I don't remember much from when I was first Ashildr, and I didn't write things down in my journals then either, yet I've tried to remember and understand.
After I became immortal, it was like seeing clearly for the first time. I could feel the earth moving beneath my feet, I could see all the different galaxies waiting to be explored. But of course, he left me. My hero didnt take me to the stars, or even to his space ship.
At first it was alright, I was regarded as a war hero for years, amd even when that wore off,I still had my dad. Then, he died. I had saved the pack for him, but I kept putting it off, and eventually, it was too late. The pack would just bring back a frail, ill old man, forever in the jaws of death. I was always worried that I would choose the wrong person and by the time I realized my choice would always be him, it was too late.
I changed my name after that. Not properly, but I became Ash. It was just a nickname, but after dad died, no-one could call me Ashildr. No-one