Lady Therese De Beauharnais of Roche

15 October, Year 32 of King Frederick V of Monrique's reign

Bordeux Castle, Bordeux

Monrique

"Tessie, I want to play with Oncle Ned!"

I glanced up from my work, to find Tommy tugging on my arm. "He is busy, child," I explained for the hundredth time that day, "he needs to prepare for his engagement ceremony tomorrow."

He sighed, saddened at once, and I felt a large, heavy stone drop to the pits of my stomach. Biting my lip, I looked down at my almost-completed draft of the petition which I had been working on endlessly for the past week.

Can it wait? I deliberated, the poor boy has been sitting around here in boredom all day. I shall finish this up tonight.

I set aside my books and stood up. "All right," I gave in, "would you like me and Liv to play with you instead?"

His eyes brightened. "All right! Shall we play – "

"Nay, darling, I am busy and so is Tessie," Liv strode into my bedchambers, and shot an apologetic glance at Tommy, "we cannot play with you at the moment. I am so sorry."

Again, Tommy's face fell.

"And may I ask why?" I frowned at her in disapproval.

"The Modiste has brought our new gowns for the engagement ball tomorrow, and we need to try them on and make any adjustments if necessary," she answered excitedly, "listen to Tommy, and bring him to Lord Testalt. He will have a better time playing with his uncle, rather than watching the seamstress work on our gowns."

On cue, she was followed by a tall, elegant woman and a few of her colleagues who carried our gowns and their sewing boxes, and they went about setting up a temporary boudoir in my chambers.

"Liv, he is also busy with preparations for his engagement ball tomorrow," I reminded her, "how will he keep an eye on the child?"

"The Castle staff are helping him extensively. He will have time to spare."

"Liv – "

"Darling," she turned to Tommy with her sweetest smile, who was watching us with some confusion, "would you rather stay here and watch Tessie try on gowns, or play with your Oncle Ned?"

The answer was clear as day to him. "Play with Oncle Ned!"

"See?" she laughed, "now bring him to Lord Testalt, and come back here soon. I met him on my way up here. He is at the ballroom, helping the staff put up the decorations."

Rolling my eyes, I took Tommy's hand, and we walked out of my chambers. On my way to the ballroom, I muttered a string of advice to the child.

"There will be many people at the ballroom, carrying all sorts of heavy objects – chairs, tables, and so on," I told him, "if you disturb them, they may drop what they are carrying and you may get injured. You do not want that to happen, do you?"

He shook his head obediently. "Nay, Tessie."

"You are a little boy, and they are all very, very tall," I warned, "they may not notice you. Therefore, you must be extra careful, and keep out of their way. All right?"

"All right, Tessie."

"Stay with your Oncle Ned, and do not wander around," I instructed, as we approached the ballroom, "and of course, if you become tired, ask him to bring you back to my chambers. The Modiste and her helpers will leave in a couple of hours, and you can sleep in peace."

He nodded at me with a big smile. "Do not worry so much, Tessie," he assured me, patting my hand, "Oncle Ned and I are big boys."

I smiled wryly, lifting him up into my arms, and pushed the double doors of the ballroom open.

Preparations were in full swing within. The ballroom was simply packed with people scurrying about, arranging tables, chairs and putting up decorations. Orders were being shouted in all directions, and in all honesty, I had no idea how they were able to coordinate with each other despite the noisy atmosphere.

My eyes wandered in search for a familiar, honey-blonde man among the sea of people. Although I was considered rather tall for a Monriquan woman, and was able to look around at everyone in the room without tiptoeing, I could not find Lord Testalt anywhere.

Frowning, I tapped the shoulder of one of the Castle Staff who was about to leave the ballroom. "Would you be so kind as to direct me to Lord Testalt?"

He simply pointed up to the chandelier, and hurried away.

That was when I spotted a honey-blonde, shirtless man hanging precariously by the legs from the framework of the ceiling of the ballroom, who was replacing the melted candles on the chandelier with thick new ones that the men on the ground were tossing up to him.

"Is that Oncle Ned?" Tommy blinked in amazement.

"Your uncle has always been the one to live his life on the edge," I answered dryly, raising my eyes to the heavens above, "come, let us bring him down to reality."

With that, I weaved my way through the crowd, and reached the centre of the ballroom, right below the chandelier. The men around me with the candles cast me some strange glances, but I paid them no heed.

"Lord Testalt!" I raised my voice.

He did not hear me. It was too noisy in the ballroom.

"Tessie, surely you can shout louder than that," Tommy was laughing away in my ear, "try again."

"I am too tired to bother," I muttered, "and in any case, there is a reason why our elders believe that actions speak louder than words."

With that, I shifted Tommy to my left hip and looked around me, before I grabbed one of the candles from the man on my right, and tossed it up straight and hard at Lord Testalt's head.

"Perfect, Tessie!" the child declared gleefully.

"Ouch!" he yelped, and almost lost his grip on the framework, "I am still cleaning the candle wax here! Do not throw me the next candle yet."

I snapped my fingers. "Over here, my Lord."

"Lady Therese? Tommy?" he frowned, noticing us for the first time, "what are you doing here?"

"I am busy at the moment," I replied brusquely, "and I need you to take care of Tommy."

"Pardon?" he could not hear me over the noise in the ballroom.

"I am busy!" I pointed to myself, "can you take care of Tommy?" I pointed to him, and then pointed to the child.

"I am busy as well, my Lady," he called out, huffing, "ask Evie instead!"

I shook my head vehemently. "I am not leaving him with her."

"Come again?"

I was tired of repeating myself. Grabbing the man nearest to me by the collar, I turned him to face me.

"Go up there, and take over Lord Testalt's task," I told him, "and tell him that if he does not come down this instant, I will not bring Tommy to his engagement ceremony tomorrow."

He blinked at me, startled. "My Lady – "

"And that is an order from a lady who is far higher in station than you," my voice brooked no argument, "do it now."

"Aye, my Lady."

Sighing, the man handed his candles to his colleague, and began to scale the pillars up to the ceiling, and wrapped his arms and legs around the framework to make his way towards Lord Testalt.

He relayed my orders to Lord Testalt, who scowled even more fiercely, before he climbed back down the other way and strode towards me. Beads of perspiration were dripping down his sharp jaws, his neck, and his well-sculpted torso.

I willed myself not to stare.

"Oncle Ned!" Tommy cheered, and jumped down from my arms to rush to his Uncle's side, "come, let us play!"

He grinned at the child, nodding, before looking up at me. "I told you I was busy, did I not? And what is your problem with Evie?" he lowered his voice so that Tommy could not hear him, "she would take good care – "

I was in no mood to listen to what I was certain would be a very insightful sermon on how Lady Evangeline was his precious fiancée, and how he would trust her with his life. The very thought of their engagement had long given me a migraine, and I did not wish to hear of her, talk about her, or even see her.

"I will not leave Tommy with someone I am not acquainted with – nor wish to be acquainted with," I made it very clear, "and besides, he has been pestering me all day to be allowed to play with you." I ruffled the child's hair, smiling faintly.

He shook his head at me, exasperated. "You are the most vexing woman I have come across in my life," he muttered, "Lord, I pity the poor fool who has to put up with you for the rest of his existence."

I rolled my eyes.

In the meanwhile, he had scooped up an eagerly waiting Tommy up with one arm. "Do you want to play? Let us play Eagles," he grinned at him, as he lifted him horizontally over his head, "whoosh..."

With that, he strode out of the ballroom, with Tommy above his head, who was stretching out his arms wide, giggling, pretending to be an eagle.

***

When I returned to my chambers, I stopped short at the sight of a familiar blood red gown, and an elaborate magenta mask placed beside it on my bed.

"Liv," I asked her slowly, "why did you buy me a mask?"

She did not look away from the looking-glass, where she was admiring her own emerald green gown. "Well, how can you expect to attend a masquerade without a mask?" she chuckled, "now, stop asking me these silly questions and try on your gown. I took the liberty of assuming that you will be attending the masquerade dressed as Aphrodite, like you always say you do. You can tell Madame de Bourbon here if it needs adjusting." She gestured to the elderly lady working on her gown, who inclined her head at me in greeting.

I barely spared the Modiste a nod, before turning to Liv. "A masquerade?"

She paused, gazing at me through the looking glass. "Aye, did you not know?" she was surprised, "Lord Testalt and Lady Evangeline's engagement ball is a masquerade. It was written on the invitation card."

I sank into my armchair. I had hardly looked at the card. I would have never agreed to go if I had known.

Liv's forehead creased in concern. "Are you all right?"

"Who...in their right minds," I struggled with words, "would want their engagement ball to be masquerade-themed? They would be unable to recognise their own guests who have come to wish them well."

"Well, I heard Lady Evangeline is rather fond of masquerades," she shrugged, "and since she compromised with Lord Testalt about having their engagement ball here in Bordeux rather than at her home in Warwick, I suppose he compromised with her about having it as a masquerade."

I raised an eyebrow. "She did not want their engagement ball to be held here?"

"Can you blame her? Almost every woman at court is intensely infatuated with Lord Testalt, and many of them have begun to bear her much ill-will ever since news of their betrothal spread throughout the country," she smiled sadly, "I would not want to be in her position for all the riches in the world."

I did. That was the problem.

"In any case, masquerades are a good time," she continued, unaware of my inner turmoil, "now that I think about it, in all these years and among the countless balls we have both attended, I have yet to go to a masquerade with you. How strange." She grew lost in her thoughts.

I held my breath. "Coincidence."

Lie. Nothing was a coincidence.

"Mayhap it is simply that. A coincidence," Liv was not too bothered by my abrupt answer, "at least we will be attending one together at long last. It is going to be amazing." Her eyes sparkled.

I offered her a weak smile in turn.

"Now go, try on your gown," she bade me, "Madame de Bourbon needs to meet another customer soon."

I nodded, and stood up with a heavy heart. As I took the red silk gown from the bed, and proceeded to the adjacent chamber to try it on, my mind raced.

Nothing was a coincidence. Nothing happened by chance. The last time I had willingly attended a masquerade ball was eight years ago, and though it was the ball I had been happiest at, it brought me nothing but sadness when I thought of it now.

Masked couples gracefully revolved on the dance floor in the dimly-lit ballroom. They were complete mysteries to each other, as they openly flirted with one another, with the knowledge that their true identities would not be divulged tonight.

Tonight, at the masquerade ball held by King Giovanni of Osterlund, in honour of his recent engagement to his fiancée Princess Charlotte of Monrique, everyone was free to be whom they wanted to be without being judged for it.

As was I.

"You know, milady, I find myself rather lost. I could use some directions."

The Osterlundienne young man whom I was currently dancing with, Captain Bournemouth, stared deeply into my eyes in that moment. It was slightly unsettling, since he was dressed as a frightening pirate for tonight's festivities.

I tilted my head at him. "Directions to where?"

His lips curled up in a smile. "To your heart."

I stared him, unamused.

He raised his eyes to the heavens above. "Not even this one?" he groaned, "milady, you are hard to impress. What does a man have to do to earn a smile from you?"

"Well, Captain, I have already heard most of these before," I shrugged, "you need to come up with some original ones if you want to at least pique my interest, let alone impress me."

"I will work on it," he promised.

"I wish you nothing but the best," the corner of my lips twitched in amusement, "who knows, mayhap I will even save you another of my dances if you succeed."

"I am most grateful," he chuckled, "in the meanwhile, let us talk about you. Is there anyone in this ballroom who has intrigued you tonight?"

"Not particularly."

"Oh, surely not! Even as I speak, there are many men who are looking your way," he told me cheerfully, "in fact, there is one in particular who has been unable to take his eyes off you all evening." His eyes were twinkling.

Curiosity flooded me. "Who?"

I was about to turn around, but he locked his arms around my waist.

"Do not look, milady," he cautioned, "then he will know we are speaking of him."

I pondered for a moment. "All right, then," I said finally, "please spin me around on the next crescendo, such that I am able to view him without suspicion."

"Your wish is my command."

As he promised, he effortlessly lifted me up by the waist, and spun me around on the next crescendo. He placed me down such that I was gazing past his shoulder, straight into a pair of familiar baby blue irises that I would know anywhere.

Ned. My heart almost stopped.

It had been four years since he had left for Osterlund to study with Crown Prince Nicholas of Monrique and their other friends. There was not a day that I did not miss him, my dearest friend.

However, the chubby boy I had bid farewell to four years ago had grown quickly into a lanky young man in the prime of his youth. He was at least a head taller than me now, his shoulders had broadened considerably, and his previously straw blonde waves had darkened into a rich honey blonde.

A small, curious smile tugged at the edges of his full, red lips when he realised that I was looking at him, and my breath caught in my throat.

Did he recognise me?

Captain Bournemouth was quick to notice the change in my countenance. "Do you recognise him, milady?"

I cleared my throat. "I do."

Lord, I should have known beforehand that Ned would come to this ball. It was hosted by the Crown Prince's future brother-in-law, after all. He would have most definitely been invited.

How had such an important fact slipped my mind?

All the while, his eyes did not leave mine. A strange, powerful warmth that I had never felt in all of my sixteen years began to spread through me, and my heart pounded loud and hard in my ears.

I looked away, before I was caught for staring too long.

All too soon, the dance came to an end. "Well, I wish you all the very best with your friend, milady," Captain Bournemouth grinned, bowing over my hand, "I hope you have the chance to meet him tonight."

Snapping myself out of my thoughts, I curtsied. "Thank you, Captain," I replied carefully, "but I have yet to decide if I want to meet him."

Lie. I wanted to meet him, speak to him, so badly -

"Of course, of course," he tipped his hat towards me, "and in any case, please do save a dance for me. I will come up with an original line, and impress you before this night ends."

It took me a moment to remember. "I like your confidence," I nodded in approval, "good luck."

He gave me a wink, before he disappeared off into the crowd to find another Lady for the next dance. In the meanwhile, I looked around me, noting that a few men were making their way towards me with all haste.

I observed them approach, contemplating my options with a frown. They did not look promising.

The Jester had been a bore, Zeus had repeatedly stepped on my foot, Dracula's breath had smelled like onions, the Doctor's mask had almost poked me in the eye several times when we had danced earlier –

"My Lady, may I have your next dance?"

Startled, I turned around at the sound of a man's calming baritone, only to find Ned standing behind me. He held out a hand towards me, and bowed.

Blood roared in my ears, as I stared at him like an idiot. When had he made his way across the room? Should I accept his invitation? What if he found out who I was -

He smiled weakly. "I am sorry if I had frightened you."

Lord, his smile. Mayhap I could manage one dance.

"It is all right," I cleared my throat, "and aye, it would be my pleasure."

I took his hand, and allowed him to lead me towards the centre of the dance floor. From my periphery, I could see the rest of the men who had been approaching me stop in their tracks, and scramble to find other women.

I sighed in relief.

I heard him chuckle beside me at that. "I take it that it has been a busy night."

Despite myself, I smiled. I loved the sound of his laughter.

"You could say that," I murmured, "your timing was impeccable, thank you."

We took up our positions for the next dance. It was another waltz, in honour of King Giovanni and Princess Charlotte, who were now joining us on the dance floor. Within a few moments, the band struck up a tune. Ned began to whirl me across the dance floor, his feet light and his movements precise.

My smile widened. He was a good dancer.

"I should be the one thanking you. I have been waiting all evening to speak with you," he admitted sheepishly, "have we met before? You look and sound most familiar."

I became cautious at once. "Mayhap."

"I knew I was not imagining things," he was relieved, "who are you, my Lady?"

Fear struck my heart, and I answered on instinct. "No one."

His forehead creased.

I hurried to explain myself. "What is the point of a masquerade ball if we go around asking for each other's identities?" I reasoned, "I quite like the anonymity."

"You know who I am," he pointed out.

"You are easy to recognise. You put absolutely no effort into your costume," I gestured to his plain, black suit, "if that is even one. Who are you supposed to be tonight?"

"Myself," he shrugged, "I believe I am as complex an individual as any of the characters that everyone is dressed as tonight."

I raised an eyebrow. "Even as complex as Shylock?"

"Who is that?"

"You do not know of Shylock? From The Merchant of Venice?" my eyes almost popped out of my sockets.

He wrinkled his nose. "I do not read Shakespeare. His writing is frankly boring," he frowned, "I fell asleep halfway trying to read his sonnets a few years ago."

"Oh, nay. We were getting along so well," I shook my head, "and now you have ruined it."

He grinned at my sombre tone. "I assume you like his work?"

"Aye, very much so," I answered proudly, "The Merchant of Venice is my favourite play, and it is his finest by far. I will entertain no arguments on this." I narrowed my eyes at him.

"I would not dare to, my Lady," he burst out laughing, "but mayhap I can recommend you some of my favourite poets and playwrights? You can try reading their work as well, if you have the time."

"I am already aware who they are," I broke into a small smile, "you prefer French literature to English – which I dislike. Intensely."

His eyes grew wide in astonishment. "How - "

"Your favourite play is Bradamante, by Robert Garnier," I mused, "if it has not changed."

His voice was hardly audible. "It has not."

"And your favourite collection of poems is Le Grand Testament, by François Villon," I added softly, "although I have never been able to understand why. The man was a barbarian when he lived, and it is clearly reflected in his poetry."

He was stunned into silence for a long time. As the waltz drew to an end, I twirled in his arms once more, and allowed him to dip me low. His baby blue eyes held my gaze prisoner, and in that moment, there truly was nowhere left to run.

"Who are you?" he murmured.

My lips parted, but I was out of words. Mayhap I should simply tell him who I was. There were already too many secrets between us without adding one more –

Nay. What in the world was I thinking? There was no way I could face him as myself. Too many things had happened in these four years alone, and I could not go back in time and claim innocence, or worse, attempt to explain it all at this ball, where my mother was in attendance –

It was thus that I remained quiet, even as he gently raised me to my feet once more upon the final bars of the music. He bowed and lifted my hand up to his lips, but instead of pressing a kiss to the back of my hand, he placed one on the inside of my palm.

My breath hitched.

"Ned, I- I cannot. That is the one question I cannot afford to answer tonight," I whispered, "I am so sorry." With that, I bobbed him a brief curtsey, picked up my skirts, and glided out of the ballroom.

I needed to calm down. I needed to think.

The cold air hit me the moment I stepped out, and I wrapped my shawl tighter around my shoulders. As the ballroom was located near the seashore, I kicked off my shoes, picked up my skirts and walked barefoot on the soft, soft sand towards the ocean.

When I reached the shoreline, I paused, and closed my eyes, feeling the cold waves crash over my bare feet, and the sea breeze play with my curls. I placed the back of my hand against my cheeks, feeling them burning red.

As if I did not have enough problems on my plate, what in the world was this new set of emotions coursing through me -

"All right, calm down," I murmured to myself now, taking deep breaths, "you need only leave the ball before you run into him again, and put this night behind you. It is that simple. There is no need for these idiotic histrionics." I kicked myself for good measure.

Truth be told, I was utterly bewildered by my own behaviour. This was so unlike me. For the first time in my life, I felt so out of control of myself, of my emotions, and it was beginning to frighten me.

"My Lady?"

Startled, I turned around to find Ned striding towards me, his baby blue eyes swirling with turmoil. He came to a stop in front of me, and held out a familiar bracelet towards me.

"You dropped this on your way out."

My eyes widened. I took it from his hands, fingering the cool, silver charms on them. My father had this bracelet specially made for me for my birthday last year, and I was very fond of it.

How had I not noticed it slip from my wrist?

I put it back on, and tried to fasten the clasp more tightly than I had before. However, the metal simply would not bend when I applied force on it. He stepped forward to help when he realised that I was having trouble with it.

"Thank you," I told him softly.

He nodded, before he took a deep breath. "I – " he started, "I also wanted to apologise for upsetting you on my account at the ball. I should not have pressed you to tell me who you are when you are not comfortable with it."

Shaking my head, I hesitantly lifted my hand and rested it against the side of his face. I ran a thumb over his cheek, feeling the slight, but rough stubble on it.

His lips parted at my touch.

"There is no need to apologise," I murmured, "but why do you want to know who I am so badly?"

"Curiosity?" he tried.

"Next," I smiled weakly.

He took a deep breath. "It has been a tumultuous four years since I left Monrique. Everything is changing, and quickly. It has been difficult to keep track of these changes, and there is not a moment that I am not worried about one thing or another," he answered quietly, "but for the first time tonight, in your company, I am at peace."

His hand covered my own, as his baby blue eyes held mine. "Like I have finally returned home."

A smile wobbled on my lips. At that moment, without my usual hesitation, I found myself reaching up on my toes, and gently brushed my lips against his.

They were soft, so soft, and I wanted more. I tiptoed again, and pressed my lips fully to his, placing my hands on the nape of his neck.

It felt as if someone had lit a match, and the ground beneath us had instantly burst into flames. In a split second, his breathing had quickened and his arms circled my waist, gently pulling me against him, as he leaned down and deepened the kiss.

A shudder of desire rippled through my body, and my eyes fluttered shut, completely giving in to the moment. I could feel the searing heat of his lips all the way down to my toes, making them curl up tight on the wet sand, even as the ocean waves lapped against our feet every now and then.

For those few, blissful moments in his arms, I easily and truly forgot the whole world around me. When we pulled away, I opened my eyes, to find him already gazing at me with something close to wonder.

I pressed one last kiss into his palm, folded it, and pushed it towards him. "Home is wherever your heart dwells," I gave him a gentle smile, "for me, at least, you have always been home."

With that, I turned around and walked away from him, not daring to look back.

I touched my lips now, releasing a breath I knew not I had been holding. Eight years later, the memory was still fresh, as if it had happened only yesterday.

Thankfully, Lord Testalt had not recognised me. It had been the first and last time I had kissed a man, and I had known then, as well as I knew now, that there would never be anything like it again.

What more, it had not been a part of my mother's plans. For the first time in a very long time that day, I had done something because I wanted to, and I did not regret it. I kept that memory carefully tucked away in my mind, even though it caused me pain every time I remembered he was to marry another soon.

"Tess?" Liv's voice broke me out of my reverie, "have you tried on your gown? How does it fit?"

I looked down at myself.

Perfect, as always.

***