It was around the first week of September, Divya was worried for her notes, the university had all of a sudden announced their exams, everyone was in panic as to how things were to go? She didn't even remember what all subjects she had for that semester, and Math, that one subject with a weird name, she wondered how she was going to tackle that. Hence to decide that Divya was wondering that she could go to Nandini's place to get all the possible notes along with a few pictures of the chapters from the Math textbook that Geet had.

After a hearty dinner, Divya walked into her room, Priya was working on her art work and it was going to take her hours before she would come and sleep, and her grandma was busy with her daily soaps, and somehow this time and having the room to herself felt better. She laid down on the bed and began surfing through her Instagram and then checking on the wattpad notifications, and no matter what as one worried about their kids, Divya found herself fretting over her two books that she was working on. She feared what if people didn't like her story? What if they criticized it or any of the characters? She found that she loved each one of them as if they were her friends, family...a part of herself.

Clicking on to the update that was there for the ongoing story that she was reading, Divya had gone through just two paras when her phone rang, the name that flashed on her phone almost made her phone drop out of her hand. Accepting the call, she spoke in the best enthusiastic voice that she could muster. However, as much as she tried to ignore it, and to try and make herself understand that it was nothing she couldn't help but feel the excitement and happiness that surged throughout her body.

"Madhav!" she laughed as Madhav replied back in a childlike manner. Time and again Divya had been going back and forth on their last conversation that they had, had on her birthday, but she couldn't help and wondered how come he called her back so soon.

"What are you up to?" Madhav asked.

"Umm Nothing much, just had dinner, and was reading a book. You?'

"Ohh I am yet to have my dinner..." Divya sensed the way the conversation was going into an awkward zone, and quickly said, "oh I have a gossip for you."

"Okay I am all ears." The two laughed, as Divya explained how her sister had received a call from the vice principal of the college telling her not to take admission in the Transport management department and that she should go for BMS.

"So did she accept it?" Madhav asked.

"No, she didn't, BMS won't be doing much 3 years down the lane as it is. Plus the audacity of theirs to say that the transport management department is being closed by the college, and she was like ''you have such good grades why opt for such a course."

"How much does she have in 12?"

"Not that great, she wouldn't have got in through the merit list, she just had 78 percentile." Divya replied and adjusted her pillows and switched on the AC. The weather in Mumbai was already turning humid once again.

"Yeah, she didn't really have that good score, actually you know what these people are not getting admissions right now, last year it was me who had gotten them many admissions through my contact, any ways I have to tell you something...guess what?"

Divya rolled her eyes and said, "Madhav the worst thing in my life is when someone asks me to guess something, if you want to tell me something go ahead and tell me, don't play games."

"Kyaa yaar, it would have been fun. Think of it again."

"Good night." Divya said and was about to hang up the call when Madhav stopped her and said,

'Okay so no one knows about this other than the boys and Rajshri, I am yet to tell Nandu about it but then Rajshri told me that I should tell you about this."

"Alright speed it up, you are scaring me." Divya said as a choked chuckle fell off her lips.

"No nothing serious... but the thing is I am back with my ex.we had just started talking again before we went to IV, and then while hanging out that whole ringworm thing happened, and then we sorted out things one by one and now it's been a month that we are together." There was an utter silence, Divya couldn't find it in herself to say anything.

What was she supposed to say? Congratulations? Okay? Was she supposed to curse herself or him for having confessed her feelings like that to him? She didn't knew but at that moment she had to say something, hence she took a deep breath and said,

"That's great, congratulations!!! I am quite happy for you." And sadly she was, she was happy for him, if this was what he wanted, she was happy for him.

"But Madhav, I remember you telling us that the major reason why you guys decided to break it off was due to the long distance and that she was giving this relation more focus than to her studies. So how are you guys going to work it out now?"

"Yeah, to be honest even I don't know how it's going to work, but we are talking it out, one thing I am going to make sure of is that we talk out each and everything." Madhav said.

"So you are happy?"

"I guess I am Divya, are you okay? See I wanted to tell this to you myself and not have this coming to you as gossip, especially now when we do keep on talking on a regular basis. I am sorry if it has hurt you anyway." Madhav confessed, and Divya wished it would have been something else. She wanted to talk to him but she didn't know what to say, she was hurt? But then she didn't have any right to feel hurt as well, he and she weren't in a relationship where he was not obligated to tell her things but she wished that she hadn't done those things that she did on IV, after coming back and then that confession. It made her feel dirty and cheap.

"Yeah I am fine, Madhav I would only tell you one thing, don't let your ego come into this, talk things out with her for everything and if you need my help or want to talk to me you can just give me a call."

"Yeah I mean you guys have to bear that, you don't have any option." The two soon bid bye as they didn't have much to speak, it seemed as if someone had sucked off all the energy from Divya's body, her legs felt jello. She kept her phone on the bed and laid down, hugging her pillow and wrapping the blanket around her. All of a sudden she felt cold as if the winters were back.

That night Divya cried. She cried as if the whole world was about to end. It wasn't cold, rather the September was just at the beginning, but she felt as if shivers were covering her whole body. What was one supposed to do with such a call, an information that would surely kill someone and break their heart?

It had taken her two days to process that information, the fact that Madhav was in a relationship with someone. She felt sad and happy at the same time... it seemed as if she was so used to being happy for others that even at that moment she remembered feeling so happy for him, she had almost jumped and congratulated him.

Wrapping her arms around herself Divya sobbed so loudly that she felt suffocated. A feeling of loneliness and being alone gripped her whole being. She wondered time and again why she had to meet Madhav? She was doing so fine in her life, why did she have to foolishly do all those things that she did. Why did she had to be happy for him, why couldn't she just curse him ask what gave him the rights to laugh at her... she felt so low of herself to have feelings for someone who didn't care for her...she wondered if she regarded herself so low of herself that she was ready to be friends with him even after this... even after all this.

She wished she had someone to whom she could tell all this, someone who could just wrap her in their arms and tell her that it was okay, that she wasn't wrong. It was just that she liked him...that when it came to matters of the heart it was like that you can always expect the unexpected.

She wrapped her arms around herself tighter and cried. All her emotions had been so difficult to just handle. She wanted to cry even more, but that bile in her throat wouldn't just come out, that pain seemed too painful to be flowed out...she wanted to do something. Get out of the house, do something that would make her believe in herself, tell her that this isn't the end, that she was there to love herself.... That this was just a crush and that it was okay... this was okayyyy

It was.. Wasn't it? Divya wondered. The cold night along with the pin drop silence, pointing out to the deepest feelings of her as they now flowed through her tears, she felt good, but it pained.... It pained so much that she thought that it was not bearable. Why did it have to be so painful? This was just a crush. She had known Madhav just for such a small while, how and when her feelings grew so much? What was she to do now?

At one time she felt that stupid thought coming back to her mind, she thought may be even after so many things she wasn't really worth to be loved by someone, after all that shedding off those insecurities, finding herself, being a confident girl..People still didn't love her back. But the moment this thought came she scolded herself and said that she was so much more worth than these insecurities. What all she did was for herself, and not to get any kind of validation from someone. However the tears still kept on flowing as if there was no end to them.., and with each passing second did Divya realized these tears were just for Madhav, but for her loss time at college, the fear that she was leaving in each passing day of being adult, of getting married soon, of a carrier she knew she couldn't make it in. of the dread that she felt while being wrapped in a place that she didn't really enjoy at all.

She cried for her present, for her past, her future, her dreams, her unrequited love, everything.

The next morning when everyone woke up, everyone was going about as they would have, while Divya felt a huge load had been lifted off her shoulders. She walked upstairs at the terrace to retrieve a few things and met Parth.

"you cried." He said and stood there looking at her face.

"I did. It felt good."

"Mind if I ask why?" Divya began to lay up the leaves that her mom had asked her to leave there. "more like for everything...Parth do you realize that we are growing up...like we have grown up, now we can't really go and hold on to our mothers hand and sleep beside her just because we are scared, I can't go and hug my dad because someone hurt me in college and that I can't keep up with the load, I have to be there, switch off my phone or plug on a freaking music just so that I could cry... I can't cry as well now Parth... and I am scared of it... I am so scared that it freaks me out that I might not be okay... I know it doesn't make sense but.."

"what's wrong Divya?" Parth asked as he came closer to her and stood beside her. He didn't do anything. He just stood there. "Everything." Divya replied. Her eyes had filled up again and she wondered how come she had anymore tears left with her.

"Its okay... I am there." Divya looked up at him as Parth smiled at her and continued. "I know that now a days the nights scare you. The books that you read aren't comforting, the friends that you made as well ... it feels like a dream and that it might be time for you to wake up again, but Divya you have to know that this is reality and that yes with every dose of happiness there is something bad that's there at the end,because that's the beginning of a new happiness.everyone goes through what we are going, and maybe someday you would miss this day as well. The day when you were just anticipating what was to come next."

"But why does it always have to be always so painful, not just for me but for all of us. You look at yourself, your dad accepted to let you play but in what condition only if you were to apply through the government team... What is that going to guarantee? When that doesn't end, there is even your mom, she should have been healthy but no, things have to always fall in the negative form, Bhai has his own problem and we are just prolonging into the topic, we can't have that going on for long. And I –"

"Something is seriously not right, what happened?" Parth stopped her ranting as he took the leaves from her and kept them at a side.

"Last night Madhav had called me... "

"Did you two fight? Or did he say something he shouldn't have?" Divya took a deep breath and said, "He has a girlfriend. I am surely upset about it, but I am as well scared as to how things are going to turn out for me now... exams are about to come and then job, you know the situation." Parth stood up and went and hugged Divya tightly.

The kind of hug Divya always wanted to give Madhav, that warm one, that assuring one, that one where they would engulf each other as if assuring that things would go well.

"You don't have to add the add ons to that reason Divya, it's completely justifiable that you are upset because of your call with Madhav, it's okay and everything will be alright."

After a few minutes as the two let go off each other Parth looked at her and said "You look so ugly, just because you are home doesn't mean that you can't dress well, also if you are done with your drama let's go downstairs mom has made samosas, I can spare a few for you."

"Wait, why were you here?" Divya asked.

Parth dived his hand in his pocket and showed her the cigarette.

"This is the first one of the week." He said.

"Haww Parth, how can you smoke here? I can't believe this I am surrounded with Nashedis, I mean the guy whom I like has tried all kind of drugs and cigarette is like having breakfast, lunch and dinner. My two best friends keep on finding ways to smoke themselves to death... I mean are there any humans who don't smoke?" Divya exclaimed.

"I don't know about you, but I do know one, and I am sure one of these days she is going to try it as well. For sure."

"No thank you."

"Who said I am talking about you? Divya one shouldn't be so self obsessed with themselves."

"Parth one shouldn't be such an asshole always."

Our laughter filled around us breaking off the  melancholic silence. At least for those little moment I was okay, I was happy, and I had forgotten about the dull pain in my heart.