The perfect dress...

The perfect weather...

The perfect setting...

The perfect guy...

What could possibly go wrong?

--

Matagal na niyang planado ang lahat. She had been dreaming about that day ever since she was eight. She had imagined everything to be perfect. Who would need a wedding planner when the bride is too eager to plan her own wedding? They wanted to laugh at her for exerting too much effort, saying that she might neglect to take care of herself before the big day. Baka masapawan siya ng mga bridesmaid sa mismong araw ng kasal niya, ika nila.

She would just laugh and say that she needs no rest as she was sure that love itself will take care of the blush on her face during the day.

She looks so in love. She looks so happy. If it's true that happy thoughts could make you fly, there is a chance that she won't be able to get back down on the ground.

He was her first love. First year high school pa lamang ay gustong-gusto na nya ito. He was not the school heartthrob back then but in the most amazing way, he found his way to her heart. Marami rin syang kaagaw dito. Magaling kase itong kumanta. Kaya kahit hindi sobrang gwapo ay marami-rami rin ang nagkakandarapa dito.

Second to third year high school ay nagka-girlfriend ito. Ilang beses niyang iniuntog sa pader ang ulo noong mga panahon na iyon hoping that it would make her forget. Pero sumakit lamang ang ulo nya. Every day was torture for her... lalo na kapag nakikita niya itong kasama ang girlfriend nito. They would always hold hands and he would always smile. Kinakain siya ng inggit nang mga panahon na yun.

But they also broke up during vacation so nabigyan ulit siya ng pag-asa.

By the time they were on their last year in high school, she decided to sing for him during convocation. Hindi sya magaling kumanta and it took a lot of courage to sing in front of the whole school... but she volunteered to do a special number just for the sake of getting his attention.

He became more of a school's sweetheart and a lot of girls would do anything for him. She's no different. She wanted him to notice her...

When it was her turn, samot-saring kamalasan ang inabot niya which earned her the greatest humiliation of her life. Upon climbing up the stairs, she tripped and the guitar almost broke into half.

Then, nawawala-wala yung sound nung mic and she was on the verge of singing acapella had it not been resolved immediately.

Next, she totally blanked out.

Mga limang minuto na yata siyang nakapwesto sa unahan pero wala pa ring lumalabas sa bibig nya. Tipa lamang siya ng tipa ng gitara, unable to remember the lyrics she had practiced singing the night before.

Sitting there on the stool, she got dumbstruck when he suddenly stood up from his seat and walked up the stage next to her.

Kinuha nito ang gitara mula sa kanya.

"Ano ba ang gusto mong kantahin?" he asked.

"P-Pangarap Lang Kita," she managed to say.

Her heart almost dropped when he smiled. "Nice," he said. Inilapit nito ang labi nito sa tenga niya. "We'll be singing duet then," bulong nito.

Bolts of electricity coursed through her veins as his hot breath fanned the skin on the side of her face. She blushed profusely and by that time, she knew that he already knows she likes him.

He tried to be casual about it as he strums her guitar.

Mabuti pa sa lotto...

May pag-asang manalo...

Di tulad sayo... impossible...

Prinsesa ka... ako'y dukha

Sa TV lang naman kasi may mangyayari

He looked at her and smiled.

At kahit mahal kita... wala akong magagawa

Tanggap ko 'to aking sinta...

Pangrap lang kita...

She felt at ease and anxious at the same time and his nod encouraged her to open her mouth and sing in her tiny voice.

Ang hirap maging babae

Kung torpe iyong lalaki

Kahit may gusto ka... di mo masabi

Hinde ako iyong tipong nagbibigay motibo

Conservative ako kaya di maaari

At kahit mahal kita... Wala ako magagawa

Tanggap ko 'to aking sinta, pangrap lang kita

At kahit mahal kita,

Wala akong magagawa

Tanggap ko oh aking sinta, pangarap lang kita

It's like they were along in the room... No teachers... No students... No crowd. Just the two of them.

At kahit mahal kita (minamahal kita)

Wala akong magagawa (walang magagawa)

Tanggap ko oh aking sinta

Pangarap Lang Kita

Even though I love you

There is nothing that I can do

I have accepted this, my love

You're my dream that won't come true

At kahit mahal kita (I love you)

Wala akong magagawa (I cannot do)

Tanggap ko oh aking sinta

Pangarap lang kita

Pangarap lang kita

Pangarap lang kita

She was still in daze when the crowd cheered appreciatively for the two of them. Tumayo ito and he urged her to do the same. And then he held her hand and they both bowed. Inalalayan pa sya nito pababa ng hagdan at pabalik sa pwesto niya. Then he returned her the guitar and said thanks.

"T-Thanks din," she muttered.

That was the start... and that was also the end. Then came graduation. Then came summer. Still, there has been no progress in their relationship since. They were still strangers.

Ang nakakagulat ay noong college. She enrolled to this school na medyo malayo sa lugar nila, hoping that the farther she is from him, the easier it would be to forget him.

Out of sight, out of mind.

--

Well, that didn't go as planned. Nagkita sila noong enrollment. Ginulat siya nito nang hawakan sya nito sa tigkabilang balikat.

"Hi Lea," he greeted from behind.

"M-Migz!"

He laughed at her reaction. "Bakit naman para kang nakakita ng multo?" tanong nito.

"Bakit nandito ka?!" pabalik nyang tanong.

"Obvious ba? Dito ako mag-aaral," sagot nito.

--

Same school... Same course... Same class. Silang dalawa lamang ang magka-batch na pumasok sa school na yun. And she couldn't help but think na sinundan sya nito. Posible naman, di ba? Could there be any other reasons?

Dahil nga sila lamang ang magkakilala... inevitably ay naging close sila. Palitan ng notes... tularan sa assignments... magkasama sa orgs... Magkasama sa tropa...

Her feelings grew deeper. She has no means of stopping it. And it's not as if she wants to stop it from growing. She loves his company. She craves for his attention. She longs for his love.

--

"Gusto kita Migz. Sorry..." Her head's hung low. Hindi siya makatingin ng deretso dito. Birthday nito and they were at his house. Nagpa-party kase ito. She pulled him aside to tell him how she feels. Nalaman kase nyang may isang babae na medyo malapit din dito ang may balak na magtapat dito.

Inunahan na nya.

Nakita niyang humakbang ito palapit and after a split second ay yakap-yakap na sya nito.

"Nakakahiya... naunahan mo pa 'ko. Sorry din."

"A-Ano'ng ibig mong sabihin?"

"Ayokong sabihin. Baka di ka maniwala," sagot nito.

"Ano nga..." pamimilit niya.

Pinakawalan sya nito. "Hindi ba talaga halata? Ni minsan hindi mo ba nahalatang gusto kita? Sa dami ng ginawa kong pagpaparamdam... wala ka man lang napansin?" tanong nito. "Hindi ka ba nagtataka kung bakit umakyat ako sa stage nung fourth year tayo para samahan kang kumanta kahit medyo paos ako?"

She remembered that incident. Nawalan ng representative ang fourth year dahil si Migz dapat ang kakanta. Kaya kinapalan na lamang nya ang mukha para maging proxy dito kahit hindi naman kagandahan ang boses nya.

"Hindi ka ba nagtataka na kahit natanggap na ako sa UP eh sinundan pa rin kita sa pinasukan mong school? Hindi ka ba nagtataka na madalas mo akong nahuhuling nakatingin sa 'yo? Hindi mo ba talaga halata?"

Muli siyang nagyuko, hiyang-hiya sa pag-amin ng binata.

"Medyo halata. Eh kaso ayoko namang mag-assume... mamaya mali pala," dahilan nya rito.

"Kasalanan ko na rin siguro. Wala kase akong lakas ng loob. Alam ko kaseng masasaktan ako kapag hindi mo pala ako gusto. All this time, naghihintay ka lang pala."

Hinawakan nito ang dalawa niyang kamay.

"Lea, will you be my wife-to-be in a not so distant future?" seryoso nitong tanong.

Seryoso pero natawa sya. But of course, she said yes.

--

Naging sila before graduation. They lasted for two years before he finally popped the big question. And of course, she said yes again.

--

Now, agitated and giddy and all the while nervous, she stood outside the church's door, eager to get married. She heard the piano from inside, playing the wedding march.

She was gripping the bouquet on her hands so tightly that she's afraid she might be suffocating the flowers.

Unti-unting bumukas ang pintuan ng simbahan and she readied her smile. Alam niyang siya ang pinakamaganda ngayong araw. She made sure that he will only be able to look at her and no one else.

She held her chin up and started walking through the wedding march. Nakangiti sa kanya ang mga bisita. Hinigpitan niya ang kapit sa bouquet habang nakaalalay naman sa tigkabila niyang tabi ang mga magulang.

She saw him staring... and it made her heart more beat more erratic that it had earlier. He looked sharp in his suit but his gaze was sharper. Tumatagos iyon sa veil na suot niya.

He wasn't smiling and she guessed that it must be the nerves. Kahapon pa sila hindi nagkikita. Both were snatched away from each other by their dear friends for their individual parties as singles.

Nasa kalagitnaan na siya ng aisle nang magsimula itong maglakad papalapit sa kanya. She halted and waited for him.

"Aren't you too excited?" natatawa nyang tanong dito.

"Sorry," was all he muttered bago sya nito nilampasan at tuluyang iwan.

It took her a few minutes to realize what he just did. Her knees gave away. Napasalampak siya sa gitna ng aisle... and then she ended up thrashing.

Iyak sya ng iyak, her mascara was running down her face. Gusot na gusot ang gown niya. Awang-awa sa kanya ang mga bisita. Her parents tried to get her up to her feet but it seems like gravity had pulled her down and asked her to stay.

She never thought that this would happen. Not to her... and not with him. Saan na napunta yung usapan nilang tatanda silang magkasama?

Saan na napunta yung pangako nitong walang iwanan hanggang huli?

Before they could even say the vows for better or for worse ay bumitaw na agad ito.

Agad-agad.

Biglaan.

Hindi niya maintindihan kung bakit. Ano ba ang nagawa niyang mali? Why now of all days? Why does he have to ruin the day that she had been dreaming of since childhood to be perfect?

And why does he have to break her heart like what they had and shared meant nothing to him?

--

--

--

It's been almost six months since that day when she was left at the altar by the man she loved so much. Masakit pa rin para sa kanya pero tanggap na niya ang dahilan. Tanggap na niya kahit mas lalo siyang nasasaktan sa nalaman.

And today is yet another pain she should overcome. Tinawagan na naman sya ng mommy nito.

He's dying Lea.

Those words echoed in her mind as she parked her car. Agad siyang bumaba mula rito at ininda ang malakas na ulan habang naglalakad papasok sa ospital.

Dumiretso sya sa kwarto nito.

Nandun na ang mga magulang nito. Pati ang mama at ate niya. Umiiyak ang mommy ni Migz habang naka-kapit ito sa kamay nito.

"Lea," he said her name in a hoarse voice. Bumitaw sa kamay nito ang mommy nito as he reached out his hand for her. Agad siyang lumapit at hinawakan iyon.

"Migz... I'm here..."

He tried breathing through the tiny tubes that were stuck on his nose. His eyes are kind of hazy... siguro na rin ay dahil sa dami ng medical process na pinagdaanan nito sa loob ng ilang araw na nakalipas.

"I love you," he whispered.

A tear dropped from her eye. She kissed his forehead as more tears fell. "I love you too Migz..."

"I'm... sorry..." he said in between his breaths. "I'm sorry... I wasn't able to... marry you. I know... I know it was... your life-long... dream..."

"Ano ka ba. Wala yun! You can jilt me anytime..." She tried to laugh. "Wag mo lang akong iwan ng tuluyan..."

"I... can't promise..."

Why him? she wanted to ask God. Of all the people that He could take away, bakit ang fiancé pa niya? Huli na ng malaman nito na malala na ang sakit nitong cancer. He didn't dare tell her and chose to leave instead, hoping that one day, she'll get over him.

"Mamang... Dada... can I borrow your rings please?" she asked Migz's parents.

"Anak..." pigil sa kanya ng mama niya.

"Please?" pag-uulit nya.

Napilitan ang mga itong tanggalin ang wedding bands at saka ibinigay sa kanya.

"Ate... can you call Father Sixto?"

Her sister nodded and fished out her phone. She looked at Migz and brushed the stray hairs off his forehead.

"Marry me Migz..."

Umiling ito. "No... I can't..."

"Please?"

"Please don't... tie yourself... to me... Lea..."

"Pagbigyan mo na ako Miggy... alam mo namang ikaw lang ang gusto ko di ba? Kung hindi lang din naman ikaw, mas gugustuhin ko pang tumandang dalaga. Please let me marry you..."

Hindi na ito nakapagsalita nang muli siyang umiyak.

--

They waited for the priest to arrive and when he did ay agad nilang sinimulan ang munting seremonyas. They took the flowers off the vase at saka nila iyon itinali for her bouquet.

She went outside the room, wiped her tears away and plastered a smile on her face. She tried to look as happy as she could possibly be.

Then she pulled the door open and hummed her wedding march as she walks toward his bed.

The priest said a few verses before getting to their vows. They used the vows from Parachute's Forever and Always as it had always been one of their favorite songs.

"I want you forever, forever and always... through the good and the bad and the ugly. We'll grow old together and always remember whether happy or sad or whatever... we'll still love each other. Forever and always."

She put the ring on his finger, struggling a little dahil nadadali niya ang dextrose na nakakabit dito, making him cringe in pain. Sorry, she mouthed.

He smiled and took the ring from her.

"I love you... forever. Forever and always... Please just... remember.... even if I'm not there... I'll always love... you... forever and always..." his voice trailed off. She saw his throat rose and fell as he tried to choke back the tears.

A few escaped from his eyes...

They all fell silent, sharing his pain. Ano ba ang mas masakit? Ang mang-iwan ng mga taong ayaw mong iwanan... o maiwan ng taong ayaw mong umalis?

Alin ba ang mas madali?

Alin ba ang mas mahirap?

Siguro karamihan ay isasagot ang maiwan. Kase syempre nga naman, ikaw ang matitira. Kapag nawala na yung isa ay ikaw ang maiiwan kasama ng masasaya at malulungkot ninyong alaala.

Pero paano naman yung mang-iiwan na hindi naman ginustong umalis? That if he could just stay there forever, he would... but he can't.

Tumikhim ang pari. "You may kiss..." he said in almost whisper.

Itinaas nito ang kanang kamay para hawakan ang pisngi niya. She caught his hand and intertwined their fingers.

Then she slowly lowered her face on him and kissed him gently... carefully... afraid that she might snatch his breath away from him.

"I'll love you forever..." she whispered to him.

He smiled. "Forever... I wish I could be there..."

She started to pull away dahil napapatakan na ang mukha nito ng mga luha niya but he held her face.

"No... I want to remember your face..."

"Miggy..."

"Tingin mo ba.... if you were the last person I'll see... would there be a chance in heaven that... I will never forget you?"

"I think God would be kind enough to grant you that," she answered.

"Please don't... forget me... Lea..."

"Never..."

"I love you..."

"I know... I love you too..."

His pale face beamed. "Forever..." he trailed off and closed his eyes as if he was just about to go to sleep.  His heartbeat started deteriorating. His pulse got weaker and weaker until it can't be heard anymore.

"Forever..." she said and kissed him for the last time.

--

She was wearing jeans and t-shirt... her eyes puffed... her cheeks swelled... her hair in disarray.

It was raining hard.

They were at the hospital.

He was lying in bed, lifeless.

What went right?

Them.