You go to school, you give your 10th exam, excel in them, than select a stream of your or your parents choice and give your boards and than choose a degree. The moment you walk into your college gates you are that person the 17 year old about to turn 18 who doesn't really know anything and are worried for what could happen to you in life, will your seniors bully you? Or will you be able to pass with good grades, what about the after degree which company would hire you?

Divya like any other student in India had same worries, but she had never worried about being bullied or that what would she do after degree. Her plan at that moment was to enjoy college, discover herself and see where life takes her. Because she knew nor was she in a college that gave placements and her degree was something that she hadn't really selected on her own, it was the need of the hour.

But the three years after walking into her class had changed her. She knew the ways around the world, she knew a few extra good words, she had friends, she had people who guided her, and though she wasn't really setteled off she was happy she with what ever she was doing.

At times she thought it was great that she didn't really had to select on something immediately, that she had time, thankfully the covid had given her that.

Yet another May had rolled in and Divya was quite astonuished as to how time had went by. Last year by now she used to be around the house nervous for when she would receive a random call from her friends or the texts that were left unanswered. However now she would have to wait for a weeked to connect with them, the Mondays were more difficult than the ones in college, and Friday seemed a nice day for Saturday meant a weekend and a off.

"Yes Apporva, I agree that you had asked us to use only the edited images, and I appologise that we didn't inform you about the change in strategy before posting it up, but you see, the image that we have posted goes well with the feed and has infact more number of likes than the edited ones. I think it shouldn't be a problem, and more over we had already showed you the image, you gave us a go ahead." Divya argued.

It was a Monday morning, and client calls had never been her favourite thing. When Divya began working at this Social media consultancy firm she was appointed just as the content writer, however the HR had something else in their mind. They liked her profile a lot and found her to be more suitable for the post of the head of their social media team and asked her if she was okay with it. Divya had agreed to it and it had now been almost 3 months that she was handling a team of 5 members and 13 clients.

However Appoorva who was a fairly new client seemed to be one whom she couldn't handle, the kind of wibes that the lady gave she wished she could just switch off her phone on her face.

"Don't give me that excuse and I am not here to keep on checking what is being posted and what not, if I was to do this than why do I have to even pay you guys?"

Divya didn't knew what was to say next. This was completely not acceptable, for the next 15 – 20 min Divya kept on explaining the new strategy that the team is planning and that how they all were experts and that as they had just started off surely they will require a bit of her input in the tasks so that they could understand her preferences.

With a lot of difficulty the client did approve of it, howevever as the evening fell in Divya could feel an acute pain in her entire body. Her fingers would ache her back would ache and so did her stomach. Her sleep patterns had turned out to be very different, she wouldn't get even a wink of sleep, all she could think of was the different things that she would say to the clients, the creative that she could make.

For days she kept on ignoring it until one Sunday she felt like she would vomit, the afternoon had been hectic even though it was a Sunday. The work pressuer was building up tremendously and where on one side the client would eat her head on the other side her bosses would have only one answer – tell them that we know what we are doing.

During dinner her mom prepared her an omlet and she so wanted to eat it, but she couldn't eat even a single bite, all she could think of was that when she was to schedule the client call, whom can she finally hand over that client to. It was amidst the various thoughts that she had did she realize the sudden bile that had started building up in her throat. She quickly stoopd up and wenty to the bathroom as she puked out all of her dinner.

"Divya you okay?" her Brother asked as she could hear her mom yelling at her.

"This was going to happen, her lunches are not on time, she doesn't eat well during night, all day that she thinks and talks about is work, I don't know why is it so important for her? Isn't there anyone else, are you the only one?"

Divya and her brother ignored her as she cleaned her mouth and came outside. Ignoring everyone, she picked up her things and went straight away in her room. Her body was aching badly, so did her head. She wished these days would end soon, or may be she would get some change in her monotonous life.

Resting her head on her knees that she had pulled to her chest Divya plugged in her ear phones and decided to rest for a while. But her thoughts couldn't leave her be. This change, having a job and not able to handle it on her own was scaring her to wits. She missed her routine that was there back in college.

Divya felt a tap on her shoulders, it was her brother. He smiled at her and sat right infornt of her.

"Why did you leave the job?" He asked. And the fact that he asked her that made Divya wonder what was wrong with her family. Didn't they saw how much she was struggling with things? How at times it used to be even difficult to just breath while working there.

"I... you know I have been at it from the very next month, I wasn't liking it there." Divya explained. She thought it would be better to do that rather than explaining him the rest.

"No, I don't believe that, if you didn't liked it there, why would you be happy each time a client praised your team or when your team member did a great job that even you liked? You enjoyed it for sure than why?"

Divya thought about the words that her brother said and closed her eyes, letting her head rest by the wall, and she thought why did she did so?

"Bhai you know the Mondays used to horrify me, Tuesdays though were a slightly less hectic they used to make me feel anxious, Wednesdays used to make me feel as if what the hell am I doing here? On thurdays I used to be relaxed that finally it's a Friday, on fridays, I couldn't even breath properly because things used keep me on toes and the weekends used to make me worried whenever there weren't any kind of goofups. I had completely forgotten what was it that I had wanted from this job, what was it that I was doing there, what was my time for me, what was it that I enjoyed doing. I didn't wanted that for myself. And I knew I couldn't give that as an excuse to mom and dad and moreover I really wanted to give the civil service exams a try, what bad would really happen?"

"Divya, Jobs can be scary, especially your first job, but that doesn't mean you run away from there. You were doing so well, you didn't had much of an experience in that area but you made sure that you did your best, you made sure that the kind of work that would be delivered would be the best, in such a case I would have suggested you to not leave the job, but you know I am happy, I am happy that you kept yourself first and decided to leave it. if it was affecting you and your mental health, if it doest really satisfy you, its best to let go."

"Yeah, even I thought so, and than again, parth had once said that we have just started off, we don't have to sacrifice our mental peace just yet."

Divya smiled at her brother who patted her hair and said, " yes, you don't."

The next week was yet again filled with numerous challegens for Divya, she would have to train her replacements, talk to clients, clear the doubts and issues of different team members. Things weren't that well at her home as well.

It is one thing to be at home and completely different to be at home for a whole year. When you are there around the same people for a long time things would go very haywaya.

Where on days there would be arguments between her mom and grandmother, there would be days when her dad and mom would fight. Her brother was on the verge of moving out of the house and then there were times when she fished if only her parents would move on from their past.

On one such evening her dad was back home. Divya's dad was always a soft heart someone who would believe in anyone quite easily and that one quality of his had costed him his whole life. Having his own people deciving him in business, ignoring him, and almost stealing as well had it not been for Divya's mother.

That one thing that had been constant reason for the cold wars that would keep on going in their family.

But then again, nowhere was Divya's mom wrong as well. Had her dad been a little more attentive, let her mom be in loop and thought of them then their lives would have been different. They wouldn't be staying here in Borivali rather somewhere in south Bombay, she wouldn't have to go this college she might have as well thought about Delhi university or may be going abroad, and she would have so much of a different life.

But she had time and again thought, what was the use of cribbing over the past?

"If only you would have told me back then what was going on, you never consulted with me if I was okay, what was it that I wanted, you had your people, if it was so why did you even bother to marry? You shouldn't have done that at all!"

Divya couldn't hear well what her father said but she had a lot of it, she stood up from her bed and went out and yelled.

"Can you two just end this here? For how long are we going to take this ahead? Can't we just move on? Why are you two again and again bring us back to that, the more we decide to let go off it and move ahead you two pull us back there, we don't want that for us, do hell with your actions that you did in past, all I want right now is for you two understand what we have now and how we can improvise our tomorrow."

"Divya you don't know how much it hurts me..." her mom intrupted in between.

"You don't know about mine... Mom its not easy to sit there and think and plan my future when all the while my family is stuck in the days that were around 15 years ago. What if I were to sit there as well? Would I have got graduated? Or made friends? People wanted me to study in municipality school or not take up things, but that's not what I did I had to let go off them and slap right in their face with my actions. Prove them that I don't need them."

Divya took a deep breath and said, "Please for the sake of us just stop this for once and grow up." Controlling her tears Divya walked out of the house and went upstairs on the terrace only to find it wasn't empty as Parth sat there smoking his cigrattee.

"I wish I could take a puff, but I can't because I don't like it." Divya huffed and sat there. The smell of the smoke that once made her gag and feel uncomfortable seemed to feel good, it comforted her and made her feel warm. She thought it was absurd, how could that be so, but she liked it as she sat there in silence.

When for a long time even parth didn't asked her what was bothering her or why he was here taking a smoke she asked him.

"So how is your job going?"

"Its good, Bhai told me that you resigned. Tired already?"

"Yeah, I realized it was better to let it go than suffering for a long while. The money wasn't that tempting as well." Divya laughed as Parth let out a huge drang and said, "Even if they would have agreed to give you a raise the money wouldn't have stopped you. And I am glad it never stopped you."

"whats bothering you? And cut down on that, each time that I catch hold of you, you are always two cigrattes down."

"I am stressed out, I need some kind of release."

"I wish I could use nicotine as a means of stress buster, can I just whack you? Parth I am legit getting a déjà vu, you know I had said this same thing to Aman long back and I am saying to you again... if you are stressed out, get help, talk about it... this will only harm you nothing else."

"Get help as in leave the job like you? I can't do that, for me that money and that job matters unlike you." Parth taunted as he crashed the bud on the railing and turned around with his back to the embankments looking up in the sky.

"That job mattered to me as well as Parth, but I had two options, I could have stayed there and hated the only thing that I love the most or I could leave the place and look for something that would make me fall in love with it even more. It's not that I ran away from there, I am tired of telling this to everyone, but then so be it... I decided to choose myself over everything else because I know very well how it feels like to look into the mirror and ask yourself what and who you are and to find no answer to that question. Each day we all have our battles to fight, but that doesn't mean that we all resort to drugs."

"You don't say that to those other friends of yours or to madhav." Parth's taunting statement was like a slap in Divya's face. She herself knew that time and again she had not bothered to lecture them on this, it never really bothered her what they did. At those times she would think did she even thought them as friednds, for how easily she would go and scold Nandini and Aman and Parth for smoking but never had she ever stopped Dev or Atharva or Madhav from doing the same.

Why?

"That's because I know they won't listen, I know that my words don't mean anything to them... but for once I know that the next time you would pick up that cigratte you would think about what I said. You would try and release that smoke from your mouth far away from me unlike those who smoke right into my face. Parth, I don't tell them off isn't because I regard them high, rather I know its of no use. I don't even know for how long we are going to be in contact with each other... but for you its different. And most importantly I care and worry for you."

Divya looked up at Parth only to find him staring at her. She could see how his shoulders rose and fell down as he took a deep breath and opened his mouth to say something but rather shook his head and said,

"do you still like Madhav?"

That question came like a sudden gush of wind on a rainy day, the one that gave you chills and would bring you back to reality. And Divya like any other times didn't had any answer to it.

"Okay let me change it to may be, when did you guys last talked? I guess that's a simple one." Divya glared at him and said, "On his birthday."

"and that was?"

"June."

"Ohh that's great, and before that?"

"March... why are you so interested to know when did we last talked?"

"well I just want to know whats going on, you haven't talked about him for a while now, I was just curious if you are still in contact or have completely cut off eachother."

"Naah we do contact each other, you know I am not really a call kind of a person, mostly he used to call, if there is anything I would just text him, but with office I didn't had much to work on and we don't really have any reason to call each other or what do we even talk about?" Divya explained.

Don't you feel like talking to him?"

"I miss him, I miss him a lot, there are days when I wish I could just go and call him right away talk to him ask him how is he doing, is he happy with his shop work if there are things that are disturbing him or if there is something that I should know or if he was just okay. But I could never call him, at times it would be like his phones would go unanswered, or there would be times when the timings wont be proper and he would never call me back. It used to hurt me a lot hence I decided it was better not to call him, if he needed anything he will let me know."

"I am sorry." Parth said the moment she was done narrating what she had in mind for a very long time now.

" You don't have to, its not like you did something wrong. Rather it was me. When I had told him that I liked him, I had thought things would be easier now, especially because people wont have to make speculations, but I was wrong it only worsened. Now every time I would make a call the first thing I think is am I being too much, what would I say to him, what if he thinks that I still like him. It was difficult"

Parth smiled at her and wrapped his one arm around her shoulders pulling her towards him and said, "Everything will be alright with time. You overcame the pain that Abhimanyu gave you, I am sure you will be able to overcome Madhav as well, moreover this time it would be less painful because all you have are good memories with him. You never know the next time that you would meet him, you might realize you don't even like him anymore."

"I hope that happens, how about you? You never told me about your cursh." Divya asked. And the moment she did Parth let go off her and began fidgeting.

"that because I don't have one."

"Oh please I am no fool, one of these days Parth, I swear I am going to find out who that bitch is." The two walked down the stairs while Parth kept on teasing Divya with all possible things, however the biggest of all was how clueless she had always been.