Atlanta Georgia
25th February 1981

JAE

Loise (Rowan’s new girlfriend) was a beguiling woman: Not beautiful in the quintessential way, but striking. Everything about Loise, it seemed, was fashioned to captivate: From her long copper-colored hair that was fashionably streaked with black, to her high cheekbones, to her shrill laughter that turned heads, to her fashion sense which was almost as flamboyant as Sam’s, down to her sweeping gait. All things considered, Loise was adorable. Any man would fall in love with her easily.

Any man except Rowan.

Jae had discovered halfway into their dinner at an elegant Italian restaurant called Giuseppe’s that Rowan still had feelings for her.  He had talked more to (and about) Jae than to Loise. At some point, Loise had noticed it, too and she’d gone uncharacteristically silent, resorting to playing around with her mac and cheese, smiling only when Rowan cracked a joke, and occasionally staring at Jae abhorrently. Jae understood Loise’s behavior on a feminine level. For Loise, Jae would always be her rival, the first choice, the better option, the one Rowan loved most. And no woman liked being second best.

Thus the dinner that was meant to be Jae’s and Sam’s chance to meet Loise had turned into the Rowan and Jae show where Rowan was the sole host, Jae was the controversial topic of discussion and Loise was relegated to being a neglected stage prop, just there to be used for some time and then discarded.

The Rowan and Jae show ended only when a waitress came to clear their plates. Loise, who was beyond fed up with hearing Jae’s praises, suggested that she and Rowan leave to spend some alone time. Jae chanced a glance at Rowan, hoping that he could see the message in her eyes. Rowan did not need to be spending alone time with Loise. Rowan needed to come clean with Loise. And soon. Before things went south.

Watching Loise and Rowan leave Giuseppe’s hand in hand, Jae tried to feel jealous because she knew that was exactly what Rowan wanted her to feel, but she failed. Why couldn’t she love Rowan the way he wanted to be loved? Like why? Why couldn’t she feel that tingle, that euphoria with Rowan that she’d felt with Tyler in Mr. Valencia’s office?

The irony in this situation was not lost on Jae: She didn’t want the man who wanted her, and she couldn’t have the man she wanted because . . .because it was impossible.

God, this was a nightmare!

Sam turned to Jae, sipping from a tall glass of orange juice with a twist (the twist was whiskey). “Rowan doesn’t like that girl.”

“I know, Sam. I think he’s doing all this to make me jealous. The sad part in all this is that I don’t feel a tad bit jealous.”

“Oh, Jae. He’s hurting himself.”

Jae looked up, closing her eyes to stem the rush of tears. Tears for her oldest and closest friend. “I don’t know what to do.”

“Sometimes I think . . . Nothing. Nothing. Don’t mind me.” Sam turned away, looking suddenly sheepish.

“What Sam? Say what you wanted to say.”

“It’s just. . . I think you should just tell Rowan you like him even though you don’t. Maybe, with time, y’all will fall in love. It has happened before.”

Jae couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “What the fuck, Sam? I can’t do that. How could you even suggest that? What would be the difference between that and what he’s doing now with Loise? You can’t force feelings.”

“I know it’s stupid. But at least Loise won’t be roped into all this.”

Jae didn’t miss the subtle tinge of blame that colored Sam’s tone. Sam tended to do that. She liked to apportion blame. Contrary to what Sam thought or said, Jae didn’t believe she was the problem here. Rowan was. Rowan was the one lying to himself, and to Loise. Not Jae. Rowan was the one using Loise. Not Jae. Rowan was the one dating someone while being in love with someone else. Not Jae.

Besides, Jae had bigger problems. Tyler problems.

It appeared that Tyler worked here. Whether this was by pure coincidence or by the workings of some she-devil, Jae didn't know. Jae had seen him in uniform, cleaning supplies in hand, giving the table opposite theirs a good wipe in preparation for the next customer. Their eyes had met briefly, and she’d noticed something akin to hurt and anger on his face. She’d turned away feeling guilty and sad. He’d not come out of the kitchen since. Jae knew that because she’d been watching for him.

Checking her watch, Jae stood up, drank the remnants of her mango juice (no twist), and paid for the drinks. “It’s almost seven. We’d better get going.”

Sam looked like she still wanted to stay. Sam never wanted to go home. She often whined about her boring home and took every chance to go out as if there was a possibility of finding buried treasure. Jae got the impression that Sam didn’t like to be at home for a reason far deeper than boredom. Jae suspected that Sam was ashamed of her home. Her parents weren’t exactly poor, but Sam lived for the high life. In other words, Sam wanted Jae’s life that mainly entailed a huge mansion in Buckhead, flashy cars (they were actually five), expensive designer clothes, etcetera, etcetera.

If she only knew . . .

Eventually, after one more glass of orange juice with a twist (there was more twist than orange juice in this glass), Sam left through the front entrance while Jae made a quick stop at the lady’s room to wash off her makeup because her father would burn her at the stake if he saw her wearing makeup before leaving Giuseppe’s through the back.

Giuseppe’s had a beautiful flower garden out back that was open to only customers all year round as long as it was not snowing. The flower garden was one of the main reasons that Giuseppe’s had such a big turn up despite being new in Atlanta. Everyone, it seemed, was drawn to the wide array of flowers —the explosive yellow forsythias most especially. Even as late as seven p.m., Jae still saw people milling about in the garden, holding hands, taking pictures, and sniffing the flowers. Plucking them was not allowed.

Jae told herself as she sat down on one of the benches that she was there to think, that she was there for some air, that she needed some space, that she was not there because she was hoping with all her heart to see Tyler.

Behind her, the back door opened, and Jae was hit by a miasma of smells: cheese, pasta, fried eggs, vanilla, coffee, smoke —cooking smells. Underneath it all, there was a scent. A human scent. A perfectly interwoven mix of leather, sweat, tobacco, and Old Spice.

Tyler.

“I hoped I would find you here.” He said, moving to sit on the bench with her, crossing his legs so that their thighs were touching. Jae felt the tingles all over again. Tyler didn’t look at her. He was looking ahead, playing with one of the strings that tied his apron when he asked her the question she’d been dreading. “Why?”

It was a simple question yet so loaded that it brought tears to Jae’s eyes. “Because I am a coward, Tyler. Back in Mr. Valencia’s office, I realized I liked you. A lot. So I ran hoping that if I put some distance between us, these feelings —whatever they are— would suffocate and die.”

“And how did that work out for you?”

“Badly. If anything, they just grew stronger. I just kept thinking about you."

Tyler stopped playing with the apron string and looked at her for the first time. “I’m sensing a problem here.”

“It’s not just one problem here, Tyler. Even if we both liked each other, we just can't be together. My parents won’t allow it. Society won’t allow it.” The tears spilled out of Jae's eyes like boiling milk from a saucepan.

Tyler didn’t touch her or hug her or offer fake platitudes to temporarily make her feel better. The truth was if they ever decided to be together, things would get worse before they got better. Tyler didn’t care much about the consequences,  though. “Seems to me that you care a lot about what everyone else wants. What does your heart want?”

"You can't just make decisions based on—"

"Just answer the question," Tyler said, his voice carrying with the wind. "What does your heart want?"

Jae didn’t hesitate. “You.”

Tyler smiled. “My heart wants the same. Let’s do this.” He held her hand. “Let’s take this one day at a time. Let’s take time to explore what it is we feel for each other. Secretly of course. We’ll see how things go from there. Sound good?”

Jae nodded.

Tyler hugged her then and Jae felt herself collapse in his embrace.  It was so good to finally have this sorted out. She didn’t know how this secret relationship thing would work out, but she would live in the here and now. She would appreciate every moment she got to spend with Tyler as if it were her last because she knew, in a place deep down in her heart, that a secret relationship would not remain secret for very long. There is a reason why people said walls had ears.

Even Sophocles, her favorite tragedian, had a little quote about secrets: Do nothing secretly; for Time sees and hears all things, and discloses all.

It was the disclosing part that scared Jae the most. The effects of the world getting to know that Timothy Walker’s youngest daughter was dating a black man would only be cataclysmic. Why she was here with her head on Tyler’s chest in a place as public as Giuseppe’s where any person with a camera could just take a picture and mail it to her father, she didn’t know. Love does that. Love makes you throw all caution to the wind. It makes you stupid. It makes you think you can take on the whole world for the person you love. Ridiculous.

"Jae?" Tyler said, his voice fanning her cheek.

"Hmmm?"

“I really like your hair. It was the first thing I liked about you.” Tyler spoke, pushing a lock of Jae's white-blonde hair behind her ear, grazing her cheek with his fingers, and starting what felt like a chemical reaction on her skin.

Jae looked up at him, smiling. “Really? And what was the second thing you liked about me?”

“Your mouth.”

Without warning, Tyler took her mouth in his, their tongues moving in perfect symphony as if they were age-old lovers and they disappeared into their own world. A world where Jae’s rich racist parents did not exist, a world where society did not condemn all interracial relationships to hell, a world where being a black man did not mean that you were any less of a human being, a world where Jae and Tyler could just be.

Jae and Tyler were so engrossed in each other that they did not notice Loise standing two feet away, a camera in her left hand, watching them with malice in her eyes.

●●●

Thoughts on this very triangular love triangle?
Chapter 10 is out as well