Chapter 32

All my issues, my problems, even my past... ambushed me relentlessly. I wasn't sure how long I cried for, but it was long enough that my tears eventually ran dry. I had no energy left. I was numb and in a daze.

Both of us laying on the couch, I was curled up against his side. My damp cheek was resting on his damp arm. Yup, I was quite the needy loser. Poor Blake. He was so sweet and supportive. And for what? To not get any answers? It's not like he was being rewarded with sex either (unfortunately). He was just being a great guy and that's all there was to it.

Breaking the long silence – and my blank stare at the wall – I cleared my thick throat. "I'm really sorry."

Head propped up by his free arm folded behind him, he caught my eyes. "For what?"

"Turning into a pathetic lump of issues. Plus, I made you miss the fireworks."

"You did. I don't know if I can ever forgive you for that."

"I understand," I said, hiding a smile.

He replaced his arm with a couch pillow, freeing his hand to cup my cheek. Stroking my cheek, he just... stared into my eyes. Though I was emotionally drained, seeing the warmth in them made my heart skip a beat. "I...." He sighed, licking his lips. "I don't want you to ever be sorry for letting it out."

Enjoying the warmth of his arm under one cheek, his thumb stoking my other, a calming sensation came over me. One of peace and sweetness. Laying there for several minutes in silence, looking back into his eyes, I just... allowed that moment to happen. It made it even better when his hand snaked down from my cheek and rested over my hand on his chest.

I wasn't sure what it was. If it was because I was still in a slight daze; if it was his openness, warm eyes, being pressed against him, or just... feeling like a bad friend. Hell, maybe subconsciously, I figured there was no better time than now since I could cry no more. Regardless, something compelled me to – for the first time – tell him something I never wanted to return to.

Looking back to the wall, I broke that long silence. My voice was casual, but soft. "So... it was last fall. We, um... had Connor enrolled in a kid's karate class. Personally, I thought it was stupid. He was so young and I mean, karate? It was weird – and the place looked gross, by the way. Every time I dropped him off, I never got over that. But I guess some kids in his kindergarten class were doing it and he really wanted to join. So, we enrolled him in the class."

I've rarely can think about the car accident, let alone talk about it without becoming a mess. But I was numb, and every word was more of a release because of it. "His classes were once a week, from six to seven thirty in the evening. But there was one night back in January.... Matt dropped him off because I was 'busy shopping.' I told him I could pick Connor up though after I was done, but instead of shopping, I was out drinking with my friends. That's how I was. I loved to party, drink, feel alive. I drank all the time... but that night, I had way too much. I don't know why, or how I justified driving, but I did."

Lost in the past, I continued in a soft and dazed voice, almost forgetting Blake was even here. "I... I picked Connor up and we were on our way home. We had to take Feller Highway home. It was snowing just slightly and it was already dark outside. The highway had a few unexpected stop signs, and... I was so fucked up, I wasn't paying attention. I knew that highway so well, but I was trashed. All I remember was suddenly, there was a stopped car ahead and I didn't notice until too late. I slammed on my brakes, but all it did was slow the impact; I still hit them.

"It wasn't a devastating collision – but the second one was. Since I slammed on my brakes too late, the SUV behind us crashed into my back end, going much faster. It hit hard, and their big SUV pinned Connor from where he was in the backseat. It... trapped his leg under the metal and... forced his arm to bend wrong." Connors' lung-busting scream echoed in my head, making my throat finally tighten; even my numbness couldn't stop it. "Connor was screaming. The little girl in the SUV that hit us was screaming too. She wasn't hurt, just scared. Her parents that were sitting up front got scraped up, but it was nothing compared to Connor. He was... he was in awful shape. I was completely fine." Swallowing back the leftover emotion, I finally looked up to Blake's attentive eyes. "That was the last straw."

He hasn't said a word. With brows bent slightly, he didn't look away from me, taking it all in. After a moment, he gently asked, "That's what made your husband want a divorce?"

"Yes, but a divorce seemed inevitable, even before the wreck. I refused to get help with my drinking... and I refused to stop being selfish. The crash was just the last straw," I said quietly. "It's ironic though. When Matt finally gave up on me, that's when I opened my eyes. That night was the last time I ever drank. Didn't do any drugs after that either."

His brows jumped slightly. Though I shared some details of my destructive party-lifestyle before, he didn't know I did drugs in the past. "What were you on?"

"I wasn't really 'on' anything. I just did a line with my friends every once in a great while; it was still stupid of me. I never got hooked, so the drinking was the hard one to stop. But I did it. Had to go to court ordered meetings and I lost my license – but only briefly. Not sure how I got it back, but having a lawyer as a dad got me around some sticky spots. Realistically though, I think he helped get my license back because he wanted me to move away more easily. He wanted me gone – everyone did.

"I didn't want a divorce, lose my kids, or leave my home. But I needed to leave. Since my issues with August were still going on, it pushed me to leave faster too. So, with my dad's help, he got me out of the city and away from all the drama and bad influences.... I left and it was for the best – for everyone around me. Nobody wanted to bother with me. I lost everything, including my friends, the respect of my family..." I trailed off, taking a deep breath.

After a moment of silence and letting it sink in, Blake spoke gently. "Well, I should hope all these people in your past realize you are only human. And for the record... I don't think what happened makes you a bad person. It was incredibly selfish, but that's the past. What matters is you stopped and got sober. Nobody can know the pain and struggle you experienced to make that happen."

He told me that before: the past is in the past. However, for him to not judge me after finally hearing this... I didn't expect it. It was like a weight lifting off me. He didn't know all the other bad things I've done, but this was enough to make me feel a little better. Smiling up to him, eyes growing heavier, all I could say was, "Thank you."

"No problem," he said quietly, smiling. "So... you said you moved quickly after everything happened. Where did you move to?"

Amused, I responded, "God, to this... middle of nowhere dump. You should really see it. It's in a small town, plain house, and my landlord is insane."

"Oh yeah? How's he insane?"

"He's weird. He's got a parrot, first of all. He loves hunting, fishing, Madonna, and he's basically an old man. He's way too nice too."

He arched a playful brow. "Too nice, huh?"

"Yes. Way too nice."

"Is that a bad thing?"

Getting lost in his eyes, I whispered in a voice that was more honest than playful. "Yeah, him being too nice is actually."

I could actually feel his heart jump under our hands. I had a feeling he understood what I meant – which wasn't good. Fuck my weird honest moments tonight; what was wrong with me? The last thing I needed was him to know how much I wanted him. At least he believed I'm trying to make things work with Matt. Otherwise... I had to wonder if he might have kissed me right then with the way he was looking at me.

It didn't make things any less intimate between us though. Shifting his arm under me, he grasped my side, and pulled me in tighter. Cheek pressing into his shoulder, inches away from his face, we just stared at each other. For the longest time too. It was... damn, it was so sweet and nice. Until my eyes started to close.

Before I knew it, my eyes grew too heavy, and I was out. It wasn't my intention to fall asleep. Actually, it was more of a fear. Regardless, that weird night turned into a weird ass morning.

Among the peaceful sleep, there was a small weight on my chest... and a purring. Still half asleep, I started drift back to the dark nothingness. But that weight started to move up my chest. What was that? Then, a loud shriek struck my ear! It made me bolt up, scream, and fall onto the floor! What the hell?!

Immediately, a hearty laugh reached the air. Blake's laugh. Blinking, awake, I sat up and looked around the bright living room. I was in Blake's house, I just fell off his sectional, and was tangled in a large blanket. All because Sherman wanted to snuggle – and then scream in my ear! Yes, the white fluffy bird stood on the couch where I was sleeping a moment ago. Yes, good freaking morning to me.

Oh shit, morning. My stomach dropped; I fucked up again. Ugh, I could not believe I slept here last night! I was so dead. But thankfully, the clock on the wall said it was seven in the morning. Sid usually wasn't around this early, which eased my initial panic.

Blake walked into sight from the kitchen. He was already dressed for the day with a peach tee-shirt and black khaki shorts "Are you okay?" he asked through his laughter, glancing between me on the floor and his bird on the couch. "Aw, don't be upset. He just wanted to cuddle. Take it as a compliment; he's more comfortable around you."

"He nearly blew my eardrum off!" I scowled, standing up.

"You should just be happy to be alive after getting within five feet of such a demon."

"I shouldn't even be here," I sighed, running a hand through my knotty hair (I could not imagine how terrible I looked). "Now I have to go through the walk of shame."

His amusement never faltered. "Walk of shame?"

I gawked at him. "Uh, yeah. It's the early morning, I'm in your clothes, I'll be walking across the street in plain sight, and I'm sure some of your nosy tenets will see me." And if I wait any longer to leave, Sid might see too. Even though he usually wasn't around so early, it's not like I knew his schedule. "Look, um, I'll see you later. My head is fine; I'm just a little sore. Thank you for last night." I mumbled, walking past him to put my sandals on.

Still amused, he hooked my arm in his and pulled me to a quick stop. "One more thing: if the neighbors ask, you will say I was good in bed, right? I got to keep up a reputation."

"This isn't funny."

"I don't know what the problem is. So what you fell asleep here? It's understandable; you got in a wreck last night. Nobody is going to see you anyway."

I didn't want to take the risk – especially of Sid seeing me. "You can't be sure."

"Then don't cross the street; go around the back if you're so worried."

Though he was half joking, that wasn't the worst idea.

I slid on my sandals, grabbed my phone, and left through his backdoor. Under the morning light, I weaved through his woods, wincing with the soreness all over my body. God, I could not wait to take a hot bath later. Just had to get home first without being seen.

I walked to the water, followed it past the boat launch, and kept going. Moving up through the prickly trees, I finally emerged in my backyard. The people here got up early, were nosy, and seemed to always keep an eye out. So, I did a quick skip up to my porch, wanting inside as fast as possible. But the front door was locked – and I realized I did not have my keys.

"Fuck me," I groaned, closing my eyes. My keys were still in my car. Well... no getting around the walk of shame now. At least it wouldn't look as bad since I was coming from my house. With a sigh, I walked across the gravel road, clad in Blake's clothes and messy hair. Returning to his house, I fully expected this would fuel Blake's amused mood.

Sure enough, when he answered the door, he immediately had to stifle his laugh behind a cute smile. "What happened?"

"I don't have my keys. I left them with the car."

He looked away, chest shaking with a laugh he tried hiding.

I rushed past him into the house. "It's not funny."

"It's not, not at all," he smirked, shutting the door.

"Look, I'm sorry, and I know you've already done so much for me. But would you mind running to wherever they towed my car and getting my keys?"

Without answering, smile resting on his face, he nodded for me to follow him into the kitchen. When I did, I watched him pull open a drawer next to his fridge. He pulled out a brown file folder, then removed a mini-envelope from one of the sections. There was a key inside it, which he offered me. "Here."

Confused, I slowly took the key. "This is a key to my house?"

Putting the folder away, he turned back to me, propping his hand against his counter. "I'm your landlord. I have a key to every house for inspections, emergencies, and maintenance. I'm going to need it back when you get yours back, but until then, you can use it."

Well, that sure worked out and saved more trouble. "Thanks," I nodded.

"What's on your agenda for the day?"

"Well, call my dad, tell him what happened... and try to figure out what to do with August. Probably look online for a new car too. Then, take the best goddamn bubble bath in the world."

He looked at me for a long moment, contemplating something. "I don't know if you would want to bother with this today, but I could get you a car to use – just temporarily until you buy a new one."

Apparently, being a popular businessman in a small village had it's perks. There weren't any dealerships out here, but there were a few auto shops and private dealers that sold vehicles for a living. Blake helped promote them – and even let them occasionally park one of the vehicles for sale at the marina or gas station. So, they were always more than willing to help him out. Even lend him a vehicle for however long he needed it.

The last thing I wanted was to take advantage of Blake, but he insisted it was okay. Not to mention, I wasn't sure I was quite ready for alone-time with myself. So, I headed home, got ready quickly (which he was blown away by), and then hopped in Blake's truck. We both couldn't help but notice August's SUV in the driveway as we left. Jesus, how was I going to sleep at night? I didn't even want to think about it.

Despite the playful moments, and Blake's amusement earlier, he was quiet while driving the back country roads. Nonchalantly glancing over to my attractive driver, his brows were dipped slightly, lost in thought. It was a comfortable silence, but I had a feeling he could not let go what happened.

"You're still pretty pissed, aren't you?"

Eyes ahead on the hilly sunny road, he pursed his lips. "Of course I am."

Seeing the anger he was hiding behind those simple words, I knew there was a lot there. It made me nervous more than anything. The last thing I needed was him to get involved; he didn't know the whole story. Hopefully, my dad would offer some solutions that would ease both of us. I was anxious to call him. There was a lot my dad needed to know at this point.

Turning down another hilly gravel road, more wide open spaces and fields came into view. There were a few houses every several acres. One yellow house on the right had numerous cars littered across their property. Rows and rows of them. Some in terrible shape, some in pieces, and a few looked nice actually. Regardless, it was a dump. And sure enough, that was the place.

Blake pulled into their dirt driveway, putting his truck in park. Past the two-story house was a large pole barn. Inside was a man working on a car. Apparently, that's all he knew how to do. The grass was overgrown, his property looked like shit, there were car parts everywhere—

"You so look excited," Blake said sarcastically.

"If you haven't noticed, I did not say a word," I defended. "And believe me, I could say a lot."

"You're face said it all," he chuckled. "Wait here a second. I want to talk to him first."

"Sure. I was hoping to call my dad anyway, so take your time."

After Blake headed up towards the barn, I tried calling my dad. No signal. Should have known. I will never get over just how shitty reception, signal, and internet was here. Hopping out of the truck, I sacrificed the air-conditioning. High price to pay just for a call to go through, but at least it finally did after pacing around the dirt driveway.

"Ruth?"

"Hi, dad," I said, freezing in place so it wouldn't cut out.

"How's it going? I'm surprised you're calling so early," he teased.

This was not going to be a pleasant conversation. "So... we have a new problem with August."

"Another silly stunt?" he sighed. "Well, that's not a bad thing. I know it's unpleasant and uncomfortable, but every little thing he does, we can use against him."

"Dad... it's bad," I closed my eyes for a long second, biting my lip.

"What is it?"

"So... during the last AA meeting, he was there. Just to get the message across that he wanted to talk to me and solve this whole thing. So, I went over and finally talked to August. Basically, he gave me a choice. To either reveal everything, reveal the truth, or he would make things much worse for me."

"Sounds like just another way to scare you. Don't be too scared; he's harmless. But you should have told me this right when it happened, Ruth," he scolded.

I rolled my eyes. "Just like you, I didn't take it seriously. I didn't feel the need to call. But I'm calling now because I found out last night that he isn't harmless."

There was a pause on his end, as if scared to know what I meant.

Staring down at my flats against the dirt, facing the house and the back of Blake's truck, I took another even breath. "August cut the breaks of my car. I couldn't stop and... and ended up flipping the car into a ditch."

"Back up, you flipped the car? You flipped the car?! Jesus Christ, are you okay? Why didn't you call me last night?! Did you go to the hospital?"

"Dad," I breathed, trying not to get angry. "Was a little busy, alright? I was shook up; give me some breathing room." He at least wasn't accusing me of drinking and that being the cause. "I didn't get hurt at all. At all. I was really lucky and I wasn't going too fast. Okay? It happened, and it's done. Point is... I know he caused it."

"Did you call the cops?"

"Yeah, and they have a report. They are going to check the breaks, and if they're cut, that will be added to the report. Is that enough to do something? It has to be."

"Yeah, that will do it. A restraining order will be easy to obtain at this point. But if he's irrational enough to cut your breaks, he will violate it if it means getting to you."

"Then what else can we do?"

"If I can take a look at the cut breaks, depending on a few other things, he could get arrested.

"Then do it, dad! Who knows what he is going to do next!" I hissed, trying to keep my voice down, though it was hard. "He lives directly next to me, he could have killed me, and I'm scared out of my mind that he will before he gets caught."

"Would you feel better if you came home and stayed with us for a while? I would feel more comfortable if you did."

"And put up with mom? Hell no." His head-in-the-clouds wife would hate me there just as much as I would. Plus, I would feel like a burden to everyone and would not feel welcome.

"Have you considered the moral and easiest route?"

"Which is?"

"Doing what he wants," he said evenly. "He wants his life back and nothing else. If you tell the truth, he will go away."

Dad and I had our good moments and bad moments. He was not making it easy to have a good one this time. "If I tell the truth, that would end my case. I would lose the kids. I know you wouldn't mind that—"

"You know I would—"

"But I would very much mind if Matt got full custody," I said, voice turning shaky. "I know you love me, are helping me, but dad, I... I'm sorry, I can't."

"What, and you can live the rest of your life... with all of this on your shoulders?"

"I don't have a choice. I will lose everything, all the people in my life, and especially the kids – and that's not worth a free conscious."

"You would still see them. And I know the truth; I'm still here for you, aren't I? Listen, no matter your past mistakes, you're my daughter. But I think you're making another mistake. This is a safety issue now. It would be idiotic if you choose to continue being selfish!"

"I can't lose my kids, dad. They are all I am fighting for."

"Just think about it. Until then, I'm going to manage getting you an emergency restraining order until I can float a permanent one through court. I'll let you know when it goes into effect, but it could be as soon as tomorrow or the next day if I'm lucky. Getting him arrested will take longer, more paperwork to file, and be more of a process, so be patient."

Well, that was a start – but it wasn't enough to make me feel much better. "Thanks dad," I said just as I noticed Blake. He emerged from the barn and was walking back towards me.

"Just... hang in there. Matt said Sid is watching out for you. By the way it sounds, your landlord is watching out for you too. Be careful of that, sweetie. Telling the truth isn't the only way you could lose the kids."

"Nothing is going on between us. I'm not stupid." Blake leaned back and rested against the side of his truck, now in hearing range. "Anyway, I got to go, dad. Let me know when something happens."

After hanging up, I approached Blake. Thumbs hooked on his belt loops, he pursed his lips."What did he say?"

"By the sounds of it, he'll be able to get a restraining order. If it's proven the breaks were cut, he should be able to get him arrested." Hopefully, that was enough to ease some of Blake's worry and anger.

Unfortunately, it wasn't, but he didn't want to vocalize it. He just continued looking at me from where he was leaning against his truck.

"That's all he can do. And it's better than nothing," I added.

"So you feel better then?"

"Not really," I sighed, rubbing the back of my sweaty neck.

He looked down, and I could see the wheels turning in his mind. Whatever he was thinking, I already knew there was nothing I could do to keep him out of this. Before I could even try to reassure him again, he looked back up with a sigh, and smiled. "Rodney, the owner, was pretty busy, but he was more than willing to offer me a vehicle. It's not the most extravagant, but it will get you by for now."

Blake really did save me a lot of trouble. "Thank you," I smiled.

There was something in his gaze... a suspicious glint. "Before we leave though, did you need to call anyone else?"

Wiping the annoying glaze of sweat from my forehead, I couldn't figure out who else I needed to call. "Like... who?"

"I mean, you called your dad. You don't want to call your husband and tell him about everything?"

I really needed to do better with that lie. Not once did I convey a need to call Matt since what happened. And for a woman who is suppose to be working on her relationship, I should have. "Oh, um, well, he probably wouldn't pick up right now. He's busy."

He looked right through me."On a Sunday morning?"

"Oh yeah. He's... he's just busy with a big case. I mean he's young, new to this, and has to sink everything into this."

He raised his eyebrows, and a light was added to the suspicion in his gaze. A hopeful light almost that I didn't know how to decipher. But he quickly looked away with a small smile, hiding whatever was going on in his mind. "Well, if you're ready to go, you can follow me home so you don't get lost," he said, handing me the keys and heading towards the rows of cars. "I'll show you the truck he's lending you."

"Truck?" Like I didn't have enough stress. 

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Sorry it took longer than expected. Though we are in quarantine, things have been a bit busy for me. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed this one! A lot is unraveling and more will too which I am excited for