Chapter 46

Blake's dad, Ron, officially turned 60 today. To celebrate before the party, he and his two sons went golfing early this morning. Who knew Blake could golf. Then again, I should not have been surprised. That man is good at everything (except for driving in a busy city).

In the time they were gone, I helped Dawn set everything up for the party. Honestly, I thought it would be awkward, but it was quite enjoyable. While she was inside cooking and preparing for the BBQ later, I took the job of decorating the backyard. There were fordable tables, chairs, and a ton of birthday decorations for me to use. Under the two canopy tents in the grass, I eagerly got to work and set it all up. Surprisingly, she was pleased by my creativity when she checked on me.

I was straightening the tablecloths when she rounded the pool. Reaching me under the tent, her eyes lit up. "Fantastic, Ashley. I wouldn't have even thought about the lights."

Smiling, I glanced up to the set of cute string-lights I found earlier. I strung them along the tops of both tents. "I hope you don't mind. They were next to the birthday stuff in the basement, so I figured they were worth putting up."

"You even weaved the streamers with them to hide the cords," she said in a proud astonished tone, taking everything in. "You're blowing me away. I love the flower vases," she chuckled.

Dawn had me run to the store earlier for supplies – and I got a few extra things she didn't know about. Like some fake flowers; I placed them in used beer bottles. It was cute – and fitting for her husband and his family. They apparently loved beer.

Looking over the silly flower centerpieces, I scoffed. "Yeah, I figured it was a fun little touch. Don't worry, I paid for the extra stuff myself."

"Oh, I'm not worried, just impressed. You didn't have to go above and beyond like this."

"I wanted to. I'm just glad you like it; I know you're one hell of a decorator yourself so I'm flattered," I smiled.

She continued taking it my work with an admirable gaze. The summer breeze weaved through our hair, swinging the lights gently. All the while, I just couldn't help but be grateful things were now going smoothly between us and his family. Beyond her flaws, Dawn was quite relatable and easy to talk to. She clearly felt the same way about me.

Blushing back her shoulder-length hair swirling from the breeze, she turned towards me, and spoke gently. "I just wanted to say thank you for everything."

"For what?"

"Blake doesn't come around a lot, so it's a real treat to have him here – and bringing you is such a terrific bonus. I hate to admit it, but I would pester him constantly about wanting to meet you."

Blake didn't visit them often; they didn't visit him often. While Blake had good reasons (like being busy), they did not. Therefore, they usually only see each other over holidays. Sounds terrible, but I didn't think that was such a bad thing; they made him feel like shit. If only his family understood how they are perceived. Because searching her eyes, it was clear she missed her son very much. I just wish that would come first before her narrow-mindedness.

"Yeah, he mentioned that it's hard to get together," I finally mentioned.

"Well, I'm glad it worked out this time. I'm excited for the party; Blake hasn't seen everyone is so long and I'm anxious for you to meet extended family. No doubt Blake is going to flaunt you," she smiled, elbowing me playfully.

"Flaunt me? Oh god. I don't even know who is all coming – besides Ron's brothers and their families."

"That's about it. My brother will be here too – and Ron's parents and friends."

"Sounds like a lot of people," I mumbled. I fucking hate social situations to begin with, especially when I don't know anybody.

"Nervous?"

"I'm just not exactly a good people person."

Standing next to one of the tables, Dawn pulled back a chairs and sat down. "It's daunting, that's for sure. You know, the first time I met Ron's whole family... I felt absolutely out of place. I talked in circles – a lot," she chuckled.

I wasn't just out of place though. I was made up. "I'm going to be the opposite of talkative. I just don't want to seem standoffish. I can get that way with people."

"That's okay. It's not about being accepted; just be yourself. You're beautiful, successful, have a lot going for yourself. And all that really matters is Blake; doesn't matter what else happens or what anyone else thinks."

Those words were surprising coming from her. "That's a good point," I said, slipping into the chair across from her. "He is all that matters."

"I probably shouldn't say this. But I've never seen my son... look at anyone the way he looks at you. Not even his ex Kara."

Our simple little chat... immediately felt significant. Blake's never looked at any girl the way he looks at me? She saw that? Heart picking up, I unsuccessfully fought a smile. "Really?"

"Yes, he can't take his eyes off you. We were actually talking about you this morning before you were up. The whole time, he couldn't stop smiling."

My mouth turned dry, insides spinning. It was wonderful hearing that – more wonderful than I wanted to admit. I had to remember though: this whole relationship was a lie to his family. Blake was probably just putting on an act for her. Then again, the glances were just something she noticed. And it's hard to fake glances that intense.

It lingered in my mind for the next few hours. Even as the party neared, and I was getting ready, he was all I could think about. All I could wonder about. Was it true? Did he really look at me like that? If he did, what did that mean? Knowing he spoke of me, stared at me with so much desire and love when I didn't realize it... it put me in a daze.

Sitting mindlessly on the couch after getting ready, staring at the floor, I just couldn't stop thinking about him. Wondering about what his mother said. It dug at me, tickled me; I wanted to know so badly if those look were genuine or part of the act. At the same time though... I really wasn't sure if I could handle knowing. For how much love I had for him, that would surely break my willpower.

The door swinging open to my right brought me back to reality – and bombarded me with more heart palpitations. Blake stepped inside and shut the door, eyes immediately lighting up. "Hey, how was.... Are you okay?"

The strong country man he was appeared out of place in khakis and a peach golf shirt. He trimmed his beard and facial hair earlier, but it was still curly and coarse thankfully. His brows were dipped over his now concerned eyes. Clearly, me sitting in a daze caused him to worry.

"Yeah, oh yeah, I'm good," I said casually, standing up.

"No, you're not. What's wrong?" he asked, nearing me. Halfway to me, he looked me over and froze in place. "You really went all out."

Glancing down to myself, I wore a simple maroon sundress with tan sandals. The dress hugged my bust (without showing off too much) and ended at my kneecaps. It matched well with my simple brown eye make-up; I also pinned some of my hair up and added waves with the flat-iron. But honestly, I didn't consider it going all out.

"I've done myself up more than this before."

"Yes, but this is just..." he trailed off, forcing his attention back on track. "Anyway, what's going on?"

I mindlessly stared at the floor. "Nothing, just the stress still of everything back home, you know? Anyway, you should get ready for the party."

He eliminated the remaining space between us. "You sure that's all? I walked in and it was like you were somewhere else."

Inhaling deeply, I looked up to his big beautiful blue eyes. What was I going to say? That I wanted to know something that would only make our desire harder to fight? It was dumb, but man, I could not shake what she told me. "Well, it's....It's stupid," I groaned. "Your mom told me something that I can't forget is all."

"Like what?"

"She said... you... you look at me in a way you've never looked at anyone else before."

It was his turn for a long inhale. Jaw tightening, his brows creased. "It's not stupid. But we shouldn't talk about this."

"Is it genuine? Like if that's true, is it real?"

He shrugged nonchalantly. "No, I'm trying to keep up our act is all."

His casual and convincing words... didn't convince me. Searching his eyes, I scoffed in amusement. "You're as bad of a liar as you are an asshole."

"I might be bad, but I'm trying," he smiled sadly. "And you asking questions like that is not going to make it easier for you to try either."

So it was real. Those looks of love and intensity... were genuine. And he was absolutely right. It did not make anything easier. It made my heart leap in circles, my breath pick up, and my body want to move in closer to him. God, I was so stupid for asking. The answer was everything I wanted and everything I did not need.

"You not being an asshole makes it hard too," I mumbled weakly.

"You make it hard to be an asshole." Stepping closer to me automatically, eyes falling, he ran his hand down the back of my arm. Only for a small second though; he forced himself to step away. "Look, I think it would be wise... if we didn't stay here at my parents place much longer."

There was intimacy one second, and randomness the next. "Okay...?"

Five feet away instead of five inches, he looked back up to me. "Ruth, I... I cannot physically be around you constantly. It's draining me. We can't just keep sleeping in the same room. I can't handle pretending you're my girl much longer. Any of it. I just can't."

It sounded like an insult – but his eyes and the strain in his voice told me it was the opposite. He couldn't handle the temptation; I mean the man just had to physically move away from me. So (unfortunately) being elsewhere and having separate rooms would be a major help.

"You're right," I nodded. "Where would we go though? I still don't know how long I need to be away from home."

"I don't know, but I just can't take it anymore," he rushed out, raking a hand through his hair in distress. "Believe it or not, I'm trying my hardest – all the fucking time – to stay back."

Seeing the pain, the rigidness in his shoulders, and his burning eyes... it was hard to stay back myself. I didn't realize just how much he kept hidden. "I'm... I'm just really sorry. And I'm sorry I asked about the stupid glances. I'm just... I'm really weak and wanted to know. I'm weak; I don't even help in trying to stay back either," I mumbled, mindlessly glancing out the window a few feet away. "You're just easy to flirt with though," I half joked.

"Don't ever say you're weak."

"I am though," I said more sternly, looking back up to him. "I just tempt you, tempt myself, and I can't stop. You don't have to be modest; I know I'm weak. That's why I'm here, on this trip, literally to get away from all the shit I caused from being weak in the past!"

"Would you just stop?!" he sighed. "I'm the one saying I need more space around you."

"Yeah because I'm not helping you stay away."

"Jesus Christ, Ruth," he groaned with irritation – and immediately marched back over to me. With a heart-pounding possessiveness, he grabbed me, wrapped an arm around my back, and held me against him. "See what I'm doing? This is me, my action, my choice, my desire. I'm holding you because I'm the weak one; I can't stay away. I can't stay away because you're strong, independent, feisty and ridiculous and fun and gorgeous. This..." he trailed off, voice losing the irritation as he stared down into my eyes so close to his. "This is not your fault. I'm the one that's holding you. You're not weak."

"But I am... because I don't want you to let go," I whispered, loving the power in his tight hold and needy eyes. Eyes that were displaying so much to me... and all I wanted to do was display how much I loved him. It took a lot in me not to blurt out and confess that love. "You don't understand how painful this has become for me. You don't know how much you mean to me."

Our breaths were hitched, chests moving fast between us... we started to get lost in each others eyes. His blue deep gaze was so powerful and loving. I imagine it mirrored the secret glances his mom spoke of.

And it only felt more raw... when he pressed his forehead against mine, leaning down and closer with purpose, as if to kiss me... but he didn't. "Thank fucking god you didn't close the curtains on these windows," he said in a shaky breath.

Eyes closed, my heart sped up, knowing what that meant. The temptation would have been too much for him if we had full privacy. But the curtains were open on both windows, allowing anyone (like a stalker) the chance to spy on us. That is, if a stalker was around. I purposefully didn't tell him that Sid stayed back in Vermont. I almost wished I would have shared that with him because god... I wanted him so badly.

A moment later, and with forced control, he released me and stepped back. "Think about the kids, okay? Just... think about them. I'm going to shower," he said, quickly moving into the bathroom.

Well... that was something. Jesus. I didn't even know what to think or how to process that close-call. I didn't know how to calm my nerves or process what was even said. With an exasperated sigh, I retrieved my cigarettes, lit one, then slumped back down on the couch. The rule was to smoke outside only, but I was more focused on the rule we almost broke.

'Just think about the kids.' Obviously, the kids came first. The fight to have some kind of custody was more important. But when Blake was around... there was no blocking out the forceful desire and emotion. I literally could not ignore that feeling of being in love with him. I could rationalize and fight myself all day long... and it still wouldn't stop me from thinking about him and wanting him.

And playing 'girlfriend and boyfriend' once the party started... was a huge added tease and pain in my chest.

***

Holding hands, sitting close, it was torture. Nobody could read it on our faces, but it was simply taunting for both of us to act like a couple. Meeting new people helped distract me from it though. It also reminded me how much older Blake was. Though he was the youngest of his cousins, most of them were in their 40s. Not like it mattered. Unlike his parents, his extended family wasn't disappointed in Blake's life choices.

We were sitting at one of the tables, conversing with his uncle across from us. "You win that fishing tournament this year again?" his Uncle Ray asked him, sipping his can of beer. "I'm telling you, one of these years, I'm going to head that way and kick everyone's ass."

"Naw, not this year; I was actually more focused on coaxing this one to enter the competition with me," Blake smirked, shaking me slightly from where his arm draped around my shoulder. "She hated boats, worms, didn't want to fish, but she did about as good as me."

"About as good? No, he's just embarrassed to admit I out fished him," I flaunted to his uncle.

The aging man smirked, brown eyes moving between us. "You know, there was this one time me I went up and visited Rick – just after this one moved out to the country with him," he said, nodding to Blake. "You know about his Uncle Rick, right?"

I nodded, surprised to hear Rick come up. Blake was very close to his outcast Uncle Rick before he passed away from lung cancer.

"Blake lives in his house now, but back then, he was in one of the rental houses. I didn't visit often, but when I would, Me and Rick would go fishing. This time, we went Walleye fishing – and your boyfriend came along."

Blake shook his head, lips squirming in amusement. "Ashley does not need to hear this story."

"Yes I sure do!"

His Uncle Ray continued. "So Rick had a little motor boat that was as old as him – so ancient, right? His boat was falling apart, patched up, a piece of junk, but it worked. We each caught about four or five walleye; just had them strung together in the boat. We planned on cooking them up and having a big dinner that night. So on our way back... we are a good fifty yards from shore. Then all of a sudden... bam. We hit something in the water – debris of some kind that floated up. It scraped the bottom of the boat and... ripped a massive opening in the bottom," he said, emphasizing his words. "Then... we started sinking real fast."

"Oh no," I laughed. "There was no way to reach the dock in time?"

"We tried, but... it was pathetic how fast we went down. Water just spilled up, slowed us down, and it was impossible. We were in the water like a minute later. But the worst part was... those fish, strung on the sides, some were still alive."

"Okay, stop," Blake said lightly.

"Since the fish were still alive, when they hit the water, they started zipping all over, trying to swim away. There was slack on the string they were attached to... and it wrapped around this guy somehow," he laughed, glancing to his nephew. "So as we were swimming back, Blake's flopping around with all the fish stuck and tangled against him."

My jaw dropped before my lips turned up in amusement. "Oh... my god. I would have died!" I laughed. "All the fish were literally trapped on him?"

"Yeah, just stuck and flapping against the boy."

"It was disgusting," Blake mumbled.

"Rick and I never laughed so hard before. Worth the boat sinking."

Glancing up to Blake, I smiled. "I'm surprised you still like to fish."

He was embarrassed, but amused – which just made it plain cute. He dramatically dropped his arm from around me and scoffed. "So am I."

By the time we ate, I heard more stories like that about Blake. People seemed to enjoy telling me about him before we 'got together.' Some stories were embarrassing, some were just admiring and interesting. And while learning new details about him gave me a wonderfully warm feeling... it weighed down my chest.

I hated having the reality of how great he was shoved in my face. I hated the fact that he had to make up a fake girlfriend for his parent's sake (his other family sure seemed proud of him already). I also hated how guilty I started to feel; I was learning so much about him, and yet, I was scared for him to learn more about me. It was all just overwhelming. I was learning about his family, him, his past... yet hiding mine in the process when anyone asked me something.

"How is Sherman? You should have brought him along," his elderly grandma asked him at one point.

"He's staying with Mel, a friend of mine," Blake said.

"Good. Ashley, if you couldn't tell, this one loves animals. Did you know Blake worked on a ranch for a while?"

"Yeah, he told me he really enjoyed it."

"He's such a sweet one. He would keep me updated whenever we talked about the horses he took care of. Do you have any pets Ashley?"

"Um, not at the moment."

It was such a small question... but each question someone asked was harder to answer. It became harder to lie. It became harder to monitor what I could be truthful about. Blake had such a... rich beautiful life. And here I was, pretending to be his his fake girlfriend. But even if I was here as Ruth, I still would have had a difficult time answering questions.

'What do you do for work? I heard you are in real-estate.' No actually, I just temporarily work for Blake.

'What made you move to the country and eventually meet this clown?' Oh, I was a spoiled alcoholic mother and my husband kicked me out.

If I was here as Ruth, none of those answers would place me in a good light. Hell, there were plenty of things I still couldn't tell Blake! It made me feel like a phony piece of shit.

By that evening, the guilt really set in. I started to contemplate telling him the truth about August. The pressure was already on; dad told me I would have to expose the horrible truth soon. Honestly, I should have already done so with the guy I loved and adored. Blake was so transparent with me – and his family was too. Holding his hand, staying close with him today, certainly did not help me avoid feeling like shit.

However, that guilt slid to the back-burner real quick, replaced by something worse: furry.

***

"I'm so glad Chris and Kim could make it; they just got married two months ago and are still busy moving into their new house," Dawn said, scrubbing one of the many dirty dishes in the sink.

Standing beside her, rinsing and drying what she cleaned, I smiled. "Yeah, they were telling me what a hassle it's been."

"Well, nothing they can't handle now that they are married. I'm just relieved my nephew finally married her. You know, he was almost 40."

I paused in drying the casserole dish for a split second. I really hope she was just making conversation and this wasn't some hint. When I first met her, I remember she pressured Blake about settling down with me.

"Well if Chris is happy, I think that's all that matters," I said lightly.

"Oh absolutely. I doubt they will have kids with his age, but you never know; she's only 33 so there is still hope."

Blake and his dad entered the kitchen, hauling plastic cups and plates from outside to toss away. Glancing behind her shoulder to her son, she paused in scrubbing. "Blake, can you believe Chris finally got married?"

"About time. He was with her for at least seven years," his dad added.

"Yeah, I'm happy for him," Blake nodded, grabbing a rag to wipe down the cupboards around us. "He told me she makes him feel so lucky. Moving into their new place sounds to be a bitch though."

Turning around, wiping her soapy hands in the towel, she casually glanced between Blake and I. "Well, I'm just glad they are now living in a house close enough to their family."

Yep... this was definitely a big hint to both of us. I forced myself to keep drying the dishes, jaw tightening. Behind me to my right, nothing was said – and I knew Blake was probably feeling uncomfortable. Especially when his overbearing mom did not stop.

"I didn't think your cousin would ever get married. I mean he's nearly 40. It gives me some hope that soon you will marry this cutie before she smartens up and leaves."

Oh my god, what a shit thing to say. What a shitty conversation to make your son feel like an old and unwanted man. Trying to breathe evenly, feeling my blood start to boil, I bit my lip in an effort to not react.

"There is no rush, no race, no time limit, mom," he sighed.

"Well, I know that – it's just you have a gem right here. Don't lose her is all and be aware of your wants in life. Like kids."

"Dawn, don't pressure the boy. He has common sense. I'm sure it's in the works," Ron said.

"Even if it's not in the works, we are happy and that's what matters," I said tightly.

"Mother, you're crossing the line."

"I'm just looking out for your best interests. You're getting older sweetie, whether you like it or not. You will not find another sweet girl like this in the middle of nowhere, willing to marry you, or have your kids."

That did it.

Dropping the dish on the counter, I turned and met her eyes coldly. "Why not? Why wouldn't he be able to find someone else to give him what he wants? He's amazing and a gift; any girl would be lucky to have him. I don't understand the rush. It's his life."

The kitchen turned quiet. Her eyes found mine, growing at my bold remarks. "Ashley," she said gently. "I'm sorry to upset you. But my son's life is my business – and I am concerned for his future because I care. He lives in an unpopulated shit-hole, he is getting older, he is not married and childless. I believe my desire to see him get his life together and soon is understandable."

"It's not understandable," I scoffed, unable to stop my voice from rising. "He has his life together already. If your unmarried and childless son is happy living in an 'unpopulated shit-hole,' then you should be happy for him. You should be happy for him doing what he wants, what he loves, and where he lives – but you aren't. Hell, you've never been happy for him. You were never were proud of him and he was never good enough for you."

Crossing her arms, her shocked expression tightened with anger. "My son is my world. I simply want what's best for him. I'm not going to be happy for him when I know he could be happier if he tried. I'm sorry that my care and concern offends you—"

"Ashley, we should head in for the night," Blake mumbled.

"That isn't care or concern." Looking between his parents, I continued with growing frustration until I was shouting. "Do you know what you have done to him?! What you still do to him? You push your expectations on him and call it 'caring' when it's just you being selfish. You pressured him, pestered him, judged him, pitied him – and made him feel like shit about everything you should be proud of!"

Stunned, she took a long moment to answer. As if purposefully trying to stay calm after blowing up. "I'm very sorry you see it that way. Maybe one day when you become a mother, you'll understand."

"Well, I already am a mother. I have two wonderful boys. And you know what? They won't grow up with constant pressure and judgment! The last thing I would want is for one of them to have to make up a girlfriend just to get me off their back. By the way, my name is Ruth," I said, bowing dramatically. "I would be honored to be Blake's real girlfriend, but I'm not. He shouldn't need a girlfriend for you to feel more secure. He is the most wonderful man I have ever met – and he doesn't need to live anywhere or be with anyone to make him better. He is the most giving, sweet, understanding, care-free and fun man anyone could dream of having in their life. God only knows where he inherited it from."

With that, I stormed past a stunned Blake and retreated to the guest house. All the while, my mind was reeling. I was so fired up, so pissed, and so shocked at myself. Did that really happen? Did I just say all those things? My cheeks were flared, breath shaky, and body tense. I couldn't believe I just said all that. Slamming the guest house door behind me, I turned on the lamps, violently shut the curtains, and just paced the open area.

I couldn't believe I just blew up like that, revealing Blake's secret in the process. But truly, I could not stop myself. It's not like they were unable to stop themselves from pressuring him and disrespecting him like it was nothing! Just nonchalantly saying how he will find nobody better than me, how he should hurry up and settle down because he's getting older. I mean my lord! It was terrible! Nothing would ever be enough to please them or get them off his back. It was just so disrespectful and degrading and fucking sad – and it made my scowl deepen just thinking about it.

Unsurprisingly, the door opened and Blake entered. Pausing in my pace, I turned towards him with a sigh. "Before you say anything, I am very sorry – very sorry – and I know I fucked everything up. I fucked up your fake girlfriend secret and I'm sorry to cause this drama. I know this causes a ton of problems now, but you do not deserve that treatment. You are better than everything and anything they—"

"Stop," he breathed, marching up and staring down into my eyes. "I'm the one that's sorry."

Breath catching at his sudden closeness, my rage faded. "Sorry for what?"

"I'm sorry to see the curtains are closed." 

Then, he cupped my cheek and dropped his lips desperately to mine. And when they did... my fucking god, my insides almost shut down. I couldn't believe it, didn't expect it, but... that kiss was like a lightning bolt of just relief.

He kissed me deeply, full of all the want and need we held back. And... fuck there was so much we held back. So much. And out of nowhere, he let it all out, let it just pour out and to me. His free arm wound tightly around my back, claiming me with desperation. Meshing his lips with mine, holding me and sweeping me into an unexpected piece of heaven, my surprise melted into my own desire.

Heart pounding with spasms, I grabbed his sides and kissed him back. His smooth and warm lips gave me chills; fuck, I missed this. Missed this feeling, missed his strong possessive arms, and those careful needy lips.

Noses brushing, releasing the sound of our erratic breaths, he quickly turned us and backed me up into the wall. Not before bumping into the one of the chairs at the dining table, but that didn't stop us. Nope. Holding each other, pressing together, lips locking over and over... we were getting lost. And we definitely and desperately did not want to be found. 

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I'm so sorry this is so late. I wanted to work on this one more and edit it, but didn't want you guys waiting even longer. Hopefully the end of this chapter made up for it :P Again very sorry for the wait! 

Now that they caved... what do you think might happen? It was definitely fun to write!