I sit as every day in front of the Windows of my living room. I look at the trees in the area and the children run around the streets.

Today it was obvious that the air was changing and was becoming a little colder than normally. It was obvious that autumn was coming to my small town.

The leaves had already begun to turn red, orange, yellow and brown; those are the common colors in autumn. Normally I like to sit and enjoy them with him, but now that I was alone it wasn't the same as before.

I still remember those pretty things you told me every autumn, they went to the rhythm of each falling leaf on the tree; I still remember those passionate kisses as they fell; I still remember his eyes staring at me while I tried to watch the leaves fall; I still remember your mouth, how you smiled when you looked at me.

However, for some time I can only remember each leaf as a different misfortune; one for each message as I watched them fall; another one for each phone call cutting off our kisses and chats; another more while the last leaves of the tree fell and you left and never returned. That afternoon I swore I would never see the leaves fall again... But I am here again.

Now the leaves bring back sad memories, which I will never be able to forget.

Today I stand in front of the window and think about each one of them while the chocolate warmed my cold hands.

— If only I could see you again, I would know that I love you more than the leaves in autumn.... — I have said that over and over again in my head, but i didn,t dare to call him again. I don't want to spoil my last memory with him, even though that hurts me more than any punch.

• ~~~ 🍂 ~~~ •

Today I keep holding my coffee in my hands and I can't stop looking back; today I am decided to call him.

I pick up my phone and a message appears on the screen. It was a message, which was usual in my life at that time, so I don't know why I would have written it that time.

"World Leaves on the Ground Day", give one to Nicolás tomorrow.

Fool of me... I had been about to call him but he didn't deserve it, not yet... He had left me with nothing but the tree we planted together.

A leaf then falls and gets to the bedroom window, that makes me smile and I look at my belly with a smile on my lips. Even if he doesn't love you, I always will...

Another leaf comes to my window as I get up and go out to see it better; i haven't done that in a while.

— You still look beautiful, girl... Your daughters are falling, so another stronger and more mature can born... You had to put up with so many things...

Then my mind flew to that rainy day two years ago and a few tears fell down on my cheeks. That tree was very important to me, it was the last plant I planted with my father, and that afternoon the wind and rain were digging it up. People asked me not to leave and I could only look at it as my greatest treasure to date. Nicolás, who couldn see me that way, grabbed his coat and gardening gloves and bent down to hold the tree; at that time it was no more than five centimeters thick... He didn't move from its side all night... I could never forget that.

• ~~~ 🍂 ~~~ •

Give a sheet to Nicolás

That advice sounded in my head again when I woke up and also during lunch, and it didn't stop running through my head until I sat in my comfortable chair to look at the tree. I could only see that it had five small leaves left.

My mind remembered his number as my hands picked up the phone and marked it, while I was sorry for what i was doing.

- Hello? Emily? Are you OK? Is there any problem?

— Hello, no, don't worry, nothing happened.

— Ah, okay, I was scared... so what's happening? Why do you call me?

"You see..." I said as I turned my wedding ring on my finger over and over again. There are only five leaves left on the tree and I had thought that... I don't know... Maybe...

—Are you asking me to come back?

— Not forever... Just to see the last leaves fall, as every year...

— But, Emily, I don't now... I can't...

— Yes, you can, you just don't want to... Come on, we've done it every year...

— Yes, I know... But...

- But what? Have you already forgotten how much we loved each other?

—It's not that... It's just that...

— Please, I don't want your excuses, I want you... — the tears had begun to come out of my eyes and were already rolling down my cheeks. I couldn't help feeling stupid but I didn't want him to notice that I was crying, he wasn't going to let me feel that way. Have you already forgotten how much you liked this tree? Give me a leaf, Nicolás — a leaf then fell to the ground, there were only four left on the tree.

— No, it's not that... It's just that...

—Have you already forgotten that rainy night when you spent it alone outside holding him up so it wouldn't fall? Because I haven't forgotten it and I never will, it was the most beautiful thing you have ever done for me...

— Of course I haven't forgotten it, but...

I look at the window and another leaf falls, at this rate when our conversation ends all of them will have fallen... There are only three left at the top of the tree.

- But what? Was everything we did unworth it? Have you already forgotten everything?

—It's not that, it's just that...

— That?

— I am going to marry...

My body froze hearing those words, I couldn't believe this was really happening. Had I already forgotten? Were all our years of love in vain? Was he going to marry someone else so quickly?

— I didn't want to tell you like that so soon and do it this way, but I didn't know what to tell you... I... Stephanie and I love each other and we would like to be together. . Very sorry.

Then another leaf fell from the tree, only one looked down at me trying to comfort me.

— Don't worry — my voice, surprisingly, was neutral, I didn't want to express how I felt at a moment like this —. Be happy, live your life and forget the one we both created... And leave a new life without a father...

—Emily, I...

— But if that's what you're going to do, I don't want to know anything else about you, ever again... I don't want to mention you, I don't want to think about you, no. I don't want anyone to talk to me about you, I don't want our son to have your last name. Even though I know it's fair... I don't want anything from you.

— I'm so sorry, Emily... I... I have to hang up, enjoy the leaves on the tree for me... I'll go to pick up my things.

— Don't worry, be happy and live your life while someone else's is falling like the leaves of our tree... I don't want to have anything else to say... Just a goodbye... Maybe the leaves can fall from my heart but the tree always remains standing, and that's what I'm going to do.

- We are very sorry...

— Don't regret it, it's your life... Give it some leaves... Goodbye...

I didn't say anything else and I hung up while I felt like I was drowning, that my world was being destroyed piece by piece... That I couldn't get out of that cloud in which I found myself. I felt useless and stupid for calling him again...

The last leaf of the tree didn't move, so, after crying for a long time, I went out to see how it was going to fall. No matter how much time i had to spent, there was no one waiting for me and I was in no hurry. After six months i wouldn't be alone... i just had to wait...

• ~~~ 🍂 ~~~ •

After half an hour the leave was still there and that made me think. Every second took me to a magical memory that bit by bit turned into memories of pain and suffering.

A small breeze brought me back to the present while the leaf was moving from side to side, but didn't fall. It seemed that it was not willing to leave that tree, to leave everything behind... I understood and started to talking to it.

—Come on, Leaf, you can do it! I know it's hard to give up something you want but he will be fine, I will take care of him daily. And if you want you can stay with us, soon we will be two and I'm sure you'll like it... It's hard work but it's what you have to do... You have to let things pass. so others can come...

I wiped away the tears that had run down my cheeks when the leaf flew to my window and got stuck to it.

— I understand that you want to stay with me, come on...

I picked up the leaf, being careful not to break any pieces as I walked to my house with thousands and thousands of crunching noises below me coming from the other fallen leaves. I put it in one of the boxes with old necklaces that I was going to throw away; i imagine it  would like that, but you never know for sure....

• ~~~ 🍂 ~~~ •

I went back to my chair hoping to see the tree with leaves for a last time, but there were none now and that made me happy. It didn't have any of them and looked as strong as before, when it got them. Soon they would come out again and i would smile happily again., and that made me think...

The leaves are my memories with Nicolás, little by little I am letting them go all of them but one or two, which are essential to become who I am now; the tree is still standing without any leaves so I may be able to do the same, and the new leaves... Well... It is in my belly... I only need one to be happy again, and that helps me to start  again and create more good, fresh and green memories that make my days happy and calm my nights.

Even without leaves the tree is still standing...

That phrase I heard in my childhood is going to become real...