A month a freaking month since I have seen or spoken to Ashton. I moved to the packhouse a few weeks ago and I went by Ashton’s to at least leave a note because he wasn't home to tell him I moved because I didn't want him to be left in the dark even if he doesn’t want to see us again. It's my fault for this shit going on because I got annoyed at Matthias and went and told Ashton what we are. I didn't get a chance to tell him we're mates though.

Matthias is a whole other story. His temper is high and his fuse is shorter than ever. The pack is used to it but they were also getting used to the sorta softer side of him since he met Ashton but that seems like a distant memory now especially when he's not busy, his mind drifts to Ashton and when it does I can see the change in his eyes and brace myself and warn the pack that he is on a rampage and to avoid him at all costs but only when I'm around.

When I'm at work I can't help and I feel horrible when I come home and see members shying away and being quiet, not lively and laughing like it has been and I try my best to lift their spirits but I'm not the Luna, I can't even if I tried with everything I can.

Ashton is the Luna so his presence alone will do wonders and it did when he was in the clinic even if he wasn't awake. Just him being there was like we all could breathe a lot easier.

*He's fine, he's working at a diner as well at the gas station. I make sure he's safe so try not to worry so much about him.* Avery sent a text answering me from when I asked how Ashton was doing. I ask once a day and it may get annoying but he's my mate, I need to know how he is.

*Thanks Avery. I appreciate you looking out for the Luna while we're not there.*

*It’s no problem. Everything will work out, you'll see.* His words held so much hope that I wished they actually made me feel better right now.

*From your letters to the Goddesses eyes.* I replied back and looked out of the window and saw Matthias training with the warriors in a burtle fight. Matthias and the warrior were both bloody and had deep cuts that quickly heal after each one is made with the knives they are training with. Training like this seems to be the only way for him to get some frustrations out and thankfully the pack is used to the training as well.

Each wolf from ages four and up, the pregnant ones, omegas, elderly wolves, and everyone else in between has to train. It has been this way for generations and it works. We are a strong pack because none of the members are weak. Matthias doesn't like weakness from his wolves and when a human is turned, he personally trains them for three months straight, nothing but training, eating and sleeping for only 4 hours a day. It's hard as hell but we can handle our own in a fight and Matthias makes sure of that with the types of training we go through.

Whether it's karate, taekwondo, jiu-jitsu, or boxing, we do it all. One on one in human form, human vs wolf, wolf vs wolf, or alone. I walk out of the Alpha suite and go downstairs to head outside to try to calm Matthias down because his eyes are red and he's angry, we all can feel his aura and no one can move hardly at all. It's a struggle to even walk the closer I get to him but I fight it and when I make it a few feet in front of him, I'm panting like I ran fifty miles.

"Alpha Hati, can you please relax for a moment so your pack can breathe? Look at everyone and see that we can hardly move." I said as best I can with little breaths in between my words so I can talk.

He looked up from the warrior who was cut up badly and looked about dead to the members around us to see that they were fighting to take a breath let alone move. He shook his head and slowly his aura was under control and Matthias was back, finally. He scooped the warrior up in his arms and ran toward the packhouse to the clinic I'm sure.

"Thank you Keith, he seems to be getting worse." Another warrior, Randy said and I sighed.

"I know and I have no idea what to do Randy. I don't know if you realized it but remember when there was a human here, Ashton? He's mine and Matthias's mate. Well we haven't talked to him in a month and it's taking its toll on us both, more so Matthias it seems." I explained and he seemed to understand.

"Yea I knew Ashton was your mate. Zane talked about him for days. Why haven't you talked to him?" He asked and everyone went about their business as we walked away from them to talk privately.

We sat down under a tree and I explained everything from the moment I met Ashton, to when he told me to get out and that he doesn't want to see us anymore. I was crying by the time I was done talking, it hurt so much. My heart was torn in two and I thought my days of pain from when I lost my first mate. I don't deserve another mate if all I do is fuck up and not make them happy. Why was I blessed with another when I couldn't even protect my first mate?

"I'm sorry Keith, I wish there was something I could do to help. The only thing I can say is keep trying and eventually he will give in and talk to you. After what Alpha Matthias said to him and you told him your wolves plus showing him all in the same eventually probably overwhelmed him and he needs time to figure things out. You're mates, it will work out over time." Randy said and it made sense but it still hurt so much seeing the horrific look on Ashton’s face that haunts my dreams.

"I can't live without him and soon I'll be just like Matthias and I don't want to be like that, I'm not that kind of person. It hurts Randy, I have no idea what to do." I breathed out, my heart clenching in pain and I felt defeated and just wanted to see my beautiful mate again. I miss him so much.

"I know it does." He whispered and bit his lip. Randy lost his mate a few years ago giving birth to their son Zane. It was a sad day for us all because it was unexpected and Sean showed no signs of complications but it was his time I guess. Ever since then, he's focused on raising Zane, training, and working. He still loves his mate so much and doesn't want to be with anyone else.

We sat there for a bit and talked about what's been going on in our lives and bonded some. He's a good friend of mine and have leaned on one another a lot.

"I gotta go get ready and go see Ashton. I have work in a couple of hours so hopefully he's not going to turn me away again."

"Good idea. Keep it simple and avoid the wolf talk unless he brings it up." He said as we walked back to the packhouse and I smiled when I saw pups running around and the adults were talking casually like it's meant to be.

"It seems Alpha Matthias is in a better mood." Randy said and pointed to Matthias walking toward us and he didn't seem mad.

"Hey Randy, I want to apologize for earlier. I'm just a mess right now and Hati lost control for a bit." Matthias said and I wanted to hang my mouth open in shock because he hardly ever apologizes to anyone so he must feel really bad about what happened.

"It's fine Alpha, I understand." Randy said and Matthias sighed softly and smiled.

"I'm making the pack dinner this evening as a way to apologize to all of you." Ah man I gotta work, insert pout here while stomping my foot.

"I'll save you a plate Keith." Randy chuckled when he saw my face.

"It's not the same when it's heated up." I huffed and Matthias cupped my cheek and kissed me softly.

"I'll bring you a plate?" He whispered and I nodded, closing my eyes and enjoyed his touch.

We haven't really spent much time together since that night so it's nice to feel his soft touch again.

"That's better, thank you. I appreciate the thought Randy, thank you as well." I said and Randy smiled.

"No problem, I agree with you though, his food is not as good when it's heated up."

"Right!" I said and they chuckled again.

"Well I gotta go get Zane, see you at dinner Alpha and have a good but safe evening at work Keith." Randy said and walked away.

"I'm going to go and try to see Ashton. I would ask if you want to go and I would have but I didn't know you were going to cook for the pack. I can wait to go see him when you can as well. We should both go see him together." I said and he nodded.

"Yea let's make it for when he's off. Find out from Avery so we don't miss him. We need to make things right and be with him. I don't know how much longer I can wait, I'm already feeling Hati going insane. Earlier it took a lot to get him to not kill Floyd. It's getting harder and harder to keep a hold on him." I need Ashton.” He looked helpless and I didn’t like seeing the strong proud Alpha of mine like this.

“I’ll text him, I promise. We will be with our mate no matter what it takes.” I said and felt my phone vibrate so I looked at the text and felt like my world just blew up, again.

*It’s Ashton, he came in to quit his job and said he had to go, some kind of family emergency. I tried to ask what was going on but he didn’t tell me. Some guy in a suit was waiting for him and they drove off.*

“We gotta go, now!” I said and grabbed Matthias basically dragging him behind me, not caring about going to work or dinner at the moment.

“What’s going on Keith?” He asked as I opened my car door and pushed him into the seat, slamming the door after he was in. I ran to my side and got in, started the car and drove like a bat out of hell.

“Avery said Ashton left, doesn’t know where just with some guy in a suit.” I said and he looked confused.

“Ok well there is no point in killing us before we even get out of town so calm down, relax and take it slow. If he left he won’t be there when we get there so please, don’t rush too much. If he left, we will find him darlin, we will find him.” He said but his voice betrayed him, he’s just as worried and scared as I am.

I made it to Ashton’s in twenty minutes, when it’s a forty-five minute drive from the packhouse. I stop the car and we both get out, run inside the building and up to the third floor. I pound on his door and listen for any signs of noise but there aren't any. I take a deep breath and kick his door in only to be met with nothing inside, only the furniture that was here when he moved in.

I went to his bedroom to see if his clothes were still in the closet but they weren’t, everything was gone except the hoodie I let him barrow that he never returned.

I grabbed the hoodie and slide down the wall, clutching it to my chest and sobbed into it, feeling like I’m no going to survie this time without my mate.

Where did you go Ashton?