The soreness of his deteriorating body pried Nathaniel's eyes wide open. He groaned, realising that all may have been another chemically-driven trip across the dreamscape. Nothing had changed. He was still dying. Not dead. The suffering goes on.

A part of him remained doubtful. Nathaniel had grown accustomed to waking up with only a vague recollection of recent events around him. However, the incoherence brought about by chronic fatigue did not tamper with his ability to remember what had just happened.

The unmistakable scent of the sea, the joys of parenthood, the fear of realising one's mortality, the harsh taste of cheap alcohol, the leaden feeling of loss, and the guilt were all experiences that belonged to a man named Philippe Impestan. Nathaniel could recall flawlessly down to the most minute details.

The man squinted his eyelids and frowned because the ulcers in his mouth began vying for his attention. While Nathaniel accepted that his hands, which had once expertly played the violin, were now decrepit and plagued by tremors, he stubbornly insisted on drinking water from a plastic cup.

When he wrapped his palms around the cup, his shoulders shuddered as he coughed between chuckles. The water did not spill, no matter how much his wrists wobbled. It was unmoving.

" I have undeniably and utterly gone insane, it seems." He exasperated, rolling his eyes in disbelief. In his periphery, he noticed a lantern resting on an empty seat beside him. It had a presence of its own.

"You are dying. Yes. But your mental faculties still serve you quite satisfactorily." The apparition in Carmela's form was now sitting adjacent to Nathaniel. She had such a gorgeous face wasted on a blank expression.

"And here you are," Nathaniel sighed. "Why am I still alive?"

"Because you are not dead." Deadpan and concise.

Nathaniel could feel the wrinkles on his forehead triplicate. "What I meant to say was- Why am I not dead?"

When they locked eyes, Nathaniel was immediately rid of all ills. It made sense that nothing made sense. It was beyond his comprehension.

Out of curiosity, he dipped a finger into the cup of water. His finger broke the water's surface tension and was submerged. He felt wetness. However, there was no ripple. Interesting.

He caught the visage observing him, so he tilted his head and asked once more, "Why am I not dead?"

"You are not dead because it is not for me to determine."

"In other words- " Nathaniel got comfortable and rested fully on his incline pillow. "-you don't get to choose who dies."

"Yes, that is correct." The visage nodded slightly. "It is not for me to determine."

Nathaniel exaggerated a long sigh in resignation.

The man closed his eyes and let the thoughts run through his mind, recognising them for what they were - fabrications of the mind.

"That also means that..." Nathaniel sighed once more, "Jasper and Philippe-"

His mind suddenly switched gears. It was quickly becoming tiresome to pin an identity on the supernatural being that took his daughter's form.

"Hey, before I ask you any more questions, I'm just going to name you Nina."

Now named Nina, the visage broke her unexpressive slate to nitpick Nathaniel.

"My form is Carmela. She is your dau-"

Moving his index finger left and right, Nathaniel cut Nina's correction short.

"You look like my Carmela. My beautiful, gorgeous, lively, amazing, angelic and ever-sweet Carmela." Nathaniel could go on and on about her daughter.

"But, to me, you are plain, boring Nina." In this realm, his thoughts were spoken.

"It's easier to call you Nina". That was what he meant to say. He cleared his throat in embarrassment.

Nathaniel's insult flew past her. He knew that the visage was a being beyond his comprehension. However, he neither feared nor revered her. It was easier for his sanity to treat her  like another daughter.

Nina rested her chin on her palm and thought out loud.

"I have taken many forms with the name 'Nina' before. Many others have showered their 'Nina' with feelings and thoughts similar to how you view Carmela. The nature and purpose of a Nina doe- "

"Yes, you are correct. Nina." Nathaniel propped his hand to stop her from thinking even further. He realised that, like awareness, mindfulness is critical in this realm. Any thoughts not worth speaking about should be acknowledged without prejudice and let go.

"Nathaniel," Nina crossed her legs and drew circles with her fidgety foot.

" I find it interesting whenever you pause to inspect your thoughts. It's like whispering in this realm. If the thoughts are recognised and heard, they do not gain a form or voice. Peculiar and ingenious."

"You should know - that since you have my daughter's memories- that Carmela introduced me to some awareness and mindfulness exercises when I first started chemotherapy. It does help keep me grounded at times. I didn't know it would be useful for other reasons."

"I see," Nina paused and hesitated, then quickly returned to Nathaniel's original question. What do you want to know about Jasper and Philippe?"

"Jasper died, right?"

"Yes, Jasper has passed on willingly. It was thanks to you." Nina's commendation failed to appease the gnawing in the man's chest.

"Did he go to heaven?" Nathaniel pointed upwards. "Where does one pass on to? Are there other realms?"

"I do not know of things beyond this realm. I know of things within this realm and relating to the form I borrow."

"Figures..." Nathaniel was tapping his finger against the railing of his bed.

"You said that I acquired Philippe's memories up until his last encounter with Jasper."

"Yes."

"Jasper was a teenager in Philippe's memories." Nathaniel was knocking on his temple. " He was fourteen. But, the body we saw was a grown man. Does that mean Philippe hasn't seen his son since he was fourteen?"

"Yes. It is as you say." Nina gazed into the flame housed by her lantern. "According to Fatima's memories, the neighbours transported Jasper using a makeshift gurney on foot to the nearest town with a clinic. They were turned away because they had no money, but the doctor's wife took pity on the twins.

Jasper had a torn eyelid, a few fractured ribs and a minor concussion. Fatima had to sell most of their belongings and beg people to afford the deposit. Fatima and her children went on to live with Philippe's aunt, Iella. She also took pity on the children."

"They never returned to see Philippe again?" The gnawing in his heart caused his voice to crack.

"Yes. The children outwardly detested their father. But-" Nina looked towards the closed curtains.

"Deep down inside, the family wanted to mend what was broken. They must have." Nathaniel finished the visage's thoughts with conviction. "Their circumstance made it difficult to express themselves properly during that time."

"Indeed." Nina slowly got up on her feet and ambled towards her lantern. She let her index finger trace the corners of Nathaniel's sheets. " Humans are short-lived creatures. And, wisdom usually blossoms when the human form begins to wither."

"Perhaps that's why love comes in many forms. " Nathaniel's words halted Nina's musing. She had her arm stretched to reach for the lantern when she turned to look at him.

"What has love got to do with wisdom?" Nina was scouring through Carmela's experiences in an attempt to fathom what Nathaniel had meant.

"Love is like you, Nina. It comes in many names and many forms, but one purpose."

"I am a form of love?"

"Let me finish, sweetheart." Nathaniel gestured at the phantom to take a seat once more. Like a young woman, Nina placed the lantern on her lap and hugged the artefact gently. The vapid pupils of her eyes shimmered with genuine curiosity.

"You mentioned that wisdom often comes through maturity and age."

The woman's gentle nodding dissipated the darkness from Nathaniel's heart. Perhaps he was beginning to see the phantom develop its own form.

"Love develops even in the absence of wisdom. You could even say that it nourishes the soul so wisdom can have a chance to blossom."

"Carmela's experiences provide me with no concrete information regarding this. I do not understand." Nina was cluttering in her speech. Her voice could not match the pace she sifted through her thoughts.

"You are as impatient as my daughter. What a delight." Nathaniel enjoyed a good cackle.

"Love gives us strength to forgive. Love teaches us to persevere. Love motivates us to become better. Love affirms us when it's time to let go."

Nina fell silent. She began seeing the whole picture like raindrops pooling to form a lake.

"With the Impestans, their love for each other kept them going. Somewhere down the line, it got entangled and twisted but never disappeared. It kept Jasper aching, waiting for his love for his father to be realised. Even to the point that he'd rather endure his injuries than pass on."

"But, you told me that 'my nature is too cruel for a purpose that is so kind.'" Nina expressed her displeasure with a pout.

"Sweetheart," Nathaniel scratched the back of his head. He didn't have it in him to tell the young lady the truth. "In time, your wisdom will help you realise. Don't rush the process because it might be harsh."