It had already been a week since their college had gone shut... however things weren't calm. Divya had begun posting the pictures on her Instagram and the boys would find some or the other way to comment and tease Divya. There were a series of trends going around with people making dalgona coffee, reels came into action, the trend of big what is this big boss began to change into completely different aspects.

The song 'yaar mod do' was now slowly taken over by soft music, people had now started watching old series and Mahabharat and Ramayan was back on TV.

Divya's cousin had gone back home on Friday however she couldn't forget the conversation and the feelings she felt while talking to Madhav for the very first time.

"So your cousins are still there?" He asked.

"Yeah..." Divya's voice sounded weird to herself as well, and hence it was no surprise when Madhav asked her. "Something seems wrong."

"I am not liking them here, it's been a while since I was home, I had my room, my parents, my things to myself, and now I am to share it with them... like even before I could get back to the normal routine they were here."

"You don't like them? But they wont be for long so it should go back to normal." Madhav assured her.

"No Madhav, you see I love them, since my childhood I have grown up with them, they are just like my sister and brother to me, the little one is like my kid for me, and this, this whatever that I am feeling right now is making me feel like a bitch, but I want them to be gone to their home and for once I know that once they would be gone i would miss them."

"You must be feeling homesick while at home, you know when I was at hostel during school and when I used to come back, my mom used to make sure that all my things in my room are just the way it used to be, yet I used to hate it that my brother or my family used to come and interfere in my rooms matter. When we are used to have a few things to just ourselves, than when someone else comes in and we have to share it with them, in the beginning it does become difficult, but you know we get used to it, we accept it and that doesn't mean we don't love them, it's just that there is a huge change in a few things and naturally as human it will affect us."

It took a while for Divya to understand this, and later on did she get used to it, however the moment she did they had to leave, while bidding bye to them, Divya found herself holding onto her little cousin's hand a little more tightly not wanting it to let go.

It was then Divya realized how Madhav was right in what he said, it's the change that makes us vulnerable and with time we shall get used to it.

While Divya adjusted to the numerous changes in her life, PM Modi used to turn up on the news channel at 8 pm and announce a nation wide lockdown. Everything was shut down, no jobs for people, some had resorted to work from home, and students,they had the best of their times... none was there to stop them from doing what they wanted.

At Divya's place they would stock all kinds of food and at night after dinner, Divya would sneak out at the terrace away from everyone as she would sit by herself and listen to songs, away from everyone.

Similarly on one Monday morning she was lying in her bed when she received a text from Madhav.

"I am going to Jaipur." The sudden pain in her gut made Divya worried. She knew that feeling, every time she had felt that her gut feeling had come true.

It won't be soon, or maybe anytime now that she will be meeting Madhav. He was going to Jaipur for good. She knew this day was going to come,but this soon? While she would be laying in her bed on a random Monday... she had never thought she would be bidding bye to Madhav like this.

She didn't reply to him immediately, she placed her face in her pillow for a while taking deep breaths, she waited for the pain in her throat to die down, but it didn't, nor did the tears came as she cried silently for something even she didn't knew... but she knew that she missed Madhav, she missed him a lot.

With a heavy heart Divya took her phone and texted back, 'Ohh, Bye I guess, when are you scheduled to leave?'

The reply was instant. " I have an early morning flight at 4 will be leaving for airport by 2"

"alright, I can't even say see you soon." Divya replied back with a laughing emoji whereas she was nowhere near that.

"Yeah I guess, I was not going to but then there is nothing to do here, so its better I go back home, when college reopens I guess I will be back.'

"yes Hopefully."

Divya for the whole made sure she was busy with something or the other for she didnt wanted to acknowledge the pain that she felt. Having people going away and relocating themselves was quite a common thing in her life, but to know that there won't be even a little possibility of crossing paths with them at the market, or maybe meeting them at the shopping center or maybe getting that surprise visit from them... it pained.

It was easy to always maintain a relationship while being closer, but the real struggle would come when the physical distance is way more than to be able to get rid of quite easily.

That night Divya went on the terrace and sat there with her earphones plugged in waiting for the tears to fall down. She wanted to cry so badly but she couldn't . the lyrics of old hindi songs, the song batein kuch an kahi si, or the tum se hi, or all those that could have helped her cry failed to make her cry her heart out. It was painful. She texted Natasha as well, and the two talked about all the possible things that happened on IV. Nadini and Natasha even talked about Madhav but that as well didn't help.

"Why are you sitting here?" Parth's voice scared her for a moment as she jumped in her skin.

"fuck, that scared me. What are you doing here?"

"I was bored, my dad is home, I can't stay there for long, it's already irritating the way the two of them keep on fighting." Parth said, as he sat down beside her and took her earphones.

"I know right, it's irritating, it's unbearable, for how many years are we going through the same thing again and again? Our parents fight, we have to stop doing things that we like doing, the elders fuck up and then we have to bear the burnt. Some asshole out there eats a bat and the whole world has to stop all that they are doing and sit at home."

"something happened?"

Divya didn't replied for a very long while and then took a deep breath and said, "I don't care if you tell out to people...anyways...Madhav is going home..." the moment she said this she felt the tears finally coming out, as she cried, she didn't say anything she just cried.

She cried for the lack of possibility that she could have had for a few more days with him, she cried for the way she missed him, she cried for the obvious pattern in her life, for how everytime she found someone close to her they would have to go out and relocate themselves. She cried for the fact that this whole thing of feelings is all her and that he didn't really like her. She cried over the fact that for him she might be just a friend while she was getting all jealous over Jyoti. She cried for all the loss possibilities of the way she felt so powerless and so helpless and out of control.

Divya was glad, for the while that she cried, Parth didn't asked her to be quite and that he let her cry... as she sobered up and her huge sobs began to tune down she wiped her tears away and realized how relieved she felt, she was still upset and felt low but she felt good as if she could now breath well.

"want to talk about it?" Parth asked. Not immediately but after a good 3 – 4 songs, Divya hadn't expected him to wait for such a long time. But she was glad he was patient with her.

"I don't know what to tell you."

"Whether this Madhav is your boyfriend and if he has hurted you." Divya smiled at him and shook her head in a negative way.

"It's a silly crush. Madhav is my friend in college. We met through Nandini first during our conference last year, and then he was in the college fest so he was everywhere, he then became friends with Aman and the rest.. this year he joined Milange and we became friends there. I don't know how it began, but there were days when we would sit and make fun of everyone, the next day he was making fun of me, we were fighting and voila one day I know I like this guy."

""Madhav Khandelwal... but Divya..."

"I know he is an asshole, and this might sound like the perfect toxic good girl falling for a bad guy and supporting him.. but all the time that I have known him he is not just that.. I don't say he isn't an asshole, more than me and our group none would know what an asshole he is, but he is nice, and moreover he is just a crush."

'a crush for whom you were crying for about good half and hour, I am not stupid Divya." Parth seemed calm but the way he fidgeted about, Divya knew he was nowhere near that.

"I know Parth what you are implying, but I don't want to think more than that, because accepting it, I am afraid I would never be able to get over it... you know what my reaction was when I first realized this... I was scared, you know how difficult it was after school, I cant have myself going down the same lane again."

"So what are you going to do now?"

"I don't know,"

"Tell me something, was he on IV?" Divya nodded her head as Parth asked, "So it was Madhav because of whom you were so bright and cheerful. Divya I think your feelings for him are much more than just a silly crush... you like him a lot right?"

Divya didn't reply immediately but she knew she did... she liked Madhav a lot, so much that she had got used to his presence around her, her talks are filled with his, everything that she does she has Madhav in her mind, but she couldn't just accept it yet.

"Divya- "

Before Parth could proceed ahead, Divya's phone rang. It was Nadnini, she quickly bid Parth a bye and went downstairs, she didn't want to stay there bside Parth or anywhere near him for she knew he would make her say things which she didn't want to. Her brother and parth had that capability and she wasn't just yet ready to explore the whole accepting thing.

*****

The college never opened on 31st march, however a few days before the said date the Prime minister once again came live at 8 pm and asked the janta to come out in their balconies and to clap for the essential service employees for the kind of good work they were doing. The nation was surely under a lockdown but days and nights weren't better. There would be mornings filled with the census of the number of deaths, increase in covid cases, the number of celebrities and people who committed suicides and what not.

People had begun boycotting Chinese products,criticizing them. One day there would be a trend flourishing around Instagrama and other social media platforms and then there would be others the next. Families began taking this free time to connect with long lost relatives, friends etc. the elders connected with their school friends on facebook and then created whats app groups.

Divya's parents as well became a part of this ritual, her father connected with so many of his friends and would then conduct online singing sessions, her aunts would call, during evening they would call her cousins and spend time talking and gossiping.

The world was getting into this routine filled with social media, the ott platforms began to flourish so well, and Divya, she would spend her day texting Madhav at times she would have to wait for his replies at times it used to be instant. Then there would be times when they would tag each other in weird challenges of bingos, scribbling on stories and what not.

It had already been a month after the lockdown began and now the estimated date for the lockdown to be lifted was set on 30th April. Divya was scrolling through her social media and had replied to one of the stories of her senior, again a challenge where if she replied to the story, then the person would give her a task from the list of tasks that he has, then Divya will have to share the same story on her story and the pattern continues.

Divya had posted the story and Madhav had replied to it, she was in a fix as to what to give him as a challenge and then taking the risk she gave him the colour purple, where in it was said that he had to share this template on his story and the 9 th person who will be seeing this story, Madhav will have to ask them on a date.

Surprisingly Madhav agreed and posted the story. Divya thought that it was safe to see the story in seconds as none gets that many views in just a few seconds. However the moment she saw and got off the instagram app... there was a text from Madhav...

Will you go on a date with me?

Though it was a game, Divya squealed as if he was actually asking her out.

The two chatted for a while as Madhav promised to take her on a date once he was back in May. There would be such wonderful days for Divya and though they were far away Madhav and Divya had begun starting a nice friendship.

Madhav would call her in the morning while he would go to his father's factory, the two would talk about various things, they had their own things to tease each other about they would send each other photo message for days,those photos used to be of all weird kinds, some hilarious some of food, some screen shots of the series that they would be watching, some of their dark rooms and what not. By the time mid May came, Divya and Madhav both were familiar with the times they would wake up , the kind of food that they had, the kind of house they had etc.

Divya, unknown to herself was falling more for Madhav and the days when Nadnini and Natasha would talk to her about it, she would be in a fix, her feelings were getting so overwhelming for her that she wished she could tell Madhav about it. She wanted to tell him but wasn't sure how. She imagined days when she would sit with him in a café and tell him about it. But then she would think otherwise and let it go.

By now she knew a lot about Madhav, the kind of toxic relationship that he had with his ex- girlfriend . The way he was frustrated with his work at the factory and what he wanted to do, and how he thought that she had so much scope, they would pull each other's leg and at the same time would be just a call away for each other. Divya would be on cloud nine and think of how good they would be together, all she was looking for was an opportunity to let him know of her feelings, and though she knew that there was good amount of chance that he would not feel same, she wanted to tell him... more than that she wanted to see if she could let her feelings out, if she could actually confess to him and what it would be like to finally let the person you like know that you like them.

However before that could happen she had a long way to go, and on one such night of May while Divya was all ready to sleep her phone rang... the screen had 3 faces and two more with Rishi, Atharva and Manav's face prominently visible. Divya picked up the call as soon as she sat up in her seat.

"Hi, how come you guys called me today?" Divya said. Aman's call was getting reconnected for a few seconds and then it got completely disconnected.

"Hii Divya, we just thought that it had been a while since we had a word and we met so maybe we should give you a call." How casual they all looked at that time, where as Divya, she was worried sick. She had never tackled them all alone and of all the people, it was Atharva, Rishi and Manav, if ever it had been Aman, Madhav and Dev it would have still been fine, but these were bombs.

The kind of bombs which you would never know when they would burst out.

"Ahh, so tell me, how are you all?"

"We are good, in fact we wanted to ask you.. how are you, all good?

"Yeah, everything seems to be fine.'

"Divya, we actually wanted to ask you something." Atharva said. Divya nodded her head quite tense as to what it was that they wanted to talk about however even before Atharva could continue Rishi's call went to reconnecting. The boys cursed at him for being in such a low network area and continued.

"So you tell me, do you still talk to Madhav?"

Divya nodded her head and said " yes,"

"Okay... what do you guys talk about?" Manav asked.

"Depends, we don't really have pre decided topics but mostly he tells me about his work or you know this and that...nothing specific why?"

"Acha, so do you like him?"

"Naa, I thought this was over?" Divya adjusted her hair as the boys shook their heads and said something that she couldn't really hear, Rishi was still getting connected when Manav said, "No this has just begun, how can we just end it like that... wait you are wearing Milange's t-shirt at home?"

"Yeah, they were not being used as it is, so thought might as well wear them."

"Alright, and do you miss Madhav?" Divya didn't answer because all of them got disconnected one by one and she was left there to wonder what the hell just happened.

Two days later Divya along with her few friends was running a campaign for their followers where anyone could send them an emoji and they would write a message for them...something that they feel that person should know about themselves and that they are proud of.

It was something that Divya's friend started off with, and when Divya received her message on a random morning telling her all that her friend thought of her, it was as if someone thought she mattered. Things weren't going well for Divya with being all cooked up at home, her parents fighting over petty things, pestering her over her career, her brother being distant for no reason at all and she missed Madhav and her friends.

In such a gloomy time to receive a message that said that someone admired her, that someone loved her and was quite proud of her made her smile and feel so relaxed. She wondered if so many people in her list must be feeling as low as she did or may be worse, and how that would help them.

She posted the same story and was quite zapped with the kind of response she received. Each hour she would post a story, the name won't be revealed but the person would surely be tagged. On the day when she decided to end this, she received a response from Madhav asking her to write one for him as well.

She had then told him that sure but it will take some time as at that moment she was working on something, however more than that she was afraid that the message wont turn out to be something like a love letter and needed time to sort that out.

But as persistent as Madhav was, he kept on pestering her throughout the day, one time even sending her a text saying he wouldn't talk to her till she didn't post the message for him. Divya decided it was better to ignore his irritating ass and went off to do her work.

It was in the evening when she had finally posted the message, she was quite expectant of the kind of response that he would give her. But much to her disappointment Madhav had reposted the story with a cute teddy in reply to the message he had replied with a simple aww

That three letter word had irritated the hell out of Divya, she didn't expect as big words and sentences as she had written from him... but a thank you, and in written something like miss you too or love you too as well, however all that she had received was an aww.

'Like seriously?'

Madhav, seriously Aww?"

Madhav had in return only replied with Smilies. How she wished she could have never posted that message. When she told this to Natasha and Nandini they had laughed their ass off as Natasha said,

"I am telling you to kill him, it would save the world."

But divya couldn't even do that for he was far away in Jaipur while she was here in Mumbai. As the night passed by and Divya kept on contemplating over the message she wondered was it wrong? Did she write something which she shouldn't have? To cross check this she sent the message to a few of her friends and asked them to send it to their male friends and check with them if the message was okay, and what would they reply to it or how would they react if they were to receive it?

It took a whole day to receive their replies, one of them understood that it was something close to her and said, "You surely like him a lot, but would suggest you know your limits and not let yourself sway away in these feelings."

She had always considered him a great friend and assured him that she would surely take care of it. However, this reply wasn't worth it. The other response that she had received was

"I think she likes him a lot and that the guy has done something really wrong. If it were me, I would ask for forgiveness and make sure that I would never lose a friend like her.'

This reply scared her, for this was the second time when one was able to understand just by the words that she liked him.. she wondered was that the reason Madhav just replied an aww?

But then she had tried her best to make sure that her feelings wouldn't be portrayed in her message, she tried to keep it as general as possible, but it seemed it didn't really help much.

She decided to give it a read herself as she opened her instagram and read the message for the 1000th time.

Things around me had always been on the best verge of drama, be it having food, selecting courses or making friends. And then to add to the list there was you. The dramatic way in which you have always asked for help, or be it the tantrums of yours for food and dosa, your temper, your mischieves and your never ending habit of irritating me. But then that's what makes you special, that's what makes you, you. Thank you so much for always being there by my side, telling me how this isn't just it in your own sarcastic way, making me realize why I even talk to you and then expecting your calls to gossip about things. At times it really feels as if its been years that I have known you, and not just months, for how easily I miss you on various intervals, how we on one second are talking serious stuff and then yelling at each other, or how its okay for you to call me right in the middle of the afternoon to tell me that you are finally having a chicken burger. And aren't these the things that makes you so special and important for me, to be honest I could really go on and on about you, but all I would say is that may be try and reply to important messages quickly, keep a check on that temper of yours and may be remember that water helps you to calm down. I really miss having you around here in Mumbai, so come back soon, for there is so much more we need to do, and things that you owe me. Love you loads.

It surely was no less than a confession Divya thought as she dived into her pillow, irritated and ashamed of the things that she had done... Would she survive this? She wondered however it was time only that could let her know.

A/N

Hello everyone. 

It has been a year that the lock down had began and we are still into in many countries and cities, I still remember very well how difficult it was for me and my family when the lockdown had begun. I tried my best to sum up the effects of the same in this chapter i hope i did atleast some justice to it. 

do let me know what you all think through your comments and votes. 

Thank you 

Happy reading 

Yadni Bagwe