Nikki led Sam and Josh to a quiet room just down from where Nate and Jo were waiting. There were dozens of rooms but only a few still intact, the homeliest of which they had spent the night in. She moved slowly, hindered by the puncture in her side as it leaked blood but she refused all offers of help, shooing them away each time one of them reached out a steadying arm.

As they drew closer to their destination her head became fuzzier but she fought it. It would be too easy to slip back in to their previous roles if she allowed them to take care of her now, and that couldn't happen. Out of the three, she was the strongest. Maybe not physically, but she had more to offer than Sam or Josh.

She stopped and heaved against a large door, pushing harder as it refused to open. It often stuck, the hinges had dropped over the years and the door now scraped across the floor, but what was behind it, was worth the effort.

"Let me." Josh didn't offer, he instructed. Putting his shoulder against the door he shoved, pleased as it groaned beneath his strength and opened wide.

As the room came into view, Sam whistled his appreciation. Considering it with fresh eyes, Nikki felt the familiar awe wash over her as her gaze took in the rows and rows of books. This was a library built to impress. It matched the status of the house, or at least what it would have been like in its hay day. It was grand and impressive.

Hobbling forwards she found her favourite seat and fell against the cracked leather cushions. She was weakening fast.

"This is--"

"Spectacular?"

Josh nodded, following behind Sam with his mouth open, gaping at his surroundings.

"Wow."

A small part of her buzzed with the thrill of their approval. It was stupid, she knew, but this place had been her first dwelling after she'd turned and a small part of her considered it home.

"There must be thousands of books in here." Josh muttered softly.

"Yeah, sadly most of them are ruined but there are still some gems hidden away."

Nikki glanced around the floor to ceiling shelves crammed full of books and silently reminisced. This is where it had started, the idea that she could somehow go back to being human. The night had been wild with a particularly nasty thunderstorm terrorising the town. Nikki hadn't long since been reborn and was still trying to come to terms with everything that had happened. In a pit of depression she had wandered the halls of the mansion, sullenly pushing in to rooms only to turn and leave when nothing grabbed her attention. As the rain beat the house and dripped through the cracks she'd happened upon the heavy door, stuck after years of debris had built up around it. Curiosity piqued, she'd shoved her way into the double height room, gasping with amazement at what surrounded her. Lightening had flashed, illuminating the treasure trove of information and inviting her further in. That first night she'd spent hours reading the spines of the books until she'd come across a particularly interesting journal.

The Origins of Expectations by M. R. Thaxby.

It had been the first spark of hope. She'd read the book hundreds of times now and it was engrained in her memory but it still held the same sense of anticipation when she pulled the leather bound pages down from the shelf.

"This is home." Nikki joked waiting for her guests to join her.

When they'd had their fill of poking around the room, they settled on the couches in the centre of the room. Who ever had designed the space had done it well.

Sam jumped in, seemingly needing to get his words off his chest.

"Nikki, I'm sorry. All this time I was so angry with you, I couldn't consider it from your point of view. When you ran away and then came back telling us that you had the answers, I just, I resented that you'd take their word over ours after everything we'd done for you. And then that night, you left us without a second thought. It was like you just didn't care."

"Oh Sam--"

He held up his hand to silence her. "After the stunt you just pulled, I know that wasn't true but it was just so hard to see things from your side. But now I've felt them, I can't lie and say I approve of your actions, but at least I get your motives. And I'm sorry. That must have been hell for you. Shit, everything that happened, I can't even... I just, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I made you feel that way and I'm sorry I doubted you."

She shuffled uncomfortably. "Well, we all made mistakes. You didn't know what was happening, and how could you? You weren't to know that I was a demon--"

"Half demon!" Josh interrupted forcibly.

Nikki looked at him with sorrowful eyes. "Either way, it makes no difference now." She sighed. "Look we need to bury what happened. We can't change it but we do have something to work towards."

"No, well, yes," Josh crossed the room and moved her over, sitting down. It was a tight fit in the single chair, but Nikki didn't mind. Unconscious of her actions, she automatically leaned against him. "We can't just pretend we didn't hurt each other, we can't just gloss over the cracks. This needs sorting and we have to deal with it before we can move on." His arm snaked around her shoulders as he turned his attention to Sam.

"Sam, It's no secret I blamed you for letting her go. I couldn't understand why you didn't stop her and to be honest I'm so pissed off you did. I guess I thought that if you hadn't let her go then none of it would have happened. But honestly, I was, am, pissed at myself. It shouldn't have been up to you to stop her. I should have been the one at the back with her, not you. I tried to get back, I really did but Ezekius ... I'm sorry man, I was just so damn angry and you, well, you were an easy target."

Sam shrugged awkwardly. "I'm sorry too. I didn't tell you all the story because I knew you'd freak and I couldn't babysit you and take care of Nate."

Josh stiffened. "What do you mean you didn't tell me the whole story?"

With a resigned sigh, Nikki cleared her throat. "He was protecting you. It wasn't his fault. He didn't 'let me go'. You saw me; I was possessed. I'd have done anything and everything to get to that battle and I did. I charmed him, hypnotised him, dazzled him, however you want to say it. I stopped his ability to think then physically threw him across the road. I literally left him no choice. If you wanna be angry then I'm your gal, it was all me."

Josh paused to digest her words. "How? How did you 'dazzle' him?"

It was the question Sam had dreaded but before he could form a reply, Nikki sighed.

"Like this."

She pushed up, wincing at her wound but refusing to let it impede her. Carefully she straddled Josh's lap, unable to support her own weight. He watched with trepidation and confusion. Looking deep into his eyes, she drew on all of her remaining strength and waited for the connection to take hold.

"What are you ...?"

Josh's mouth hung open as he watched the greys of her eyes swirl like the clouds in a tempest sky. But instead of the black he'd grown accustomed to, they shone bright, slipping through a kaleidoscope of colours until they settled on a shimmering silver. Unable to look away he fell deeper into her gaze until he could no longer remember what was happening or why.

And then it was over. Like waking from a dream, Nikki struggled off him, to her feet and Josh was left groggy and confused.

"That's how I did it and that's why you can't blame Sam," she slurred, trying to control her wavering strength but losing the battle.

An incoherent mumble fell from Josh's lips.

"He'll need a second." Nikki sucked in her lower lip. She knew Zeke had caught her prey and that he wasn't far away but if he didn't hurry she'd be unconscious by the time he arrived.

"Nikki?"

Her legs gave way and her eyes closed, but Sam was by her side, holding her up before she was able to fall.

Too tired to communicate verbally, Nikki fell back on her telepathy. "It's okay, I just desperately need to feed."

Lifting her cloak out of the way Sam scowled. "This is pretty bad Nikki, why the hell didn't you say something?"

"Nikki?" It was Josh's turn to run to her aid causing a frustrated groan to sound deep inside her chest. This was exactly what she'd wanted to avoid. In the years that had passed she'd transformed from a weak human into a powerful hunter and yet here she was right back where she started. Caught in the arms of the two men who had systematically turned her world upside down.

"Where's Ezekius?" Josh grumbled anxiously as he took hold of Nikki and carried her to the couch.

"Near," Nikki gasped.

Josh cupped her cheek and she allowed herself to relax against the ancient sofa.

"Don't worry Josh, this is nothing. I swear. As soon as I've fed I'll heal. I'm just like you now in that respect."

"You just need blood? That's all?"

"That's all."

"Then here," he tugged at his jacket, ripping it from his shoulders. "Take some of mine."

Her eyes flew open and she stared at him repulsed and distressed in equal measures.

"No!"

"But it will help."

"I will not drink your blood, even if I were dying and it was the only option left ! How can you even think --"

"What? How can I stand to see you so pale and broken? How can I look at you like this when it reminds me so much of holding you in my arms when I thought you were dead? Or how could I offer you the something that I have abundantly to help ease the immense pain I know you're trying to hide from me?"

Nikki squirmed, he'd taken offence at her reaction but how could he possibly have her consider THAT?

"Josh, I would do anything for you, but not that. I drink blood because I HAVE to and I convince myself that just by staying alive I am culling the demon population but I couldn't do that with you, I can't, I just can't. Please understand."

His face registered defeat but his hold around her tightened. "I do, but can't you see it kills me to see you this way? Not as a demon but hurt and suffering? No you might not be my Charge but apparently someone forgot to tell 'them' because I can still feel you. It's growing stronger by the second and I can't stop it. Our connection is too powerful and if you stopped for just a second you'd feel it too. But more than that, much more, I love you and I have loved you for a very long time, before I even knew you. I can't explain it but when you told me you loved me, my whole existence fell in to place. I don't know, maybe it's like that for everyone but for me, there has only ever been and will only ever be you. Seeing you now, all I want to do, all I need is to make you better."

During their heart to heart, neither Josh nor Nikki noticed as Sam discretely left the room. There was still so much he wanted to say and answers he wanted to hear, but he recognised that first they needed time. He was just about to close the door when Ezekius rounded the corner, sagging under the weight of a large, bound demon.

Forgetting his earlier discretion, he threw open the door, running to help Ezekius. Together they carried the demon in, dropping it next to the couch.

"Hold it down, I'll free the arm."

Ezekius moved quickly, working the limb free and offering it up to Nikki. She hesitated, her saddened eyes roaming Josh's face but he simply shook his head.

"I'm not going anywhere, get used to feeding in front of me."

Her heart soared at the prospect of keeping him close but she still couldn't move past the humiliation of what she needed to do. It had been hard for her to accept she was a demon, on some level she still hadn't entirely, and having his eyes on her at this crucial moment was just too much.

"Turn away. Avert your gaze. Please, she ... She's stubborn and foolish and she'll bleed to death before she feeds in front of you."

Zeke to the rescue, she thought bitterly before being eaten up with guilt and apologising profusely.

"Just eat," he replied and Nikki swore that if he'd had eyes, he would be rolling them.