I hate crying. I'm not a fan of any negative emotion at all if I am being honest. It makes me feel heavy, unsteady, like a stone falling through water, unable to scramble back to the surface. 

While joy, and happiness make me feel light, like sunshine soaking into skin, burning bright, sparking across a ribcage like sparklers, others feel like happiness is fragile. But I believe that sadness makes me fragile, leaving a door open inside that lets others see the raw broken parts of me. 

So sobbing on Luke's shoulder was a thing of nightmares, making me want to wall up everything bad and uncomfortable that I was feeling and shove it in a junk drawer. I wiped at my eyes, angry at myself, as I tried to tuck all of my emotions back into place. 

"I... I'm sorry," I breathed, moving out of his embrace, and settling down on the other side of the couch. My fingers were covered in mascara, which left me feeling even more horrified as I pictured the raccoon mascara rings that no doubt ran around my eyes and down my cheeks.

Luke didn't say a word. Quiet as I tried to settle back into my own space, my own skin, my own mind. I didn't like the feeling of being so... seen. 

"This... all of it is a mess," I said, wiping angrily at my eyes and earning more mascara splotches. "And I am just... too tired to wrap my head around it." Standing up, I moved away from the couch. "Um... thanks for letting us stay. I promise we won't stay longer than we need to."

Luke just watched me, utterly silent. As if he knew that anything he said would only leave me feeling like more of a burden, his kind words and gestures eating at me. "I'm going to sleep." Then I bolted from the room, leaving Luke sitting in the dark, his brown eyes following me out of the room. 

...

Sharing a house teaches you a lot about a person. Whether they are a morning person, what their breakfast choices are, how they take their coffee, their shower times— which I try not to think about, their choices in home decor, and how they spend their free time. 

This was how I came to learn that Luke was infuriatingly perfect. He liked to fill the kitchen with the smell of bacon and coffee in the morning. He showered at night, leaving plenty of hot water for my morning shower, and thoughtful notes to discover carved into the mirror that only appeared in the steam left behind by a shower. 

His free time was spent on video games, which is exactly how I found Luke and Carter the next morning, eyes glued to the giant flat screen TV, playing Super Mario Smash Bros.

"No fair! I wasn't paying attention!"

"That's how games work! We don't hit pause whenever you need a moment to mentally prepare! Deal with it!"

I watch Carter's character Samus destroy Luke's character Luigi with a vengeance. Luke could only stare at the screen, mouth wide open in shock. I leaned against the kitchen island fighting a smirk, watching my little brother demolish the movie star while sporting a pleased grin. 

It made me proud, I had taught him well. 

"Are you going to stand there all day and watch me have my butt handed to me, or you going to come over here and play?" Luke asked, his eyes never leaving the screen.

Carter groaned as Samus threw Luigi off the castle map of the game, causing Luke's character to die, ending the game. "If she plays, we will both be dead in about twenty seconds."

"Oh really?" Luke asked, eyebrows raised, his eyes finding mine.

I shrugged. "It's what I do. Put cocky boys in their place."

Carter snorted. "Apparently when she was seven, a boy told her that girls don't play video games. So she got good enough to pummel him into the ground at Mario Smash Bros. He went home crying."

Luke smiled, eyes sparking with amusement as he continued to look at me. "Is that right?" 

"She's been ranked in the national tournaments. She competed a few years ago." 

I shot my brother a look as I plucked up a slice of bacon off a tray before slumping down on the couch next to Carter. "You are giving away my strategy." 

I looked at Luke before chomping down on the bacon with a wicked smile. "I pretend I've never played before and then leave them crying."

"She never goes easy on anyone," Carter warned. "It's emotionally scarring.

I waved the half eaten bacon through the air. "How else will they learn? If they want an easy game, they can play against the computer."

Luke threw me a controller. "Show us how it's done."

I snatched the controller out of the air, thankful that he made no mention of my breakdown from the night before. "Prepare to cry, Walker."

...

"Remind me to never bet against you," Luke said as we walked onto the studio lot later that day. "I haven't seen anyone play like that before."

He had taken it upon himself to test my skillset, having me take on him and Carter at once with every character in the game, and they still lost. 

I would normally have found it irritating, but unlike other men I had played against, he didn't come up with excuses for why he lost. Instead, he wanted to see how far I could go. Watching me tackle each new challenge that he and Carter threw my way, looking impressed. 

"It's..." he paused, his face heating. Then he looked away, rubbing the back of his neck. "You look good when you play."

Ugh. This sexy nerd is causing problems. It would make keeping things platonic sooooooo much easier if he was terrible.

I ignored the compliment, my face flaming red. I moved to walk into the makeup tent, but Luke caught my arm in a gentle grip, stopping me. "Um... about today."

I raised a brow, waiting for him to continue. He searched my face. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Tilting my head to the side, I racked my brain for what he could be talking about. The video game? Me crying in the middle of the night? 

I shook my head, not wanting to relive my early morning hour cry fest. Best to leave it in the past. "Nah. It's fine. Don't want to make something out of nothing."

Luke seemed surprised. "Oh... okay. Are you sure?" 

I laughed. "Yeah. It's not a big deal, honestly." 

The light in his eyes dimmed slightly and he swallowed, nodding. "See you on set then." Then he turned and walked away, leaving me confused, like I had played a game without all the rules and lost completely. 

But when I walked into the makeup and costume room and discovered the outfit I was going to be wearing, it suddenly hit me like a bin of LEGO bricks.

It was the outfit I would wear for our kiss scene. The sight of it nearly made me groan out loud. 

Oh my gosh. I am such an idiot. How did I forget?!?

Luke had wanted to see how I felt about sharing an onscreen kiss and I wrote it off like it was nothing. Like it didn't matter. 

It doesn't matter... right? 

But the way he looked at me when he left— like I had snatched away his sunshine, pushed me to believe that I had handled that entire interaction poorly. Like trying to play Cyperpunk 2077 on Playstation. Just... disastrous. 

I was still trying to decide how to deal with my complete butchering of that conversation when I walked on set, trying not to sweat as they reset the scene where Luke was poisoned, where we would see just how much chemistry we had between us while everyone watched.

This is nothing but trouble... 

Luke settled himself down on the stool across from me, and as Dustin began to direct the camera man on how to set up the shot, I knew I had seconds to fix things before we were forced to kiss each other with Luke thinking I didn't care. 

So in a set of panic, I blurted— "I don't know if it's something!"

Luke blinked up at me, falling out of the character he was building around himself. I continued blathering, hoping to explain. "Kissing isn't terrible." 

"Okay..." 

"Kissing is nice. And I don't think it's nothing. I don't know if it's something. But it's not nothing." 

His lips twitched up at the side. "You are turning red Bermuda." 

"I didn't know what you were asking me about earlier so—"

"Action!" Dustin shouted and I clamped my mouth shut, attempting to forget my attempt to explain that kissing him wasn't a terrible idea even though it could very well become a terrible idea if I liked it too much. 

I launched into cleaning the bar top, forcing myself to focus, to crawl into my character's skin, which wasn't hard with how utterly convincing Luke was as the scene began. He pulled me in, like watching me fumble over a kissing monologue earlier was nothing.

As our characters flirted, my heart began to beat wildly in response to the strange crackling energy sparking between our bodies as Luke leaned closer, his arms brushing the bartop, the veins in his forearms prominent, framing the muscles carved there. It made me itch to touch every place those veins traveled. 

The words spoken between us seemed to blur, falling into the background as I leaned forward, my fingers plucking up his nearly empty glass of fake alcohol, skin brushing his knuckles as I snatched it away and drank it down in one swig with a playful smirk.

He brushed his fingers against my bottom lip, catching up the drops that had missed their mark. "You missed this," he said quietly, leaving the entire crew leaning in, waiting as he searched my eyes, his own sparking playfully. 

"It's all yours," I replied, his fingers brushing back across my lips as I swallowed. 

And before I could fully brace myself, Luke's fingers moved from my lips to my jaw, fingers hot against my skin as he leaned across the bartop, his lips brushing mine. And I swear it was like the world burst into fireworks. Everything was bright and beautiful inside and out as he tilted my head back slowly, painfully, excruciatingly slow and kissed me deeper. 

It took me far too long to respond, trapped in this perfect moment where I felt complete. Like up until now I had been a two piece puzzle missing it's other half and suddenly everything just... clicked. 

His fingers wove into my hair and I finally found enough space in my mind to answer his hungry question. What do you think of this Em? he asked.

In a swift movement I sat on top of the bar to get closer, to answer his question. 

I love this, Luke. I very much love this.

Then I finally allowed my fingers to greedily tug at his hair to bring him closer. His raven black hair was soft, silky in between my fingers. My knees brushed his hips as I settled at the edge of the bar, my fingers moving from his hair to his back, pulling his body flush with mine. 

I felt his pulse roar under my fingers, our bodies seeming to communicate words that neither one of us would dare say. 

This... this feels perfect. This feels right. This feels like foreve—

I pulled back, the words jump starting my fear. 

Nothing is forever.

Luke looked at me, his pupils blown out, his breathing shallow as he looked at me, cracked open and honest, like that kiss had ripped away his feelings and intentions. 

The look was everything wonderful and terrible all rolled into one. Luke wanted me and I was going to ruin it. I blinked, hoping to hide whatever my own expression revealed and cleared my throat. 

"Well Jasper, I meant that the drink was on the house," I said in a playful tone, stumbling back into my character's skin. "But the kiss was a nice tip." 

Then I turned and began to walk into the back of the bar. 

"What's your name?" Luke's character asked again, determined to get an answer. 

But I left him sitting alone at the bar without answers. And it took everything in me not to bolt off the set, off the continent and hide in a deep forest hoping that all my current problems wouldn't turn into my future destruction.

"And cut! Perfect in one take!" Dustin announced, pleased. 

I wished I felt the same. I wished that a perfect kiss didn't make me want to cry.

...

Lavender found me staring at my script as the world around me set up for my next scene. I sat alone on top of a stage, getting ready to perform a song to a live audience, and yet, I couldn't bring myself to feel scared. Not about people watching me at least. Lucky for me, Luke wasn't in in the next scene with me.

"Oh... I know that look," Lavender said as she sat down next to me. "What did he do?"

I didn't even pretend to not know who she was talking about. We had struck up a friendship of sorts in Hawaii. I think we both liked that the other was honest. We didn't waste emotional energy on games. It just wasn't worth it.

Some friendships are loud, demanding constant motion, emotion and dialogue. Others are quiet, comfortable and full of gestures that speak louder than words. Some are instant and easy, while others require constant work. Lavender was easy to be around. She didn't expect anything and had strong boundaries.

She was herself and she let me live in my own head, not bothered by my long staring sessions at my script as I processed. 

 I closed my eyes, trying to erase the feeling of that kiss. "Be wonderful in a scary kind of way."

Lavender sprawled out on the stage floor with a groan. "Shit. You are being sucked into the Luke Walker black hole." 

She pat me on the shoulder, her own eyes glazing over with a somewhat pained expression. "Be careful Em, once you are in, it's really hard to take your heart back."

"How did you?" I asked. 

She looked up at me then and I saw the brave, independent woman slip. "Who said I did." Lavender shrugged, trying to look braver than she clearly felt. "It's a process."

But then her smile turned determined, bright, as she sat up and flipped her hair off of her shoulder with easy grace. "And I am an amazing actress. Someday, the smiles will be real. Someday the pain won't be there. Until then, I'll use it to hone my craft." She sighed, her smile warm as she looked at me. "Good luck, Em. Keep it together until the shoot is over and if you want, you can run as far away as you can and pretend this was all a dream... a very fun, painful dream."

Then she walked away, leaving me alone on stage. 

...

I dreaded going back to Luke's apartment, unsure of how to even broached the subject of kisses. And if it even needed to be talked about. It was our job right? Kissing for work and not talking about it had to be normal for actors... What a weird job. 

Distracted as I weaved my way through the studio lot, I didn't even realize that I had been drawn to Luke's acting trailer until I was ten feet away and I saw him coming out. 

Jumping back, I hid behind a nearby wall, terrified of facing my own fears, embracing my cowardly ways. 

But Luke wasn't alone as he came out of the trailer. He turned and helped a woman with long black hair down the steps, his posture relaxed, his eyes bright as she brushed her fingers across his cheek, staring up at him with such love that the wind knocked out of me at the sight of her. He leaned into her touch, his eyes fluttering closed for a beat. 

I must have made a sound because Luke's eyes snapped open and his eyes found mine. I told myself that what I was seeing didn't mean anything. They could be two actors practicing a scene like we had done. That their moment of familiarity wasn't important to me. That it didn't matter. 

But when I saw the look on Luke's face. Guilt as he looked between me and the other woman, I suddenly realized how much I cared. And Lavender's words seemed to scream at me as I stood there frozen. 

 Be careful Em, once you are in, it's really hard to take your heart back... Keep it together until the shoot is over and you can and pretend this was all a dream... a very fun, painful dream.

---

Thank you for reading chapter twenty seven! I hope you are enjoying the story! Or are at least curious to see where it goes!

UPDATE DAYS - A NEW CHAPTER EVERY FRIDAY!

Who is that woman with Luke?!? Why does Luke look so guilty? 

Will Em and Luke talk about that kiss? 

How long will Em stay with Luke?

What will happen next?

CHAPTER QUESTION - Have you ever caught someone cheating on you or someone you know? What did you do about it?