a tear leaked from the corner of her right eye, making it shimmer against her light glittery eyeshadow. My dreams and hopes left me in with that one tear. Everything I wanted was gone before I could even taste it.

There are times when my brain fries up. It's no excuse I know; I own my behaviour. I try to help, try to be good, and then a trigger is flicked. My emotions turn - cold, fearful, anxious... I back away, flee, or strike out at someone who loves me. In these moments, I am least proud of who I am, for I failed to be the warrior I was born to be, the strong woman my mother taught me to be. Instead, I'd show the frightened child within, damaged and afraid, the one still hiding in the dark under her blanket, awaiting for the darkness to seep in.

My freedom was now a glove of ice because of it, encasing me like how a cage keeps a tropical bird. My heart longed to fly again, to stretch its wings and soar, and see the vast possibilities of life laid out before me. But it stayed locked up in it's frozen prison, afraid to pick the lock, afraid to try and break the bars that held me captive in my past, my pain.

But it's funny, I thought to myself. How if I had made a different decision, I wouldn't be here now. If I had given a different answer that night, my fate would have been written in different ink. Now, here I stood, listening to the light music dancing through the air from the other side of the closed change room doors, staring at the girl in the mirror who I would never come to know, holding my breath, anticipating for the moment I would wake up from this unbearable nightmare called life.

..................

I peeked from behind the soft marshmallow curtains made of pure silk, to see a grand ballroom. My jaw dropped. The room buzzed with excited chatter, children ran between the tables in a good-natured game of tag. The room was filled with men and women I would have never seen in my life. In fact, they didn't look like murderers who were wanted by the government, but rather, normal people, laughing and talking in a wedding ceremony that looked as if it belonged in a fairy tale, even though this wedding could never lead to a happily ever after.

Long, thin lights that looked like seemingly perfect icicles hung down from the ceiling, along with delicate light pink blossoms that shared the same hues of soft summer roses, everything from champagne to dusky red. Bushes of vibrant dark green vines intertwined the small blooms together, framing their beauty in the messy vines. The crystals on the golden chandeliers glowed as if it welcomed the light in some embrace more than took it though so passively. The colours that shone in the brilliant light of the day were a richness only nature can bring, a different sort of glow than the golden pools of streetlights. It was somehow more than just light and molecules at that moment, as if together they were something greater than either could ever be alone, filling the room with an abnormal magical atmosphere.

The floor held a trail of glass-like tiles, stretching from the closed silk curtains that hid me from the crowd to the empty stage covered in wildflowers that probably cost more than my year's living expenses. The path shimmered in the dim lights, but it was bright enough to see your reflection staring back. The faint smell of fresh pastries drifted through the room, flowing around me, lifting me into the air, almost letting me forget why I was here.

The rest of the ballroom was crowded with guests. Some were already seated in the tables and chairs set in place, others chatting in small groups amongst themselves. I glanced around the room, searching among the unfamiliar faces, trying to find my father amongst them. I didn't understand why I had this light of hope, an untamed desire for him to be standing in the crowd, trying to find his daughter, the one who sacrificed everything for him. But deep down, I knew he would never come, no matter what I did. He would have never come...

Mr. Byuns managed to patch up the gunshot wounds before it was too late that night. He said it will take him three days to heal before he can be on his feet. It's been five days and he still hasn't shown up to the ceremony yet. My heart cracked a bit, making me regret saving him. I should have left him there to die that painful death he deserved.

Just like how he would have done with me. 

It still hurts though, even though I have always seen it coming, it devastates me more every time. But I had no idea why I allowed him to do it to me over and over again. My heart sank and the anger that I had felt for him before that night began to flare once again. "Never again", I vowed under my breath. But how many times had I said that? Too many times to count. The hope I had for my father still lingered no matter how many times I wanted to cut it off but no matter what I did, it was still there, like a tattoo on my heart that could never be erased.

Regret washed over me like the long slow waves on a shallow beach. Each wave was icy cold and sent shivers down my spine. I longed to go back and take a different path, but now that was impossible. There was no way back. The remorse would eat at me every day of my life. I envied the pebbles, hard and lifeless, unable to feel the torments of life. Yet a spark of hope rigged in me as I saw my escape. The exit door. The drapes were connected together to outline the ballroom. I would walk behind them, hiding in their soft embrace. A mischievous thought lingers in my mind. I could run away and no one would know a thing. Before it was too late, I would already be long gone...then I could be free from this place, run away from this world that I never wanted to know.

I grip the silky curtains, trying to make a choice, a choice that I never come to think I would have to make, but I felt hands sneak around my wrist, appearing from nowhere. The hand tightened its grip around my wrist, white-knuckled, strong, turning me around on the tips of my heels. My eyes then landed on Jin's dark, oak brown eyes.

"Where do you think you're going, dearie?" He lifted an eyebrow in question.

I could feel the sweat drench my skin, the throbbing of my own eyes as my body went rigid, just for a mere second before I caught myself. I struggled as I pulled my wrist back from his grip, but he refused to let me go.

"Nowhere. Now let me go, you asshole!" I say between grasped teeth, still struggling to free my wrist. This made him only tighten his grip more, as he clicked his tongue at me in disappointment.

"Don't you think you should show your father-in-law a bit more respect? Hmm?" He said as he let go of me, letting his long fingers then fix my tiara, which was now a bit out of place.

His comment vibrated in my ears like a scream. My fingers curled into a fist, nails digging into my palm.

"You-" before I was able to let out another word, I was interrupted by the priest's voice echoing through the empty halls from the soundbox. The music began to play, cueing my grand entrance, making a small smirk play on Jin's full lips.

"Hear that, dearie? It's showtime. Remember what we rehearsed?" He said in a sweet, honey-coated voice. I ground my teeth together as my face fell into a frown. The moment was finally here, there was no turning back now.

"And make sure to smile, it suits you better." he said as I watched his back face me while he walked away, raising one of his slender fingers into the air. His back was to me but I could still picture that smug, satisfied grin he wore now.

grip the silky curtains, trying to make a choice, a choice that I never come to think I would have to make, but I felt hands sneak around my wrist, appearing from nowhere. The hand tightened its grip around my wrist, white-knuckled, strong, turning me around on the tips of my heels. My eyes then landed on Jin's dark, oak brown eyes.

"Where do you think you're going, dearie?" He lifted an eyebrow in question.

I could feel the sweat drench my skin, the throbbing of my own eyes as my body went rigid, just for a mere second before I caught myself. I struggled as I pulled my wrist back from his grip, but he refused to let me go.

"Nowhere. Now let me go, you asshole!" I say between grasped teeth, still struggling to free my wrist. This made him only tighten his grip more, as he clicked his tongue at me in disappointment.

"Don't you think you should show your father-in-law a bit more respect? Hmm?" He said as he let go of me, letting his long fingers then fix my tiara, which was now a bit out of place.

..........

I can't hear my rapid breathing, but I can feel the oxygen flooding in and out of my lungs as I walk down the aisle. The music was a light melody, singing through the room as I walked down the glass path...it almost seemed like a fairytale. Applause spread across the room as they welcomed my entrance. There was the scraping of chairs as the guests got up for a standing ovation as I made my way to the stage. But the only thing I saw was him standing on the stage, waiting for me, staring at me like I was the only person in the room. I knew it was all an act like how we were told to do, however, it still managed to make me feel a small flutter inside my chest. I must have finally lost it.

I watched as the crowd settled into their seats, a palpable silence filled the room while the guests anticipated for the crowning ceremony to initiate. I hesitated to look at him. I could feel the presence of his doe-like eyes bore into me as he stood before me, giving the audience the show that they wanted.

My eyes hesitantly met his, my mind was shaken as I recalled his beauty from the underground lab. I haven't seen him in five days but now, in the bright light with the blood and sweat cleaned up, I could have mistaken him for a god. I could never have imagined someone to look that dashing in a plain black suit. I swear it should have been illegal, the way he let his silky hair part down the middle, just brushing past his eyes, trying to captivate me into an unbreakable trance.  

But I returned his gaze, making the corner of his thin lips hint at a smirk. I wondered how long it took for him to master the look he gave me now. How many girls he gave the same look to, making them fall for his little games only to get what he needed from them. But who was I to complain? I was just like them, a puppet he played on strings. A puppet that follows his every command. He only made you believe he loved you but once the curtains closed and the show was over, he'll throw you aside like a toy he never loved, leaving only broken memories for you to remember him by.

A trumpet was blown, announcing the arrival of the blonde, flirtatious man that I met in the underground lab, and the man who gave me a sympathetic look from before. The priest that stood beside me began his speech but I didn't bother to listen to the words that he was mumbling on about.

I watched as both of the men stepped out from the sides of the room, both held a blood-red silky pillow in their hands. The pillow that blondie held, a golden crown covered in ravishing deep violet and night black jewels were placed on top, while the other man with fox-like eyes, held the pillow with a golden scepter that gleamed under the light.

The two made their way to the stage and kneeled on the last step, holding out the crown and sceptre as they bowed their heads in front of Jungkook and me. But this unknown guilt erupted in me...It didn't feel right seeing them bow down to me. I wasn't someone who they should put their trust upon. I could never be the leader that they wanted me to be. I never even wanted this crown on my head, bearing its weight, let alone a role in this society. For god's sake, no one even knew I existed in this world since my birth!

 I just wanted to be a normal sixteen year old, one that has friends, eats ice cream after breakups, goes to the movies with her friends on Saturday nights, and laughs at stupid jokes. Not someone who hides and fears for the moment they will be held captive in a cage, with needles stabbing into them, draining them of their blood. However, most of all, that fear is the reason why I was able to cope with this type of humanity, being able to bear the weight of their threats, knowing their true self. I guess, having that messed up mentality was the reason I was still alive. Why I could handle being up on this stage with such ease and that's what scares me the most.

But I swallow that fear and anxiety, letting it sit below my smile, my actions, my lies, as I pick up the golden crown and say the lines I had been taught to say. I could see Jin in the corner of my eye, smirking to himself in delight as he saw his plan laid out perfectly. A shiver of disgust ran through me, but I didn't bother letting it show. Instead, I kept my focus on Jungkook's eyes which had a tint of sparkle dancing in his gaze, his grin was identical to his father's.

"I swear to love you, to cherish you, for you to be my one and only... to never leave you, to stay by you till the end of time. As I place this crown on your head, an internal loop of our love is captured within its endless brim, my soul is one with yours. With this crown, I give you my heart...I make you my king. The ruler to my underworld..."

I stood there as I recited the lines that I never meant, fooling the audience with the lies as easily, as I do with the ones I love. Jungkook bent his head down so I was able to place the golden crown on his head. I was amped by my words as I walked deeper into the path I never wanted to take, there would never be an escape from here, as I placed the crown on his head.

Jungkook gently picked up the sceptre effortlessly, as it fit seemingly in his large hands, handing me the sceptre. We both held on to it as he went first and pricked his ring finger on the peak of the sharpened needle. The blood slowly leaked out as he placed the bloodied fingerprint on the page in the book that the priest had opened it to. We both held the sceptre. Closing my eyes, I pricked my finger too, a small flinch was sent through me from the sudden prick. I watched the blood slowly ooze out as I placed my finger beside his and wrote my name with my blooded ink, copying his lead.

We were the 150th generation to take the crowns of the underworld, the 150th generation to lead these people into the world of crime and murder. I guess no matter where I went, I could never escape this fate. No matter how hard I tried, it would always be one step ahead of me. I guess whatever is meant to be will always find its way...no matter how hard you pray it doesn't.

We both gently picked up the golden rings that lay beside the sacred book. I was terrified I might accidentally bend the small, fragile jewelry within my grasp. I slide the ring on his pricked finger as he does the same with mine. The weight of the ring falls steady on my finger as his hand pulls back and intertwines it with mine, holding each other's gaze filled with the fake love that forced each other to see as we both held hands and looked into each other's eyes.

"We are here today to celebrate the coronation of Jeon Jungkook as he places his hands in his beloved wife, Elyna Bellisario, claiming his throne of our world with his queen by his side. We are here to acknowledge their decision to commit their lives and accept each other as they rule the underworld hand in hand. Do you, Jeon Jungkook, take Elyna Bellisario, to be your lawfully wedded wife, to share your life openly, standing with her in sickness and in health, in joy and in sorrow, in hardship and in ease, to cherish her and love her forevermore till death do you part?"

"I do, I swear to make her mine....my only love. With the words that are spoken and unspoken, only my affection stands in between. I swear I will make her happy and stand by her at her greatest and weakest."

Through his perfect teeth come the lies and the truth, the air in the ceremony vibrates under his words, inconsequential to the medium through which they travel. The guests believed every lie that spat out of his mouth, but only I know the difference.

So I watch those perfectly aligned slabs of white enamel, taking in his entire being. I see the anger flash, the urge to hide his true feelings. And as we talk I crumple inside, all the while remaining composed. He hid his feelings for the sake of his crown, forcing me into a life that wasn't quite right, not quite real.

I don't know why they made us say these foolish vows to prove our love that isn't even there. We didn't even mean them, so why did we say them? Love? Pathetic. It's just an emotion that makes ourselves feel an illusion we make us believe, to let us ease the pain of not being alone.

My mother once told me lovers are like flames that breathe all the more deeply for being closer together; that they were meant to shine brighter together, both within and upon one another, becoming a source of light. And love, in a world where it ceases to exist, showered sparks of positive chaos into the dark. She said that's why she fell in love with my father, that he was her one and only, true love. But look at her now...she is dead, laying in her own grave because of her stupid love.

"Do you, Elyna Bellisario, take Jeon Jungkook, to be your lawfully wedded husband, to share your life openly, standing with him in sickness and in health, in joy and in sorrow, in hardship and in ease, to cherish and love him forevermore till death do you apart?"

My mouth was paralyzed. I couldn't mumble a word as my own thoughts were lost in their own world. Fear tortures my guts, churning my stomach in intense cramps. Fear engulfs my conscience. But in that fear, I realized I wasn't a possession but a person, a person with autonomy, entitled to do what I please, make my own choices.

"I-. I-"

I could feel Jungkook's grip tighten in my hands, bringing me back to reality, I scoured the room. I wanted to run, I couldn't do it...I couldn't do this....I couldn't even say the words...My father wasn't even here after I sacrificed everything for him. For a second, I thought I could live with his death on my hands.

Jungkook pulled me in so there was only an inch of a distance between us as he softly purred in my ear, "Just say it Elyna....Say the words, he's here...."

His words knocked all my other thoughts aside. Fear overwhelmed my body, making me drastically exhausted.

"Look in the right corner...just say it before they kill him." My eyes shot to the direction he told me and there was my father, sitting all the way at the back with glistening eyes. He let out a small smile.... Something I thought I would never see.

A smile I didn't know that I had, spread across my lips...he came. He actually came. I felt something lighten inside of me, letting me release some of the unwanted pain from the past, I let it float away into obscurity. I still couldn't believe my father was sitting in seats, watching me. This unusual happiness flowed through me, warming my skin like the rays of an early summer sun.

My customary cautious grin exploded into a radiant smile that I had never worn before, not even as a small girl. I didn't know why but I knew everything was going to be alright now, that is until I saw one of Jin's men walk up to him, holding a gun at the back of his head only for me to witness. Dread had my stomach locked up tight, nothing getting in or out. Dread sets my face like rigor mortis, my teeth locked tight together. I could already hear Jin's words say it was all waiting...'

"I do."

"To seal the vows you have taken today, you may kiss the bride."

I hesitantly looked up at him. The swirl of emotions I saw there made me gasp. Lust and desire. However, before I could ponder about it further, he yanked me to him and covered my mouth with his in a hungry kiss. As our lips crushed together, I felt like I was walking on air. The cheers and whoops of the crowd slowly faded in the back as his lips connected with mine. I felt the magic as it engulfed me. His mouth was so warm, the feel of his lips softer than I could have imagined. I opened my mouth, leaning deeper in the kiss without even realizing it.