Kara's POV

I didn't sleep the whole trip.

I stared at the mirror the whole time, entertained by one of the funniest thing I have ever seen: Trev, not moving. Not even the tiniest bit. Para hindi niya magising si Cesia na nakasandal sa balikat niya.

He wouldn't admit it with his blank face but I can see it. Kinabahan siya. His eyes were the tell—they roamed around every once in a while. He was definitely flustered.

Napatango-tango ako.

So he does get shy...

I stopped myself from letting a smile slip while eating. Nakarating na kami sa Arcadia kanina, at sa kasalukuya'y kumakain sa dining hall nila.

Cesia.

What else can she make him do?

I lowered my head, trying to hide the smile that had already formed on my lips.

And why do I feel like she doesn't have to use her ability?

Huminga ako nang malalim, unti-unting tinatanggap ang mga pagbabagong siya lang ang may kakayahang magbigay sa amin.

It felt right. Her joining us. It just felt like it was meant to be, as if we needed to meet her—needed to have her with us.

"Enjoy na enjoy si Kara. Nakangiti, oh—aray!"

Mabilis na nanumbalik ang aking blankong ekspresyon nang marinig si Chase. Sa kabutihang palad, mabilis si Ria sa pagpapatahimik sa kanya. Sa pagkakataong ito, malakas niyang siniko si Chase.

"Daydreaming?" Dio asked. He sat beside me.

Matalim ko lang siyang sinulyapan.

I'm still mad about the argument we had the night we saved them from the Sirens.

"Why did you have to trick a witch to save us?" tanong niya nang makaahon kami mula sa dagat. "You could've done better—"

"Than make things worse?" Nangangalit akong humarap sa kanya. "I don't know, Dio, maybe because we didn't know she'd be able to follow us—"

"Bakit hindi mo naisip—"

"Can you just—" Nagpipigil kong sabi. "Please." Pilit kong huminahon. "Don't blame me—"

"I'm not blaming you," giit niya. "I just want to know why—"

Pagod akong napabuga ng hangin. "I feel like I'm being blamed right now—"

"Kara." Nagtangka siyang lumapit sa'kin pero lumayo ako sa kanya. "I'm sorry," sabi niya di kalaunan.

"I'm overwhelmed..." I replied after another while. "I think... I want to stop talking..."

Tumango-tango siya.

After a night of thinking it over, I realized there should've been better ways than tricking a witch, but we didn't have time to search for other options. All the roads just led to her, noong naghanap kami ng sunstones para kay Art. Siya ang pinakamalapit, pinakamadaling puntahan. At siya lang ang nag-iisang kilala naming may mga disposable sunstones.

And the reason I felt like I was being blamed was because he sounded disappointed in me, like I'd done something wrong. But I hadn't done anything wrong. I just could've done better.

I could have been smarter and thought of the consequences.

Napabuntong-hininga ako.

All I thought about was how to save them.

"Kara?"

Umangat ang aking tingin kay Cesia na inabutan ako ng isang basket ng garlic bread. Nginitian niya ako at sinenyasan akong kumuha.

I took a piece quietly, my mind still wandering, momentarily forgetting how to thank her.

Minasdan ko si Cesia na bumalik sa upuan niya.

How does she smile that? I asked myself curiously. Hindi ko rin naiwasang ilibot ang aking paningin sa mga kasama ko.

How...

Kumunot ang aking noo sa usisa.

How can they act like nothing's stopping them from genuinely enjoying?

Isang malungkot na ngiti ang namuo sa aking labi.

They're not acting, are they?

Ibinalik ko ang aking atensyon sa pagkain.

They truly believe they can be happy...

Sinubukan ko naman ito, ang isiping magiging masaya rin ako, pero naalala ko lang ang pinagdaanan ko, ang lahat ng masamang nagawa ko, at kahit anong pilit ko, may bahagi pa rin sa'kin na kumakapit dito—sa nakaraan kung saan walang naghihintay sa'kin kundi pagsisisi.

Why do I keep visiting the past when I know no one's waiting for me there?

I got the closure I needed, didn't I?

I murdered him. Strangled him with the very hands he always threatened to cut off or burn, sa tuwing hindi ko natutupad ang pinatrabaho niya.

"Ria, oh! Si Chase ininom 'yong juice mo!"

"Chase!"

"Ah, sa'yo pala 'to? Gago—'yong pagkain ko!"

It's hard, trying to be like them. Or maybe I just got the short end of the stick. Or maybe... I'm just starting to feel tired.

Natutulala kong tinitigan ang aking plato.

Someone who can't let happiness into their life is weak, because they're afraid of it... And I should be wise enough to consider... that I'm probably the weakest among us.

"Naiinggit ka ba sa nakuha kong ulam?"

I took a deep breath and shot Dio a glare. "Do I look like I care about food?"

He looked at my plate, then gave me a worried smile. "You look like you care too much," he said, and for a second, I didn't know how to respond.

It hit me then—sa sobrang lalim ng iniisip ko, nagawa niyang intindihin ang katahimikan ko. I wasn't sure what to do with that. It wasn't that he just noticed—it was like he saw straight through me.

"You don't know me." No one knows me that well. No one should.

He glanced down, his jaw tightening, then smiled at me again. It was a silent apology for the words that stabbed me right after.

"You're not Kamille anymore, Kara."

Kumunot ang aking noo. Tears started to sting my eyes, the kind of hurt that wasn't just from his words, but from everything I had been holding in.

I stood up, slamming my hands on the table, and walked out.

I held everything in, hanggang sa makalabas ako ng hall. Saka ko lang pinakawalan ang mga luha ko, nakataas pa rin ang aking noo, dahil hindi ako sanay na ibaba ito, kahit sobrang baba na ng nararamdaman ko.

Napapunas ako ng ilong at nagpatuloy sa iyak. I ended up in one of the gardens—the furthest, the emptiest. I sat on one of the benches, surrounded by the quiet of sleeping flowers. Hindi pa bumubukas ang mga ito, pero may ilan na nakahilig sa direksyon ko, tila nakakarinig pa rin sa aking pag-iyak.

It was dark and the only thing that made me see was moonlight. I noticed how gently it touched the flowers, and it made me cry even harder. Dahil gusto ko ring maramdaman ito.

Walang tigil ang pagdaloy ng aking mga luha kahit ilang beses ko na itong tinuyo, kaya sa huli, napatakip ako ng mukha at nagtitimping humagulgol.

Gods help me. I'm crying terribly.

And I wanted to do more than just cry. I wanted to scream. A part of me wanted to shout at the heavens, at my mom, at everyone who was responsible for bringing me here. But I couldn't bring myself to do it.

Because, despite everything I've done, I actually like being here... being with them.

Tumahan lang ako nang makaradam ng presensyang papalapit sa'kin. Pinunasan ko ang aking magkabilang pisngi at nilingon si Cesia na tumitingin sa mga bulaklak habang naglalakad patungo sa kinaroroonan ko.

A sense of surrender—not relief—washed over me when our eyes met and she smiled, softly. Softer than the touch of moonlight.

"They sent you to comfort me?" kutob ko.

"Hmm?" Inosente siyang kumisap-kisap. "Sino?"

I gave her a knowing look, to which she laughed.

"Pwede ba akong tumabi sa 'yo?" tanong niya. "Baka di tayo magkarinigan kung sa ibang bench ako uupo, eh."

"What if I don't want to talk to anyone right now?" I asked back.

Saglit siyang napatigil, at ilang sandali pa'y muling napangiti. "Eh di maghahanap ako ng ibang mauupuan," she answered, with no hint of discomfort. "Ang mahalaga, nakikita kita."

"I'm not a child that needs watching," sabi ko.

"Alam ko," aniya.

Napabuntong-hininga ako at umusog upang paupuin siya.

"Nandito ako kasi may nakalimutan akong sabihin sa'yo," panimula niya. "Nagpakita si Athena sa'kin, sa isang trance, no'ng digmaan." Humagikgik siya. "Akalain mo 'yon? Goddess of war and wisdom? Nagpakita sa'kin sa gitna ng laban? Bumaba siya mula sa Olympus para lang pagalitan ako?"

Kumunot ang aking noo. Pinagalitan siya?

"Tinawag niya akong coward! Hahaha!"

"Did she?" nababahala kong tanong.

"Mmm!" But Cesia, despite it, managed to grin widely. "Alam mo 'yong pakiramdam na sobrang hopeless mo na, malapit ka nang maubos, tapos biglang may goddess na magpapakita para tawagin kang mahina?"

Marahan akong umiling.

"Ang selfish ko raw kasi..." Nabahiran ng kaunting lungkot ang kanyang ngiti. "Kasi sarili ko lang ang iniisip ko..."

Around us, I noticed the flowers lowering their heads, as if they felt her sadness.

"Naniwala naman ako kasi si Athena na ang nakapagsabi, eh. Alam kong may katotohonan ang lahat ng sinasabi niya." Gumilid ang kanyang ulo. "Goddess of wisdom nga, 'di ba?"

"Anyway!" Tumuwid siya sabay daop ng kanyang magkabilang palad. "Hindi naman ako nasaktan— umm... partly lang. Medyo. Hindi sagad." Tumango-tango siya, kinukumbinsi ang sarili na hindi nga siya nasaktan nang gano'n kalaki. "Kasi sa tingin ko kailangan ko 'yon, eh."

Ipiniling niya ang kanyang ulo sa magkasasalikop niyang mga palad. "Para akong si Sleeping Beauty..." Nginitian niya ako, kumikinang-kinang ang mga mata. "Pero imbes na isang halik, isang malakas na sampal ang kinailangan ko para magising."

Mabilis akong umiwas at napatakip ng bibig, nagpipigil ng tawa.

"Huwag mo nga akong pagtawanan!"

I lowered my hand and bit my lip, but a small laugh managed to escape. Mabilis akong lumingon sa kanya. I worried that I might have actually offended her. But I think I didn't. Nakanguso kasi siya habang nagpipigil din ng tawa.

Napangiti ako. "You're not using your abilities on me, are you?"

"Wala naman akong utos na sinabi, ah," paalala niya.

"Right," natatawa kong sambit. "Thank you for making me laugh, then."

I needed it.

Humugot siya ng malalim na hininga at kampante itong pinakawalan. "Kara..." Dumiin ang tingin niya sa'kin, na para bang gusto niyang tumatak sa'kin ang susunod niyang sasabihin.

She looked at me, still as gently, as she carefully reached for my hand. She enclosed it in hers', wanting to give warmth. Saglit akong napasulyap sa kamay kong hawak niya bago muling inabot ang kanyang mga mata.

"Hindi kita tatawaging mahina." She shook her head, smiling. "Dahil hindi ka mahina..."

I wanted to respond. To insist. But she held my hand tighter.

"Pero kailangan kitang gumising."

Unti-unting nanlambot ang aking mukha.

"Hindi kita pinipilit. Hindi rin kita kailangang utusan," dagdag niya. "Matalino ka, kaya alam kong alam mong anong ibig kong sabihin."

My eyes fluttered weakly.

"Minsan kasi tayo-tayo lang din ang hadlang sa sarili natin, eh, na makuha 'yong mga gusto at kailangan natin..." Napayuko siya sandali, tila iniisip ang sarili niyang mga salita. "Kaya kahit mahirap, kailangan nating matutong kumawala."

Umawang ang aking bibig. "You don't—"

"Kailangan mong pakawalan ang dati mong sarili kung gusto mong magsimula ulit, at matutong maging masaya," sabi niya. "Kasali na rito ang lahat ng pagsisisi mo..."

Napalunok ako. "I don't know how—"

Taking another deep breath, she smiled. "Hindi mo kasalanan ang nangyari sa'yo. Kailangan mong tanggapin ito, at kung sa tingin mo, nagkamali ka pa rin, tanggapin mo rin, at patawarin mo na 'yong sarili mo, Kara, pakiusap..." Binigyan niya ako ng isang malungkot na ngiti. "Kung hindi para sa'yo, kundi para sa'min... kasi gusto rin naming makita kang masaya, eh."

Slowly, I backed away, feeling the weight of her words settle in my chest. My throat felt tight, and I could only shake my head. "It's not that easy..." mahina kong sabi, walang tiwala pati sa sarili kong boses.

"Kaya mo," saad niya.

Umiling ulit ako. "I can't forget who I was, Cesia."

"Kara." Nanlalambing ang kanyang tono. "Hindi mo kailangang makalimot. Kailangan mo lang tanggapin ito."

"And if I can't?" I feared.

"Paanong hindi, eh, ang dami kaya naming nandito para sa'yo," tila nagtatampo niyang sabi, dahilan para mapangiti ako. "At saka, ikaw pa?"

"Are you pressuring me?" tanong ko.

Ngumuso siya. "Para sa ikabubuti mo lang naman, eh..." Her voice softened. "Alam kong alam mo rin na ito ang kailangan mo..."

I wanted to tell her that I already knew what I had to do to help myself.

All this time, what I truly needed was someone brave enough to talk to me about it. Someone who could reassure me and promise to stay.

"I will," pangako ko, na ikinaliwanag ng kanyang mga mata.

Nginitian niya ako nang malapad at nananabik na tumuon sa kamay kong hawak niya. Napatingin din ako rito at natagpuan ang isang bulaklak na hindi ko napansin na inilagay niya sa aking palad.

"Cesia." A thought crossed my mind. An idea.

She let go of my hand. "Hmm?"

"Close your eyes," tugon ko.

She looked at me confused but she still did it.

"Can you feel them?" tanong ko.

"Sino?"

Napangiti ako. "The flowers. They are alive, right?"

It took a while before she responded, gasping. "Oo nga, 'no?"

"That means you can command them to bloom."

Muli siyang napasinghap. "Totoo?"

"Try," I said.

Dahan-dahan niyang binuksan ang kanyang mga mata. She looked at me tenderly, and as she smiled, she whispered a soft command into the air.

"Gising..."

The words lingered around us, touching every corner of the garden. It echoed, and one by one, the flowers started to straighten, and slowly open, revealing vibrant colors.

Sabay kaming napatayo upang pagmasdan ang unti-unting paggising ng aming kapaligiran. The garden started to glow, and the air felt warmer, making me break into a relieved smile.

"Wah! Ang ganda!"

Bigla naming narinig ang tinig ni Art. I found her entering the garden, along with the other Alphas who walked towards us, mesmerized as dandelion fluffs started to rise and float with the breeze.

Natutuwa kong hinarap si Cesia. "You did it." Hindi maipagkakailang sabik na sabik ako para sa kanya. "You made flowers bloom."

Tinakpan niya ang kanyang bibig at mahinang tumili, tumatalon din.

I looked around, feeling as though I was in a dream. A very beautiful dream. Almost heavenly.

'The greatest sin is to think yourself weak, Kara.'

Napatigil ako nang makarinig ng pamilyar na boses.

Athena.

'What you are seeking for is within your radius.'

I took a step back to hide myself and secretly looked at the others, each of them lost in their own admiration, unaware that a goddess was speaking to me through the wind.

'Be fearless, child.'

Dumako ang aking mga mata sa lalaking nakayuko, may sinusuri na bulaklak. Nang mapansin ako na nakatitig sa kanya, umangat ang kanyang tingin.

He slowly stood, a blue fuzz gently passing across his eyes, and for a moment I thought I saw it in his eyes too—a hint of blue.

What a calming color...

Another dandelion fuzz floated in front of him. This time, it landed on his nose, making him sneeze.

Hearing myself laugh felt strange, but at the same time, it was freeing.

I laughed, and I finally meant it.