Lady Therese De Beauharnais of Roche

16 October, Year 32 of King Frederick V of Monrique's reign

Bordeux Ballroom, Bordeux

Monrique

It was a good opportunity to drink.

Once again that evening, my gaze was drawn to the dance floor. Lord Testalt and Lady Evangeline, dressed as Beauty and the Beast from Madam de Villeneuve's famed tale, La Belle et la Bête, were dancing in the centre of the ballroom to a lively allemande number – the first dance of the evening.

It was quite a sight. Lord Testalt was an impeccable dancer, and he moved with a grace that one would not expect of a man of his height and built. Although his baby blue eyes were deep in thought, a faint smile graced his lips as he twirled an excited Lady Evangeline in time to the music. Her cream skirts, too, swept elegantly with the sway of her slender hips, as she beamed in pure happiness, her goblin green eyes sparkling with the light from the chandelier.

I wanted to look away, but I could not. Her happiness was mesmerising, as much as it was painful.

In that moment, the box I held in my arms – the one Jules had entrusted in my care earlier – seemed to increase further in weight.

Why was I needlessly putting myself through this misery? I should simply give the box to someone else to pass it on to Lord Testalt, leave the Ball and wait for the heiresses at our meeting place.

I glanced down at the wine glass in my hand. But this wine is amazing, though.

Even as I stood there, debating on whether I should stay or leave, I was well aware that a familiar pair of grey eyes from near the refreshment tables had been watching me from the moment I had stepped into the ballroom; his gaze more curious than predatory.

I studied the man in question from the corner of my eyes, careful not to look directly at him. Towering over almost all the guests present, and with a crown perched precariously over his dishevelled, dark brown hair, he was hard to miss, and even harder to ignore.

The Crown Prince, as expected. He had not even bothered to don a costume.

Although he was speaking to a group of noblemen, who seemed to be keeping him engaged in a serious discussion, his grey eyes still followed my every movement, alert and wary.

I sighed. Jules was right. I had to deal with Nick before he interfered with my work tonight.

I took my chance the moment the group of noblemen around him dispersed. Stepping back into the shadows, I made my way discreetly through the crowd, and towards him. By then, Nick's eyes were already roaming haphazardly around the ballroom. He was no doubt searching for me, startled by my sudden disappearance.

I had reached him before he noticed me approach, and bobbed a small curtsy. "Your Royal Highness."

Nick blinked at me, shocked, before a wry smile crossed his lips. "It appears I have been caught," he conceded, "well played, Tess."

"You were too obvious, dear brother. I noticed you immediately," I leaned against the table beside him, "now would you care to tell me why I am under observation?"

"For your own safety, of course," he levelled me with a serious gaze, "Tess, I know about what happened yesterday."

My grip on the wine glass tightened. Lord Testalt must have told him.

That idiot.

"Well, if you do, then you must also know that no number of men you hire to watch over me would do any good," I sipped on my wine, "despite everything you have tried to do to protect me - behind my back – my adversary managed to reach me."

He shook his head, his eyes tired. "That was because I was betrayed."

"By?"

He ran a hand through his hair, clearly upset. "The Corporal I had placed in charge of guarding your chambers last night – one whom I had trusted - has disappeared without a trace," he confessed to me in a low tone, "his quarters are empty, thoroughly cleaned out."

"And you believe that he may have been working with the enemy?" I was unsurprised, "that he helped them get into my chambers, and ran away from Bordeux before you could reach him?"

He nodded. "This latest treachery has given us a new lead to investigate, but we are still no closer to finding who your ill-wisher is, Tess. I am so sorry," he sighed, "I do not seem to be doing a very good job with this." He sounded rather sad.

I reached out to pat his arm. "You are doing your best, brother, and I truly do appreciate it," I assured him quietly, "but please do not have me followed or watched, at least for tonight. I want to be able to drink in peace." I raised my glass towards him with narrowed eyes.

"All right, all right," he agreed, sheepish, "in any case, I highly doubt you will be attacked here, when it is so crowded."

I shrugged, and finished the last of my wine, and set the glass aside. Anything can happen anytime.

At that moment, his eyes fell on the box in my arms, and his gaze turned curious. "By the Lord, that looks rather heavy," he remarked, "I suppose that is your present for the couple?"

He nodded towards the dais, where Lord Testalt and Lady Evangeline were now seated upon, and conversing with their guests.

"Nay, 'tis not mine," I denied, "I do not believe in gift-giving for the sake of an occasion, remember? It is my opinion that it is a meaningless social construct."

He tilted his head. "Meaningless? How so?"

I reached for another glass of wine from a waiter who walked past us, and took a sip before I spoke again.

"Say it is my birthday, and you give me a gift with your well wishes for a happy birthday," I began, "as you do for my every birthday."

"All right," he nodded, "what is the problem with that?"

"The problem is that it is, to put it simply, a routine," I explained, "you are not giving me a gift because you truly wish for my happiness, or for my growth and prosperity in the years to come. You are giving it to me because, as my brother-in-law, you are expected to give me a gift on that supposedly special day. As such, that gift means nothing to the either of us."

"How can you assume that?" he frowned, "Tess, I give you a gift on your birthday because I wish for your happiness, truly."

"Do you wish for my happiness only on my birthday?" I pointed out, shaking my head, "we so easily fix certain emotions to certain days. Happiness on birthdays. Grief on death anniversaries. And so on. But we do not stop feeling, stop wishing, stop praying after those days, do we?" I paused.

"Nay, brother," I shook my head, "we only give gifts on those days because we feel it is an obligation. After all, one does not require gifts to convey emotions."

Nick stared at me for several moments, stunned, before he burst out laughing. "Even when you are intoxicated, you make sense," he conceded in amusement, "I would do well not to argue with you at all, Tess."

I inclined my head at the compliment, a small smile playing about my lips.

"As meaningless as you find the custom of gift-giving, you had best go and give them your friend's present before the ring ceremony," he looked towards the dais, "it is about to start soon."

I followed his gaze, and found most of the guests starting to gather near the dais. Some of them were approaching the couple to give them their gifts, and wish them well.

Lord Testalt, who was carrying Tommy with one arm, accepted the gifts with a small smile. He was keeping the child occupied with jests, and little games, and at the same time, he and Lady Evangeline chattered nineteen-to-the-dozen with their well-wishers.

Happiness was clearly abundant in the room, but all I could feel was grief.

I glanced down at my red wine, sorely tempted to finish it and reach for another glass. And another. And another. And another. And another, until I could no longer remember my own name.

Anything to make the pain go away.

I felt a hand on my shoulder. "Tess," Nick's voice was soft, "if it hurts so much, then why did you come today?"

My vision blurred slightly, as I shook my head. "You are making the same mistake, brother."

"What mistake?"

My smile wobbled on my lips. "Emotions are never confined to one day," I whispered, "my grief neither began, nor will end today. It has always been with me, and always will be."

With that, I finished the rest of my glass of wine.

***

Five glasses of wine later, I nodded at the herald.

"Announcing Aphrodite, Goddess of Beauty!"

I cringed behind the mask I was wearing. I had wanted to do this without drawing attention to myself, but now, the eyes of every nobility in the vicinity were trained upon my person, especially the menfolk.

Nevertheless, taking a deep breath, I raised myself to my full height. I held Jules' box by my waist and glided gracefully, with my head held high, towards the dais.

Lord Testalt's forehead creased when he noticed me approach. While Lady Evangeline did not appear to realise who I was, recognition was clear on his countenance, and turmoil began to swirl in his baby blue eyes.

As always, I wondered what he was thinking.

However, Tommy, who was playing with a few other children near the dais, broke into a wide, happy smile upon seeing me. I smiled in return and raised a finger to my lips, and shook my head at the child, willing him to remain silent.

He nodded, grinning, and turned away.

Once I reached the dais, I bobbed a brief curtsy.

Lady Evangeline beamed at me. "Welcome, my Lady," she greeted me, "and thank you for attending our engagement. I hope you are having a nice evening."

"Thank you for inviting me," my voice was surprisingly steady, "you and your fiancé have excellent taste in wine." I inclined my head at Lord Testalt as well.

"I am glad you like it, my Lady," he answered with a brief smile.

I nodded, and glanced at the box in my hands. Its contents could either clear a few of Lord Testalt's many questions on why I did what I did to him, or complicate the situation even further.

At this point, however, I could not care less. Let hell break loose.

I took a deep breath and held out the box towards him. "This gift is from a mutual friend of ours, my Lord," I explained, "she is unable to attend today, and as such, she requested that I give this to you, and wish you a happy engagement."

Lady Evangeline looked on, intrigued, as Lord Testalt lifted the box from my hands. "What is in it, my Lady?"

"Your guess is as good as mine," I chuckled humourlessly, "but she was rather insistent that it is only for Lord Testalt. I imagine that is nothing new this evening." I cracked a weak jest, to which she giggled.

It was true, though. Women, single and married, had been giving Lord Testalt personal gifts all evening, much to Lady Evangeline's clear amusement.

"Only for me?" he glanced up at me, surprised.

I nodded. "Please do read the scroll attached to the box," I added hesitantly, "my friend's intentions are beyond my comprehension, but I hope it makes them clear to you, at least."

Frowning, he unrolled the scroll, and read through the words I had read only hours earlier.

When he finished, he glanced up at me again, serious. Although I tried not to care, although I tried to remain calm and composed, I knew he could sense the tension emanate from my body in waves.

He was going to ask me what was in that box. I knew it. The question was already at the tip of his tongue.

I subconsciously reached for the charms on my bracelet, took a deep breath and met his gaze.

He had been watching me in the meanwhile, and paused, noticing the bracelet on my wrist. A small, sad smile spread across his face, as he set down the box on the ground next to his chair.

And at that moment, he asked me a question I would never have expected him to.

"I have been waiting all evening to speak with you," his voice was gentle, "have we met before? You look and sound most familiar."

To an outsider, it may have seemed like an innocent question. To me, however, it was a statement.

Time came to a loud, screeching standstill, as I gazed at him in shock. It could not be. Those were the words, the exact same words he had started our conversation with, when we had danced at that masquerade ball eight years ago. The ball where we had –

He knew.

My breath was lodged tightly in my throat. I could not speak.

How?

"Your bracelet, my Lady," he answered my unspoken question, "'tis the same one that you had almost lost during the ball."

Lord, I wished the ground would swallow me whole.

In the meanwhile, Lady Evangeline looked between the both of us in silence, wide-eyed and very much confused about what was going on.

"How long have you known?" I eventually found my voice.

"Always," his voice was quiet, "and despite everything, in all these years, I never regretted it. Not even for a moment."

In that moment, I could almost see the events of that evening play out right before my eyes. The calm, quiet seashore. The cool waves lapping against our feet. The feel of his lips against mine, as I cradled his face in my hands –

And just as suddenly, it vanished.

My vision cleared to find Lady Evangeline's bewildered goblin green eyes darting between us, and Lord Testalt's baby blue ones gazing all the way into my very soul, completely honest as always.

Tess, what are you doing? a voice in my mind asked tiredly, the time for reminiscing is past. This is his engagement, for the Lord's sake.

I felt tears beginning to sting my eyes. Damn you, red wine.

"Neither have I," I remarked softly, "but does it matter anymore, my Lord?" I inclined my head at his fiancée.

Almost as if he was breaking out of a trance, he looked at Lady Evangeline beside him. She gave him a small smile and took his hand in hers, offering her support.

He was still broken – I broke him – but I could already tell she would help to put the pieces of his heart back together with time, and guide him towards their happy future.

It matters no more.

"Ned," she whispered now, "what is happening? Who is this?"

He struggled to return her smile, and failed. "An old friend," he answered her, looking up at me with all the grief in the world laden in his eyes, "an old, dear friend."

A single tear rolled down my cheeks. Thank goodness my mask was covering most of my features.

Just as I was wondering how to excuse myself and run away to a corner where I could be miserable by myself, I heard a small commotion behind me.

"Excuse me, big people! You are blocking my way!"

I turned around, surprised, as a familiar five-year old attired in the dark blue suit I had dressed him in that evening, and a cream-coloured cravat that remained intact, pushed and jostled his way through the people standing in front of the dais.

Tommy's countenance was red, and was set in a scowl at the amount of effort he had to exert to get through them.

"Tommy?" Lord Testalt noticed him, his forehead creasing, "is everything all right?"

Tommy nodded, grinning at him. "A very good evening to you, my Lord Oncle, and Lady Evangeline," he greeted him and his fiancée, before he turned to bow deeply to me.

I tilted my head at him, curious.

His baby blue eyes, so like Lord Testalt's, twinkled. "My dearest Lady Aphrodite," he lisped adorably, "may I have your next dance? 'Tis a waltz, I believe."

I raised an eyebrow at the child. "Lord Alençon, may I ask how you intend to waltz with me?" the corners of my lips twitched, "if I may kindly remind you, you barely reach my waist in height."

"When there is a will, there is a way," he was very confident, as he offered me his arm.

I blinked my tears away, as I chuckled. I had taught him that proverb quite recently.

"Simply because you remembered that, you may have my next dance, my Lord," I agreed, before glancing at the couple, "I will take my leave now, if you please."

Lady Evangeline managed a weak, albeit still confused smile. "Good day to you, Madame."

"You too, my Lady," I nodded, before daring to look at Lord Testalt, "and my Lord, please do not forget about the box. My friend went through a lot of trouble trying to give it to me before the ball."

"I will not," he promised.

Nodding, I swiftly turned away from them both, and slipped a hand into the crook of Tommy's proffered arm.

The child broke into an excited beam, and puffed up his chest in pride, as he walked me down the dais, and towards the dance floor in small, confident strides.

The other guests stared at us in curiosity, and made way for us. By the time we reached the dance floor, the rest of the couples had already taken up their positions. Knowing well that there was no way I could dance with Tommy while he was shorter than me, I lifted him up and settled him securely in the curve of my hip.

"Whee!" he exclaimed in excitement, "now I am as tall as you are!"

He placed one hand on my shoulder, and raised his other hand towards me, for me to hold.

Almost at once, the band began to play the music.

It was an interesting experience. All my life, I had to allow my male partner to lead me through this dance form. I had to adjust to his rhythm, his steps, no matter how terrible his timing was, or how clumsy his feet were.

This time, however, I could allow my body to follow the music, as I whirled us both across the dance floor. I loved to dance, and knew I was good at it, but this was one of the rare times at a ball that I truly felt that I was one with the music.

I moved with precision and grace, relishing in the feel of my velvet skirts brushing against my ankles, in the way my golden blonde curls followed my every turn like a ray of light, in the abundant energy flowing through my limbs.

For the first time that evening, a true smile blossomed on my face.

"You look nice when you smile, Lady Aphrodite," Tommy remarked, beaming.

"You may call me by my name, mon ange," I was amused, "Aphrodite must be a mouthful to pronounce."

"All right, Tessie," the relief was clear on his face, "in any case, I am glad you are smiling now. You looked so sad earlier."

I flinched back on instinct, when he reached out a finger towards the eye holes on my mask. He slowly touched the corner of my eyes, to produce a fat teardrop that gleamed on the tip of pinkie finger.

I looked at it, amazed by how perceptive the child was, and extremely touched by his sensitivity to my feelings. Time and time again, I was reminded of the sheer blessing that Tommy was in my life.

"Thomas," my voice was very, very soft, "is that why you asked me to dance?"

He nodded vigorously. "I remember you love to dance," he mumbled, his eyes twinkling with mischief, "more than talking to people."

I laughed. He was most definitely right about that.

"This is the best dance I have had all evening," I meant every word of it, "thank you so much."

"Truly?" his irises lit up, "'tis my best dance too! And my only dance." He pouted.

"Well, we had best enjoy it, then," I broke into a small smile, hoping to distract him and myself.

With that, I threw him up high, and caught him during the next crescendo, and twirled quickly. Not having expected it, he squealed out loud with happiness, his high-pitched peals ringing in the air.

I frequently had to change his position on my hip during the waltz, to simulate the real dance as much as I could, but the child did not seem to mind the movements. Rather, he laughed out loud, uninhibited, again and again, every time I twirled us around, and every time I lifted him higher and higher up into the air.

And each time he laughed, I felt a smile naturally pull up my lips. If I could store away each precious peal of his laughter into small pockets, and listen to them later, I would.

When the final bars of the music were played, I slowed us into a gentle twirl, and sunk into a deep curtsy.

"Tessie, that was wonderful!" he exclaimed, "let us dance again!"

I was too dizzy and breathless from the amount of energy I had spent in the last few minutes, so I simply smiled, and held him close.

At that moment, I heard applause from all around us.

Glancing up, I found the couples on the dance floor, and several of the older guests standing around, clapping their hands for the both of us, with beams on their faces.

I had not anticipated this response. Tommy waved to them all, excited, while I inclined my head in acknowledgement, still trying to catch my breath.

My eyes eventually found Lord Testalt on the dais, who was applauding as well. He offered me a gentle smile, and his baby blue eyes were glassy with emotion.

Before I could be certain of what I saw, however, he had turned away.

***