December 2020:

Kevin didn't know why he was in the election now. Especially in such a messed up year like 2024. But maybe there's something a little ironic about it you know?

He was an average guy, working hard at the local candy shop of his store and trying to live his life. Getting food on the table and paying the bills. Not have the landlord just brutally murder him because he forgot to pay the rent. These are the usual things you would expect to do as an average American working a minimum-wage job to pay for college. But somehow, in some way. He got his ass into American politics, the self-contained post-apocalypse. Where peace comes to die and people come to rip each other to shreds because someone wanted extra taxes.

It started slowly, he was back home. Trying to get back to bed after his boyfriend went out to smoke marijuana for some reason. Currently, it was getting rather hard for him to do anything.

What was going on? He was just still in his bed, in his usual black tank top. But he couldn't move! He tried his legs, his hands, his head. He couldn't move a single joint right now. All except his eyes and mouth, which was barely better than nothing.

Kevin thought he was having another nightmare, but that wasn't true! He was feeling his bed below his body, and sweat going through his forehead. There was no dream whatsoever, this wasn't a dream of any kind. He just sighed and began shaking a little. He was now stuck, and he didn't know why.

He slowly freaked out, at first, he was calm. A little less collected but still. He wasn't shocked. But like Italy's relevance in the Second World War, this didn't last long. Nah it didn't last long later.

Not even five minutes later Kevin started screaming like a banshee. He screamed so loud that a bunch of other people should have heard him in the apartment. But that didn't happen, he tried shaking but it didn't work. It was like trying to shake out of a freaking torture table. He fought and fought but failed.

"HELP!" He yelled. "HELP ME! I BEG OF YOU! PLEASE!"
No one heard him. Not even Radford, he was now stuck in this weird hell. What was happening to him? What had he done to deserve this? He fought, he pleaded, he begged. But his ass was still stuck here.

After a little bit, he just stopped and then heard something break into his room. It was gigantic, loud, and a little wet for some reason. And to make it even worse... He saw a gigantic glowing blue glow coming from it.

"What the-" he muttered. "What the hell is going on? Who is out there?"

He then saw... IT. The origin of his recent paralysis. The sudden cause of it. And by God did it shock him to his core.

It was some massive tentacled thing... It was a brain-shaped creature with glowing blue eyes that stared into your soul. It had disturbing white teeth, and it was way too big for the apartment. He almost broke the damn doorway too. It almost gave Kevin a damn heart attack. Kevin thought that he was going to die, get eaten by this damn creature.

But that didn't happen... In fact, the creature didn't even lay a single tentacle on Kevin. Instead, it just came and spoke to him. Its eyes make the room as blue as fake-tasting rock candy. And even though Kevin was looking at a Lovecraftian being, he talked to it. Despite being terrified, Kevin still talked to it...

"Who the hell are you? What are you?" Kevin started frantically asking, his look extremely worried and drastic. His eyes widened, his muscles twitching as he looked at the thing. "What do you want from me? Like seriously, what the heck do you want from me?"

The monster just took a deep breath, and then replied in a deep, intimidating voice. Sounding inhuman and demonic. Echoing like a whale as it stared at Kevin's eyes.

"I AM THE EYES OF THE UNIVERSE." It boomed, its voice almost making Kevin's poor ears bleed. "AND I AM HERE TO TELL YOU AMAZING NEWS!"
"What news?" Kevin asked, "What is so important that you have to scare me for?"

"IN FOUR YEARS." The Eye said it felt like he was yelling. "YOU WILL BECOME PRESIDENT. SOCIETY WILL COLLAPSE INTO A MILLION PIECES IF YOU DON'T WIN! YOU WILL BRING HOPE AND PEACE IN THE UNITED STATES. YOU MUST GO AND MAKE THE NATION GREAT!"

"Are you serious?" Kevin asked, a little shocked as he looked at the Lovecraftian monster.

But before he got an answer. Everything went completely normal. In a single second, without warning. Everything was now back to normal even though Kevin was even more confused.

He could move now, he sat and blinked a little bit. His breath was heavy while he scratched his head. His eyes started to dart all around. What was happening? What just happened? Why should Kevin become president of the United States? What was this timeline?

While Kevin began thinking, he heard a few footsteps coming into his room. Followed by someone opening it up and entertaining the room. This caught Kevin's eyes and he just stared at the doorway. Recognizing who just came in easily.

"Kevin?" Asked his boyfriend, Radford. He seemed completely shocked, wearing baggy lazy clothes and still wearing those stupid 3D glasses as he walked towards Kevin. His face and tone showed a completely concerned demeanor. "What happened? I heard you start screaming and then saying some strange stuff. Are you ok?"

Kevin just collected himself as Radford quickly walked over and just sat down with him. Kevin felt an arm wrap around him as he looked up at the ceiling. He didn't know how to answer. What happened wouldn't make sense to Rad, right? How could Kevin realistically explain what just happened to anyone? Especially with someone as goofy as Radford.

"Yeah yeah," Kevin muttered. "I'm alright,"
He paused for a solid minute as Radford buried his face into his neck. It caused Kevin's face to grow completely red and fluttered. He then just began to explain while slowly holding Radford back.

"Some gigantic, weird brain just told me that I was going to become president," Kevin muttered as he closed his eyes and sighed. He then just squeezed Radford a little bit before yawning. "Am I hallucinating? I swear to God I am. But I have no idea right now... It beats me,"

Radford's response to that was not what Kevin expected at all.

"I mean..." He said, kissing Kevin's cheek as he squeezed him tight. "It isn't the weirdest thing I've seen. At least you're not being possessed by some demon y'know? Also, I bet you'd make an amazing president! You rocked at Politics and American history, last time I checked y'know?"

Kevin frowned and shook his head.
"Oh come on," he said. "I wasn't THAT good at those classes right now,"
Radford just rubbed his cheek against Kevin's and squeezed him a little more. Making Kevin's heart rise even more.
"Oh, Kevin..." Radford said... "You need to stop being so hard on yourself sometimes. I feel like if you realize what you are fully capable of, you would be way happier,"

They went to sleep after that... But oh boy, none of them would realize what happened many years later.

NOVEMBER, 2024:

And here we are, the United States election of 2024. Possibly the most important election of this century, if not all of American history. The fate of the country is all falling down into this. People in the millions, all over the world were watching this.

And Kevin, out of all people, was in the middle of it. He had no damn idea how, or why. But he was a candidate now. And for the first time since 1912, three big people were racing for the presidency than two.

Kevin was representing the Libertarian party, a party which is, on its own merit, a pro-small government and civil rights party. Kevin, like the rest of the libertarians he knew, openly were working-class people. Not only that, but they were extremely aware of the issues polluting this nation. As soon as Kevin joined in, he was told by many fellow libertarians about who caused said issues.

"The government caused most issues," said Streber, the guy who introduced Kevin to the party in the first place. "They're the reason why people don't get civil rights. Why do unnecessary gun laws and laws discriminating against minorities exist? Both the Republicans and Democrats were responsible for this. And as a nation, we should be against it,"

Streber was right.

The government ruined everything about this nation. And it was up to the average American citizen to make this country better. And it was up to Kevin, a man who's been middle class all of his life and reaching only a shitty job and being amazing at a college history and political science class.

Kevin was now standing in the middle podium. Wearing nothing but a suit and black tie, and looking completely miserable throughout. He was now the most successful libertarian ever. As for the first time, due to ruthless speeches and traction, the party was now rivaling the communist Democrats and fascist Republicans.

They were successful, and Americans were now rooting for Kevin. They saw something in him, it was like they knew what he wanted: making America free for the common man. No matter who you are, or where you came from. And even when Kevin didn't want to be here. He knew he had to.

His other opponents were extremely annoying oligarchs from each of the other main parties. And my God these two were completely intimidating in their own ways. Yet Kevin couldn't help but have complete contempt for them both, and it was a miracle that he kept his tolerance for so long.

On Kevin's left was current Vice President Kamala Harris. A completely annoying Democrat and a waste of time, she didn't do anything besides say nonsense and wouldn't help the country. She was an NPC to make a long story short.

And then there's the rep for the Republican party. Oh Jesus Christ, the rep for the Republican party. Where can we start with the rep of the Republican party?

The rep for the Republican party was one Donald J. Trump. Famous rich millionaire turned president of the United States. He's come back for a second chance at the presidency. Despite the fact he was impeached TWICE last time, caused a failed insurrection, and was convicted of so many crimes that it made mob bosses blush. And oh boy, he hated every single American if they were poor, gay, or not white for some reason.

Kevin didn't even want to hear about Trump. He heard way too much. Especially with the fucking Trump Bibles.

The debate now, was lasting forever. Kevin felt like his brain was about to burst into a million pieces. It was surprising how many Americans even listened to both of them. It was annoying as shit!

"I WAS BORN IN A MIDDLE CLASS FAMILY," Kamala said, her mouth bigger than Godzilla. "OUT OF A MIDDLE-CLASS VAGINA, IN A MIDDLE-CLASS HOSPITAL WITH MIDDLE-CLASS NEURONS! ALSO, TRUMP IS RACIST AND BAD UWU~"

"If you vote for me," Trump said, moving his stupid little hands. "The Democratic party bad! I'm going to make things more affordable for the rich because the working class doesn't matter! I like my voters like how I like the illegals and Mexicans, NOT AT ALL! I fucking hate you all! I want to touch some little girls at Epstein Island now!"

Kevin's patience wasn't lasting for long. He couldn't take the mental brain rot from the both of them. He stared at the two ABC hosts just sitting there, those were David Muir and Lindsey Davis. They were both looking at the candidates, their faces blank with a dumb smile.

"Me no like Trump!" David Muir said, "Trump sucks and is orange! I hate orange! I want Kamala's lady dick in me!"
"What the shit?" Kevin asked.
"I will invade Greenland because I am retarded!" Trump said.
"EWW TRUMP IS A DUDE!" Kamala said, "I HATE HERE!"

"5$ DOLLAR, 5$ DOLLAR," Shouted Lindsey. "5$ DOLLAR FOOTLONG!"
"WHAT?!" Kevin said.

"Joe Biden gay porn," Both Trump and Kamala said. "Joe Biden gay porn! Joe Biden gay porn! How Biden gay porn! Joe Biden gay porn-"

"CAN YOU ALL PLEASE SHUT THE FUCK UP?!" Shouted Patty, Kevin's VP pick and leading member of the libertarian party. "GOD!"

"Oh uhh," Muir said. "Oh, I almost forgot! What do you want to do for America Kevin Spooky Month?"
"Spooky Month isn't my last name-"
"I HATE KEVIN BECAUSE HE'S GAY!" Trump yelled.
"I HATE KEVIN BECAUSE HE IS A WHITE MAN!" Kalama said.
"Io non faccio spettacolo, io do spettacolo come," Lindsey said. "Mio nonno ubriaco nel giorno della mia comunione. Talmente fuori di melone. Che ho parenti per niente contenti di portare il mio stesso cognome,"

And that was when Kevin fucking snapped.

"ALL OF YOU! SHUT UP!" Kevin yelled, his face a completely angry scowl.
"But-" Trump tried to say, only for Patty to suddenly show up and ruthlessly beat the shit out of both Trump and Harris with a clipboard.

"SHUT UP!" Kevin shouted. "You guys don't know shit about America! I would rant and rave about how awful you two are and how each of you would turn America into shit! But I am not going to say that. I'm going to say this,"

Kevin then took a deep breath, his arms almost going haywire around as he saw complete and utter chaos. The only people who were being normal were Radford, Streber, and Patty (granted, Patty was still beating the shit out of Trump and Kamala, who were screaming for their dear lives.) And so he said this:

"I'm going to cut taxes, make things affordable, and give gay people more rights, especially the right to buy an M16 because AMERICA!"

And then... Everyone cheered. Even Muir and Lindsey did before Patty literally began to beat the shit out of them too.

"He did it!" Streber said. "He finally did it!"
"What... did he do exactly?" Radford replied, a little confused.

Streber just grabbed Radford's shoulder and then shouted this in his ear.
"WE WON THE PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION BITCH! I'M CALLING IT!"

January 31st, 2025:

Kevin gently sat down on the couch in his office. Sighing as he grabbed the coffee to drink. He had a lot of stuff on his plate, he was surprised that he even accomplished it. Especially with Patty telling him that "We should make an executive order to bomb the cult in our hometown. They are causing way too many problems, Jack and John need a break!"

But now, he is fine, got all of it done. Kevin managed to get 100 percent of all the Electoral College votes. No one even dared to rival the libertarian party. It was to the point that the Republicans all disbanded and the Democratic party got nuked from orbit (blame Skid and Pump for that one.)

He couldn't believe it though. That weird ass monster thing, Streber, they were all right! Kevin was now the 47th president of the United States of America! He couldn't believe it!

How? How was it possible for some nobody like Kevin to become someone this big? He didn't know what he did, though, was that he was going to make this country better.

He made the minimum wage a living one, he made M16s legal to buy. He even had candy be a human right. Plus the fact that he abolished any law discriminating against the LGBT community or veterans! Everything was perfect!

Or so he thought...

There were still some weird fascist Trump supporters or idiot Kamala Gooners here and there. Complaining about how Kevin "cheated" when none of that was true! He won, fair and square. Deal with it.

It didn't help that Kevin didn't have a first lady, but rather a first man (or gentleman if you're feeling fancy) in Radford. And that made quite a few homophobic anti-Americans pretty mad. But Kevin could easily get used to it. He wasn't that bothered.

He chugged the coffee down before rubbing his forehead and sighing in relief. Today was a good day. And people have been so happy, so glad that we finally had a good president in a whole decade!

He laid down a little bit. His eyes closed as he felt the calm cool breeze from outside hit his face. He smiled a little bit as well. For once in almost forever, he smiled.

Radford walked into the room not long after. His face was a complete smile as he suddenly jumped on top of Kevin. His face was a complete grin as he hugged Kevin. Kevin grunted a little bit as he felt Radford's body weight on top of him. It made his face completely red as he looked at him.

"We did it!" Radford said with a little chuckle, his chin on Kevin's chest as he looked at his now presidential boyfriend. "We finally freaking did it! We're in the white house now! See Kevin? This is why I told you to believe in yourself! You'll end up being great like this! Isn't that freaking cool?"

Kevin nervously chuckled.
"Oh come on!" Kevin replied, chuckling as he looked at the rubbed Radford's hair. "It wasn't that grand-"

But before Kevin could even say another damn word. Radford quickly came over and smashed his lips into Kevin's. And before they even for something important. They had their first make-out session in the white house. Hearing nothing but epic rock music and the tears of Libtards and the Reich wing alike.

THE END?!