Once upon a time I had just come back from my year abroad, which was between freshman and sophomore year. Back in Germany I entered a classroom filled with people I had barely seen before. All this happened back in 2015, when I was still unkissed. I looked at my class and I even saw some cute boys. 

I've spent months crushing on some boy, who would probably be the definition of a man whore. He sat next to one boy, who was called Phil. Phil could seem like quite the bad boy. He smoked, he drank and he was always doing something forbidden.

Phil was not one of my friends and we barely met each other. One year later he and his girlfriend, who was also a very good friend of mine, came to a party which was organized by some club I was part of. We talked and smoked a cigarette. I can say, we bonded after that quite quickly. The following school year, Phil and I had several projects together and sat next to each other in some classes. 

It wasn't until last February, when something had happened. He and my friend had broken up half a year ago. And they both accepted it without any trouble. We were all at some party organized by the seniors and we were those juniors who got several free drinks due to a bet. Phil and I went outside to have a short smoke. We were both drunk and when we eventually sat down on some bench, we started talking. Out of a sudden, he started kissing me. I was confused at first and wanted to tell him to stop, but the alcohol kicked in and I gave in. We kissed for a long time and after that I remembered the girls honor code to never kiss an Ex-Boyfriend. I told him to never ever tell anyone what had happened. He agreed, but I continued to feel terrible for the entire night. 

I went back to the party and drank a few shots with some friends. I felt terrible and wanted to drown my sorrow in alcohol. After those shots I went back to the dancefloor. I was extremely drunk by then and when I saw some boy, I just went to him. I didn't even knew his name, when I started to kiss him. We kissed for a short time and everybody could have seen it. I don't even remember what he looked like.

The rest of the night was a blur and I was more than happy to get home somehow. I told none of my friends what happened with Phil, and only told them about the Unknown Boy. They were all excited for me, since they thought I was finally getting some experience and we laughed about that Unknown Kiss for months afterwards.

One week after this I saw Phil again. He and I were at the same After-Carnival Party. We were drunk already and sometimes walked away from the party in order to make out. After several make out sessions, he asked me if I wanted to go back to his place and sit on the balcony with a blanket. It was pretty cold outside so I agreed. I didn't even tell my other friends goodbye. 

Back at his place we neglected our plans and made out in the bed instead. I had asked my friend earlier that week, if she still had feelings for him. She didn't. I didn't have to feel bad at all.

After a while, he asked me if I wanted to do more. In exactly this moment I thought, how much I hated being a virgin. I finally wanted some action, and I agreed. 

Afterwards he asked me if I wanted to stay over. I did not. I only had to walk half an hour through some forest and then I would be in my own bed. It's a great way to become sober. So I walked back home and started to regret everything that had happened. It was not bad or anything, but I felt like a liar towards my friends. The next day I told my best friends what had happened. 

Nevertheless, I wanted to repeat it. It was not bad, but it was not like I imagined either. Phil and I met again a month later and we repeated it. This time it was back at my place and we were sober. Truthfully, I have to say, that it wasn't perfect either and we decided to let it all rest for a while. We were still friends and talked a lot. He finally told me he was not over his ex. He still missed her and how I had helped him forget her for a short time. But he wanted her back. I was devastated. I told him to do something about it.

He told his other ex about what had happened between me and him. She told the entire school, but I made everyone believe that it was not true. My friend even believed me. I decided to come clear to her and told her about the first kiss. I didn't want to talk about those other two times. She told me everything was fine and that she didn't even want to get back together with him.

Phil and I still sat next to each other in some classes. He sometimes tried to undo my bra during class. We had big laughs about it and it was a good time. 

A few months later there was this party in my village. Not only Phil, but also my friend had come. Phil was really drunk that day and he desperately wanted to get back together with her. He told her everything. Every. Single. Thing. 

She spent the rest of the night crying because I did not tell her about it and it had taken her by surprise. I confronted Phil and told him how bad his behaviour had been. 

The next day, my friend had forgiven me. She and I became good friends, while Phil and I on the other and had drifted apart. We saw each other in school and at some parties, but we never really talked again.