TRIGGER WARNING! talk about gaslighting and abuse! Also there's like a cut, so yeah... didn't go much into detail but still, let me know if i need to add a summery at the end!

As the first rays of sun started to shine through the boulders protecting them from the rain, Janus started to stir; he squeezed his eyes tightly against the light as he nuzzled further into the soft fabric that was keeping him warm, Diego slithering closer to his side.

It took him a few minutes to realize he didn't recognize the texture or the smell of the piece of clothing his nose was buried into. Slowly, he opened his eyes, looking down at the soft grey sweater laying on his shoulders and hiding his snake, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

Janus sheepishly looked around, trying to catch sight of the cheery guy he knew was responsible for him staying warm that night.

He saw him humming softly as he fed some wood to the fire to try and get warmed up a bit as the humidity the rain left behind made the air colder. No one else was awake yet, not even the sun that was still lazily rising up to the sky.

Janus could feel his stomach close slightly as he pondered whether or not to go talk to his soulmate. He knew he had to sooner or later, he had to apologize and give his sweater back, but still, he was nervous. He treated the poor guy like shit, he told him to 'fuck off' after he had been nothing but kind to him, and what does he do after all of this? He gives him his sweater because he saw he was cold, completely disregarding the fact that now he was the one who was shivering!

Janus sighs silently, closing his eyes for a few seconds to try and calm himself down. A small smile curved his lips as he felt Diego wrap around his neck to hug him and provide some kind of pressure to his chest to try and help.

Slowly, the snake like guy got up, hesitantly walking towards the smaller guy who was still humming and oblivious, his hand stretched towards the small orange flames.

Janus plopped down beside him with a sigh, making Patton jump slightly in surprise. The scale guy kept his gaze on the ground despite feeling the other's wide eyes studying him carefully.

They stayed silent for a few more seconds before the snake like guy finally decided to broke it.

"I'm sorry..." He said softly, his voice lowered in almost a whisper. " I shouldn't have treated you that way and I shouldn't have told you to... t-to 'fuck off'."

Patton chuckled, dismissing his words with movement of his hand.

"Ah, don't worry about it. I mean, I would have been pretty mad too if a random guy suddenly came into my life and snatched away my best friend."

Janus attempted to chuckle the same way the cheery guy was doing, but his smile fell short looking more like a grimace than anything else.

Patton didn't took long to notice, frowning in concern as he went to put a hand on the other's shoulder before changing his mind and letting it fall to his side.

"What's wrong?" He asked softly, trying to meet his eyes.

The scale-y man tried to ignore the sting in his chest at the way the cheery guy's hand fell away from him, the soulmate bond showing itself more than ever as it made his body crave the other's touch and affection.

"It's just that that... that was not why I treated you the way I did." He started, his eyes never meeting Patton's.

"Why then? Did I say something wrong? Did I do something to offend you? Or maybe you just don't like me, I mean I wouldn't blame you, it's not really under our control, sometimes you just don't like someone," He started to ramble, making Janus' heart ache even more. How could a guy so nice and caring be his soulmate? "Like for example when I was younger I had this teacher whom I didn't like not even one bit! Sure she was a meanie but still I-"

"I was scared." He whispered, making Patton stop so abruptly he almost chocked on his words.

"Scared? Of me?" The guy asked looking at his hands as if to check they were still normal, making Janus chuckle tiredly.

"No, not of you. Of getting hurt again."

Silence fell between the two of them, only interrupted by Remus' snoring and the birds' chirping. He didn't need to look at him to know that Patton was just sitting there, patiently waiting for him to explain what he meant. He could feel the other concerned gaze on himself.

So, taking a deep breath he started talking.

"Before meeting Remy and Remus, I lived in a normal village; I was raised in an orphanage, thinking I was no different than any other kid there, but growing up I quickly understood it was not true; the scales on my face and body and my snake-like eye, made it so people either called me names or stayed away from me, too freaked out by my appearance. Having Diego with me at all times really didn't help. I have never really knew what it meant to have someone like you platonically, let alone romantically. So when a guy who seemed "cute" and "handsome" - he strolled his eyes- came along and started talking to me as if I were normal, it was easy for me to fall." He grimaced, looking down at his fidgeting hands before continuing. "Hadn't I been so stupid I would have run away from him when he almost killed Diego after seeing him for the first time;- Patton gasped but he ignored him and kept going,- but I was blind to the way he treated me and all of my daimons warning fell on deaf ears."

At that point Janus felt like the words were tumbling out of his mouth one after the other.

"Other than that episode he was kind and gentle with me; he was funny and smart and romantic. He worked at a science lab and even brought me along a couple of times. And that's when things started to get weird."

His eyes glossed over, becoming distant as his mind filled with memories.

Janus giggled, his hand covering his smile as he watched Jake put on his white lab coat and make a face at him, sticking his tongue out.

"Hey, wanna see how we usually test stuff?" His boyfriend asked with a weird glint in his eyes that the other didn't notice.

The younger nodded, curiously tilting his head to the right as he swung his leg slightly.

Jake grabbed a few things, giving his back to the other who just sat on his stool, before turning around with a scalpel in his hand.

"Give me your arm." He demanded, making Janus' eyes widen. He looked between his boyfriend's expecting hand and his face a couple of times, trying to see if he was kidding.

"Are you serious?" He asked giggling nervously, his already wavering smile completely vanishing when the other nodded.

He shook his head, keeping his right arm close to his chest, making Jake roll his eyes and sigh in annoyance.

"Come on, stop acting like a child. Everyone here does it from time to time to work on experiments. Plus didn't you say you wanted to see how we worked here?"

Janus stopped for a second. Jake wouldn't hurt him right? If he said everyone did it, then why wouldn't he?

So, hesitantly, he let the man take his arm and dig a rather deep cut into it, making him hiss in pain. He tugged at his arm trying to get it out of the other's hold, but he only held it tighter and Janus was sure he would have bruises forming there.

Jake collected some of the blood and then took a cotton swab and put it in the cut, moving it back and forth and making Janus whimper in pain, a few tears rolling from his eyes.

"Oh my god, you're such a baby." Jake scoffed letting go of his arm and turning around to write something down on his notebook. "It doesn't even hurt that much, I'm sure you're just blowing it out of proportion."

Janus didn't say anything, he just sat there, looking down at his arm and pressing on the cut with his other hand to stop the bleeding.

"Go home." His boy friend ordered, making his eyes widen again. Was he not even going to give him something to medicate the cut? "I'll meet you there okay?"

Janus closed his eyes for a second, swallowing the lump in his throat and trying his best to calm down before continuing.

"That was the first time he experimented on me. In the months to come he would bring me more and more often to the lab, making me do different things and jotting down the results on his notebook. Whenever I refused he would either tell me that everyone else did, telling me how much of a baby I was, it or that I should just have done it if I actually loved him. At some point he convinced me to take Diego with me and then leave him at the lab in a terrarium, before not allowing me to see him anymore. He didn't care that by doing that I started to get sick, only feeling better when he would bring me back to the lab with him." He stopped once again taking a deep breath, ignoring the small sniffles coming from his soulmate. Diego gently cuddled closer to him, as if he was trying to hug him. " It was only a few months afterwards that he let his façade completely slip. He had convinced me to lay on one of those metal tables they had in the lab and then completely immobilized me by tying me down; at that point he and the other scientists started doing whatever to my body, cutting and tearing off scales, before leaving me in the lab for the rest of the night.

"It was only one week later, after everyone had gone home, that the cleaner saw me. I had talked to him only a couple of times, and never long enough to ever even catch his name, but I always noticed the glares he shoot the scientists whenever he saw them with me. It was only thanks to him if I was able to run away. He untied me and gave me some clean clothes before helping me get Diego out and telling me to run into the woods, where I eventually met Remy and Remus."

He stopped. He never meant to actually tell Patton the whole story, but for some reason talking to him was just so... easy.

"I promised myself I would have never got that close to anyone else. I got too hurt from what happened and I still have the scars to prove it. And then I met you. - he looked up at Patton, his eyes softening when he noticed the guy was actually sobbing and looked like he wanted nothing more than to hug him.- and you were just so kind, and soft, and gentle. You immediately got along with Diego and you didn't even freak out when he came up to you the first time. And I was just terrified. Because despite everything he had done Jake was kind too. Or at least he was able to act like he was.- he stopped, a sigh escaping his lips as he put his head in his hands, his voice cracking.- God I'm so fucking stupid, I should have known you're not like him."

Janus didn't even get to fully finish the sentence before Patton actually full on threw himself at him, wrapping him in a warm gentle hug.

"Don't you dare call yourself stupid for being scared. What you went through was absolutely horrible and terrifying, and you're so strong, not only because you were able to survive, but also because in some ways, you managed to move on." The cheery guy mumbled, hiding his face in the crook of the other's neck. He didn't care about how Janus didn't hug him back immediately, still too shocked to even move. He understood.

Patton put his chin on the other's shoulder, smiling as he slowly felt him wrap his arms around him to hug him back, Diego coming out from his hiding spot under Janus shirt too.

"You're such a strong, brave and amazing individual, who manage to go through hell and back and actually survive. I don't blame you for being scared, because it's okay to be, especially after going through what you did."

It was only at that point that Janus finally let his walls fall completely, hugging Patton tighter, holding on to his shirt as he sobbed into his shoulder. That morning, for the first time he was feeling completely accepted and loved. For the first time he felt as if it was okay for him to try and love again.

A few feet away, Remy cuddled closer to Kiera, ignoring the tear running down his cheek and closing his eyes back up with a small smile. He was happy to see one of his best friends finally starting to let himself be happy again.

HAPPY NEW YEAR GUYS! 2020 is finally over!

So here is the new chapter, i hope the length of it makes up even if in just a small part for how late it came hahah!

As always let me know what you think of it and feel free to point out any mistakes/typos you may find while reading!

Just like i said last chapter, since I have less to no idea on what to write for this story since I only have some scenes here and there prepared, please feel free to leave suggestions or requests on what you want to see in the story and I'll try my best to wove it in with what I know I want to write! Thank you!

Happy new year again and thank you for always being patient with updates and stuff, you guys really did make this year a 100 times better <3 Love you all! <3

Bye,

Ali c: