Screams filled my ears, lights blinded my eyes, and cold metal burned into my palms as I clung to the guard rails and ascended the stairs to the stage in the middle of the large auditorium where thousands of people waited for me to sing with Luke, the man whose life I had destroyed.

This is going to go very very badly.

Scrambling for sanity, I sucked in a deep breath, melting into character as I heard Dustin shout action, and made my way on stage, waving towards the audience as they erupted into cheers.

The cheers surprised me. I had half expected to be burned at the stake, or be thrown into a wood chipper, or be booed while people threw rotten produce at me... But then again, everyone in this place was acting. Nothing was real. Everything was a giant illusion of niceties. 

You aren't Em Springs...

Luke stood at the front of the stage, the lights beating down on him, a lone figure surrounded by thousands of people.

You are now a famous pop star.

My heart began to hammer wildly as music began to blare behind me, the band playing the first notes of the song.

And right now, you are in love with Luke— Luke's character. So let go of everything else, all fear, guilt and shame, and sing your heart out! Show the world how your character feels and hope that Luke does the same.

Then there I was, standing next to Luke Walker, before thousands of people, our eyes meeting for the first time since everything that had happened.

He looked at me for a long moment, his eyes unreadable under the stage lights, face in shadow. And before I could try and read him, he turned away, hands clutching his microphone and diving into the song, leaving me wondering what he was feeling as he faced the audience again.

His words rang out, rich and powerful, sending the auditorium up in a frenzy as they heard his deep baritone stretch across the space.

Luke closed his eyes, lashes dark across his cheeks, the lights sending his blue black hair glistening. The muscles pulled taught across his back, his shirt hiding the tattoos that inked across his body. Veins sat prominent across his forearms, trailing up his skin in a pattern I was itching to follow.

I yanked my eyes away, trying to focus, listening to his words as I soaked in the crowds sudden silence as they listened along with me.

But even though his lyrics were geared towards me— my character, he refused to look at me, a tall, invisible, unbreakable wall now stood between us.

His verse ended and I looked out, forcing myself to grip the mic next to his as the tempo of the song changed.

Unlike Luke's lyrics, mine were fast and sharp. Where his words were tentative and gentle, mine were blunt and bold, the music changing speed to match my character's pop style. The melody matched my character, fast and spontaneous, showcasing how quick my character jumped into action and feeling. Where Luke's was slow and thoughtful.

I began to sing, the words a struggle to form in my mouth. Luke's vocals were a confession, feelings filled with hope and promise, while mine expressed uncertainty. His character was the gentle pursuer, to my wishy washy fear filled one. His character was certain where mine was filled with doubt. Which only made everything so much harder to say because the tempo and lyrics matched our actual personalities.

Luke had always been sure of me, sure of us, of what he pictured we could be. While I felt unsteady, like I was too much and had too much baggage to ever be fully sure of myself or anything else.

And now I felt laid bare, not just in front of him, but everyone. And it took everything inside not to cry, because in that moment, it was nearly impossible to tell what was my character and what was me. Everything had become a blur of feelings.

The music changed, mashing together both our character's musical styles as we began to sing in unison, my fast lyrics like drums to his long drawn out notes, a mix of hope and doubt. Of love and fear. Our eyes clashed, frustration crossing his face as his character realized how unsure mine was.

Tears filled my eyes that were more mine than my characters and our gazes became electric, filled with wants and hurts and fears and anger.

The words we sang hurt, and I was thrown back to that first day in the recording studio, when Luke asked me to think of someone I loved, to picture them in my mind and to sing about them.

But the person who came to mind was no longer a boy from my past, it was Luke Walker, the man standing next to me, his lips lying to me. Saying words that could no longer be true. Because he didn't love me. If he had, I had lost it.

And as his eyes settled on mine again, the song coming to the end, our characters had switched places. Mine fully sure of his. Of knowing that he was who my character wanted. While his character was left lost by my character's uncertainty.

I could see the truth on his face, in the depths of his eyes. Hurt and doubt had settled there, and he could see the regret in mine. And in that moment, as everything came to an end, I realized how deeply I wanted him, how much I loved him and he could see it all over my face. And in that same moment, I realized it was too late.

...

Silence filled the arena for a long beat as the song finished and our words faded, leaving us staring at each other, lost in a moment of raw feeling, under the bright lights that washed the world away. I wanted to scream, to rip the look of loss off of Luke's face, the one I had caused.

His face tucked away the hurt, replacing it with a wall of unreadability.

I had ruined him. Hurt him so deeply that he could only look back at me with a guarded expression. His eyes far more unreadable than the very first day we met. There was no anger. No hurt. No anything. 

Emptiness was the only thing I found in those chocolate brown eyes because I wasn't worth feeling anything about.

The crowed erupted into joyful cheers, yanking us out of our stare. Dustin called cut and a moment later, Luke had ripped off his personal microphone and was walking off stage as fast as he could. I turned mine off and followed, ignoring Delle's words of warning to give him time. To leave him alone. Ignoring Andrew's and Lavender's insistence that he needed space.

I was afraid that if I didn't talk to him right then, as the crowed continued to shout, I would never get the chance to speak to him again. "Luke!" I shouted, running after him.

"Not now Em," he replied, still walking, voice barely audible over the noise. I sped up, trying to match his long strides as he moved towards the stage stairs.

"I just want to explain," I pushed. "Please."

Luke spun forcing me to stop in my tracks and take a step back. "Everyone can hear you," he said, his eyes flashing with frustration.

I gestured towards my personal microphone that sat tucked into my costume. "It's off."

He shook his head, jaw clenched. "There are microphones everywhere. We are on a set." He sucked in a long breath, trying to steady himself. "It's just an illusion."

My heart squeezed. "What is?"

Us? Any sense of going back? Fixing things?

"The idea that we are alone," he said exasperated. "We are never alone." He turned away, making his way down the stairs.

I caught Delle's eye. She minutely shook her head in warning, but I ignored her, following Luke into the long hallway that lead under the arena. There was no one in sight and no one followed. He moved faster, and I was left in a near jog to keep up. "I didn't tell anyone!" I shouted when he continued to out paced me.

He paused, his whole body going ramrod straight, his back to me. "Em..." his voice held a dangerous warning. "Now is not the time."

I knew I needed to give him space, but fear drove me forward, pushing when I knew deep down I shouldn't. "When?" I whispered.

"I don't know," he replied.

"But—"

"Em," he said again, voice tired.

"Just let me explain," I said taking a step toward him, tentative. He didn't move and I took that as an encouraging sign. I took another step. "I didn't tell anyone about your mom."

Luke finally turned around, his eyes hard. "Are you a gossip columnist?"

I swallowed, eyes burning with tears, knowing my words would lock the door forever. I swallowed again, voice unsteady. "Not anymore."

"Where you writing for them when we met? In my apartment?" he asked, voice emotionless.

A part of me wanted to lie. Wanted to say I had walked away from that job long before I met him. But I didn't want to life, even if it would make everything far less messy. "Yes. I was."

Luke nodded, as if that was what he expected, but didn't say a word.

"I quit not long after we started shooting. I didn't want to write anymore."

He closed his eyes, hand running down his face. "How am I supposed to believe that Em? They printed everything. Things only you knew."

I blinked back more tears, trying to keep myself steady. "I know."

"And after everything that happened with Kacey Grail, after she lied to me about her intentions... You went and did the same thing."

"I know," I said softly.

He took a step towards me, anger radiating off of him. "I don't think you do. After her... I truly believed no one wanted me for me and then I met you..." He trailed off, hands balling into fists.

"I did," I said so softly that the words felt fragile, fraying before they even reached him.

"No," Luke replied, his word shattering mine. "All this did was prove I was right."

"You aren't," I said, reaching out for him.

He took a step back, turning away. "Em, I didn't want to talk. And now you are forcing me to make decisions, to decide how I feel before I've had a chance to breathe. I can't do this. Not now."

"Okay," I said, the sound hollow and empty.

Then he walked away, leaving me alone in the hall.

"This will make for a great behind the scenes feature on the movie DVD."

It took me a long, painful second to register where the new voice was coming from, my mind a muddled mess of shattered thoughts. 

I slowly turned and found that my conversation with Luke had been heard. Not just heard, but recorded. A camera man stood behind me next to a boom mic operator, catching all of the behind the scenes drama.

---

Thank you for reading chapter thirty seven! I hope you are enjoying the story! Or are at least curious to see where it goes!

UPDATE DAYS - A NEW CHAPTER EVERY FRIDAY!

Will this new behind the scenes drama make things worse?

Will Luke forgive Em?

How will the rest of the team treat Em? Do you think the others will forgive her?

Who do you think is after Luke?

Who do you think is the leak?

What do you think will happen next?

CHAPTER QUESTION - Have you ever had someone eavesdrop on a private conversation? What did you do about it?