(Taken from my college application essay)

Q: In 1,000 words or less, please tell us who you are? And why you believe you would make an excellent addition to our school?

A: So what's in a name anyways?

My name is Jackson Alexander Killian, but that's kind of a mouthful. So my mother just calls me Jack or Jackson, depending on her mood. My deadbeat dad calls me Jack or "Jackass", depending on his mood. (Mostly foul) My Uncle Chuckie calls me "Jackie Boy", probably cause it sounds tougher to him than just Jack? (He's in the Irish mob ...long story, kind of scary.)

The other football teams in my division call me "Jack of Spades". (Short story ...not very nice at all and actually kind of racist?) The newspapers nicknamed me "Black Jack" because my jersey number is #21. But I have a sneaking suspicion that this is just a nice way of saying Jack of Spades, without appearing to be too overtly racist. And to be honest, I don't really know which one of these names I like the least?

But the name I like the most is "Jackal". Because that's the name my kid sister Gracie gave me, and she says it with about as much conviction as a four-year-old could possibly have. (Short story ...kind of cute?) Although, I have to admit that lately, I am sort of partial to "Jake". Because that's what Siobhan calls me ...when she is calling me at all? Which at the moment, she is not. Probably because I sort of screwed her life a little, for all kinds of crazy complicated reasons. (Which is kind of the point of the rest of this story, more or less?)

So here's some of my bullshit backstory, just in case you decide to give a crap about me and my problems.

Okay, so I am probably exactly like that big dumb jock guy stereotype you love to hate. Yeah, I play football. Yeah, hit the gym and work out a lot, just like every other big dumb jock does. Yeah, I like to fight a little too much, both on and off the field. Yeah, I like to drink beer with my bro's and get a little too rowdy. Yeah, I like to hook up with cheerleaders, or pretty much anything else hot in a short skirt that will let me. And yeah, I say "Yeah" and "Dude" and "Bro" a lot more than a normal person probably should.

So yeah, I know there are probably a lot of things you hate about me already, huh? But none of those things define me. Those are just some of the things I like to do for fun. So let's call them ...my extra-curricular hobbies? So for what's it worth, here's some other stuff to consider before you really decide to hate my ass.

In the off-season, I work part-time at an animal shelter to find nice new homes for abused or abandoned pets. During the summer swimming season, I volunteer to help mentally challenged kids learn how to swim. I like to go on long moonlit runs along the river banks, sometimes by myself? I like to take monochrome black and white pictures for art or whatnot, even though I will never admit that to anyone. I also model semi-nude for art classes at the local community college, for some extra side money in order to cover the winter gas bill. (Fake Id).

I cut my own hair to save a buck, but I cut old neighbor lady's grass for free. Cause old lady Mrs. Grady is on a fixed income, and I feel terrible for even taking a tip from her at Christmas. Last year she gave me five bucks for Christmas, and told me to buy someone something special for myself? So I totally bought condoms. (Thanks Mrs. G, you're the best!)

But most of all, I like to take care of my little kid sister Gracie. Because I think I need her a lot more than she seems to need me.

So know what do you think now? Am I still that same piece of crap dude, you thought I was when you hated me at first? Yeah, it's pretty damn easy to hate on someone when you don't know anything about them, besides what you hear from other people, huh?

But if it makes you feel any better, I don't really care if you hate me or not? Because I don't hate you. I won't waste the time to hate you, probably because I have real things to hate in my life. Like a deadbeat douche-bag dad that bailed on us after my kid sister showed up. A mom who works too hard and makes too little. A psychotic uncle who works for the Irish mob, and likes to turn people into chum for fun. And a whole bunch of other bullshit that we will get into later on when the time is right.

So I guess in closing, what I would like to say is that maybe you should get to know me a little better before you decide to hate me too much. Cause trust me, there are plenty of things not to like about me, besides what I already told you so far. And depending on who you hear from, half of that is going to be lies anyways. And the other half is probably way worse than anything you can ever imagine.

So what follows from here on out is the almost true version of what happened last year. The second best-worst year of my life...more or less? Honestly, I intentionally left out a bunch of the irrelevant sextra-circular stuff, that may or may not have happened? You know, to protect the names of the innocent and all that noise? (Not that anyone was particularly innocent per se ...but it kind of felt like the right thing to do?)

Latah Hatah~

Jake "The Jackal" Killian