Alec and I returned to the farm before dark, bidding each other farewell before Alec turned around and headed back home. I took Jigsaw down to the paddock and stable to untack, brush and then feed him; it had been a long day for both of us. Jigsaw appeared more than happy to return to his stall and Romeo looked pleased to have his friend back.

I walked up the track and back to the farmhouse, inspecting my clothes a little to make sure the water droplets had tried. Lucky for me, they had and Barbara and Jonathan needn't be any the wiser to our little escapades in the creek. Jonathan was bound to ask questions the moment I walked through the door so I ran through every possible question with potential answers in my head before I walked through the door. Even though nothing had happened, the less they knew, the better.

"How was your day?" he asked when I walked through the door and started to take my boots off. Goose bounded up to me and insisted on me fussing her before I could do anything else.

"It was good," I said, "I climbed a tree."

"First time climbing a tree?"

I nodded. "Mum never let me back home."

"You could climb onto a roof, but not a tree?"

"She wasn't happy with the roof, but since Dad would be there she relented. Climbing a tree was completely different in her estimation."

"Well, I'm glad you had fun." Jonathan smiled. "And the farm managed to survive without you for one day.

"Supper time," Barbara said, poking her head around the wall. "Unless you ate too much at the picnic, Sybil."

"Even if I did, there's always room for more food."

Jonathan laughed and I kicked off my boots, leaving them by the front door and following him into the kitchen where Barbara had started to place the plates down. Goose followed me, no doubt expecting to grab a few scraps from my plate if I were to offer them. Even if she had already been fed, her favourite thing to do was hound me for even more food. Sometimes I would slide her a slice of chicken when Barbara wasn't paying attention. Once, I caught Jonathan doing the same. Neither of us could resist the puppy-dog eyes

Both Jonathan and Barbara insisted I tell them all out about my picnic with Alec and what we had done. I knew why they had asked since Jonathan, and occasionally Barbara had been teasing me about it since Alec first asked. What they didn't know was that I had rehearsed all the questions and knew how to avoid them asking more than necessary. Of course, I told them about the tree and our trip to the creak but I didn't tell them about us going into the water or the weird feeling in my stomach when Alec had grabbed me around the waist.

I didn't want to tell them anything until I had figured it out for myself because I didn't understand any of it. Alec and I were friends. The only reason those thoughts had even crossed my mind had been because of Jonathan and Eva's relentless pushing and teasing that there might be something more. However, that did not explain the feeling in the pit of my stomach. Nothing explained that.

Even though Jonathan and I had discussed it that morning, I still didn't want to mention it and wouldn't until I knew what it meant. It might have meant nothing, it could have just been from the way he had spun me around so soon after eating. It could have been anything. I didn't want to think it could be something if it wasn't.

"You're miles away tonight," Jonathan said, closing the book and placing it on the table.

"Just tired. Long day and all," I said.

"Hm, is that it?"

"Why would it be anything else? Maybe we could try again tomorrow? I think I need to go to bed."

"Alright, we can pick this up tomorrow evening." Jonathan smiled. "You are getting better with your reading, Sybil."

"I can't even finish one book."

"These things take time, you'll pick it up eventually. Don't rush it or expect a miracle. I'd be the best teacher in the world if that happened.

I laughed and stifled a yawn. "Goodnight."

Jonathan raised an eyebrow at me as if surprised I would voluntarily go to bed so early. "Goodnight."

I pushed myself off the sofa and walked across the living room to the staircase with Goose following close behind. She bounded up the stairs ahead of me and paused impatiently outside my door for me to open it. The moment it swung open, she ran forward and jumped onto the corner of my bed, spinning around until she got comfortable.

Goose watched me as I got ready for bed. She didn't take her eyes off me when I changed into my nightdress and ran a brush through my hair to untangle it - growing my hair had become a bit of a chore. Even when I returned from brushing my teeth her eyes were fixated on the front door as she waited for me to return. When I did, her eyes followed me in the darkness as I walked around my bed and climbed into the blankets, curling up into a ball and staring into the darkness.

Through the slight gap in the door, I could hear the low hum of conversation from the living room, but it didn't make much sense. I sighed and rolled over, my eyes falling on the silhouette of the wooden horse in the darkness that sat on my dresser. Jonathan had been impressed with the wooden rendition of Jigsaw when I had shown him, of course, he had to make the occasional comment as well since he couldn't help himself.

The horse, Alec lying to me about him and his dad being on their way home that day in the storm, him finishing off the sign when I hurt myself. The picnic. The riding lessons. Everything added up into one long mess of confusing thoughts and feelings that I could quite figure out. Alec had done it all because he had been my friend. That had to be it.

But what if it wasn't?

I huffed and sat up, kicking the blankets off my legs and drawing them into my chest. Through the open window, an owl hooted and the wind rustled against the trees; I could hear the sheep in the pen and the horses in the stable.

A soft knock came from the door and it moved slightly. I quickly buried myself back under the blankets, but Goose jumped off my bed from the sudden movement, giving me away a little. Barbara poked her head around the door with a glass of water in her. She had unpinned her hair for the evening and it fell in curls down her back, silver strands catching the slight bit of moonlight that entered through the window.

"Always have a glass of water on your nightstand, you never know when you might need it," she said.

"Thank you."

Barbara walked in and placed the glass on my nightstand before perching on the edge of my bed. Goose jumped back up on the bed and immediately started to bother her. "You went to bed early."

I shrugged. "Just tired. It's been a long day and I have my chores to do in the morning."

"Is that all it is? I don't want you getting ill again, not now that the farm is finally sorted out."

"I'm not ill, just tired."

"Hm. I know I'm not as fun or caring, for lack of a better word, as Jonathan might be, but you can talk to me, Sybil. We may have started off on the wrong foot, but that was my doing and you have more than proved yourself thousand times over. If you want to talk about anything, I'll listen."

"I know, I'm just not in a talking mood."

"A lot has happened these past few months and it would be understandable if you were struggling with them. What with your fathers visit and his potential deployment, Eva and her brother, and Alec." She stared at me but didn't expand any further.

"Dad's visit was nice, I liked seeing him again. I just wished he didn't have to leave, especially with the war getting worse. As for Eva and Anthony, they've always been like family to me, I'd hate it if something happened to either of them." I paused. "And Alec, that's just confusing."

"I'm not going to push you to talk about any of it, including Alec. I've spoken to Jonathan and asked him to stop with the teasing since it's hardly fair on you to have to put up with it along with everything else. Everything else, you are allowed to feel. Just because you showed up here determined to prove a point to me, doesn't mean you have to keep everything else locked inside. It's been a big change these past few months and, yes, you might have slipped into a routine with us here, you are allowed to have feelings."

Barbara looked at me and tilted her head a little, Goose continuing to paw at her lap. I dropped my head into my lap and started picking at my nail, my head spinning. In the few months, I had been in the country the idea of me hiding how I felt had never crossed my mind and I didn't even know I had been doing it. The move from the city to the country would always be a difficult one, especially since we didn't know how long it would last. Then there was the war, Dad and Anthony, even being away from my friends. It all added up.

I had never been all that good at understanding or dealing with the way I felt, I always pushed it down and ignored it because I had a point to prove. How could I be better at carpentry than a boy if I couldn't control my emotions? Of course, that was a nonsense idea, but it always sat in my head.

"I'll leave you to sleep, but just think about it. Sometimes it can't hurt to at least talk," Barbara said. She gave Goose a light fuss behind the ears and stood up. "I'll see you in the morning."

"Goodnight," I said, "and thank you."

"Anytime. Perhaps one day we should have a girls day. You, me, Eva, and your other friend. No talk of the war, no Alec, no Jonathan. How does that sound?"

I nodded my head. "I like the sound of that."

"Good." She smiled. "Get some sleep."

Barbara left the room, leaving the door open a little. I listened to the sound of her footsteps disappearing down the hall and took a sip from the glass. Goose walked up the bed and nudged my cheek with her nose, a sign that she wanted me to move out of the way. I did as asked and shuffled over until I was right on the edge of the bed. She then made herself comfortable in the spot I had just been sitting in, curling into a ball with her head close to mine.

I smiled and buried myself back under the blankets, pulling them up to my chin and staring out into the darkness once again. The noises outside continued but the house fell silent as Jonathan and Barbara closed the door to their room and blocked out any sound from the conversation they might have been having.

Despite her frosty attitude towards me at the start, I liked to think that Barbara might finally have started to warm to me a little more. The idea of a girls day certainly appealed to me because it would give me something else to think about other than the thoughts spinning through my head, something else to distract me with. I hoped Eva and Enid would be on board too, especially as it had been so long since I last spoke to Enid.

With the thoughts of a girls day firmly implanted in my head and Barbara's other comments taking centre stage over everything else, I drifted off to sleep.

~~~

A/N - Chapter Thirty-Five is here! I wrapped up Chapter Fifty-One yesterday and you guys are in for a treat! Make sure you stick around for that one!

Questions! Do you think there is something more going on with Sybil? Should she tell Barbara about her worries?

Comment below!

First Published - November 10th, 2021