❂ Chapter 5 ❂

"Can you just like, not? Thank you."

Kelly had a hand on her hip. She glared at Chad. Chad had both hands on his hips. He seethed at Kelly. It was after school. We were in the boys' locker room. I sat on the bench by the lockers. I watched the two fight about the same thing they always fought about. Jeremiah.

"I'll do what I want," Chad said and with some bitterness, he added, "You're welcome."

"You know, this whole bullying thing you have going on?" Kelly paused as if to add some dramatic effect. The two of them in general were dramatic. "Very unattractive."

"And you know this whole, 'I like him but I bully him' thing you have going on?" He spoke with air quotes. "Very hypocritical."

"Argh!"

"Hmph!"

I looked between them. Bored. Apparently, mom and dad are fighting. I rolled my eyes. That was a stupid joke. Kelly and Chad are good friends. Nothing ever romantic. The only thing they argue about is this. And since I've started agreeing with Kelly, Chad's been worse about it.

"Honestly Chad, you're pissing me off. What did Jeremiah ever do to you? That guy is a freaking saint."

I crossed my arms over my chest and leaned back. Wrong words to say.

"You need to stop putting him up on a pedestal Kelly because he's not a saint."

I shook my head. Also, the wrong words to say.

She threw her hands up, clearly frustrated. She grabbed her backpack and threw it over her shoulder. She stormed out.

Chad sighed. He looked down. He messed his hair up with his hand. I stood up and walked over to him.

"She could do better," he said quietly.

He wanted me to agree. I didn't have that much of an opinion. "She didn't even get him," I said.

"He's an idiot."

I shrugged. None of this really had to do with Jeremiah. I've realized that. But it's not like I could tell him that. I chewed the inside of my cheeks. "I told you to stop messing with him."

He breathed in through his nose. He seemed to be holding himself back. "I was going to. He just makes me so angry."

"Why?"

"Don't worry about it."

"We're friends."

"What does that have to do with this?"

"Does it have to do with this?" I returned. I wanted him to think about that.

It's important. To let people know what type of relationship they have with you. Especially when they have uncertain relationships with people who should be certain. Like a parent. It's hard.

And I think that the reason he hates Jeremiah so much is because of me. Not because of who Jeremiah is. Because of what middle school was like for me because of him. That isn't fair. Jeremiah is a good person.

Chad avoided my question with one of his own. "Did you take your medication yet?"

"You're not my keeper," I reminded him.

"Yeah, yeah. So you didn't yet."

"I'm going to."

"Good."

I watched Chad with a frown. He was still angry. He wouldn't look up from the floor. His eyes were filled with something I didn't understand. His jaw ticked.

"Wanna come over?" I asked.

He looked up. "Yeah."

I gave him a small smile. Not actually. Something to clear the air. There was always something more going on with everyone. Chad's like that too. I didn't tell him that he could always come over without an invitation. That wouldn't help him now. And he knew that.

I didn't want to, but I thought about what Jude said the other day. You hate yourself enough for it. We all hate ourselves for one reason or another. Does Chad hate himself for how much he hates Jeremiah? I used to.

We headed over to my car and I drove us home. Chad sat in the passenger seat. He was sleeping. I listened to whatever boyband song was playing. At the next stop, I threw a sweater over Chad and made sure it covered him as much as it could. I didn't think about it. My body moved on its own. Like it was muscle memory. And that made me think.

I remembered the first time I found out that Chad's dad hurt him. When I found out where the bruises were from. When I found out why he was always sleeping. That he couldn't sleep at home. Why he couldn't sleep at home.

"You're thinking too loud," Chad mumbled in his sleep, his eyes half-lidded and in my direction.

I shook my head, blinking fast so I could see the road clearly. "How do you always catch me?"

"You're obvious," he said, yawning and curling to his side with the sweater.

"But you're sleeping."

"I'm never actually sleeping." He spoke quietly. He sounded exhausted. "You know that."

"Yeah." I've become well aware of it.

As I started to park the car, I noticed a man standing by the sidewalk. My heart stopped. It's him. I immediately pressed down on the brakes. It's the man from last week.

"Why'd you do that?"

"Stay in the car," I said, getting out.

I closed the windows. I didn't spare another glance at Chad. I locked him in the car. I stuffed the car keys in my pocket and walked over to the man.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, yelling in a whisper through my teeth.

"I told you I was coming," he answered simply.

He was in the same get-up as last time. The same brown leather jacket with the same brown leather bag. He seemed unbothered. He acted like he had all the time in the world. I turned to check on Chad. He was watching us. I looked back at the man. I don't have all the time in the world.

"What do you want?"

"For now," he started. He handed me an empty envelope and a paper with a list. "I want you to go to your little girlfriend's house and visit Mayor Zander's home office. In there, collect the files that are listed here."

I looked at the empty envelope and paper in my hands.

"She's not my girlfriend."

He chuckled. "That's right, she isn't."

My stomach churned. "And I'm not doing this."

"But you will."

"I won't."

I knew I sounded like a stubborn child. I didn't have to play this word game with him. But something in me made it seem like I had to win this conversation. I had to stand my ground. He wanted me to use my relationship with Alex, whatever that relationship even was, in order for his grand master plan to get his wife out of jail to work. I don't care about him getting his wife out of jail. I don't care about any of this. I just don't want to be a part of it.

"You will. And this is how you're going to do it." He leaned closer to me, whispering in my ear with a tight grip on my arm so that I couldn't move. "You're going to ask your soon-to-be little girlfriend out on a date, you're welcome for that. Then you'll pick her up from her house like a gentleman and find a way to get in there. You'll have your costume on so that all you need to do is slip on the mask. Then you go invisible and get what I need. Finally, you'll take her out on a nice date and maybe share a kiss. I've made it all so nice for you, haven't I?"

I backed away from him. My heart was beating out of my chest. I felt something tight in my throat.

"I-I'm not–you can't–you can't make me do anything!"

"You know, Jaxon, I think I've been too nice to you." His eyes hardened. "It'd be a real shame if something happened to the people you love."

My eyes widened. "Are you threatening me?"

"Did you think I wouldn't?"

"No, I just–I'm sixteen!" I yelled as if that was a reason for him to not threaten me.

He grinned. "I know."

I frowned. He made his plan for me sound so easy. Like I somehow wouldn't be drowned in guilt and terrified with every action I would take to get him those files. I could do his plan. I knew that. I could ask Alex out. I've wanted to. And I could pick her up from her house. I would have anyway. Then I could say I needed to go to the bathroom. It could work. I could see myself doing it and it working.

"No." My voice came out small. I looked down.

The man sighed. "You're really going to be like this?" I didn't say anything. "I'll give you one warning. Believe me, you'll know it's a warning when it comes."

I watched his back as he walked away from me. I still had the empty envelope and paper with the list. In a state of something numb, I unlocked the car so Chad could get out. I walked with him into the house. I put the envelope and paper in my backpack. I stared at the wall for a couple of seconds. There were marks I never noticed before. Probably because I don't typically stare at the wall. I stare at the ceiling usually. The marks looked like scrapes from moved furniture. That made sense.

"Jaxon!" Chad called.

I turned to him "Hm, what?"

"I've been saying your name for a while," he said. "What's wrong? Who was that guy?"

"Oh um, I thought he was someone my dad knows so I got nervous," I half-lied. I don't like lying. But this lie wouldn't be inconvenient. "Sorry for being dramatic."

"That's okay. But you seem out of it."

"Tired."

Chad had his eyes trained on me. He frowned. That made me frown. He tilted his head and softly asked, "Does this have to do with why you didn't show up to school last week?"

He's too quick.

"I wasn't feeling well last week."

"I know."

"Can we drop this?" I put a hand on my stomach. I don't feel well now either. "Please?"

"Okay."

The okay was only for now.

"Thank you."

"You want to eat something?"

"You eat. There are leftovers from yesterday in the fridge."

"And what about you?"

"I'm not hungry."

I sat on the couch in the living room. I picked up the remote and turned the TV on. I watched whatever show was playing, not exactly listening or following along with the plot. It was enough.

❂* ❂ * ❂

Seeing Alex the next day made me feel like a complete piece of shit. I can't believe I thought I could trick her. I can't do that to her. I can't use her. I can't play with her emotions. I've barely been able to look at her all day. And for some reason, today she was suddenly everywhere.

She showed up to classes with new streaks of colors in her hair. She showed up to lunch with her plaid shirt buttoned up incorrectly. I decided not to think about why that was. She even showed up to drama and that was after school. At some point of this year, I would have liked being able to see her so much. Now I didn't. I wished she didn't show up at all.

I busied myself with cleaning up around the theater. I organized the costume section. I placed the tools in their proper bins. I hung up the costumes on the rack. I moved on to the props section. I grabbed a bucket full of soapy water and took a towel so I could wipe off the paint that spilled around the floor. I ignored everyone. I found that easy. I bent down on my knees to get comfortable and started to scrub the floor hard.

I didn't think about anything. I only watched as the paint began to disappear. It was like everything else was disappearing too.

A pair of shoes came into view.

"Hey," I said and tapped on one of the shoes to get the person's attention. "Can you move please?"

"So they put you on cleaning duty?"

I looked up. I frowned. Jude. I didn't realize how tall he was.

"What are you doing here?"

"I was looking for Alex."

"She clearly isn't with me."

He laughed. I hated that he always ended up laughing when he was with me. "Interesting choice of words."

I rolled my eyes. "Well, she clearly isn't with you either."

His hand did a thing, like an upside-down wave. "Semantics."

"I don't even know what that means."

He squatted down. His arms lazily rested on his thighs with his hands hanging there. He's too close. "Don't worry yourself over it."

"Back off." I threw the wet towel at him. He caught it easily. I clenched my fists. How annoying.

"You don't look any better since you've asked me for drugs," he commented nonchalantly.

He scrubbed the paint off the floor. I chewed the inside of my cheeks. Does he expect me to have an open conversation with him? He's starting to piss me off.

"What? Is Jeremiah's life not depressing enough that you decided to make me your new project?"

He stopped scrubbing. He looked at me, and once he caught my eyes, he gave me a hard glare. You're out of line. That's what he was saying. I glared back. You too. Is what I was saying. He's always out of line. We're not friends. This weird thing he keeps doing, talking to me like we are, especially considering how I've been to Jeremiah, it makes no sense. Damn it, I don't want him around.

I tried to grab the towel out of his hand. He didn't let me. He tugged it away which made me almost fall on him. I felt like a dog that was being played with. My cheeks burned in embarrassment and anger.

"What the hell, Jude?!" I snapped at him. "Are you having fun?"

"I'm trying to help you."

I scoffed and got the towel back. "Don't." A strand of Jude's hair fell on his forehead. I clicked my tongue. "And fix your stupid hair."

He ran his fingers through his hair. Instead of tidying it up, it got even messier. I groaned. I moved closer to him, awkwardly walking on my knees.

"You look stupid," I told him. I fixed his hair. I thought maybe dying it repeatedly would leave it dry, but it was softer than it looked. When I realized what I was doing, I quickly messed it up again. I gave him a snarky smile, covering up whatever the hell that was. "All better."

"Hn." He returned the snarky smile with his own.

He finally got up and left. I breathed out. Good. Hopefully, he finds Alex so I won't have to think about her.

I stopped scrubbing the floor. I put away the bucket and towel. I walked around the theater and helped where I could. I hung out with Kelly for a while. As we were wrapping things up, I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. It was dad.

"Yeah?"

"I'm by your school. I can come to pick you up–"

"You don't need to–"

"Oh, these kids are smoking in school again–hey, you there!--I'm going to deal with this. I'll be by the parking lot by the time you're done. Love you."

He hung up. I stared down at my phone, shocked. Dad tends to be more cautious when he offers me a ride. He's never this abrupt. Did last week scare him? I frowned. I'll let him know I'm okay. That would make him happy.

I got my backpack and left to meet dad. I saw his cop car by the front of the parking lot.

"How was drama?" Dad asked as I entered the cop car.

"Good," I said. Good means better than fine. He should like that.

I placed my backpack by the legroom in the passenger seat and sat down.

"Good? That's good." I didn't need to see him to know that he gave me a little wink as he said that.

I nodded. "I guess."

"You don't need to worry about your friends in the back–"

"My what?" I turned my head and looked through the bar window between the back seats and the front seats.

It was Alex. And Jude. They were practically on top of each other. They probably didn't realize I was in the car. I turned back and looked straight ahead at the road. What are they doing here?

"I'm trying to scare them," dad whispered to me and I was sure both Alex and Jude could hear him if they weren't so distracted by each other. "This is the fifth time I've seen them smoking on school grounds!"

"Oh."

So this is what Jude wanted Alex for. I kind of knew that it'd be that.

I snuck a glance at the corner of the rearview mirror. I could clearly see Alex and Jude kissing in the back seat. Alex had her hands in his hair. I wondered if she thought about how soft his hair was. He had his hands by her neck, his fingers going through her hair too. Before I could look away, Jude opened his eyes, as if sensing my gaze. He looked back at me in the rearview mirror while kissing Alex. Why are his eyes open? I gulped and felt an awkward itch in my cheeks that spread to my chest. I couldn't look away.

He started to give her soft kisses down her neck, his eyes never leaving mine. I rubbed the base of my neck. That's just uncalled for. He leaned back against the seat and she moved closer to him. I shifted in my seat. He reached back to her lips, a curious glint in his eyes. I held in my breath, my heart squeezing, my pulse racing, and a pit forming in my stomach.

I was jealous. I knew that. I couldn't look away because I wanted to be in his place. That was why.

Like he could hear my thoughts, he let out a low chuckle. I wiped my sweaty palms against my thighs. His hands went to her waist and they kept kissing. And he kept watching me watch them.

"You're all red." Dad frowned with concern. "Is it too hot in here?"

"'Not hot," I muttered under my breath and I could feel myself flush even more.

"It's quite hot, Mr. Dominic," Jude chimed in seemingly having interrupted their make-out session.

Was he making fun of me? I looked back at the rearview mirror. He smirked at me. I glared at him and cross my arms over my chest.

"If you say so, Jude." Dad laughed like they were friendly with each other and cranked up the AC.

It didn't help.

Maybe the man's plan wouldn't even work. Why would Alex agree to go on a date with me when she has her thing going on with Jude?

Dad's phone started ringing. It was a classic ringtone that blared through the entire car.

"Can you get that, Jaxon?" Dad asked. In his public service announcement voice, he added, "Because being on the phone while driving is unsafe."

I ignored dad's last comment and picked up the phone. I felt the color on my face drain as I heard the person on the other line. I clutched the phone, listening to every word and responding with everything necessary. I grew nervous. Anxious. There was an ache in my stomach.

"Just a second." I interrupted the conversation on the phone. "Dad, can you pull over, please?"

He didn't ask any questions. I appreciated that. He pulled over.

"You guys are free to go," dad told Alex and Jude.

Alex left happily. Jude lingered for a bit. He caught my eyes in the rearview mirror one last time. There was no teasing, nothing mean, just his eyes meeting mine like he was assuring me. I hated that it did end up making me feel better. Only a little. He left after that.

"What's wrong, Jaxon?"

"It's Rory. She's okay but she got into an accident."

As I was saying these words out loud, the man's words entered my mind. Believe me, you'll know it's a warning when it comes.

There's no way. There's no way this was the warning. It can't be. He wouldn't go this far.

Would he?