Just Call Me Merlin

Three weeks later

AMAZON RIVER BASIN, 84KM SOUTH OF MANAUS, AUTAZES LOGGING STATION

Ezekiel folded his arms behind his head, leaning back in his seat, watching as the woman picked up the diamond with a pair of tweezers, her eyeglass lending her an oddly rakish air. Watching them from the corner was who Ezekiel referred to as the 'Lapdog', a giant of a man with a skull tattooed on his face, the inked pattern overlaying his own features.

"It's a fake," the woman said abruptly, dumping the diamond back down on the cloth-covered table, taking out her eye-glass at the same time. "I'll give you fifty bucks, take it or leave it."

"I'm actually surprised it's worth fifty," Ezekiel said, arching an eyebrow. "But it's not the stone I came in with," he said airily, before suddenly flipping the cloth forwards, revealing another diamond beneath, "you switched it."

The woman just steepled her fingers, the 'Lapdog' breathing heavily through flared nostrils, Ezekiel then rising to his feet, his dark gaze darting between the doorway and the table.

"I coined that trick," Ezekiel informed them with some annoyance, "so don't insult my intelligence by pulling my own party piece on me!" Before anybody could react, he had reached out and plucked the diamond like a plum, before popping it into his mouth, swallowing it whole. "And that is that," Ezekiel announced, before burping, clamping a hand over his lips too late. "Pardon me," he apologised, "it must have been something I ate" -

Before he could react, he was suddenly swung off his feet by the 'Lapdog', before becoming just as suddenly airborne, the world whirling past in a wild blur, and then he hit the window, crashing through it in an explosion of glass and timber. Landing in a crumpled heap of limbs, Ezekiel just lay there in a pile of shards and splinters, the breath utterly knocked out of him. Nearby, a horse neighed in mocking amusement, making Ezekiel raise his head with some difficulty. "Flynn?" he groaned. "What the hell are you doing here?"

~*~

"Um, Jenkins," Cassandra said nervously, skipping from one foot to another, making Jenkins raise his silver head from the fondant icing he was appraising, "we may have a leetle problemo."

Jenkins removed his monocle, brow furrowing. "Whilst I am glad to see you gracing this fine academic establishment, Miss. Cillian," he said slowly, "I am at a loss to explain your rather sudden appearance. Aren't you meant to be in Arizona, trying to tame a mystical tornado or two?"

"It's on my to-do list," Cassandra said in a wild rush, "but before I go storm-chasing, I have to inform you I have found Flynn and also Ezekiel."

"Have you?" Jenkins said, suddenly straightening up. "Where? Flynn, not Ezekiel." After mistakenly believing Lady Devereux to be Baba Yaga, Flynn had finally found the real Baba at a bus stop, only to find himself on the end of a rather nasty incantation in turn, consequently disappearing into thin air. He had been missing for two weeks now, Jenkins, Eve and the others trying and failing to track him down, Baba having long since gone to ground, irritatingly untraceable again.

"You see, that's the thing," Cassandra said with a wince, "I just got a phone call from Ezekiel who is in a spot of bother."

"Clarify, please."

"He's... he's started a sideline selling stolen jewels," Cassandra said, biting her lip, "it's nothing to do with the Library or anything – it's his old contacts asking him to do favours for them. He says he's got to keep his hand in, but I think he owes them old debts - what I'm trying to say is, Flynn's been turned into a horse and Ezekiel is getting his ass kicked in the Amazon over some diamond."

"And how exactly does Flynn fit into this interesting equation?"

"I think I'll need to get back to you on that."

Jenkins sighed heavily. "I suppose Flynn is in the Amazon," he deduced tiredly, "where Ezekiel's... rump is."

"Yes," Cassandra said, skipping from one foot to the other again, "and he really needs help."

Jenkins looked at his favourite Librarian for a long moment, on the edge of refusing, before discreetly surrendering. "Where's Eve?" Jenkins said with another heavy sigh, glancing around him. "I think we could use her fists."

"She's on a date."

"She's on a what?"

"A romantic interlude with a fictional character," Cassandra specified. "Moriarty to be precise."

"Ah," Jenkins said, before glancing up as Jacob strolled through the door. "Ah," he repeated with more enthusiasm, suddenly seeing the answer to all his problems. "Stone, come here," Jenkins suddenly summoned, crooking his finger, "I have a rather beautiful brawl going begging if you're interested."

~*~

With some difficulty, Ezekiel staggered to his feet, only to find the 'Lapdog' looming over him. "Christ on a cracker," Ezekiel groaned, glancing down at the cracked phone he was gripping like grim death, still amazed he'd gotten a signal in the Amazon of all places. Whilst lying sideways like a landed fish, he'd swallowed his pride and called Cassandra for help, realising too late he was out of his depth, but help didn't seem to be forthcoming.

"It's time to die, little man," the 'Lapdog' growled, circling Ezekiel with raised fists, "but not before you shit that diamond out."

"Do you have bog roll?" Ezekiel asked, tilting his head to the side. "Not the cheap stuff. I have delicate skin" -

- "Jones!" Jacob yelled, making Ezekiel whirl around. "Get the hell back!"

"Finally, the calvary!" Ezekiel bellowed back. "What took you so long!"

"I needed to polish my knuckles," Jacob said through gritted teeth, "then Jenkins had to fire up the back door." He glanced over at the handsome chestnut horse watching the proceedings with mild interest. "I take it that's Flynn," he said, "a four-legged Flynn that is."

"Yeah," Ezekiel answered, "but he's the least of our problems right now."

"I can see that," Jacob said, eyeing the 'Lapdog' with a critical eye, "but Skull-Face is the least of your problems. Jenkins is breathin' fire over your little sideline. You are facin' some heavy wrath when you get back."

"If I go back," Ezekiel snapped as Jacob dodged a sudden punch. "I was toying with the idea of turning rogue."

"Really?" Jacob said, girding his loins as the 'Lapdog' donned a rather nasty looking knuckle-duster.

"Really, really."

"It's your call, man," Jacob said, pulling out a flick-knife from the inside of his checked shirt with a flourish. "But I'm not goin' to baby-sit you."

"I didn't ask you to come here."

"Yeah, you did."

"I asked for assistance."

"I am your assistance!" Jacob snapped, before swallowing hard as the 'Lapdog' suddenly pulled out a Panga blade.

"Well, I goddamn don't need it!" Ezekiel snapped back, only for Jacob to suddenly fade from view, face astonished. "What!?" Ezekiel said in disbelief. "I didn't mean it!"

"Be careful what you wish for," Flynn neighed, startling Ezekiel all over again, "especially when dealing with sentient libraries."

"Thanks for the heads-up," Ezekiel retorted, turning his attention to the bewildered 'Lapdog', his Panga knife now held uncertainly by his side.

"Sorcery!" the 'Lapdog' suddenly yelled, jabbing a thick finger at Ezekiel. "Necromancy!"

"Just call me Merlin, mate," Ezekiel acknowledged, before everything went black.

I caught my stride
I flew and flied
I know if destiny's kind, I've got the rest of my mind...