Once upon a time I was a smart girl. I had dreams and hopes. All I ever wanted was a serious relationship. But I never found the right guy. 

One year ago my friends and I went to our local disco. That was when I saw him for the very first time. He was not bad looking or something. He had short, brown hair and a nice enough face with very blue eyes. I hated him. He was dancing way too close to me and looked at me like some hungry animal. I went to one of my male friends, who agreed to act like my boyfriend for the rest of the day. The still unknown dude went on and tried to dance with my best friends, but was quickly told off. Later, when we left the disco and waited for our Uber, he came once again and tried to be part of our sacred circle. He was a real pain in the ass. 

A few weeks later, my friends and I went to some barn party. Most of my friends went home earlier, while Vi and I stayed until the very end. Only to realize that we had no safe way home. I saw a boy called Jay, with whom I had had some dates, and asked him how they planned on getting home, since he does not live quite that far from my place. "Well, my dad is picking us up". I sighed. There would be no place for two girls in only one car. "But he is coming with Al's transporter, so Vi and you can come along", he smiled and tucked some hair behind my head. I grinned at him and went to tell Vi. When we finally left the party, Vi and I were standing next to Jay and waited for the bus to come. Most of his friends were standing next to us and I looked around, trying to see some familiar faces. I recognized most from other parties, but one of them almost made my eyes fall out. The weird boy from the disco. "Who's that?" I asked Jay while trying to point subtle at the weird boy. "That is Al! I thought you knew him? He is always around and stuff", Jay explained. I shrugged my shoulders. "You can never know everybody".

Over the next few weeks, wherever I went, I always met Al. Even in the supermarket. Combined with the fact, that his transporter became quite the regular way home for me and my friends, I kinda started liking him. Liking like you like a human being. I did not like like him. But we started to have some really good talks. 

After a while our Disco was reopening after its summer break. We went, like always. Downing booze and chatting with our favorite bar keepers while flirting with several boys. I love this disco. And every time I go, I get at least one drink for free. Even a water whenever I am the designated driver. The time flew by fast. And suddenly, Vi, Jay, Al and some of their friends were the only ones left. The security guard came and told us to leave since it was already half past 5 and the disco normally closes at 5 a.m. We all went outside and saw the current hook up friend of Vi. He smiled and waved and Vi went to talk to him. Al seized the opportunity and came to me. "How are you gonna get home?" he asked. I had a solid 6 km to walk. And I was not a fan of walking that far. Especially since half of it was through a forest. I shrugged my shoulders and told him I'd improvise. "You know, you can easily sleep at my place", he said, and I realized how tired I was. "Gotta talk to Vi first, since you know, Girl Code and stuff". I walked to Vi and asked her if she had found a way home without calling our parents. "Nah, I guess I am sleeping in the car" she grinned, while pointing her head at her hook up dude. "Alright, I'll sleep at Al's. If you need something just call me". I already wanted to leave her with her dude, "Wait. Al like it weird disco dude with ass staring vibes?" I nodded, "do you know another Al? Bye Vi. And please try to get some sleep!"

Al and I started the walk to his house. It was not as far as mine, but we still had to walk at least one kilometer. We came by some supermarkets, when I had the brilliant idea to steal a shopping cart. We did. Al made sure to leave it somewhere on the way, so nobody could trace it back to us. After a walk which felt like hours, we finally arrived. He gave me a T-Shirt, so I could sleep and tried to get things moving. We made out for a little time, but when he decided to do more serious things, I blocked him off. I told him I was too drunk to do something like that right now. He accepted it. Without any doubt. He laid down next to me and we cuddled the entire night. In the morning he drove me home. Everything was fine. 

Obviously nothing was fine. He texted me a few days later, asking if I had told anyone something. I had not. Vi knew, but nobody else. In his village somebody had started a rumour. A rumour about him raping me. And it seemed as if one of his friends had started said rumour. It seemed crazy. I told him to calm down, because those rumours only last for like a week. But he was still very offended. After all he had done nothing to even reason this rumour. He had stopped as soon as I told him to, and even before that he never did anything without my permission.

We did not talk for a while, but after a while we talked again. And we started making a habit of me sleeping at his place. I slept there almost every time after the disco. And it was completely fine. We never did anything. Only cuddling and sometimes making out. And in the mornings we had amazing talks. It was really fun.

One time I slept at his place and while making out I thought about taking everything a little bit further. We did it. It was the first time we did it. And it was okay. It was not like a firework or anything, but none of the kisses was either, so that was fine I guess. But it was nothing special. My earlobe was blue afterwards, and I had a very small love bite on my neck. All my friends saw it. It was really embarrassing. But after all it was fine. 

The ugly truth was, that we never went back to how it had been before. Every time I slept at his place, we did it. We never really spent the night after a long time in the disco, but rather sometime when we both had nothing to do. I still slept over then, but it was weird. Whenever I came, he already had opened a bottle of wine. Sometimes we'd talk for some while. Sometimes we'd just start. 

But there is a problem. It never got better. I think it is fine and everything, but it is not perfect. 

For example, I like to sleep a lot. Especially in the morning. Every time I slept there, he wanted to do it again in the morning. And obviously I said no. But he did not listen. He just started working his way by massaging my back and stuff, and then we did it. But that is one of the things which I really don't like about him. 

A few days ago, I was at some house party. And I talked to my friends about him. I told him about his sloppy kisses, which are not really my thing, since they are extremely wet and always leave my entire face wet, and how he wants me to kiss with more tongue, what I do not like. My friends told me to leave it, and honestly, I have been thinking that for some time now. 

I really like having somebody to randomly text and hook up with, but I'd rather enjoy hooking up with him. 

But as long as I am drunk, I will still text him. 

Whatever.