Picture is Tatiana Maslany as Emma Barnes.

Music is "Infections Of A Different Kind" by AURORA.

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CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE: Do Not Go Gentle

There comes a moment when Steve is speaking when my emotions get the best of me. My breathing labors and my vision blurs. I turn quickly towards the exit, muttering something semi-coherent about needing a moment. My feet take me towards the back exit by memory, and I find myself pacing towards the uniform room in the rain. It's a small building not too far from the main compound, but we keep it separate but close in case of emergencies.

When I get to the entrance, my hair and clothes are soaked through. I can't find it in me to care. I use my fingerprints to get inside. Half of me is surprised that my access codes are still inside.

My eyes burn as the wind and rain kick up the dust from a room that hasn't been touched in years. Half of the Avengers uniforms are missing, some due the fact that they disappeared while wearing them. Others are probably closer, such as inside the members dormitories. There's no need to keep a handful of uniforms in a building as big as this.

In the corner of my eye, I spot two familiar objects. They're my old hover-boots, the ones that Tony made especially for me. They're just as I remember, black and sleek, with a blue stripe down the soles. I fought plenty of battles wearing these, even some against their creator. While I wore a pair to the fight in Wakanda, those were destroyed when I returned. They were nothing but hunks of metal that had to be pried from my feet.

Without thinking too hard about it, I grab the pair of hover-boots and slip them on. They hum to life, and I turn back towards the open door. The rain is heavier now, picking up even in the last few seconds. The torrents blast my dark hair against my face as I step through the doorway, and the hover-boots rev as I leap up into the storm.

I never wanted this. I never wanted to be the only survivor of a war lost on the grandest of scales. Not again. Never again. I hated it when the world looked to me for answers, because I didn't have them. But what's even worse than that? Having the whole world giving up on discovering them. I have learned that a few extra years doesn't give one any further clarity. I'm learning just as fast as anyone else.

Our futures are dependent on what we see in life, not what happens to us in life. The questions we ask determine what we see. The human race has always been a curious one, and I never thought I'd see the day when they rolled over and surrendered. The most spectacular question ever asked to man is "Why?" What becomes of us when we stop looking for the reasons in everything and start letting the future come at us with full force? Have we truly lost what it means to be human?

Up in the storm with the wind batting me around, I've never felt more alive. Wind and rain pummel down on me, but I push back and force the hover-boots to take me higher into the dark clouds. Tony once told me the specs of what they could take, and I know I'm pushing it, but it's hard to find a reason to care. They're gone. Everyone is gone. The whole bloody world has given up and moved on, even the Avengers.

Everyone has moved on except for me.

The hover-boots spark out, flickering into a sudden death. Without their propulsion, gravity has taken hold of my body again. It begins to drag me down, and when I turn and look towards the Earth, I see just how far I've risen. And then my heart sinks. A ten story fall would kill anyone.

Except me.

I close my eyes and prepare for the impact. While I didn't mean to let this happen, what could be so bad about letting my body hit that ground and crush into a thousand pieces? I'll come back. I always do. Less than forty-eight hours have passed since my return to this world, and I'm eager for sleep. Maybe...just maybe...

My eyes snap open. No, I can't let that happen. Things aren't like they used to be. I can't die here, not now, not with Steve and Natasha in the state they're in. Not with Rose being the only Barnes left. Not with Eggsy still recovering from the loss of Galahad. Not with the fate of a hundred-trillion souls hanging in the balance.

For the first time in a long time, I don't need to find a reason outside of myself to keep on living. I don't need the love I found in the Barnes, the purpose I found in Grant, or the mission I had in the Avengers. I am my own woman, and I am going to do this for me. I am Emma Jane Barnes. I am Lady Liberty, the gatekeeper of an endless war, and Lady Justice, the goddess of death deserved. I am all these titles living inside one vessel, and I will be the one to bring every single one of those hundred-trillion souls back. I am an Avenger, and I will avenge them all.

It's time for second chances. It's time to retake the world.

I clash my hover-boots together, trying desperately to get them to ignite. Just one more time, I silently pray. Just one last spark of life. That's all I need. Just one more chance.

The hover-boots ignite with a blue glow. As I force one of the boots to push me back into the sky, it catches fire, and I'm forced to eject it from my right foot. Forcing my left even harder, I pray for the strength to make it back to Earth. It sputters but keeps fighting, and eventually I land back on the ground. Knees bent and hands braced against the grass, but I'm very much alive.

Steve comes running out of the compound with a terrified look on his face. When he sees me standing straight with my head held high, his terror shifts to confusion. He knows about my suicidal thoughts and attempts in the past. He knows how heavy these deaths weigh on me. To see me standing here, after a dive out of the sky, very much alive, I can imagine how surprising it is.

I walk towards him, rain pelting my hair and shoulders with ferocity. Staring straight ahead, I wrestle with the thought of what to do next. What can we do? Do I keep fighting to bring them back? Do I move on with the rest of the world? My newfound bravery has me second-guessing myself once again. Would it be better for Steve, Natasha, Eggsy, and Rose if I were to move on? And if I don't, what do I tell them?

I brush shoulders with Steve, only stopping once I've passed him. I know he's turned to stare at me, but I keep my back to him, hiding my face. "I understand that you've all moved on," I mutter eventually. "I know you've found a sense of stability in trying to reset the world. The Avengers are doing the best they can with what they've been given, a heap of scraps from the hands of God, but damn it, Steve. It's just not good enough."

My head turns to look at him over my shoulder. "I wasn't given the grieving time you were. I was trapped there with them, all of the vanished, and I'll die raging against that world if it means I can save any one of them. If you've had enough of this war, then I won't blame you if you sit it out. I promise, I won't think any less of you. You've been fighting ever since you were a boy. You can leave this to me."

"And leave it to you?" he asks. "Why you?"

I clench my fists and force a dry smile, one that's barely there. "Because I am a fighter, the gatekeeper of an endless war where justice and revenge are dishes best served warm, where the lines between right and wrong don't exist anymore. I am judge, jury, and executioner when it comes to Thanos and what he's done. I am the weapon that hands out his sentence. I am the last thing he'll ever see."

"Thanos has been dead for five years, Emma."

Nodding, I reply, "I know, but my gut tells me his impact hasn't fully hit yet. I can feel it. We need to prepare for anything, and if it's up to me, I'd go back in time and kill him where he was his weakest."

"That's impossible," Steve retorts. "You know that. If it were possible to time-travel, you would have found a way already."

"Maybe." But maybe not; however, I don't say that part.

Steve shakes his head as he bites his lip. "You shouldn't have to fight this alone. You're not supposed to be the only fighter."

"I never wanted to be a fighter," I say with a sad smile, turning back towards the entrance to the compound. "I just want to be free."

As I turn to leave, Steve says, "Wait." I stop but keep my back to him. His steps beat heavy against the pavement as he catches up to me and places his hand on my shoulder. "You're wrong about one thing."

I turn to stare up at him. "And what's that?"

Steve's eyes intensify. "We haven't moved on, not all of us. Natasha is doing the best she can, we all are, but there isn't a day that goes by that any of us wouldn't give up to have another second with those we lost. I can't tell you how often I think about Grant and Bucky and Sam, about T'Challa and Shuri and Wanda. They were family to me. I can't--" Steve's voice breaks, and he pauses to collect himself. His eyes tear up and he looks away from me. "I can't begin to tell you how much it hurts me. And losing you right in front of me, you vanishing in my arms along with everyone else, I...Emma, I..."

With trembling hands, I reach for him and pull him closer. He wraps his warm arms around my cold and drenched body. In that moment, I can feel everything he's felt over the past five years. His heart has broken a thousand times. If it weren't for Rose and Natasha, I'm not sure he'd still be here. We've lost everything, but now we've found each other again.

"I thought you'd come back," he whimpers into my shoulder. "I really thought you'd come back. For the first year or so, I kept that hope alive. I returned to that battlefield over and over, praying that you'd find your way back. Maybe you were lost somewhere in an alternate world, maybe you were in an immortality coma halfway around the world, but I knew you were alive. I looked everywhere for you, scoured the whole damn planet to find a trace of you. But all I ever found was more proof that you were gone. For real this time. And, eventually, with Nat's help, I learned to accept the fact that maybe you weren't coming back this time. Maybe you were really gone. Maybe immortality really does have a weakness."

He pauses and pulls back, looking down at me with sad, blue eyes. "And then I thought about where you were if that was true." He cracks a smile and wipes away my tears with his thumbs. "You were up there with Bucky and Sam and Grant, all our lost family members and our parents. You were with each and every person we lost, in heaven, and suddenly I couldn't be mad anymore. I couldn't be bitter and depressed and vengeful. If you were really, truly gone, then you were in a better place. And I didn't want to be the one to bring you back from that."

"That sounds a lot like moving on to me," I reply in a soft voice.

Steve sighs and lets his eyes slip closed. "For a while, it was, but you saw how the world is out there, Emma. It's a fucking mess. We've barely made any progress in over five years. If there's one thing I know for sure, it's that this planet is doomed if we don't do something drastic."

"Like bring everyone back."

"I don't know how or when, but we have to try. If we can't, then I don't think the human race has a future. We'll destroy ourselves first. Thanos broke us, but if there's anything you've shown me in the past day, it's that anything is possible: even coming back from the dust. You've always defied the odds, fought against the odds, raged against the dying of the light and all that. You've never gone gentle into that good night, and you never went down without a fight. I think it's time we remind the Avengers--and the world at large--that we should be more like you."

A semblance of a smile returns to my face, and I reach up to cup Steve's face between my palms. "We can do this, Stevie," I mutter confidently. "I like our odds. I'd bet on us."

END CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE: Do Not Go Gentle.