Chapter 39

'Don't Fuck with Karma' was probably the most appropriate title for my life story at the moment. There was just so much happening, all because I fucked up in one way or another. But then, there were little bonus moments. Karma's humorous friend would come along and just shake salt over a burn.

That's what it felt like when I had my first unconventional weekend with Blake and both my kids. It was... like a dream. It was strange, different, but absolutely amazing! It was such a blast, but that was why it was torture. Being in love with a man I couldn't be with was difficult enough. Then, it was rubbed into my face just how wonderful – like really wonderful – he was with kids.

Sure, Garrett and Blake have had fun before, but this was different. Not only was Blake now spending full days with us, it was also his first time meeting Connor. Initially, it took a bit for my youngest to warm up to him. When we picked up the boys early Saturday morning, Connor was very cautious and looked unsure. I didn't blame him though; he was a shy boy and he never saw this new person to begin with. But a few hours later, he started to feel a little better. It certainly helped going to the zoo. You can't not have a good time at the zoo.

The zoo was about an hour and a half away – and completely worth the drive. It has been years since we've been to the huge attraction. The boys weren't the only one's excited, but it sure seemed like it. Since paying our admission and walking in, their excitement would not slow them down.

Unfortunately for them though, there was a strict rule to not wander far ahead. So, they had to wait for my slow ass. "Ugghhhhh! Hurry up, mom!" Garrett groaned, spinning around after he sped ahead with Connor.

"I'm not going to run every second, mister, I'm already walking fast." Even walking fast was asking for a lot considering I was wearing wedges today.

Walking beside me, Blake shook his head down in disapproval. "Who wears those shoes to the zoo?"

"Me, that's who," I chuckled. I knew I shouldn't have, but what did they expect? It's not like I was gonna wear tennis shoes with this skirt.

"You'll regret it after an hour. You're feet are going to kill you."

"Yeah, I know, and guess what? I will endure the pain like a champ," I said proudly, making him chuckle. "Those are the kind of sacrifices I have to make, you know?"

Once we caught up to the boys, they darted over to the next fenced area, surrounded by a couple people already. It was the enclosure for the wolves. Which Garrett was super pumped about. Moving next to a few people, leaning against the railing, he strained to see them through the glass. "Do you guys see them?" he asked anxiously back to us.

I couldn't see any wolves yet, then again, the enclosure through the glass was huge. Blake did though; he moved forward, leaned down next to Garrett, and pointed straight back. "There's one."

Garrett started jumping. "He's pacing in the back! Mom, do you see?!"

Standing a few feet back with Connor, I squinted and narrowed my gaze. Finally, I managed seeing the tall gray wolf clearly. The tall animal was pacing the back perimeter behind the woodsy area. "Sure do!" I glanced down to Connor at my side with a smile. "See him, bud? Walking along the back wall like that?"

Staring ahead... he shook his head, still was unable to see. Pulling him a few feet to the side and crouching down next to him, I pointed in front of his vision. "Can you see now?"

"Oh yeah," he said, bright blue eyes widening at the pacing wolf.

Straightening back up, I tried hiding a smirk. "Notice how he is pacing along the back wall? That means he's going to try to escape."

Connor looked up to me, wide eyes turning alert. "He will?"

"He will at least try, but they usually don't make it out without getting caught. Never know though."

Curling in his little lips inward in thought, he turned back to look at the wolf. Instinctively, he leaned shifted closer to me. Careful of his arm in a cast, I cupped his shoulder and pressed him against my thigh. "It will be okay, don't worry," I chuckled.

"You know something, I came face to face with a wolf before," Blake said, looking back to us with a nonchalant smile.

"You did?!" Garrett exclaimed.

Though Connor was being reluctant and shy with Blake, he was clearly curious. Which he noticed. I could tell he was trying to appeal to Connor without being too forward as he shared him amusing tale.

"Well, you see, I was walking through the woods one day... way up in the mountains. I was all by myself, traveling for days, in the remote wild," he said, keeping his arm against the railing while turning the rest of his body out towards us. "Then... I heard growling behind me."

More intently, Connor listened, but didn't say anything. Garrett was all in though, staring up at Blake with a stunned expression. "It was the wolf?"

"Oh yeah. Biggest wolf... that I have ever seen in my life too."

Garrett gasped. Even Connor leaned away from me subconsciously, drawn in by the story. The whole time, I just found it adorable and had to bite my smile. It was cute, seeing how much Blake loved sharing this story with us all. He even took his time, letting his pauses add suspense.

"Did the wolf come out a-and run and start attacking you?" Garrett asked.

Blake shook his head. "No... that growl actually came from the wolf's stomach," he said slowly and mysteriously, making me immediately cup my mouth to hide my grin.

"Wait a minute, he was just hungry and wanted to eat?"

"That's right."

"But he didn't he attack you?"

"Nope. Instead... he walked up to me, with big sad eyes, and then... then he nudged my pack, which had all my food in it."

Since that just wasn't as exciting as almost dying, Garrett wasn't as interested and looked back to the real-life wolf in the enclosure. However, Connor was swallowed in. Leaving my side, he took a few anxious steps towards Blake. "Welllll... what then?" he asked in a high and curious voice.

Eyes finding Connor's casually, they filled with enthusiasm. "Well, I was scared. But I slowly... very slowly... took my pack off. Then, I pulled out an apple and crackers. Though he was almost as big as me, he was very patient, so I was able to feed him from my hand."

"No..." Connor breathed.

Nonchalantly crouching down to be at his level, facing him, Blake nodded. "Oh yes! Then after that... this was the best part. He followed me for the rest of my trip. He stayed with me and became my friend and protector."

"Did the wolf become your pet?"

"I wish. He had his family. Besides. I have a bird who wold have been too scared living with a wolf," he said, shrugging.

"Whoa, you're the bird guy?!"

After that, Connor was much more comfortable with Blake. He wasn't all on board like Garrett was, but he didn't mind and talked to him more (which was good because Blake had plenty of other stories to share). As we continued to walk through the zoo, Connor even let Blake lift him up to see the animals he was too short to see. Honestly, that was the cutest thing that happened all day. Every time, seeing Blake's strong arms lift my little boy with so much gentleness and care... it just... it stuck a pin in my heart, of both sweetness and pain.

"See now?" Blake asked one of the times, hoisting him up for at least the fifth time onto his shoulders.

"Oh yeah! Look, mom! It's a rhino!" he said, gripping Blake's hair in excitement.

"I see, sweetie," I laughed, seeing the wince on Blake's smiling face. You could tell though he found it all worth it. He was loving this. Which just... just fucking killed me and made me so happy all at once.

The boys were both invested in the rhino that was in clear view. So as he held Connor's legs while we watched the three rhinos roaming, Blake looked down to me. "Ever ride one before?"

God, he was great – especially with the casualness. "No, can't say I have. I'm sure you have? Mister jungle king and master of the wild," I teased under my breath so the boys wouldn't hear.

"Well obviously I have," he said flirtatiously, searching my eyes.

"Yeah, should have known. I'm sure you've owned your own zoo at some point."

"Sure have."

Smiling, I arched a brow. "Yeah? And you probably came to work on your plain or train?"

"Mhmm, sometimes on the back of one of my elephants."

Then, from where he was sitting his shoulders, Connor randomly said, "Mom, when we leave, can we go to Blake's house? I want to see his bird!"

Believe me kid... so did I. "Yeah? Wild rhinos, monkeys, and giraffes just aren't enough?"

"They are but... I want to see the birdie is all," he sighed.

Though he was anxious to meet Sherman (since Garrett apparently always talked about it), he was quickly distracted as we continued through the zoo. The whole time... it was just amazing. Well, aside from the heat, the long drive, the heat, my dying feet, and even more sun and heat of course. Some of that heat came from between Blake and I – which I didn't expect. After all, we were with the kids. But more sweet and playful moments happened just... naturally. That was nothing compared to how he was with the boys though. That was what I really just... could not get over.

The man was just so fun and interactive with them. He wasn't over the top either; he also respected this was my time with the kids. After all, I was the cool mom here. Which meant we all just had a fun and awesome time. It was fulfilling – and way better than being babysat and stuck inside with my ex mother-in-law or my parents. Hell, it didn't even feel like Blake was here for the purpose of our safety, but he was.

Regardless, clearly the boys had a wonderful and fun time. Which was the most important thing to me honestly. However, after our awesome day at the zoo and going out to dinner afterward... there was one downfall.

Since I couldn't have them for the night, Blake and I drove my truck back to the city to drop them off at Matt's mother's house. It was annoying for sure, especially since we would have to pick them up right away again tomorrow. It would be worth it though to have another fun and busy day with my boys. If they could handle it anyway; the boys were so exhausted, they were passed out in the back seat the entire drive.

Blake was driving my truck through the surrounding night, which was generous (he knew I hated driving it). Among the silence, I directed him through the city – and teased him how I was sure he's never seen more than one-lane roads. When we got to the house, the boys woke up and I had to say goodbye. Blake gave me my time, patiently waiting and staying in the driver's seat.

After a big hug and kiss to Garrett, his sleepy body waddled into the house to where Tina (Matt's mom) was waiting. Though he was still tired and just woke up, I could hear him excitedly tell her about the day after he walked through the front screen door. Now, it was Connor's turn. He didn't make a peep from the backseat, so I figured he was still asleep.

But when I opened the back door, seeing him in his car seat, his eyes easily found mine. With the side of his face resting against the seat, there was just a blank expression on his face. Immediately, it made my heart ping. I knew something was wrong.

"Baby, what's the matter?" I said, leaning down and in, resting a hand on him and kissing his forehead.

Since he was sitting directly behind Blake in the driver's seat, he didn't notice or realize he was still sitting there. Otherwise, my shy boy might not have said what he did. Staring up into my eyes, his blue ones started to water. "I.... I-I-I...."

Oh no, my sweet boy! He was still processing everything. All the changes, the divorce, the whole thing. I was sure that was what this was about. He had a hard time with it all and still cried sometimes, which made my insides cringe. I couldn't imagine what it was like for him – and I was always so sorry he had to go through it.

Leaning down, unbuckling him, I gave him a big hug as his still tears spilled over. "It's alright, I know it's been hard," I whispered in his ear.

Arms around my neck, he moved back to look into my eyes. "I don't want a new daddy."

My eyes widened. Those words... were something I didn't expect to hear. I guess I should have though. "No, oh no, sweetie," I sighed. "You don't have to worry about that. Blake is just my friend. It's just like me and daddy have been saying, okay? We are still a family."

"I want you to love daddy," he whined, sniffling.

"I still do – just in a different way. What matters though is we both still love you. More than anything in this whole world."

"Really?"

"You think of something right now... and I will love you more than whatever you can think of," I said in a lighter voice, but on the inside... this was a rough blow.

His depressed gaze moved aside in thought. "Chocolate?"

"Yes, I love you more than chocolate," I smiled, wiping his tears away with the back of my hand.

"Wh-What about... getting stuff?"

"You mean shopping?"

He nodded.

"Well... I really love shopping... but yeah buddy, I easily love you more than shopping," I said, pulling him forward in his seat again. My tired man held onto me as I lifted him from the back and started walking up with him towards the house. The whole time, laying kisses on his cheek. "I know it's hard, but you live in a family full of love."

I should have know as a mother, my own kid would think that. I mean, even though Matt talked to the boys beforehand, he obviously didn't say Blake was here as a safety measure. So, him being just a friend sure didn't look like it to them.

It made me feel awful and guilty the whole drive back.

Over the AC blowing and our comfortable silence, Blake broke it after a while. "I'm sorry."

Glancing over to him through the darkness, the passing street lights helped me catch his eyes for a moment. "What are you sorry for?"

"That your son might wonder if I'm a replacement."

"It was just unfortunate. He's a strong little guy though."

"Yeah, he is." After a pause, he continued in a more thoughtful voice. "He's such a thoughtful and sweet boy. I'm glad I got to finally meet him. I... I actually had more fun today than I thought I would," he chuckled under his breath. "I am more exhausted than I thought I would be too."

A smile rested naturally on his face, and I could tell he was just... thinking back on today. It made that same pain fill my body again. Though it happened several times today, whenever I saw him with the boys... it still stung. It didn't help knowing he wanted a family of his own. I'm sure receiving a little taste of it today also made it bittersweet for him.

It was bittersweet for me too. I couldn't help but wish to fulfill his desire. Yes, it sounded bold; I know that he could never replace their real father like Connor feared. I never would want that. Matt will always be their father. But man, he was so good with those boys... it just added to the ache and tragedy of being unable to be with him.

***

While trying to formulate what the fuck I was going to do with August, our project continued. There were plenty of more vacant homes left to tackle. There were no more applications and no more potential renters in line, it was smart to be ready – especially for how much nicer these places looked (you're welcome). This second house though, Blake was with me when we started it.

The house in question... was neglected for a little too long. It was much worse than the house I prepared for the new tenants. This... was disgusting. So, what better way to start in a disgusting house was with the most disgusting of the rooms: the bathroom.

The sharp scent of bleach filled the bathroom. It burned my nose, but hey, it was better than the original stank. I was more concerned though with making direct contact with the bleach; the last thing I wanted was my skin to dry out. So, I snagged Blake's huge plastic gray rain-boots that reached over my kneecaps. Since bleach is a bitch, I also decided to change into clothes I would be willing to throw away afterwards (which was a hard choice). Yep... all this... because Blake refused to change jobs with me.

While I was working on the nasty ass bathtub, he was scrubbing the floors – which was not nearly as bad and didn't require bleach. But the jerk just couldn't pass up seeing me struggle, whine, and go out of my way to prepare to work with bleach.

"What happen to you trying to help me and be there for me, huh?" I mumbled as I scrubbed the discolored wall tiles.

He smirked up to me from where he knelt on the bathroom floor, scrubbing it with hot water and Comet. "I thought about switching... until you flipped out and grabbed the factory gloves and goggles in my garage."

I honestly didn't see what was so funny. I was standing in the tub, with massive boots, gloves, ratty clothes, and even huge goggles. Okay, maybe it looked a little funny or ridiculous. But he did not tell me how bad this was going to be! The whole tub had moldy black streaks and the bottom was a discolored red. I already had it soaking in bleach under my huge plastic boots. So as far as he was concerned... he could suck it (or I could suck it; yes my mind basically lived in the gutter at this point when I was around him).

With my brush, I was going over the gross bathtub walls with the hot water and bleach. Even with the air on, it was hard not sweating. It was a cramped room and my arms were already tired for how hard I had to scrub! Halfway through, I felt like either my arm or the brush was going to break.

So, the whole time, I tried using our conversation as a distraction. Of course, I had to bite back any of the grossed-out groans I wanted to release. He found it amusing and I didn't want to give him that satisfaction.

"Did they just leave it like this? Or is this your fault for not cleaning after whoever was here moved out?" I asked, sweat gliding down towards my goggles.

"The last time anyone lived here was five years ago. And they were lazy slobs. They let it get this bad – and I was too lazy to bother with it after they left."

"Well, whoever moves in here next, you tell them I'm not doing this shit next year," I groaned, staring at the stubborn yellow streaks I forced the bristles over.

"I didn't know you planned on staying around for that long," he said with a lighter note in his voice. "Figured you would get your settlement money and hit the road for fancy living."

"There is so much going on right now, I haven't thought much about it. I'm just trying to get by and adjust to how things are now," I said, sparing him a glance.

Working his way with the rag from the door towards the tub, he stopped and glanced up to me with an amused smile. "You're telling me you wouldn't book it out of 'bore-ville' the minute you could?"

I really hadn't thought about it. He was right though; this was not my favorite place to live. It was very boring here, I didn't like how personal people were, and the actual house I lived in wasn't my cup of tea. But the thought of leaving... it just was not as appealing as before. Yes, that fully had to do with Blake. I wouldn't know if it would be worth it to not have my favorite landlord around. Then again, being around him only hurt us more.

Seeing the playfulness in his gaze, it was clear he was aware of the reason I might want to stay. Cheeks flushing, I went back to cleaning the tile. "That's a long time from now," I scoffed. "Plus, if I leave, my landlord might not be able to handle his job anymore. After all, I've been doing all the work."

"Lady, I've been a landlord for over 11 years now. I think I can handle it."

"Jesus. 11 years ago... I was 11 years old," I scoffed, stunned. How crazy to think of our 13 year age difference in that light.

He paused with a grimace. "I don't want to think about that, I feel old enough as it is."

Then, Blake's ringtone echoed in the bathroom. As I continued working, almost finished with the walls, he stood up, revealing dirt and bleach spots on his clothes. Grabbing the phone next to the sink, he answered. "Hello?" A moment later, he said in a light voice. "Hey, mom, how's it—"

Cut off, he listened, leaning against the bathroom counter. And though I was focused on finishing the tile, there was no ignoring how tense his voice started to get. "Yeah, I said I was coming before, remember?" He paused. "No, I talked to her, Ashley can't make it."

"I didn't know I couldn't make it," I whispered teasingly, more to myself.

"Like I said, I'll be there though. Yes, for at least a few days. From like Thursday to Sunday. I just have no idea what to get dad yet, but I'll figure it out." After a little more chit chat, his mom seemed to rush off the phone – and it put him even more on edge. Setting the phone aside, he sighed and got back on his knees.

"Heading to your parents sometime?" I asked.

"Yeah, my dad's turning 60. I figured I'd be there for Christmas next, but they wouldn't stop bugging me about it," he scoffed, grabbing the rag to keep scrubbing the floor. He paused for a moment though as something dawned on him. "Fuck, I forgot it's over the weekend. I wouldn't be able to be there with you and the boys."

"We will live, it's just one weekend I would have to spend with their grandma or something. So... your mom was disappointed Ashley couldn't make it?" I asked with a cocky smirk. "I thought I wasn't good enough for your mom." When I pretended to be Blake's fake girlfriend before when she came to town, she wasn't exactly the most accepting woman – which says a lot since his mom and I were both high-class city women.

"Nobody ever is. If it helps, she likes you better than Kara," he mumbled.

"Kara?"

"Yeah, that was the girl I was engaged to."

For how into this dude I was, I had little information about his past relationships. What I did know was that he was once engaged a long time ago. It was the first time actually hearing her name. Kara. Other than that though, I had no clue about much. He brought her up a few times when referring to something in his past, but I never asked. Mainly because Mel said he was sensitive about her, but at this point... I couldn't help myself.

I finished with the tile and moved my focus on the slick bathtub floor. Rinsing the brush, I grabbed the milk crate I found earlier and sat down on it in the tub. That's right, I was not sitting or kneeing in this filth. "Do you mind if I ask what happened?"

Maybe it was just my imagination, but the muscle in the arm he was using to scrub seemed to tense. "Sure," he said lightly. "It's pretty simple. About seven years ago or so, I had a fiance and she cheated on me."

For whatever reason, I didn't expect that to be the reason things ended between them. I mean out of everything... cheating? Who would cheat on a man like him? Not to sound dramatic, but he was perfect in almost every way. "That... had to be the most painful thing."

"It was. We were together... four years in total. It kind of broke me and I never really could handle moving on after that."

How awful. At least I could say that was probably the one thing I haven't done. I have never cheated on Matt. There wasn't much I could proudly say I haven't done— Oh wait, I'm technically still married and I made out with Blake.... Never mind I guess.

"Yeah, I... couldn't even imagine. When you're so invested in someone, and trust someone like that, that would be hard," I said, moving my goggles off and a glove to wipe away the sweat on my face. "Not like there is any excuse, but did she say why she did it?"

"She said she was just... tired and bored. She claimed she still loved me, but she missed the excitement. Which honestly, I just... I didn't understand. Things weren't stale. We always had fun and did so much together. She said part of it was also the fact that I worked a lot."

"That's bullshit." Especially that last part. Blake did work a lot, but I still was around him all the time – and I wasn't even his girlfriend. "Was she just a selfish person?"

"No, actually," he scoffed and said casually. "That's what stunned me."

I watched him carefully. Mel told me he was sensitive about this subject, but he didn't seem to upset or consumed by it. "So you haven't had a girlfriend since then?"

He paused, raising to kneel up and stretch casually. Finding my eyes, he rested his hands with the rag on his waist. "Not really. I would have flings, but that was it – and that ended a long time ago. I stopped trying all together, not sure why. No drive, no desire, and nobody caught my interest. Until you, but that's... that's beside the point," he chuckled, looking down.

I loved how open and casual we were about that now. Loved how we could acknowledge our feelings for each other like it wasn't a huge deal. Of course, it only made it harder not acting on them. Especially when specifically hearing that. That out of that whole time since then... I was the only one who caught his attention. It said a little more about his feelings for me – which made my heart do a little flip.

"Wow... who would have thought city-girl would have had such a big impact," I teased, unable to help myself.

"Shut up," he scoffed. "But yeah, anyway, Kara started coming home later than usual. Then, she was hours late all the time. I trusted her more than anyone that I believed her lies and excuses. After a while though, it became suspicious – and she started drifting from me. So, I confronted her on it enough and she caved and told me the truth. When she finally told me the truth, she begged me, was sobbing, she was so sorry, but... when you do something like that, that speaks a little louder than an 'I'm sorry' you know?"

I wasn't sure why but... his story made me feel uneasy. As if I was the one that cheated and broke his trust. Then again, in a way, I was lying to him and hiding things. Yes, he was not at all my man, but I wanted him to be. We were very close at this point and trusted each other. That was why, in a way, I felt like I was betraying him.

That feeling of guilt and betrayal would only grow. Especially the next day... when I decided I finally had to do the deed. The deed that nobody could know about.

The next day, I was busy cleaning the rest of the nasty vacant house and decorating it. However, when I took my break around noon and went home, I knew it was the best time to do it. Blake was at the gas station today. August's SUV wasn't in the driveway. And despite my guilt, there were several more emotions – like fear and anger – that lingered in me.

I knew there wouldn't be a better time. So, I snagged the key, entered his house, and pulled the baggie of white powder from my pocket. Where to leave it though? I couldn't have it out in the open, but I would want Blake to see it when he does the inspection.

Wandering around August's house like an idiot, I tried brainstorming where to put it. I didn't know everything that needed to be checked during an inspection. One thing I was positive landlords needed to do though was change the furnace filter. So, after a moment of thought... I opened the closet that was solely for the furnace. Placing the baggie on the ground next to the huge tank in the back, I made sure it was out of sight enough for a quick glance to not catch it.

I just had to hope Blake would see it. If he does, he would not just evict him, but he would call the cops. Then, if that goes smoothly, August would be behind bars. Even if he gets out, it would at least give me more time. I wouldn't feel like there would be a ticking bomb over my life and it would give me time to figure out what I was going to do. Plus, I had to admit, I wanted revenge for all he's done to me and this definitely felt like it would be enough.

Little did I realize, this entire idea and action, would only make things worse for me.

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A lot going on now for Ruth... what do you guys think? Obviously a stupid decision on her part, but it will be interesting to see where it goes - and where things go with Blake too. Any predictions? Hopefully you guys enjoyed it! They have been a little longer of chapters, so hopefully that makes up for the times I've been a little late to upload