Chapter 29

It took a lot for me to walk over to August's house. After I got home from the meeting, I had a breakdown (I know, I'm a cry baby). I was lucky I even made it home before I started sobbing. The simple memory of what I did... that was bad enough. Then, to see him at AA and hear he wanted to talk... it shook me to my core. I didn't want to talk to him, I didn't, I really didn't! I was scared, I was guilty, I was angry, and I was sorry. But god, I didn't want all that on the surface. I did not want to face my past.

But after a little more crying, and going through the last of my Pall Malls pack, that is what I was about to do: face my past.

Knocking on his door, clad in my silk purple pajamas, I felt sick to my stomach. Swallowed in pitch darkness and the sound of crickets, my arms were tightly crossed. I tried remaining composed, but it was difficult. I hated knowing rat-face wasn't on watch right now either; that made me nervous. I called out and looked for Sid before coming over here, but he wasn't around. Probably scared of getting beat up again.

After a few moments, August's porch light turned on, illuminating me like a suspect under a spotlight. I was uneasy and out of my comfort zone – and that feeling doubled when the door opened.

He was wearing cotton shorts and a sleep shirt, mostly loose on his tall form except where his stomach had a slight bulge. Glancing around, he arched a brow, as if expecting me not to be alone. Believe me, I really wish I wasn't.

"Mrs. Dunn," he said with a scoff of surprise. "I expected you were smart enough to drop by tp finally talk with me. Didn't expect it to be this late though." Then, he stepped aside in a gesture for me to enter.

Not even the bugs or the heat could compel me to step into the lion's den. "You really think I'm going to head inside? Where you can hide my body without any witnesses?"

"You're serious?"

Yeah I was serious! This guy moved next door to actively trying to scare me, and as of today, he threatened me. Not only that, the man had good reason! I wrecked his life, purposefully, for such a small gain in mine. "Duh, I'm serious. You have every reason to want to destroy me. Hell, if I were you, I would have binged watched Forensic Files to know how to properly get away with killing my ass."

He craned his neck and rubbed it, as if I was making it sore. "Trust me, I enjoy scaring you, but killing you wouldn't get my life back. Only you can do that. But suit yourself," he said, joining me on the porch and facing me.

Trying to keep my breath even, my crossed arms tightened more. I didn't want to face my past anymore than this, so I immediately asked, "What do you want from me? What will make you go away and stop fucking with me?"

"It's very simple: just do the right thing."

"Do the right thing?"

"Yes. Tell the truth about what you did."

How very moral. Hell no and no thank you. The truth would ruin everything for me. "Just... come out and tell everyone that I lied?" Looking away, trying to hold back the ball of emotion in me, I rapidly shook my head. "I can't."

"You took everything from me," he said in a deeper voice, jaw tightening. I would feel more intimidated if the sadness wasn't in his gaze. "All for something small and superficial. So, you will expose what you've done – all of it."

"You know 'all of it' is too much," I said, biting the inside of my cheek.

"I don't care," he said simply. "You will. Or you will be sorry."

What do I do? How can I get out of this? Just pondering over all this hurt. Don't break, don't cry, suck it up. Was there a way we could compromise or something? "What if... what if I just went to your wife and confessed?" He just wanted his life back and she was the biggest part of it.

He immediately shook his head. "No."

"You don't understand," I said as evenly as I could, taking a deep breath. "I reveal what really happened, that will destroy everything for me. Nobody will want anything to do with me and I will lose my kids for sure. I am already fighting for them in this divorce. Can't you take enough pleasure in the suffering I am already going through? I mean look around," I said shakily, blinking away my tears. "Look where I ended up. This isn't enough?"

He offered a sad smile, looking out to his front yard. "No. You... are not on the same level of suffering. You're joking, right?"

I couldn't answer or say anything. If I did, everything would flood out from where all the emotions built up at the back of my throat.

Trying to hold a calm tone, he continued. "You did this shit to yourself. Your mistakes and your choices. Please tell me, what choices did I make wrecked my life? What did I do to make my marriage, family, and business fail? Nothing. That was all you. I didn't even know you," he scoffed, stepping closer and narrowing his eyes in mine. "You turned me into a violent asshole too – just to make your case stronger. You don't have a right to seek pity or understanding. Your downfall is your fault. My downfall is your fault. For what? Because you were trying to hide your drinking problem?" After a pause, he turned and leaned against the railing, clasping his hands together. "So no, you can't just tell my wife. Everyone needs to hear the truth because that's what you deserve."

My tears started to spill, but I quickly recovered, biting my lip hard. "I am a terrible person and I know that for what I did. I know that. I literally can't even handle thinking about what I did. But I am trying my hardest to redeem myself. You don't know how much weight is on my shoulders," I said, voice breaking. "It's unbearable and I have to block out so many things I did. Just because I'm a bad person though doesn't mean you should turn into one."

"I'm not. I'm simply trying to take back the life you took from me. You need to pay for what you did – one way or another. I should hope you would choose the easy way, the right way. It would make your life and mine better by telling the truth."

I gawked at him. "How will that better my life? If I come out with the truth, I will lose everything I am trying to hang onto."

"Yes, you will. That is the price, the punishment, that you deserve. And though it will hurt, you will feel better to get all that off your chest. You can't run from what you did forever. You know, since you're so burdened by hiding what you did," he mumbled, half sarcastic.

Whether he believes I feel guilty or not, it didn't matter. Nobody would ever know just how guilty I truly felt. It hurt, knowing all that I did, and never being held accountable for it. But my kids didn't make my mistakes. They shouldn't have to suffer without me in their lives. Maybe that was my selfish excuse, but it didn't matter. Telling the truth wasn't worth losing everything – including my mind. I blocked things out for my own good and facing that was not an option.

"What if I don't reveal the truth?" I asked quietly, and though I remained tense, I finally dropped my arms. "You're going to keep harassing me? Until what?"

"I don't know. But if you're not willing to tell the truth, then I will have nothing to lose. You will deserve whatever comes your way."

The sick uneasiness feeling in me started to return. However, August wasn't the bad guy, I was. I caused this, I deserved this, and I was now choosing to once again not do the right thing. He was just a good guy with a grudge. Even if he had nothing to lose, he wouldn't have the heart to seriously hurt me. There was no way. He was just bluffing.

As I walked through the grass back towards my house, he added one last thing. "I'll be here when you change your mind. Just let me know when you've had enough."

***

Acknowledging the past, and out-loud to the man, it kept me up most of the night. His threats didn't scare me too much though. He was a better person than I was. What bothered me was just the fact that I talked to him. I said things I usually suppress, forcing emotions forward I wanted to ignore. Thankfully, Blake was a good distraction.

By noon, I was beyond exhausted. We continued landscaping the backyards in this intense heat wave we were still experiencing. Sweat soaked into my shorts and tank-top. Since I was around Blake, I wore my wedding ring, and even that wanted to slide off my hand from the sweat. I was so ready to jump in the lake during our break. However, when Blake heard earlier that I bought a slip-and-slide for my son – and that I never used one before myself – he was anxious to do that instead.

So, we were now standing in my back yard. The hose was hooked up to the mat, spraying water all over it. However, it wasn't that big. Probably because it was meant for kids. Sizing up the man's large frame beside me, I wasn't sure if this was the best idea.

"I just bought this. And it's super small." Looking Blake over, he was in loose shorts and a huggy under-armor shirt that showed off his broad shoulders. Hair slicked back from the sweat, he was also covered in dirt. Just like me and my stained clothes. "And we are filthy."

"You need to experience this. Yes, we may break it. But that is a risk we need to be willing to take, Ruth," he said in seriously, taking off his grubby shoes and socks.

Untying my shoes, I did the same thing, trying to forget I was now barefoot outside. "It's so small though," I chuckled.

"Trust me, it's not. And neither is your slip-and-slide," he smirked.

Elbowing him, he grabbed my wrist and, with the excitement of a young boy, he towed me to the front of the long mat. "Just run and jump. Have you ever done that before, city girl?"

"Are you sure your body won't break, old man?"

That hint of competitiveness was all it took. Blake jumped behind me, grabbed my arms, and pinned me to his chest.

"Blake!" I laughed, struggling to get away.

"Since I am so old, you should go first!" he said with a smile in his voice, forcing me forward.

"But the water is cold!" I dug my heels into the ground, and managed to spin around.

Chest against mine, he paused, smiling down to me. Not only was I still in his arms, but they seemed to tighten (not that I minded). Cocking a brow, he lightened his voice. "Oh yeah? Aw, the water is cold? Oh Ruth, how terrible."

"It is terrible," I grinned.

Tilting his head down, he whispered, "Isn't that just too bad?" Then, he spun me back around, and knocked my legs loose.

Landing on my knees at the start of the slip-and-slide, water pelted me from each side. "Oh! It's too cold!" Scrambling to get up, Blake didn't allow it.

"No, accept it! Accept it!" he said, grabbing my shoulders and pushing me down the mat. I didn't go fast, but I reached the pool of water at the end contained by the wall of air. Oh yeah, that will absolutely be popped by the end of this.

For a moment, I just sat there, enjoying it. It was cold, but man, it felt so good. I already felt the sweat and dirt leave me. "Mm, give me a minute," I exhaled, sitting in the pool of water as I got sprayed.

He wasn't willing to give me even a few seconds. "Better move," he warned, backing up before he ran and slid on his knees, fast. He plowed right into me with a grunt, knocking us both over the air wall and onto the grass.

"You ass," I called.

"Now, that's how it's done. You try it."

Both of us getting back up, we went to the front again. It was so silly; I felt like we were both 8 and just receiving an exciting new toy. However, I wish it came with instructions. How was I suppose to just... throw myself on the ground? Wouldn't that hurt? "I just can't do it like you can," I laughed. "Show me."

So, he did. He did it several times. Jumping and sliding on his knees and then his stomach. It was honestly worth it, just seeing a grown ass man fly on a wet mat. I couldn't retain my smile – until he finally convinced me to go.

"Just like everything else, you won't die."

"I'll send you the hospital bill in the mail."

"Would you fucking go, drama queen?" he called, standing off to the side with his hands on his hips. His whole body and clothes were soaked, but clear of any sign we were doing yard work earlier. "If my 'old ass' can do it, you have no excuse."

Shoulders tense, I got my running start, then jumped on my knees. "Oh that's fast!" I shouted, flying all the way to the end, I hit the water with a splash and squeal, and flopped over into the grass. It wasn't obviously the most exhilarating experience, but it was fun! Grinning with a laugh, laying on my back in the grass, I called out, "How did I do?"

"8 out of 10."

Sitting up, I scoffed. "What? I did perfect. I made it all the way to the end."

He walked over to me, and offered his hand. "It wasn't graceful enough."

To say the least, it was a break well spent. Two grown people doing this, yes, it sounded weird and embarrassing, but it was too fun! We tried different jumps, tried sliding on our feet standing up, and even tried going at the same time (which did not work). By the end, we just relaxed. I was sitting cross-legged on the mat, facing him as the water lightly pelted us.

"I am proud of you for not breaking the thing," I said, nodding to the air wall, which was somehow still in tact.

"Me too. I honestly was ready to buy you a new one," he laughed. Stretching his legs out on the grass, he propped an arm behind him on the mat, water flowing down his face."You should see how it's really done. What you do is take a bunch of tarps, lay them in the grass, and make a huge slip-and-slide. Then, hose the tarps down and put some soap on it to make it really slippery."

"That is the most hillbilly thing I've heard."

"We usually set one up at the cook out. I've been meaning to tell you about it; it's coming up."

"What cook out?" I asked, combing my fingers through my soaked hair.

"Every Fourth of July, one of my friends throws this big cook-out. We grill a ton of food and set off fireworks. You and Garrett are invited, including any of your family too. It's always a really good time. There are a bunch of games and a raffle set up too. It's like a huge party."

"Why am I invited? I don't know who your friend is." Not to mention, the last thing I wanted was to be seen as Blake's date.

"He owns most of the buildings on the main strip and rents them out. That's how I know him. I rented out the space he owned in town, so me and my partner could open Louie's Pub. To say the least, he has enough resources and money. He throws an amazing party each year for basically the whole town, so everyone is welcome. Even the cops have a good time," he chuckled. "Which is how we get away with setting off more fireworks than what is usually allowed."

I was unsure of what to do. The fourth was coming up, but I was not exactly a social butterfly. People would want to talk about stupid shit, ask me questions I wouldn't want to answer.... "I don't know. The thought alone makes me want a cigarette right now."

"It won't be that bad. Garrett would have a blast. I know I wouldn't have as much fun without you there," he said, mumbling that last part with eyes turning sweet in mine. It was instinctive, but he quickly tried covering it. "You can invite your husband too. Will give you guys some time together."

Right. Because Matt and I were 'trying to work things out.' Hell no he wouldn't be there. "Not sure what he has going on. Not sure if I even want to go."

"Just think about it. Let me know in a few days."

Well, I thought about it. Despite my anxiety for how many people were going to be there, I decided I would go. Mainly, because of Garrett. Talking to Blake more about it during the week, he said there would be lot of kids there he could play with. Considering Garrett doesn't exactly see any of his friends over the summer, that swayed my decision. However, the day – the fucking day before the cook out – Matt shut me down. Only after lifting my spirits.

Friday, I went to pick up Garrett, but first stopped in at the hospital to see Connor. Of course, it meant picking up my dad on the way. You know, since I need supervision. We didn't expect it, but when dad and I walked into the room, my soon to be ex was there and Garrett. What a nice and unexpected family reunion. Already better than that last train wreck reunion.

I didn't mind or care though; it was just nice to walk in and see a very lively little boy in the hospital bed. With each visit, Connor was doing better and better. His leg was still in a cast, but he was getting stronger and wasn't nearly as sick. According to the nurses, it looked like the end of his time here was in sight. We were all very excited, especially my antsy five year old. Though Matt was fighting for custody, I learned that until that happens, Connor would be able to spend his weekends with me and his brother. He didn't fully understand how our family was coming apart, so it would be hard for him. Honestly though, I think he will just be happy to be out of here.

"Mommy, I want to do everything! I want to go swimming and, and, and I wanna pet that bird! I will be extra careful so it wont bite me," he said, gazing off in the distance, lost in his excited imagination.

Sitting on the edge of the hospital bed, I brushed back his wispy light brown hair. "We will sweetie, but only when you can get out of here. You still—"

"Ruth, I was just going to call you, I need to talk to you in the hall," Matt interrupted. He and my dad were sitting in one of the chairs by the end of the bed. Meeting his eyes, there was clearly something I didn't know. It made my chest automatically tighten.

Dad looked confused too. "I'll keep an eye on them."

Garrett threw his monster trucks onto the bed from where he was playing on the floor. The two of them occupied, I followed Matt into the hall. With a button up purple shirt and slacks, he leaned against the wall, tucking a hand into his pocket. "Listen... you know how everything with Connor has been promising?" he smiled.

We were waiting on the news that Connor could go home. And with those hints from Matt, I cupped my mouth, eyes growing as I stared at him. "Yeah...."

Matt's smile widened and he looked to the ground. "They said, within this next week, Connor can probably be discharged."

"Really?" I asked, voice breaking. My vision was blurry already. I wanted nothing more to see my son out of here, especially since I was the person who put him in here! Though I could hold myself together better, it still hurt every time I entered this hospital.

"Yes," he nodded smiling.

Trying to blink anyway my tears, turning away from Matt, I took a deep breath. "Thank god. I know it will be difficult for him to adjust to us apart, but I'll do my best to help him though it."

"Yeah, I wanted to talk to you about that. Having the boys at your house, it will make me nervous. I already am—"

"Because of August? I can't control that," I said, spinning back to him and wiping my wet eyes.

"I know you can't. It just makes me nervous."

Which was exactly why I didn't inform Matt about the ultimatum. I highly doubted August's escalating scare tactics would make my ex feel any more comfortable. Especially now that our other son would be staying with me on weekends. However, he apparently didn't need me in order to know what was going on with August.

"That is why Sid will be more attentive," he said.

Was he joking? "More attentive? He hasn't even been around," I scoffed.

"Yeah, he took a little bit of time off. 'Getting into a fight' was not part of his job description."

"That was not a fight. Is that what he told you? His ass got whooped. Like, it was embarrassing."

Jaw tightening, he leaned down and spoke in a more stern voice. "That does not help your case, Ruth. It adds more credibility that the man living across from you is more than just your landlord."

So many things about that whole thing pissed me off. Jutting a finger up at him, I hissed. "What proof do you have? Huh? Because he beat up Sid? I think if anyone saw some creep snooping around my house, they would do the same."

"He isn't just anyone. Don't think I don't hear about how often you are around him. Not just from Sid, but our son. And now our other son is expecting to go over there to see his pet bird." He shook his head and put his hands up. "You know what, it doesn't matter. You can dig your own grave."

There was no indication he knew about that kiss. Therefore, he had nothing on me. "Go ahead and try to ruin my chances to see my kids, but that is a desperate move. I work for him and he is my only friend. So good luck finding anything more than that!" A few people past by us in the brightly lit hospital hall. Immediately, I forced myself to take a deep breath and calm down.

After a long second, Matt stepped back and ran a hand through his already neat hair. "So is there anything new with August?"

Nothing that he needed to know. Hell, the only person I could tell was my dad. Dad was the only person who knew the truth – the real truth – and would understand. Plus, like I said, the last thing I wanted was Matt to be even more uncomfortable with the boys staying with me. "No, nothing really. Just been keeping his distance."

"Good."

"So, since I'm already here, do you think I can just take Garrett right now when we leave?"

Pursing his lips for a long second, he finally said sympathetically, "Listen, before you came in, I was just going to call you. I'm sorry," he sighed. "I didn't know you were coming up here to see him, so I figured I'd catch you before you left home. I was... um, hoping to keep Garrett this weekend."

Yeah, talk about amazing news regarding Connor, then this regarding Garrett. Swallowing, trying not to overreact (though I was close), I asked, "Why? You know we have that cook out tomorrow. He was really excited."

"Harry is having a big get together and everyone is going. You know we hardly see that side of the family."

"You are fucking with me," I groaned. Harry was one of his 5 siblings, all of which don't see each other often. "And you chose now to tell me? After I'm already in the city?"

"I didn't know."

Sure he didn't. How don't you know until the day before? It was bullshit and I could tell. However, family beat out a cook out with a bunch of strangers. "Alright," I sighed. "Have fun with him during my weekend."

"I'm sorry, okay?"

"You know, Matt, maybe I'll surprise you and show up to your family thing. Just so you will know how it feels," I said menacingly, opening the door and heading back inside.

I wasn't the most religious person. But I will say, not having Garrett this weekend... it turned out to be a blessing. A real blessing. After the day of the cook-out, I didn't want to think about what could have happened if Garrett was there. Hell, he might have even ended up in a hospital bed next to his brother.

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This was a fun chapter to do. A lot happened, and a lot is about to happen! What do you think might happen at this cook out? Apparently, something bad. Guess we shall see. Thanks for reading! I will be updating soon!